Can you be in love/have feelings for two people at the same time?

Question

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

Yep, 100% . This is actually how I realized I am polyamorous. Here's the story (names changed)

I had a woman (Mary) that I had fallen in love with when we were teenagers (14-16), but we lived far away from each other. We still kept in contact, but we were also usually dating someone else.

Then came a day when I was dating another woman (Lisa) I had fallen in love with, I was about 22 at the time. I was going to visit a friend about 3 hours away. I asked Lisa if she wanted to go, but she had work and couldn't, so I was driving alone and when I do, I tend to make phone calls and catch up with people. So I don't know if it was my first call, but I called Mary and she picked up. When I told her my plans for the weekend, she wanted to come down, and we rendezvous'd and went to our friend Celeste's house together. Anyway, long story short, we love each other and wanted to have sex, but I couldn't betray Lisa, so I was really torn and confused but then I realized I loved both of them and that's okay. I also realized that I had a lot of love for MANY of my exes and that the whole system of "you have to love only one person" wasn't my idea of love at all, it was just what society had shoved in my face my whole life so I didn't know any better because I thought that was the only way life could be.

Can you be in love/have feelings for two people at the same time?

I haven't read the other answers yet, but you'll probably see a lot of people saying things like "no way" or "that's not real love, that's not real feelings." What you need to remember reading those is that those people are probably monogamous so they are going to see things from a monogamous perspective.

But I ask you: Can you love more than one of your children at the same time? Can you love both your parents? Grandparents? Other relatives? AT THE SAME TIME? Can you love more than one pet? More than one friend? More than one food?

It's kind of silly to think that you can love all those things, but somehow the rules get turned upside down for romantic/sexual relationships.

It's a whole other paradigm, and often misunderstood by people who are unable to see the perspective because they only understand their own perspective. A kind of simple way to think about it is motivations. If someone is a thief and thinks like a thief, when you ask that thief why someone would say "Hey, look over there!", they might answer "To distract you while they steal something.". But if that person is a bird watcher, they might answer "Because they see an orange-breasted titbushwacker.", or if they are a magician "To distract you while they look at your card.". &c, &c. the point being people see things from their own perspective. So monogamous people don't understand being in love with more than one person (at a time), because they are only in love with one person (at a time).

Just like this ballerina who spins both ways, but not everyone can see it:

Losalt · Accepted Answer

I picked yes because I *have* loved multiple people simultaneously in the past.
I'm not currently in love with multiple people and I'm currently single however.

It's absolutely possible.
But it's not universal.
Some people are able to do it, others apparently are not.
And it's kind of a sliding scale thing too.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Have "feelings?" Yes, because that would include simple fondness and liking.

"Love" two people at the same time. How do you define "love?" By my definition, if you think you love two people at the same time, then you actually don't love either one of them and you are confusing lust or attraction with love.

Pinay_ako · Answer

You can’t be in love with two people at the same time.

But you can love two people at the same time. Your heart is made to love many people as possible but that love I’m talking about is not romantic love but unconditional love.

Although you can have feelings towards two people but that feeling will go away once you realize you’re infatuated only to one or both of them.

AviatorTom · Answer

Yes, that happened to me when I was dating after my divorce. I was seriously dating and met this other woman who volunteered to show me around her city when I was on vacation; I developed feelings for her. It was unfair to both of them so I had to choose one to date and broke up with the other.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I've liked two guys in the last few years and with one guy it's kind of like a brother and sister type of love and with the other guy it's kind of love a romantic type of interest. But I consider the guy to be a part and not the whole cake so I'm happy either with somebody or without somebody and I also do not mind marrying the guy I love like a brother.

coachTanthony · Answer

No. I tend to think when this happens the feelings for the first person weren't really there.

Avicenna · Answer

No way is it possible to love two people romantically at the same time

Anonymous · Answer

You can have feelings for more than one person but it is impossible to have equal feelings for both.

One you will always like more then the other. There can only be ultimately one winner and one loser. And your kind words and “presence” isn’t going to cut it for the one person you ultimately reject. No and fuck no. Ultimately that person is left lonely and they went through agony and disappointment and a final let down with extreme heartbreak if they were hoping to be chosen. They also wasted their time and effort on you during the process. It wasn’t worth your love triangle fantasy for that shit to happen.

