Girlfriend doesn't support me?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this girl for the past 8 months and I've noticed that she isn't the most supportive of my endeavors? I feel like in the beginning of the relationship she was very supportive of whatever I told her that I was going to try and do, but as time went on, she's become more judgmental of what I'm doing.

I was talking to her a few nights ago about how I wanted to start making content based around our faith because I feel like this is something that I would be good at and it's something that I would enjoy. She told me that she didn't like the idea. She told me that she disagreed and that I would be better off just being a guy that's behind the camera. I think that she might have said this because she doesn't want me to become a popular person and for me to go hangout or be with someone else? I have no clue really.

Now today, I was talking to her about how my doctor is trying to start up a company and is interested in me working for him as a creative director. But she told me that the doctor must not know a lot of people and must not know that I've never done anything like this before. She was poking fun I guess but I feel like she's serious, especially considering the comments that she's made in the past. It really hurts to not have the person that you really like support you in what you want to do. Even if they aren't 100% down, they can at least come up with a way of telling you that you can do it if you try your hardest. A little bit of encouragement goes a long way. Now I don't want to tell her the things that I'm involved in because I don't want to have her 2 cents anymore. I think I'll just keep it to myself. If it's good, it's good. If it's not good, it's not good. After she made the little common about the doctor not knowing many people, I acted like I didn't hear her and asked for her to repeat herself and she said "nothing" in a cutesy voice but it really hurt to hear.

Has this ever happened to you? How would you/should I handle this situation?

[hotwheelz78]

Have you ever had a gut feeling about something and ignored it? (The gut feeling)... And have you ever had a gut feeling about something and heeded it? ..(listened to it and followed it..) and when you followed it you wished you hadn't followed it? Gut feelings are there for a Reason. Your gut feeling is telling you this girl is bad news. And she is. She sounds like one of those women who acts a certain way while you're dating then switch COMPLETELY when you get married. But can't wait that long to switch. She's selfish, immature and wants to make you feel like less to make herself feel like more. If you have to ask on a public forum if your girl is worth keeping then she's not. Trust me I'm a lot older than you and I have a lot more experience than you. Someone that really cares about you is not going to say things like that. Joking or not. I can go on and on about the facts about human psychology, dating and relationships, body language and the like. But the bottom line is your girl is immature and self-centered. And probably has low self-esteem which she can only raise by lowering yours get away from her as quick as you possibly can.

[Asker]

I have a feeling at time that my girl is more of combatant at times rather than a lover/supporter. I honestly hope that she isn't like that.. she did tell me that the last guy she was with would tell her that she was always "hard on him" and at first.. I didn't see that during the honeymoon phase of there relationship but as time went on.. I've noticed her become more mean and be more hard on me. I remember bringing it up to her that she was being mean to me but she told me that she was just becoming more comfortable with me and that I was insensitive and emotional.. despite the fact that I'm never that way with her. I treat her like an absolute princess all the time. This is my first relationship and it's her 3rd. She does do that. Her family does that. They put people down to make themselves feel better about themselves. She talks to this one person because she says that talking to him and hearing about his situation makes her feel better about herself.. WOW! If you have to ask if your girl is worth keeping on a public forum she isn't.. THAT'S WILD! I never thought about it that way.. you're very much right my friend. If you're going to these lengths to see if the behavior you're putting up with is worth it.. it probably isn't. Someone who honestly cares about you is not going to say things like that... woah.. I really do appreciate what you have to say. These words of wisdom will stay with me. Joking or not.. they won't say those things.. She can be immature and self centered.. when she isn't happy, it's all about her and disregards my feelings. She definitely does have low self esteem which was a very, very red flag to me. I don't like when people, women especially, have very low confidence because they crush you in order to make themselves seem taller.. wow. thanks again for responding.

[BoopBoopBeep]

My ex told me I wasn't ready to do a half marathon (I hadn't done one yet, only 10 and 12k, which had gotten pretty piece of cake).

