Why am I totally indifferent and frigid unless I am in love?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

If I am not in love, I don’t feel sexually attracted, I might find someone physically attractive, but that’s more of a cold minded calculation of what our children would look like.

I feel zero attraction to men who I don’t have feelings for.

I was the same before I fell for my ex fiance, in the beginning he thought I was a lesbian, later on, I was quite freaky and had quite high libido when we lived together, to the point that my friends came to me for sex advice, because I always had exciting ideas and I was addicted to having sex with him, but now that I am single, I still feel emotionless, feels like my heart can not beat faster doesn’t matter who flirts with me, how handsome, interesting, smart, nice or hot they are. I just feel totally indifferent.

Why am I so indifferent?

[FunkyMonkee]

I seem to be pretty much the same way. My last sexual foray was with my 2nd girlfriend about 28 years after the first time we fucked. Back then, I was thrilled to fuck her and had a crush on her for at least a year before that but, a few years ago, she wanted to e my girlfriend again and we TRIED to fuck several times but I just couldn't get hard for her because I just wasn't IN love with her, anymore!
Hmmm, maybe it's actually because there was no loving while we were fucking? We were just trying too hard to fuck and doing too much talking rather than kissing, and making out! It's been SO LONG since I actually fucked someone, I forgot all about that aspect of it!!

[Gent207-2]

Your body and minds defense mechanism from psychological and physical trauma. Whether a break up is mutual or otherwise, it's still a traumatic event.

Alternatively this pathology could have roots in your childhood and your relationshipwith your parents. But ultimately, unless this bothers you, you're fine.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I was the same before break up, all the men who ever chased me always gave up in the end, because I was extremely hard to get. Not by choice though, I just felt that way.

My ex fiance, was the man, who never stopped “chasing” me, he was the most persistent and most understanding person I’ve met. He even slept next to me for 2 months without doing anything sexual, just so I would feel open around him and I finally fell in live with him really hard and once I opened up, we had an amazing relationship and he even proposed. Our break up was due to long distance which was imposed on us due to pandemic and was not in our control.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Ot bothers me that, I get approached by some very nice, some very handsome, some very successful guys and none of them seem to interest me for long or interest me enough for me to feel something. It’s like I have candies in front of me and I have lost the sense of taste.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

The only time I felt different was - when I was in love, with my ex fiance, I trusted him a lot and he was the sexiest man for me on Earth. That’s the only time I felt and felt very intensely. All the other men for me felt like they were women, I felt nothing for them. Couldn’t even notice physical attractiveness of anyone. It felt like my brain, heart and body only responded to his presence.

[Gent207-2]

@lafemmefatale_1
For what it's worth I find this fascinating and yet sad. I gather you are not native to the US yet your grasp of English language is remarkable.
I digress the better question is are you happy with your life as it is?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not that happy, I used to be happier when I was with him. But I try to find my own happiness and win my life battles alone. I guess, that’s what happiness is about, finding it in yourself, so even if the whole world crashes, your happiness will still be within you.

And yes, I am not a native speaker.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Oh and, I always believed my ex fiance would become very successful someday. Because winning my heart can easily be the hardest thing he has done in his life. Not because I am sexiest girl, but because I was always very indifferent, hard to impress and very hard to fall in love.

And he awakened something in me, that I never knew I could experience or existed in me.

I am not being arrogant, but I always told him the same, sometimes when he failed and thought of him as a loser, I always reminded him that he could n’t be a loser because he made me fall in love with him. And I always thought that I was an ice queen. Life has humbled me but I still feel I am too icey and It’s very hard for me to fall in love, but when I do, I do love hard.

[Gent207-2]

@lafemmefatale_1
So why did you two split after such an amazing feat?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Long story. His country China locked down when I was on 2 week trip to my country. It didn’t open until after 3 years. He waited for me for 2 years, we talked and called daily, but he couldn’t leave his country and I couldn’t go in. His feelings faded, he changed and we broke up 3 months before I managed to go back. We were together for 3.4 years and by that time we hadn’t seen each other for 2.4 years.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He loved me, he tried his best, he was loyal to me until the very end. It’s only natural to lose the feelings after such a long time of long distance. He told me I became a dream for him that never seemed to come true again. He waited and tried to meet me many times but we both failed. He gave up in the end. He waited quite long though, I can’t blame him.