I am really getting fed up with women who think their is no harm in having love triangles. Movies with female main characters often push this shit. It’s all about the ultimate validation and drama for the woman to have more than one guy interested in her. And the guy who ultimately gets passed up is supposed to be cheerful for the woman and happy he momentarily had her interested in him.

I've actually been in this situation twice in my life. I have absolutely zero memories of woman involved it in. Hated her and also hated myself for being stupid enough to participate in her bullshit fantasy.

Sometimes men find themselves in love triangles. But we don’t look to “set up” this bs. Nor do we drag it on because like the fantasy. We know it’s not harmless. We also know we can’t “piecemeal” a perfect woman from having more than one woman. We can’t expect either woman to be okay with our divided attention long term. Nor can we expect the woman we ultimately reject not to be heartbroken and devastated.

Real life isn’t like a romance novel ladies. Don’t do this crap. Sure guys should be wary not to participate in it. But don’t “set it up” for your own benefit/excitement and just “feel bad” for the guy you let down and expect that to be enough. He might of been a fool to go along with it but it doesn’t help that you set him up either.

YesterdaysChild · Answer

Sure you can, although it is not considered normal. But sooner or later you are going to have to pick one to go with and wean the other one out of your life.

Kacka · Answer

won't vote, cos no correct answer there given, but will comment in here, yes people can be in love with more then one person, but as always always akways always always and more couole times always with no exeptions , one of those two or more, be "favorite" same as we all know and noticedfrom school even. one of child be more loved, liked by teachers, family and so on
people can't share feeling in two equal parts, they try, but favorite always wins, does it noticc
abble for other partner?, yes it is.

Screenwriter · Answer

Sorry I can't vote because I believe it IS possible, but mostly unfortunate.

I suppose there are people who can do this multiple relationships thing: a couple of three. It's difficult enough with two people. Introducing a third just adds more complications.

I don't believe anyone chooses to fall in love with two people at once. But it can happen.

Zatsuma · Answer

Love can develop in different forms. However you also have lust which some do confuse as love at first.

What about the religions that believe a man should have more than 1 wife, very crazy but to each their own.

So yes it is possible I guess.

ohsheeT · Answer

I mean if you are truly truly honest with yourself and if you like yourself you love yourself and you understand love I think you could love 20 people all at the same time it's unconditional love and once you understand that once you find that it's easy to love will not easy but you know what I mean we're supposed to become one with ourselves one with others and one with the universe and that's called unconditional love no matter what yes I believe it's possible

PositiveFlight · Answer

Yes, it is very possible to have real genuine love toward two or more. In my religious background, men are married more than once to a different wife in each marriage. Its called plural marriage. The wives know they are genuinely loved and cared for. They aren’t jealous because they have no need to be. In fact the wives look out for and support each other. The husband knows the unique needs of each wife. He cherishes and loves each wife 100%

Ezra_lila · Answer

As for me I often sometimes ask my acquiantances how they manage two people at the same time and they will just answer me its a mere fling or just for fun. However on my side I can't do why? because I don't like some guys do the same thing for me.

If I have feelings over someone he will be the apple of my eyes. Period!. Not wanting to look to someone or other guy is a choice for me.

EtherealWriter · Answer

Nah seriously I doubt it, there's obviously one person that you care more about than the other, else it means you're probably not in love with any of them, you just like them or are attracted or something but if you really are in love with one person I don't think you can fall in love with another and not love the first less

provokeesmokee · Answer

Yes, it's possible. I am not currently in this, but have certainly felt romantic love towards more than one person.  Your poll options are falsely limiting.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Yes.. Carnal Love/Lust, and Spiritual Love.. the one that makes your heart melt every time when together. Even in ONE person can find DOUBLE LOVE 😉

Twalli · Answer

You can be, I am sexually and emotionally attracted to two people. They both feel the same. I'm only dating one because both are uninterested in sharing me. So it's possible, but I can't say if I'm in love with the one I am not dating because I haven't spent enough time with her to fall "in love" with her. I think I could, in which case I would answer "yes", but I am not.

OddBeMe · Answer

Feelings, sure. But not equal. Nothing humans do is perfect, thus nothing we do can be equal. So you like one more than the other.

Experiment: Assign each to sides of a coin and then flip it- but don’t look at it. You will suddenly want one to win more than then other. Boom.

