How to make an advance at my girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

So a bit of information about us, I'm (26 M) an expat living in a foreign country in South East Asia. I go to the gym 9 times a week and have a rather high income although not in the top 1% or anything like that. My looks are good (when I'm at work I hear a lot of female comments about 'he's hot' when i walk by) although I have a terrible fashion sense. I'm also rather smart and well educated in macro economics, geopolitics and coding.

She (20 F) has a low income and is really, I mean really reserved. Before she met me she hasn't even held a guys hand or had a boyfriend. She hasn't introduced me to her family yet because she's a bit too scared to do so. She is very shy and generally doesn't trust men even though im the first guy that she actually went on a date with. She's also very mature and if she has a problem can really talk about things instead of getting too emotional about stuff.

We have now been dating for over 1 and a half months and have spend a lot of time together. The only thing we have done is briefly held hands during a movie for like 3 seconds. She still insists on keeping everything a secret with everyone and because we share a lot of our social circle there aren't many people that I can talk with about this.

I'd like her to be able to tell others that we are dating or let her parents know what is going on, since it's getting a bit hard to keep everything a secret and I'm really against lying myself. I also would like to move to a first kiss. It's also normal to have sex AFTER marrriege here so it's not something I'd like to force through and I'm happy to wait for her on this front.

Any comments about not living a secretive relationship would be really appreciated since im 99% sure she is the one I'm going to marry.

[SueShe]

Well, you realize that in your age group relations tend to be very ephemeral and she is fully aware of that fact. Even in Asia, this is the case.

The fact that she does not want to officialize a relation that is not even 2 months old leads me to believe that she does not think that your romance has a long term future. Also, she is from a social class that is probably not "compatible" with yours as it is in many SEA countries.

Finally, she probably realizes that her parents would disapprove that there is such a social gap between her and you. All those are factors for her reluctance in addition to the fact that gossip may ruin her chance for the future.

[Asker]

If this is true then why is she going out with me?
Even though when we go out she sometimes makes sure I'm not the one to pay and she also isn't hesitant to be seen with me in public places even if our social status is different. If she wants to preserve her first time kissing and having sex etc. why is she putting a lot of effort? What's in it for her?

Thank you for your comment but I dont think it's very on the mark but I might be wrong.

[HelpfulWoman]

" She's also very mature and if she has a problem can really talk about things instead of getting too emotional about stuff."
so sit her down and say what you've said here?

[Asker]

I have, she said she is scared that other people will judge her for it since she's never had a relationship, let alone a boyfriend. She's scared that those around her would disapprove and judge her as a whole even though we haven't done anything sexual.
She also said she doesn't want to move closer physically because she would like to get approval from her parents and those around her first before she does anything 'irreversible' so I'm stuck in quite the paradox here.

[HelpfulWoman]

soooo she's not as mature as you think she is.

[Asker]

She is mature with everything other then relationships.
But when it comes to us 2 she hasn't got a clue what she is doing or what she's supposed to do.
I might need to have another talk to her about this since her 'secret policy's also means she hasn't got an ability to ask her friends about things.

Sorry if this whole situations seems rather complicated but its why im asking about it.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what your problem is here.

[Asker]

I'd like to make our relationship a bit more well known, im tired of living the game of were not seeing each other while then going on a date the next day.

I'd like to make a move to also end up with her first kiss but I don't want to do it forcefully or end up on tiktok as a creep.