What would you do if you found out your girlfriend reactivated tinder after an argument?

[Button90]

Used cheater buster after girlfriend pulled away and we had an argument.

saw her profile with new photos, asked her about it.

she said she re-downloads some times to check messages and see if any new matches but hasn’t been swiping which makes little sense if you haven’t been swiping.

she is fearful avoident and pulls away when I get close or clings when I am not as communicative.

I wonder two things 1. Did she download tinder again because she thought I would break up with her after the argument 2. Am I a place mat (someone she likes but doesn’t see long term) until a better option comes along?

[Anonymous]

Message her there. ﾠ

[blueonblack22]

Well as long as you haven’t done the same thing (right?) then this is a giant red flag. All bad ideas start with a thought and temptation. Also I noticed women are more keen on “revenge sex” because I remember:

1) taken women hitting on me when I was younger (I never knowingly took them up on it). They were always complaining about their bfs/husbands.

2) having one ex unnecessarily treat me like I was less than human during and right after the break up. I later deduced with 99% certainly she most likely cheated on me and had to exaggerate to herself that I was a complete pos to “feel better” about her shitty choice. What she said to me in the end still haunts me to this day but I now know what she most likely did.

Anyway if your girlfriend wants to get on Tinder then let her. But she can now do it as a single woman because you need to have backbone to walk away.

Now I am plainly aware that above is much easier said then done. I figure you probably want this to all blow over. But the fact she was willing to do that really says something.

Also she’s a woman on a dating app. If she is at least semi attractive she will have a long line of thirsty guys ready to jump on the first opportunity. Virtually any woman who is a 7 and up can have a guy over in 30 mins (who at least a 7 himself). All she had to do is say yes. She doesn’t have to ask. It will come to her.

Weigh the risks here. You will feel better knowing you had the self respect to walk away vs. having her cheat on you and making you feel like a naive fool. If she begs you to stay ask her if she’s on dating apps and/or talking to other guys. If she lies then leave immediately. If she’s honest tell her she need to cut that shit off immediately. If she gives you any half ass excuse then you know what to do.

[Anonymous]

You are both 1 and 2. Fearful avoidants always have one foot out the door because they are trying to protect themselves. They also can't be fully vulnerable and let themselves go. They want to love someone but when things go too fast or get too real for them, they leave. Too fast and too real are usually things that aren't a big deal to the normal person but to the fearful avoidant type they are triggered by the smallest thing and are set off that way. They are use to being independent and they feel like they always have to be independent, it's just easier that way. I think she is trying to cheat on you. She's noticing that your relationship is more trouble than it's worth, in her eyes even if it may not be that bad. It's bad because of her anxiety. So she thinks it's a good idea to find someone new and start fresh. Even though fighting in relationships is just a normal thing. Everyone fights. You should read up about her attachment style if you are still interested in dating her after this awful thing. I hope my advice helped me, I have a fearful avoidant attachment as well.

[Opinion Owner]

Helped you*

[Drooogie4]

As someone who HAS urges to do stuff like this to remain feeling in some kind of control, it's not okay.

It may not be malicious or that she's actually planning to meet anyone. But it'd still a defense mechanism that will not allow for a healthy relationship.

I feel for her because I understand. Arguments leave you feeling like you will be left. But it doesn't make it okay to act on running out on an established relationship.

[coachTanthony]

What would I do is the question. So I would dump her like a hot potato. Too immature for me and the fearful avoidant crap is all but nonsense to be able to manipulate you with her bad behavior.

[AviatorTom]

Nothing... let her play. She got tired of Tinder once, she will get tired again. And if she doesn't, then I'd know our relationship isn't going anywhere but over.

[EricSummer]

This is a very bad sign. However, it is possible that she is looking only for validation. She may want to get reassurance that her photos still have an impact on men. Is this possible to see even if she is not also actively swiping? In that case she may not be lying.

I hope you have resolved your quarrel with a solution that is acceptable to both. Tell her to stop this nonsense and see how she reacts.

Do not forget that you snooped on her, so if you are now losing your peace of mind is partly your own fault.

There are always other options also for a woman who does not use dating apps. You need to rebuild trust and a relationship in which the needs of both are met.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I'd tell her to stop being dramatic. Probably try to figure out something fun for us to do that will give us patience for eachother again.