Finchie40 · Answer

No , you can be infatuated by 2 people but you truly aren’t in love with both people , when you fall in love with someone that someone is your only true love , no one can replace that someone period

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

No you can NOT be in love with two people.

You can certainly lust after two people.

Soooo many simple people nowadays seem to think lust = love. Whereas people who know what love really is just laugh at them.

strateguy632 · Answer

despite the theory love is loyalty implying to one still THAT feeling of love and loyalty can be felt to several people. it would get applied to whichever is available loyally and avoiding the others.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Of course, I have been in that situation for years.

meetkitty123 · Answer

It's hasn't happened to me. Usually if I begin to notice another person it is because I m falling out of love with a person I'm with or I've broken it off with them.

rosemilk · Answer

no. i can barely talk to multiple friends at one time lmao

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

No, if you think you are in love with two people, then pick the second because you are no longer "in love" with the first otherwise your feelings wouldn't have strayed.

fonduegirl · Answer

Of course. But are they aware of your polyamorous status?

molonski2 · Answer

Of course you can , who's to say its just one , life is never black / white like some may want it to be , its many shades of grey.

WhitneySnow · Answer

You can but it’s awkward. And no, I’m not right now.

Anastacia1989 · Answer

It’s only possible to be “in love” with 1 person at a time…. if it’s more then 1 then that’s not love it’s just and infatuation or an attraction.
personally for me 1 person is enough…. I’m loyal to the core

FreyaRed · Answer

I can feel infatuation to several guys but I can't love romantically just one person

LiamJHayden · Answer

People can have feelings for lots of people at the same time.

kakaling · Answer

I thought it was impossible when I was younger, but my situation is abit special.

My childhood sweetheart had a family and children now, I will still love her forever.

I am looking for the one for me now.

LovingJo · Answer

No, you can't be  IN  love, with two people, at the same time. You can  love  two people at the same time, but not both!! 💯❤️

lightbulb27 · Answer

depends what the heck you mean by that? There are different kinds of love.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I can be interested in multiple people at once. If none are reciprocating, I am still a free agent and I am not tied to any one woman.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

Assuming you’re speaking about romantic feelings  No!  this is why men can have sex with other women and still stay with our wives

Bricealan · Answer

Yes, I do, and a lady "friend' tole me: "You should fuck 'em both"

RavVid · Answer

I think it is hard to be in love with 2 people. I could be in lust with 2

Anonymous · Answer

There's absolutely no reason you cannot have feelings for or love more than one person at a time. You can love more than one child, can't you? So why can't you love more than one adult? It's ignorant to think it's not possible or even doable.

i_am_tbjxii · Answer

No one of the persons must certainly be infatuation or just an attachment. Furthermore, if you question yourself to choose between either is it really love?

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I couldn't be with two girls at the same time

elizamichale1 · Answer

Yes definitely... i married 2 guys for same reason

Subflics · Answer

When it comes to getting serious you have to make a choice. It's selfish to take more than one choice

Andres77 · Answer

That’s a tough one. Its usually lust though.

NYCQuestions1976 · Answer

Isn't that the definition of a threesome and/or a throuple?

rienna888 · Answer

You could crush but I believe you could only love one

Minahh · Answer

I'd say no... if you're choosing between two people... both of them are usually wrong choice

Anonymous · Answer

Women can't. Ultimately she sees both males as weak.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I haven't been in love with two people yet. I don't think it can happen

Anonymous · Answer

There are 8 billion people in the world, many of them uniquely beautiful people in their own way. I don’t know how it’s possible to be in love only one person out of 8 billion.

zero444440000 · Answer

you can't, but i don't. "hard to find people i can get along with.

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

very normal for women, the votes tells you a lot

BigRed1987 · Answer

Yeah I was in love with two girls at the same time, it was so confusing…I’m not proud of it

RealLifeHarleyQuinn · Answer

Like I always tell myself, I don't want a million women I just want one. Just one is all I've ever wanted.

krin_m · Answer

As a poly person, I know it is a reality for me.

Erin2003 · Answer

Yes and it’s uncomfortable

Rouba99 · Answer

As it silly it sounds.. but I only have one heart. One person is enough for me

Abdulwahh · Answer

I've never been in love with 2 girls at once, but i liked 2 girls at the same time.

Candyguy411 · Answer

You can love one at a time that's how you get yourself in trouble

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