He wants kids someday, but I can’t imagine having one?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating this guy for a while now. The relationship gets more and more serious and we both have really strong feelings for each other. He said he had never felt like this before where he really sees his future with me.

He’s a kind of guy who wants kids and loving family (he said not soon, but maybe in 10 years). I can’t imagine myself being a good mum, I’m scared of getting pregnant, I’m scared of turning into my mum. I don’t think I even like kids in general if they’re not my nieces or nephews. I feel like once you’re a mum you’re just “a mum” it’s like your whole identity is “a mum” and I don’t want that.

I know we’re both still really young (I’m 25 and he’s 23) and this topic is way to soon to worry about. But because I also can see my future with him and we had a talk about it and I know he was worried about me “never want a kid” too. I might change in the future or he might change or we might find a way to compromise, who knows. I guess we both have such a strong feeling with each other that we’re scared of “what if we’ve been together for 10 years and one still wants kids and one doesn’t? Then what?” and it kinda hurts us to think about it.

But as I said, I know it’s too soon to think about it, we might break up within 2 years, we’ll never know😂 but for now I really love him and want to spend my life with him, so that talk was on the back of my mind sometimes.

Has anyone had a similar experience? And how did you deal with it?

*be kind in the comments please*

[Anonymous]

One of you has to compromise, otherwise one of you would be unfulfilled. I think both having children and not having children are selfish choices. Some humans would like to have never been born, but they didn't have any choice, their parents made them. Not having children means ignoring a biological necessity. We want to have sex because nature dictates that we should procreate, unless we are unable to give birth. Pleasure is just a means, not the end. Your boyfriend wants to bring someone into the world who would suffer hardship and the fear of death. You do not want to bring someone into the world, and therefore your genes would die. I had a similar situation with an ex girlfriend. We were both under 25 at that time, so we just discussed about it in principle, and we were not on the same page. It was a sign the relationship didn't work out. I was selfish and I thought about bringing children into this world who might suffer the experiences I suffered in childhood just for fulfilling my own life plan. She thought about not having children because she selfishly considered her possible career to be more important, which turned out not to be so great after all. She has bad parents, so that's probably why she doesn't want that responsibility. I have a good family, but sometimes I am irritated with my parents for the fact that they gave birth to me.

[Asker]

She slayed tbh good for her

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you have concerns about your future with your boyfriend when it comes to the topic of having children. It's important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and concerns, as well as your future goals and desires.

It's also important to remember that your feelings and desires may change over time, and that's okay. It's okay to not be sure if you want children or not, and it's okay to change your mind about it in the future. The most important thing is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about how you're feeling, and to be willing to listen and understand their perspective as well.

It's possible to find a compromise or a solution that works for both of you, but it may require some patience, understanding, and communication. You may also consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate these complex feelings and conversations.

Remember that it's okay to take your time to figure out what you want and what's best for you. And most importantly, be kind to yourself and to your partner as you navigate this journey together.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your kind words, really appreciate it!

[asphaltrhymes]

I personally don't want kids either. I'd only ever date a woman for a couple of years and always start from the beginning that, agreeably, it's a short to long term relationship, but no kids and no marriage, thanks. Lol. And at best, a couple years, if barely lasts a couple of months.
Maybe I should stick to friends with benefits, if even had female FWBs lol ,🫣🫣🫣🫣🙃

[Asker]

Sometimes i want to date around and be single, but I also like to have someone to have strong feelings with. I’m okay with someone who just wants cat/dogs then we have the freedom to travel and spend money on ourselves

[boggboss]

Situations like these don't have compromise as either way one would be unhappy and grow to resent the choice they had to make to keep the relationship alive

[Berethor]

Not wanting kids is immature and unfeminine, I known girls like that, yea it has no future.

[Asker]

Damn who hurt you

[Asker]

“Immature” and “unfeminine” if I had to pop out an incel like you I’d rather 👶🏻🚫

[exitseven]

Having kids is not for everyone. It is a big commitment. You both need to be on the same page about this.

[shades777]

sounds like a mismatch