My ex called me right now, is it normal to feel a bit emotional?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It’s night and I was about to go to sleep when my ex called me. I thought he blocked me after he got into a new relationship, so I was surprised to find out he didn’t.

I picked up the phone as I feel like I am totally over him.

He called me to ask how I am feeling,

to ask if I need anything to help with,

he also told me he has told his mother that If I need anything, she should be nearby and help me.

He asked me if I eat well and sleep well,

He also told me I am very smart and he’s happy I am handling this injury and work situation this well.

He told me to not feel sad and not give up on my goals. That he has seen some sportsmen becoming Olympic Champions even after they had hardware installed in their legs. That he believes in me and knows I am very strong minded. So, not to worry I’ll be the same I always was in no time, I couldn’t hold my tears at that time, I didn’t make him hear that, but these words meant a lot to me.

He told me that I am very smart but naughty, as usual. And it’s better I am a bit careful when I am racing next time 😅

And to message or call him anytime I need anything. Saying “don’t be shy, I’ll be here for you anytime.”

I reassured him that I am great and even with one leg, I handle things well, I am doing wonderful and I am sure I’ll heal soon and asked him not to worry about me. Thanked him and that was all.

I felt nothing romantic, it felt like I was talking to an old friend who just happens to know me pretty well, but him encouraging me like he always did, that felt emotional to me.

And it’s weird because I’ve not cried, even though so many people called me, I’ve not cried, I was happy, I didn’t cry now either, but I got my eyes a bit teary when talking to him.

Updates

5 mo

He lives very far from here, around Hong Kong. I am in Shanghai. His mom lives very close. That’s why he said his mom will be nearby if I need anything.

[love_conquers_lust]

Your tears say it all.

You should have hung up the phone or ignored the call.

His actions are dishonorable, so are yours. If he has a spouse, you should have promptly told him to worry about his spouse. You both know that conversation shouldn’t be happening. You know that it’s disrespectful to other’s relationships to be having feelings for others spouses. I don’t like how his family orbits around you reminding you, both of what he did to you and how you can never again have what you once had. I don’t like how he couldn’t just ask his mother about you and be content with that. I don’t like how his mother tries to keep you waiting in the ranks “fighting for him” as a backup to his current love interest. Have more respect for yourself.

So how strong are you? Are you just saying it or are you doing it? What actions are you taking to regain control over your emotions? Why torture yourself?

I lived alone for the better part of a decade and made due with only interactions with coworkers and classmates. Got injured multiple times during that period and took care of it myself. My family didn’t know I had a gum graft until months afterwards. You should have enough support without him.

You could also put all your faith in PRC as opposed to associating with his family. The same government that locked down their own citizens because of CoVid because they didn’t trust their own people to do their jobs. The same government that put up the Great Firewall. The same government that took the UN’s one child policy quite literally and slaughtered innocent, defenseless newborn girls.

Others caring about you isn’t the problem. It’s that they’re not in a position to successfully be kind to you barring a life or death situation (which it’s not) and are doing more harm than good. He should have cherished what you gifted him instead of stomping on it. I empathize with his predicament before your breakup, I have zero sympathy for his actions after.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I disagree with his judgment.

I told him not to worry about me and that I’m fine by myself and told him not to concern his mom about me.

I am doing fine, really.

So, stop blaming me for something, I haven’t done.

I’ll never be or have a crush on a man who’s got another woman waiting at home. He’s dead for me right there.

Now stop judging me as If I am trying to break someone’s relationship. He has no spouse, is in a relationship.

Regardless, I am no longer interested in him. His girlfriend got into a relationship with him knowing pretty well he had a fiancé, so let’s not talk about what’s fair from me and what’s not.

I am not planning to get what proved to be rotten though. His love proved to be not as ideal as I thought. I am never going to want him back ever.

[love_conquers_lust]

It doesn’t matter what term is coined, whether it’s spouse or in relationship, he is involved with someone and that needs to be respected, most of all by him. I don’t like how he’s sniffing around. Doing that same behavior I suspected of him doing before. The boy needs to learn he’s harming others with his actions.

He cheated. Why you give him the time of say is beyond me. You lost out as did he. He’s not made of glass. He moved on. You want to show you care, find happiness yourself in what you wanted from a spouse in the beginning which he couldn’t deliver on.

He should want to see you happy above all else, and his actions suggest otherwise.

I wouldn’t talk to him or his family, if I were you. My sister’s ex-husband’s, the father of my niece, didn’t come around when she had life threatening surgery. She had her own family to support her. They did their part by keeping their distance. Not showing up and acting like it’s all water under the bridge. Inappropriate.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Don’t understand what you are blaming me for.

I don’t need anyone’s help and haven’t asked for it.

How is it my fault if he called?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am just stating what he told me, have I said, I accepted his offer?

Even if I was dying I’d not call him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

However, I felt emotional that he offered it, even if I am in no need and totally uninterested to accept it.

