Anybody any advice (sorry for my English)?

[Anonymous]

Whenever my boyfriend does something I didn’t like he finds a way to turn it on me. Like for instance I also did it once or I was the one that started. Which isn’t true but I almost never have a way to show it. Luckily a few times the discussions happened by text and then I can show him that I never did or said that. He then calms down and say sorry and everything. This form of defence is something he got from all his childhood trauma. He has cPTSD. I know this is something from his past. But it really makes me sad. Because he makes it worse and I become sad because I don’t get why he doesn’t get the point when we are arguing. Also after the discussion I’m every time left sad. Most of the times he forgot he did something, also something from his trauma. That’s why I’m also most of the times left without explanation and I just have to accept his apology and move on. It really hurts me because I never get an explanation and have to prove myself. One time I talked to him about it and he said that he is working on his past. Does anybody has any advice on how to corporate. We are planning on getting relationship therapy after I had to plea to him.

[nolookingbackx]

Objectively, leaving him would be best for you. It's not so easy, I know. You can give him one more chance but he's the one that needs therapy and he's the one that should fight for you. Hold on to his promise and make him go to therapy as soon as possible. If he'll try to refuse or buy some time, don't fall for that, because it's just a way to make you stay without wanting to change anything. Don't ever feel responsible for him. I am sorry for his bad childhood experiences, but he's an adult and he has to deal with it. I know it might sound harsh, but, as someone who went through something similar, I know what I'm saying. Trust me, it could save your time and health. Stay strong!

[nolookingbackx]

By the way, don't keep your hopes up, if you decide to stay. Therapy doesn't have to help and even if it does help a little bit, it's a long process...

[nolookingbackx]

My ex went to therapy. It just doesn't make anyone a new person.

[Anonymous]

Well, plently of people are crazy and acknowledging it and trying to work on it is a good thing but just because he is doing the right things, assuming he is doing his best to work it out doesn't mean that you want to stand by him while he works it out, its not your problem and you have to decide if you want to invest your time in him or not.

[Opinion Owner]

To clarify I am not saying either way whether you should stay or go, simply that you aren't obligated to, this isn't your problem but many people out there and maybe you aswell ARE crazy in one way or another, you don't write someone off just because they happen to be a crazy person, you have to assess the whole person and decide what you want to do, is the person important enough to you that you want to stand by them, or not?

Only you can decide what you want to do.

You only get one shot at life so your time is too valuable to waste but if you were the crazy person (and chances are that both of you are because Im fairly certain that everyone is) you would presumably want to be extended some patience and understanding etc.

So you have to balance these sorts of ideas and make your own choices.

You are the one who has to live with the consequences of whatever your choices are.

Obviously being blamed for things and feeling sad doesn't sound like a good time to me so there would need to be quite a lot of up side in the other side of the scales to balance that out for me but I only have one tiny slice of information, it being biased as well is the least of the problems with it.

None of us can ever be equipped to tell you what you should do.

[astrophelle]

Babe dump him ! That dude is absolutely toxic 🤢.