I don't think going on tinder by itself is an especially heinous act. Sometimes it's fun to go through each other's tinder's because of how silly some of the convo's get. And if you're both together doing it, it actually makes it pretty easy to remind her what your value is because obviously most of the guys on there are basically just gaslighting their way into woman's pants.

A relationship is rough, a commitment is hard. Think about how many times you thought about quitting your hobby or job or dreams in life. You seriously think it's natural to never doubt a romantic relationship?

[SaRang21]

It’s hard to say which reason she has for doing that. But I think it’s clear that she wants to look for someone else. The best thing to do is be prepared mentally and emotionally that she would break up with you. And maybe you need to solve this by talking about it, if you still feel off about it and uncomfortable with what she does, you may want to move on.

[worldscolide]

Instant breakup. Id kick her out of my home. Sorry reactivating a hookup app is tantamount to cheating. If its not her interest to do that, but to just make you jealous, or to shit test you, she's not worthy of being with to begin with and needs to be removed from your life. See my mytake for more details. Dude seriously get rid of her.

5 Tests That Women Use On Men, That Men Should Stop Tolerating While Dating.

[provokeesmokee]

Dump her.

Fearful avoidant about communicating like an adult, but not about cheating on you? She's gonna cheat - fearful avoidants will often do shit to make you dump them because they're too afraid to have that convo themselves. They often don't even realize they're doing that.

You deserve better.

Someone who "checks the waters" as soon as you have a disagreement isn't going to work in the long term.

[es_annie]

I would breakup with them. That action alone already shows you a lot.

In relationships there will be many arguments and difficulties, if she truly loves you she would never have even thought of doing something like that. Like a previous comment said that’s immature and she is just hiding behind an excuse.

[molonski2]

Honesty , I pretty much think you have answered your own question , she doesn't see this as long long term , she doesn't see it as "bad " either , and she is an individual who is sht scared of being alone , there is little doubt on the game she's playing , she is seeing what else is out there.

Its not a nice feeling , there are some fundamental issues going on in there.

[Mamaliv]

Anybody that hangs on to those types of things once in a relationship is hung up, they’re either insecure about how you really feel about them so their seeking validation from others or they don’t see you for the long run. Sounds to me like she’s looking for back up. I think it’s time to move on and not waste anymore of your time.

[CubsterShura]

That's a huge red flag and if you're not willing to live with this then your only option left is to run the other way.

She is probably looking for the reassurance that she still has options, which is a common and understandable fear but this is not the way to go about it.

[ShesRad80]

its a load of crap for anyone to do that , instead of communicating with your partner to open or re open tinder? thats bullshit. if i found out a guy i was dating did that i would attempt to talk if he refused tell him get lost clown. im not into game or people playing them nor want them in my life. people instead of dealing with issues in their real relationship, run to the next person on a dating site, its ridiculous.

[Finchie40]

Dump her ass , just because she is upset over an argument doesn’t give her a right to go seek validation elsewhere , she is clearly a selfish pos that only cares about herself , a girl you shouldn’t waste anymore of your time with , tell her to stay on Tinder and for her to find another sucker cuz you will find yourself a girl that understands it’s ok to be wrong

[lightbulb27]

Send her to a therapy to start. she's avoiding and running to other guys for comfort on tinder. that's a mess.

you must be a patient and empathetic soul.

you might rename her a girl torture...

[NobodyXox]

I would leave her. In a secure relationship you would delete your whole profile. Why would she need to check her matches or messages if she is in a happy relationship? It's such a bad reason.

[alice55]

I'm confused by people over reaction to this in the comment, that's basically just a move to annoy her boyfriend and that's it nothing serious about it, she would surely just go some hours to get a rise out of her boyfriend and that's it.

[Yucy_Gluttony]

I don't see a future with someone who goes looking for something new over an argument... you can talk about it, but it DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A KEEPER.

[MrKinktastic]

I call bullshit, she is checking her options/playing the field to see if you’re still her best bet. Dump her ass and show her you were.

[Nikki1989]

I would never be with anyone so desperate that they need to be on a dating site.

[supercutebutt]

If I were you, I'd get out the coconut oil and lube up the ol' butt.