Does this mean he's sleeping with someone else?

[Anonymous]

Men tend to be very sexual people, from my experience. And my ex once told me that he needed it all the time. When my boyfriend and I first became official, I feel like we were always at "it". And he also told me too that he was a sexual person. It's been like 7 months in and I would say the sexual tension has died down a bit. He's not like he use to be and i can't help but think that maybe it's me.

My hormones were all out of wack recently and I was on my menstrual cycle for 9 days. Longer than normal. When it finally ended, it was almost like if I didn't initiate it, he would've been fine... which was weird because it has been over a week. I have been in a horrible past relationship where my EX was a compulsive cheater, so it could be that I still have trust issues and I overthink things. I don't want to be that way at all but I also don't want to be delusional neither and overlook something that's right in my face.

But if a guy's sex drive is not where it use to be, does that mean he's cheating?

[Oliverlogan263]

There are a few possibilities for why your boyfriend's sex drive seems lower now:

1. Hormonal changes - His testosterone levels could be lower for natural reasons, causing a dip in libido. This is common as men age.

2. Stress - Increased stress from work, family or other life factors can lower anyone's sex drive, including men's.

3. Relationship changes - As relationships progress beyond the initial phase, sexual chemistry often calms down a bit. This is normal.

4. Medical issues - Certain health conditions can impact a man's sex drive, like depression, medication side effects, low vitamin D, etc.

5. Loss of attraction - While rare in a 7 month relationship, a dip in attraction or passion could play a role.

However, a lower libido on its own is not necessarily an indication that he is cheating. Many factors besides infidelity can cause fluctuations in someone's sex drive.

Some things I'd recommend:

- Have an open, non-accusatory conversation with him about any changes you've noticed and how you're feeling. Hear his perspective.

- Consider things in your relationship or lifestyle that may be contributing to stress or taking a toll on your intimacy. See if anything can be adjusted.

- Suggest he see a doctor to rule out any medical causes for his lower libido.

- Reignite sexual intimacy in new ways that don't rely on him initiating. Show him you desire him.

Try to avoid jumping to conclusions. Many relationships experience ebbs and flows in sexual chemistry over time. Focus on open communication, understanding and finding ways to reconnect intimately. His lower sex drive alone should not be seen as proof of infidelity. I hope this helps! Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

Thank you for this!

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome

[Asker]

Ok, I have a question…. I did sort of ask about if he was having sex with other people, which he asked why and denied. I told him why I felt the way I did and he basically just said that he’s been tired and a lot on his mind. Which is understandable. Last night, we ended up having sex but I truly can’t help but have this feeling like he was only having sex because I questioned what’s going on. Mentally, I just felt like it wasn’t the same. It’s like he was avoiding being intimate like kissing. Then out of nowhere he stopped because he thought he heard something. Then we went to sleep. Like, do I have another conversation? What do I do?

[Asker]

We started dating in February and it’s only July. There’s no reason I think I should feel this questionable and it hasn’t even been a long time.

[Oliverlogan263]

It sounds like having another conversation could be helpful here. A few things I'd recommend:

1. Focus on your feelings, not accusations. Say something like "I've been feeling disconnected from you lately and like our intimacy has changed. It makes me a little worried and I want to understand what's going on for you."

2. Listen openly to what he has to say. Try to understand his perspective without getting defensive.

3. Share more about your experience. Say "Last night when we had sex, it felt different and kind of empty to me. I'm used to feeling more connected and affectionate with you."

4. Ask him directly if there's anything he needs from you or anything bothering him in the relationship. Give him space to open up.

5. Come at it from a place of wanting to reconnect, not interrogate him. Say something like "I miss feeling close to you and I value our intimacy. I'd like us to work through this together."

6. Pay attention to his body language and responses. Is he willing to be vulnerable and work through this, or does he shut down or deflect?

7. Try to stay open and avoid assumptions. Give him a chance to explain. But also stand up for your needs and feelings.

The most important things are open communication, vulnerability and showing you value the relationship. Try not to accuse or jump to worst case scenarios. Focus on reconnecting first, and see if that helps resolve your concerns naturally.

Does this make sense? Let me know if you have any other questions. I'm happy to help however I can.

[Asker]

Yes it makes sense. And I did that… sort of. Not exactly what u wrote but bits and pieces. And it worked. We came to an understanding. It’s been a few days and everything is fine now. Thanks! 😊

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome … I'm so glad to hear you were able to have an open and honest conversation that cleared things up and helped you come to a better understanding! Communication and trust are so important in any relationship, so I'm happy you two were able to work through this in a healthy way. Wishing you both the best moving forward :) Feel free to reach out any time if you have other questions about anything else.

[DannyUk2017]

We are not Machines, but when we give you? We give you good! So don't expect use to have the Same tendency and Stamina for the rest of our lives. On our side we need to "get it up" in your side just need to start the "libido/hormones" and you're good to go, so hopefully explains it.

[Asker]

Which is understandable... But if you haven't had sex in over a week, don't you start to get deprived?

[DannyUk2017]

Well we didn't know the time frame, so i guess there is some Question Mark there, afterall... 🤔

[DannyUk2017]

Says "over a week", that means i read too fast and must have skiped it..🙈, my bad