My boyfriend sleeping over at a girl friend’s house?

[Anonymous]

For further context, we just made it official about a month ago but we’ve been mutually exclusive for about two months, so I have heard about his friends before. One of their mutual friends is having a birthday party that requires them to take a bus to the venue. However, that bus leaves at 8 AM from her city. We had tentative plans for Friday, but he asked if it was okay to postpone it because he would rather just spend the night there as opposed to having to leave early from our city as it’s about a two hour drive to get there. But for some reason, I’m uncomfortable with the situation? I want to ask if anyone else is sleeping there or if it’s just him. I want to say that she lives with her boyfriend because he’s mentioned that before, but I’m not too sure.

He’s slept over at this friend’s house a couple of times when we were just dating and I had no issue with it. But now that we’re official, I feel weird about it?

My question is, how do I bring this up without sounding clingy and that I’m trying to get in the middle of their friendship? They’ve been friends for 7+ years and it’s obvious that they’re both very close with each other and their other friends. But at the same time, I don’t know how to feel about him sleeping at a girl’s house.

I also want to clarify that I’m not going to tell him he can’t sleep over. I’m not his mom and don’t want to have that type of relationship with this person. However, I think I’d probably mention in the future that I don’t necessarily feel comfortable with the situation if it’s just the two of them.

[Finchie40]

My question to you is why weren’t you invited to this party and why didn’t your boyfriend include you? So yes you have every right to be concerned because how would your boyfriend feel if you were sleeping over a guy friends house? So the fact that your boyfriend is going to this party without you is a red flag , I don’t care what people say , it’s clearly disrespectful , This is why so many relationships don’t make it , because most people just do what is best for them and not include their partner , It’s a sign of selfishness , your boyfriend has to realize he is no longer single , his single days are over the second you both made it official , so that fact that he is just going to this party without you , just shows his true character that he is clearly a selfish person that only thinks of himself , so you are best to put your foot down to him and make him realize what he is doing is wrong , straight out tell him that you do not feel comfortable with him going to this party , if he gets upset and tells you that you are being jealous and insecure tell him it has nothing to do with that , it comes down to respect for each other , tell him How would he feel if you were going over night with some guy friend? If he doesn’t get the hint and understand where you are coming from you are probably best to dump him and realize you deserve someone that wears your shoes like they expect you to wear theirs. I have been in relationships with girls’ like your boyfriend that just assumed it was ok for them to go do certain things without even considering me , especially after they have stopped me from doing certain things they didn’t want me doing , so for a relationship to work it needs to go both ways or you both won’t make it , resentments will set in and your trust for each other will fade if he still goes to this party without you , my advice is if he goes to that party without you just make it official that he is no longer your boyfriend and go out and meet someone else , whether your boyfriend is physically cheating on you or not , he is still cheating on the relationship that you both agreed to make official, so he is already the piece of shit by excluding you and not thinking about your feelings by going to this party with out you. When a girl does this to me , I just let her go and tell her to have a blast because I am going to have a blast as well being single again

[BarryLiverstone]

I agree with Priya. This is a time you don’t mention it and put some faith into your new committed relationship. Think about it this way; if he ever felt tempted to cheat it’s likely he wouldn’t tell you about the other person. Trust that he is only friends with this girl and reconnect when you see him again.


All this being said I’ll also mention that patterns are worth discussing. Sure for this incidence better to stay quiet and trust him. But for the rest of the year if he keeps sleeping at her place more than a few more times by then you certainly will have earned more of his trust and a conversation about boundaries is justified.

[BarryLiverstone]

Also be sure to go out with friends Friday night and enjoy the weekend. Sure I know you wanted to have a date night with him but if you just stay at home your mind will only overthink about him all night long. So better now to make plans and go have fun that night and on Saturday so you can enjoy the days and not dread them

[PrettyPriya]

You don't bring it up. I would only assume that if they are friends for that long and she (might) have a boyfriend that he will be sleeping in a separate room or whatever. What would be the difference between him sleeping in a different room there or separate rooms at a hotel?

If they are close friends and you have no other reason to suspect he is up to something, simply don't bring it up. My spouse's best friend in the world is a girl. Now, she lives back in his home country, but they talk all the time. It doesn't even bother me in the slightest.

When we visited his hometown (twice) they got together while I was doing something with his sister. No big deal. I don't have any insecurities about him around other girls. I have no reason to worry. I think that is the way you need to approach this situation as well. Unless you have a reason to believe he is doing stuff with this girl, it should not worry you at all.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

You may not be his "mom", but you also don't have to put up with things you're uncomfortable with.
People are allowed to make rules in a relationship.
If they don't like it, they can date someone else. It's not controlling, it's called setting boundaries. No one is forcing him to be with you.
The same goes for him setting boundaries with you

[shades777]

is the friend an ex or gave they slept together, that would be my concern. I had an ex that hung out with a guy she had sex with some 8-10 years ago but somehow I felt that was a lie. Go with your gut

[Wise4myage]

Stick with the idea of telling not to sleepover at her place anymore, and leave it at that.

[In_Trance]

Talk to him the what you'd want him to talk to you about it

[dudeinohio]

He is being very inappropriate.