First some backstory... Now for context, my ex and I are still friends. I do all my races in 34lb body armor, and I'd done a 10k and a two 5ks in the same day before, just not as one solid push. A marathon is just over 42k. So for the next available marathon I signed up for the whole and just didn't say anything to anyone except one friend, so somebody would know where to look for my body. Haha. Kidding. Mainly.

The night before the race I said I really wanted to do the full. She actually chuckled and said "you're SOOOO not ready for that."

My friend was like "hell yeah you got this" from the jump, so I called her first about 100m from the finish line to say "hey you were right... looks like I DO got this. Thanks"

I sent my ex a picture of me wearing the medal.

[Asker]

That's an awesome story my friend! Don't pay the doubters any mind do whatever you want to do. I'm glad I got to read this. It's a little different given that I'm with this girl at the moment but I feel like I'm going to go along with what I want to do and she'll just have to see the results.

[smashleyy]

Ignore her opinions. If you want to do something you think you’d enjoy then do it. Not a fan of people who try to humble someone while they’re trying to figure out a career they have a passion for. It’s giving lowkey hater. I doubt it’s intentional and probably has something to do with herself. People project their own insecurities onto others, if she feels she can’t do it she’s going to subconsciously make you feel like you can’t do it.

[Asker]

I'm not a big fan of it either. I'm not a big fan of negative Nancy comments. You have no idea what a person is capable of doing it it normally comes from a place of feeling like you can't do it yourself. It is giving low-key hater. You hit the nail on the head. That's true people project. She was told that she can't really do anything.

[kylee2437]

Hmmm I don’t think she’s necessarily being unsupportive, I think she’s just inputting her opinion on how she feels about the ideas you are giving out. She most likely has changed this aspect of her because the honey moon stage is over and now she’s more comfortable of inserting how she actually feels. Maybe you are better off doing what you want to do and if it’s a success, she will be more on board.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate this advice. I think that's what I'm going to do. Just do what I have to do without seeking her approval or her input.

[KrakenAttackin]

@kylee2437. So, it's time to dump her if her inner bitch is showing.

[kylee2437]

@KrakenAttackin not everyone sees breaking up worth it

[kylee2437]

And side note, dumping someone for having opinions sounds toxic too.

[Asker]

Deciding to leave her behind because she had a few things to say sounds pretty bad, but if this kinda behavior is consistent in other areas of our relationship, then its time for a serious conversation and some good communication to make sure that we're on the same page..

[kylee2437]

Oh I definitely agree, communication should always be present in a relationship to begin with. Do what your gut tells you to do

[Asker]

Thanks so much!

[KrakenAttackin]

Opinions are one thing, being perpetually contrary is insufferable.

[kylee2437]

@KrakenAttackin or maybe she doesn’t have to support EVERYTHING he does at first hand?

[Enlightenme21]

It's very important to communicate your feelings and to ask her when she is negative if she has any fears or discomfort with you becoming more successful or doing those jobs.

In relationships you will have issues and have to communicate to resolve them.

You can mention to her that you feel like she has changed and want to understand the change.

Tell her you do not want to argue that you feel like you can not communicate with her when she reacts badly and want to have a relaxed conversation.

[Asker]

Thank you. I feel that your response was very level headed and did justice to both sides. I have to open my mouth more and be more vocal about how I feel when she says or does these things to me. I can bring it up again but I worry that it'll cause some issues but I guess better that than continue the way things have been. Okay, I'll be sure to tell her that.

[knottywriter]

My wife is unsupportive of things I want to do, especially with writing. She reads a ton and was one reason I wanted to write to begin with and connect with her in another way. The idea is she could be my proofreader. Even when I wrote poems for her, she would never give me any feedback or even any sign of appreciation. It can be a struggle to navigate relationships when you are with someone who you live but their lack of support on basically anything you try to do an better yourself with is frustrating and makes you question everything you are doing. I went on and did my writing without her and found a few friends that were supportive to help me and be my editors and beta readers. Their help made me become a better writer and I make some decent money writing short stories for people as commissioned work and for self publishing. Make your dreams come true for yourself. If she loves you, she'll get on board. If not, her own insecurities about you becoming successful may drag you down.

[Asker]

I feel as though it may end up dragging me down too.

