What would you do if your s/o told you their coworker had feelings for them?

Question

My s/o told me their coworker had feelings for them. Their coworker hung out with us before, would text them a lot and they’d talk with one another about their relationship problems. They would get lunch with one another in between the work day. Most things didn’t bother me but as soon as they told me that I saw red. I suspected something was up with this coworker but told myself multiple times I was overthinking it and was maybe just jealous.

quaranta · Answer

It would definitely raise my eyebrow because if she went that far to confess her feelings to him, it means he probably gave her enough details to feel reciprocated and safe to confess, unless she is just very audacious and doesn't need any safe perspective to do so. As you said, they text a lot and talk about personal things, so maybe there is some flirting in the air that led her to think she had a chance. It doesn't mean your partner actually flirted on purpose but maybe he crossed a grey line some times without identifying that (for example letting her be emotional with him and comforting her in a special way, talking about some sexual topics even though not talking about their possible sexual interactions, etc).
Anyway, what would make me calm down is a strong connection and trust between me and my partner. I would expect my partner tells me the way he turned her off after her confession, and how they are now keeping distances to let her move on, etc. I mean, the way the agreed to proceed after her confession. But if he says nothing and didn't turn her off and there is no plan to let her get over him with some distance, then that would raise my other eyebrow too (Why would he not turn her off? And why would he not respect her and keep her around while knowing she is into him, without proposing some distance?).
Beware of a situation of vulnerability you have there, anyway, because potentially she could manipulate him. Not saying she is doing that, but she could. If they talk about each other's relationship problems, and as you know women tend to give a lot of alliance while criticizing someone else which means usually reinforcing the critiques, and to that you add the fact she has feelings for him... Well I see the risk she might push him to think worse of you, after a conflict. Again, not saying she is doing that, but she could. In that case, I think the main communication about problems should stay between you two, and if he needs to vent with her it means your communication is probably not great and should improve under that aspect, perhaps.

Guy13 · Answer

It is good if I’m to be plainly honest and share that with you. I hope you thanked him for that.-This was a risky thing to do. Now that he is aware of it, I am hopeful that he puts distance between them making it clear to both women that you are number one ☝️.

Their relationship is a little too much for me. That level of sharing, since they both have issues, is one drink away from sex. Don’t press him though cause “should have never told her…can’t believe she doesn’t trust me now.”

Suncatcher23 · Answer

It's a good thing your partner told you that their coworker approached them with this. I would talk together about what your partner could say to the coworker. Maybe even make it right before the end of a shift so he can leave and you guys can debrief

What would you do if your s/o told you their coworker had feelings for them?

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