It was beautiful and I think that was a perfect end of our love. We never met after I came back, he left our home and his city 1 week before I came there, found a new job and started a new life. Never met me, he said he was scared he wouldn’t hold himself and wouldn’t be able to stick with his decision anymore if he met me.

But he told me I was the love of his life and that he loved me a lot and that maybe someday on his deathbed he would regret what he did, but now he wants to start from a fresh beginning far from anyone and anything he knows.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I loved him though because I promised him I would love him, your picture reminds me that actually. One night at our old home, we set and talked about Gatsby, he told me that he was my Gatsby. He thought maybe I would someday break his heart and he was scared, but he said even if I left him, broke his heart to pieces he could never stop loving me. I promised him that night that I would rather get hurt myself than hurt him.

In the end, I ended up to be Gatsby.

[Gent207-2]

You became his Daisy the one that got away.
This would make quite a nice short story to be honest

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

In the end, I felt more like a Gatsby , cause he was the one who wanted to break up because he thought our relationship was tainted by all the pain and sadness we were through during long distance, and that this sadness consumed his feelings time by time and he no longer felt in love in the end, but only the sadness, so he wanted to started with the fresh page.

He found a new girl 2 months after our break up and they’ve been together for 7 months already.

I wish I could be his Daisy though and I hope he will miss me someday.

[JustMeL120]

Because love blinds you to the fact the majority of man's a d*CK. When you are in love you don't see the real person because of dopamine and what ever other chemical is in you body. Then love fades and you see them who who they are. anoth guy same as every othe guy.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I feel your heartbreak girl… I know I gave experienced the heartbreak as well. I am sorry and hope you’ll find the biggest love of your life, every morning when you look at yourself in the mirror. That’s the only person who’ll never leave you until you are alive. 🌸 Best of luck!

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

*have

[Babygirl_S]

I have never been frigid. I love being a normal, healthy and sexual girl.

[Summeroflove]

I think that’s what should be normal…. Demi sexual maybe. I’m a Christian. I believe sex is for after marriage anyways. I’m the same way. I feel like true sexual passion comes with a strong romantic bond first

[OlderAndWiser]

The answer probably lies buried in your past. If you knew the answer, would it change anything in your life?

[Alex8736]

It just shows your in control like an ON / OFF switch

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep. But it doesn’t allow me to experience the spontaneity of making the mistakes of falling in love… The only reason I fell for my ex fiance was that I was admiring the way he loved me. And I thought as he was quite attractive as well as an amazing person, I thought he deserved my love, because he proved his love to me many times.

[Alex8736]

Anyone can say anything which 9 out 10 times is BS. it all comes down to the actions that back up what they say to you that proves they are genuine VS conning you with idle promises that they will never follow through on

[EaterPeter]

I think that's how most of us humans should be if not all.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But that’s not how most of us - are. And I feel like I miss out experiencing all these emotions, or making the mistakes

[EaterPeter]

Well I am somewhat like you when it comes to that part of life

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!

[EaterPeter]

And that is why I used we should

[EaterPeter]

You are a good person, are you not happy with the way you are?

[EaterPeter]

Let go of fomo somewhat there is not whole lot out there ro explore.

[EaterPeter]

Not whole lot good at least

[EaterPeter]

To *

[Berethor]

Many women are borderline asexual, in your case it's demisexuality, which is pretty similar.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's because you have trust issues

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That must be it… I never looked at it this way. What makes you think that?

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's definitely it I can tell your been through a lot and you won't open up cause you don't want to get hurt anymore. I know cause I'm the exact same way

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep. I think that fits me too…

How did you manage to overcome these trust issues, or do you still live with them?

[304strichZUP]

Be happy, dont worry. This protects you from unfulfilled desires

[Anonymous]

You're female.

[crossdressingrihno]

I’m kinda like that.