[knottywriter]

It definitely could. I chose to do my stuff anyway, and she still isn't that supportive. The upside is that I am happy I did what I wanted to do and have had some success with it.

[Asker]

That's good. I'm going to do the same. Whether she supports or not. I'm going to give it my all. Thanks so much for replying and sharing this with me. God bless. John 3:16

[BlackJeep]

I had an unsupportive wife and I always felt she held me back. I have a very supportive girlfriend now and with all my crazy business ideas she just asks me how she can help. I've never made more money in my life. Don't underestimate a woman's support in your life.

[Asker]

I agree with you. Having an unsupportive person in your corner will only weigh you down in life. I've spoken to supportive women and it's an amazing feeling. I always wanted a woman who was kind, loving, motherly, and nurturing. I'm happy to hear you're on the other side of that. I won't underestimate it. God bless you my friend. John 3:16

[Anonymous]

i see... i get the feeling she is extremely controlling and is insecure of her own abilities so she projects those feelings on to you to bring you as low down as she feels. not the best relationship material you have there... I don't know about you, but i couldn't be with someone who treated me like that, especially when it's something i like or something that can get me ahead in my career.

[Asker]

I can't speak for her being controlling or not.. but I can say that she does struggle with insecurity and her parents have told her that she can and can't do certain things so her understanding of what she's capable of is very skewed. It has been a little bit hard on me because she's being hard on me in general. I don't like it. My whole life I've always succeeded at everything that I've put my mind to and now I'm talking to a girl who's saying these snarky remarks.. this isn't the kind of person that I want to be around in the future ;/. It can hold you back and lead to resentments.

[Opinion Owner]

the point of relationships is to enhance your life. not make it worse. if you don't like something, please let her know. and if she doesn't improve her attitude, you may have to go separate ways. don't let her bring you down. you continue to succeed in everything, please

[Asker]

Wow! That was very beautifully put. I'm going to be keeping that in mind moving forward. That definitely goes for all forms of relationships and not even just romantic ones. Wow. Thank you so much for that gem :). I will. Thank you once agin for sharing your thoughts with me and God bless you. John 3:16.

[Opinion Owner]

oh, you're very welcome, have a great day!

[CallmeTheKnight]

Your girlfriend is a being unpleasant and you’re letting her get away with this crap because you’re comfortable with being a pushover. Address her behavior and let her know how it’s been making her feel or dump her.

[Asker]

You're very much right about me being a pushover with my girlfriend. I have an issue of not being able to communicate how she makes me feel. Sometimes I do it and things go over well, but sometimes she get even more upset with me. I would rather just not say anything and then eventually just leave 😭

[CallmeTheKnight]

Your well being is too important to compromise who you are for dissatisfaction. If she cared for you as much, she’d never do this to you. When you tell her how its making you feel, thats one thing you’ll get off your chest and if she’s still insulting you, dump her with no explanation

[Asker]

That's very heavy. I think that in general, I need to do a better job of communicating how I feel and if her behavior doesn't change, let it build up and then see where things go from there. I don't want for her mistreating me to make me become a bad person. I would want for her to see why I wasn't able to take it anymore (should it come to that point.. I have had my moments where I didn't know if I could take anymore).

[sheenagwapa]

support or no support do it for yourself and tell your girlfriend what yoy feel if her not supporting yoy and if she doesn't chqnge try to reconsider if stayinh in this kind of relationship is healthy for yoy and your growth

[KrakenAttackin]

Her disrespect and contrary behavior will only get worse. I have seen this so many times. In a few years you will say "the sky is blue" and she will say "why would. you say that? What were you thinking"?

Have a DIRECT conversation with her and do not tolerate this behavior. If you allow it to continue you will be miserable.

[Asker]

Thank you my friend. It really does seem like this kinda behavior will get worse because she wasn't like this in the beginning so I don't know why it wouldn't continue to get worse in the future.

[Adam1978]

You can't expect support for everything. And you shouldn't support your partner in everything. There's good thing to focus on and bad.

[TallAnon]

Sounds like she just doesn't like who are becoming and there's nothing you can do about it.