Why do people marry someone they don’t fully trust?

Question

My old roommate’s (Georgian girl who I sheltered and we were friends for a while before she overstepped my boundaries) husband called me from her phone today, he asked me whether she has had any other boyfriends in China before meeting him. Saying he had some doubts and he’d trust my words.

He has only seen me once, how can he say he will trust my words over his wife’s?

I told him “I can assure you that you are the first man she has truly caught the feelings for since her time in China.”

He thanked me and that was all.

She called me later, saying they had arguments and that he doesn’t fully trust her and is checking her phone and found the photos of a 20 year old boy she briefly dated when she lived with me.

They met each other in March, that man left his fiancé to be with my roommate and they married in July. And now they expect a child and I wonder, why would someone make such decision without fully trusting another person?

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

Many people just don’t want to be alone and they marry without first requiring as much.

Hopeless romantics like you and I have a very idealistic view on love and we tend to have incredibly high standards when it comes to who we want to spend the rest of our lives with.

In a way, it’s almost like we want perfection or nothing at all. But, as long as our ideals are still conceivably possible to obtain, we continue to believe in the love that we seek.

It’s a double-edged sword, because it makes it more difficult to find love with such high standards. But, if the love we seek is found, it feels magical and when we talk about it, other people don’t even believe us.

For many people though, they settle with, “Good enough.” Which is a little sad, but it’s the more practical and less-romantic approach to finding someone to start a family with.

Also, back in the day, romance was more of a luxury than it was a standard. “Good.” or “Good enough.” was enough for most.

But for hopeless romantics, that would leave them feeling restless and unfulfilled because it’s love that makes them feel alive and it’s love that makes life worth living.

AmeerX · Accepted Answer

Trust issue can arise at any point in time. It's not like they come early in relationship and don't when you are married 20 years later into it.

People can become paranoid. and sometimes what happens is our own imagination is our undoing because we overthink and end up pushing people in the wrong.

For instance, if a partner keeps saying something like hey he or she is cheating when he or she is not and ends up saying one too many times, it might happen. It's more along the lines of the strain theory of how people label a person and ends up turning them into something they never did.

So, it's best to not confront a person unless the suspicion is backed with some evidence. 100 suspicions can't make a conviction.

RoseySarah · Accepted Answer

All of that sounds so fishy!

Any one who leaves another for you fairly easily has huge issues

From this probably him cheating on her and of course not trusting. Who cares if she dated while you did for a bit?

He had an engagement while they dated he left for her!

People need to date for at least about a year and trust. Way to many couples rush it and of course divorce ruining the rate for the rest of us!

LazerBean · Accepted Answer

Because poor choices in life lead to damage when that person doesn't recognize or take responsibility for their poor choices. In this case, likely dude didn't want to be alone so he settled for a woman whose been around because he had to, since he's been around to. For some people, a consequence of sleeping around is unreasonable jealousy and suspicion in their relationships. Hence, this.

monorprise · Answer

Trust is at some level a choice, I don't see how she can wisely choose to trust a man who suddenly leave's his fiance for her not to do the same to her. His since of loyalty is very much a more relevant question to the subject of marriage than her past boyfriends.

Anonymous · Answer

Clearly a troll. What I've noticed about a lot of Americans in college & who have graduated is how thick they are. Most of them if they were in Britain would never have gotten their GCSEs or A levels needed to go to college. American high school diplomas and 4 year college degree seems just to be an indication that they went to high school for 4 years and college for another regardless of how well they did or their academic ability.

Meropatrick · Answer

Most people can't be trusted wether out of malice or inadequacy. Its difficult to filter the bad to get to the good. So people end up marrying the first person that smile at them. We dont have all the time in the world to wait for Mr right or Miss right to show up

love_conquers_lust · Answer

If I’d gone back on a commitment to be with another, I’d be paranoid about theirs.

To your friends situation, hope they communicate their issues and work out their situation instead of dragging other people into their drama. Something I wish I had done before and still struggle with.

Exxxpert · Answer

Who cares men have been refusing marriage for a long time now. Have you seen the marriage rate lately? Its 5.1 out of a thousand now. Dropped a full point in a year. It's going to go a lot lower soon. Marriage is so uncommon its been in "dead" territory for about a decade.

molonski2 · Answer

I remember this , and 100% agree , as I said then , this guy was rushed into it ( Visa ) she was never going to be faithful , ( with both men / women in my view ) ..

Why did he do it? Just ran with the moment I guess.

letthefire80 · Answer

A lot of people also marry someone they don't fully love. Marriage to me is a binding to my true love, but to others it is like getting a job or a house or car.

Ju_nishi · Answer

In my opinion, one of the most important things in a relationship is trust. However, that is not so uncommon. Jealous people are always trying to find or invent reasons to feed their jealousy.

nastyb · Answer

because people marry based off of "in love " feelings. sometimes the person who can make you laugh isn't actually the person who is good for you.

exitseven · Answer

Sometimes people just settle because they don't think they can do any better. Sometimes there is so much physical attraction you overlook something like trust.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

people are incredibly stupid. it hurts my head to see people make poor choices. it happens way too often

SolitarySolace · Answer

Love blinds people. And people jump into marriage way too quickly. Next thing they know they’re getting a nasty divorce

m33ladEmjay · Answer

I wanna get married to 2 wives at the same time.

msc545 · Answer

Testosterone impairs judgment.

Night_Angel · Answer

I do not agree.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Who is dumb enough to Fully trust anyone lol?

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Fear of being alone.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

It happens but rarely

justabuddy · Answer

Love can make people blind to the red flags.

soe11 · Answer

Valid points

Why do people marry someone they don’t fully trust?

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