Why am I feeling bad for not wanting to hang out with my friend anymore?

[Anonymous]

Me and my male best friend have been hanging out and being close for the last 4 years. We both grew a lot and have been there for each other but he's gradually becoming more and more selfish while always blaming others and never reflecting on himself, thinking that he's so selfless (I can count many instances in which he wasn't there for me meaningfully) and also currently he's going through a very bad period. He quitted his job (he's freelancer but every professional relationship he had, he quit and drop people off like that with the minor argument or inconvenience). He's always blaming his ex bosses or colleagues for disrespecting him or either not paying him good but we all have started from somewhere and compromised our skills in order to have a career later. He never accepts to follow orders and he thinks he's above any structural form. If he was making thousands and he run a business being his own boss that behaviour would slide but honestly i started getting exhausted listening to him being deluded. He rationalizes his behaviour by saying that everybody is shit and animals and he doesn't want to be part of the world and that he can't wait to die- I tried everything, talked with him hours and hours, suggested therapy he's just thinking of himself as something superior than others and that is not helping to learn how to form genuine authentic relationships with people, with the first error someone makes he's out blocking people etc. The reason we haven't been in a fallout is because I am overall sweet person and take care of my loved ones but even me I started reaching my limits. Currently, he's unemployed but doesn't bother working any job until he finds something in his profession and every day he's complaining to me how he run out of money and everything is shit- how not to, when something good happens he's bombarding me with messages only talking about himself, when something bad happens, he's hating on everybody. I dont know how to help anymore.

Updates

+1 y

To add here more context: he would ask for my advice, and I would always share my honest opinion but he never listened to me, for example this sudden quitting before securing another job- he says that he can handle this and etc but this has taken a massive blow on his confidence and overall mood. I also spotted some signs of him switching between moods so rapidly that I cannot keep up- when he's in a maniac episode he talks to me about feeling his purpose in the world and that he wants to dj

Updates

+1 y

but he never takes active steps to achieve his dream. He always comes up with an excuse on why he cannot just get a regular job save up (he's living with his parents and doesn't pay any rent or bills) to buy dj gear equipment. I lend him money from time to time in all this six months, paying for dinners and etc which I dont mind doing with all my heart if I would see him taking action to turn his life around instead of throwing it away.

[Anonymous]

It's normal to feel bad about not wanting to hang out with a friend anymore, especially when you've been close for a long time. However, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and mental health in any relationship, including friendships.

It sounds like your friend is going through a difficult time and is struggling with some personal issues. While it's important to be supportive of friends during tough times, it's also important to set boundaries and take care of your own needs. It's okay to distance yourself from someone who is being consistently negative or draining, especially if it's affecting your own mental health.

It's important to communicate your feelings honestly and respectfully with your friend. Let him know that you care about him but that his behavior is affecting your relationship and making it difficult for you to be there for him. You can suggest that he seek professional help or counseling to work through his issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

To me it is understandable and think it’s fine, it's up to you to decide what is best for your own well-being. It's okay to take a step back from a friendship if it's not serving you in a positive way. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish, it's necessary for your own happiness and mental health.

[slatyb]

You are feeling bad as in you are feeling guilty because you don't like being around him? That's his problem, not yours. Don't waste your life on people who are unwilling to take responsibility for themselves.

[Asker]

We'vve through a lot together and thats me feeling like im abandoning him when he needs me the most. He doesn't want to talk with a therapist but me as a person and his only friend cannot help anymore, coupling with the fact that I feel bad for feeling for not wanting to be part of his life. I am also thinking on how he abandoned me completely when I was going through my own mental struggle because he couldnt handle it. I am there for him although he doesn't recognizes my own struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts, which took 2 years of therapy to get over. I just dont want to go back there, he refuses professional help which I really think is necessary but thats just too much ego there I cannot deal with :/

[Asker]

latest example: a good friend of mine also guy liked him (they are both gay) and texted him to suggest they hang out and because my friend saw the text and didn't reply within 30 mins he blocked him telling me how he doesn't deal with "whining babies and losers" without even knowing my friend. Then the other guy texted me to ask what went wrong as he didn't get the chance to respond and had no signal in the area he was, literally 30 mins not enough to understand if someone is playing with you. He says that he knows these type of guys and he doesn't spare themt he time of the day cause they aren't decisive enough? while my friend I know for a fact that he's the sweetest person and very understanding. Its just so shitty being around somebody so narcissistic while thinking he's such a kind person and not arrogant at all...

[slatyb]

You aren't a professional therapist, and he needs one. He won't see one, and that's on him, not on you. There's nothing you can do for him, and you don't owe him any more of your precious time.

[BarryLiverstone]

You feel like because he supported you at your lowest point you owe him loyalty. However tough love is also motivational so take a step back and see if your codependency is helping him delay getting professional help.

[Asker]

actually he didn't :/ at first he was supportive but literally abandoned me and I went to therapy proactively on my own. To this day, he doesn't believe in therapy and mocks it and the people who go. Despite him not being there in my lowest moment, I forgave him cause I saw the good in him when he's more mentally stable. Exactly because I've been through that I can recognize when somebody is in denial, and because of my nature to treat all of my friends like a mum maybe you are right im not helping. What could I do though, not lend him money live him all broke? The latest disappointment is that he made some funds by managing some onlyfans accounts and he went to buy weed worth 50 eur instead...

[BarryLiverstone]

By tough love I mean to cut off financial support and also limit your emotional and irl support to a minimum. That’s going to force him to find support in other ways. I understand you empathizing and wanting to be his mom but doesn’t he have parents? What have they done to help?

[mommymommymommy]

People grow apart, it's just what happens. I can't stand my cousin these days