[love_conquers_lust]

I was mostly focused on blaming him. But since you asked:

It’s not your fault he called. It’s your fault you answered. It’s your fault his number wasn’t blocked or deleted from your phone altogether. It’s your fault you still interact with his family. It’s your fault if you didn’t tell him to stop calling you.

You said you did tell him to stop concerning his mother over you. That leads me to judge her yet again. She should know better as a woman. She should know how women’s hearts work. But no, she says “fight for my son, the cheater.. Fight to feel bad and put up with his games.”

I said I felt bad for the guy because he has a dick. But you’re also talking to a guy who has controlled himself for 38 years. He’s weak to me.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

His mother haven’t mentioned him to me for 4 months already. We both have unspoken agreement to never mention my ex again with each other.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not going to fight for anyone. If I was, I had a lot of opportunities to do so, he’d most likely not have another girlfriend by now, but I have a self respect and never intent do chase or choose anyone who didn’t appreciate as well as he must have done.

[love_conquers_lust]

Offered what? How does he have anything to offer? Unless you want to get back together with a cheater, then he can’t offer you anything but more of the same behavior, which is exactly what he’s doing if that’s the case.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am sorry, but seems like you are more concerned about him than I am.

I just got my eyes a bit teary for the old time’s sake and forgot the case. I am out now minding my business.

Why won’t you stop talking about him?

Did I ever mention I am in some way interested to have any type of relationship or communication with him?

[love_conquers_lust]

Because you wrote an entire piece about him, that’s why.

Talks and walks.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That was yesterday, right after the call, I talked out all my emotions and finished with it. Kept it to yesterday.

[love_conquers_lust]

My point is, you shouldn’t have to be talking out anything out at all. Feeling what you feel is normal. You should control your circumstances so that doesn’t happen. If you can’t reprogram your feelings, work around them and cut out the source. Then they’ll fade and he’ll hold no sway over you anymore.

[love_conquers_lust]

Dealing with your existing memories is hard enough. He shouldn’t be piling on with new ones.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

You know, I felt good about the fact that he cared about me, I’d rather him not call, but since he did, I think I realized he thinks I was a good girlfriend, meaning I haven’t done anything wrong.

So, it kind of proved me that I was a great girlfriend, to have him care about me and be willing to stand by me after all this time.

However, I don’t accept his care nor do I need anyone to stand by me. I am standing perfectly well, my housekeeper tells me I am very capable and strong.

I actually even got an idea to learn painting with my broken foot, as a way to practice my ankle and also have some fun 😂

[love_conquers_lust]

But do you not disapprove of his actions? Do you not feel what he is doing is wrong? Do you not feel that what you’re doing is wrong and counter to what you SAID you’re trying to do?

Please don’t reinjure yourself. I know it can be boring waiting for recovery or resisting the call of dancing again. But the world will wait.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. I am not emotionally invested in him, he’s got his life, I’ve got mine. He called to check on me, I said, no need thank you and I moved on with my life, he moved on with his.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

As for his girlfriend l, I am not doing anything wrong to her by answering him.

She took him because he was sexually frustrated by long distance. She knew about our unfinished relationship and she still wanted him badly so still went for it.

I don’t need her leftovers. She can enjoy mine. But for me, I’d rather get someone new. For me he was special, he no longer is. He was special because he was totally mine. I was his first and he was my first. He lost that and became just an average man to me.

I am sure he will do the same with her eventually.

[love_conquers_lust]

So you see nothing wrong with what transpired.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Morals go two ways. I am not a saint to keep the morals when the other party hasn’t showed me any.

The only reason I won’t ever get in touch with my ex is MY own unwillingness, I don’t care about his girlfriend slightly. I don’t want him.

[love_conquers_lust]

Yes, he probably will do the same to her.

[love_conquers_lust]

“Morals go two ways. I am not a saint to keep the morals when the other party hasn’t showed me any. “

You’re not answering directly.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am answering very directly. Now, kindly Stop making me waste my time talking on them.

[love_conquers_lust]

No, you’re not. You either say yes it was wrong or no it wasn’t. Pretty straightforward.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I will no longer answer anything you reply here, you obviously can’t take “I don’t want to talk about him.” You are annoying me big time. I said, I don’t want to talk about him. Can you respect that and stop?

[love_conquers_lust]

Then stop replying, which is what you should have done with him in the first place.

And your lack of an answer will be taken to mean you don’t deny it was wrong.

[dynamicyandere]

Yeah, I think it’s normal.


You were happy during your time together.


But, during/after the breakup, you didn’t really have good closure.


You were left in the dark and confused about the state of things because everything was so shrouded in ambiguity.


But now, he’s contacted you and gave you closure on where you stand with him and what you mean to him.


It must have touched your heart that he still cares about you, despite being no longer together.


Also that he does see you as valuable, and that he didn’t break up with you because of that.


It must have felt like being welcomed with open arms after feeling like you’ve been pushed away.


So, I can see how that would have made you feel emotional.


As for him offering you to contact him at anytime though, does seem a little odd as I’m unsure if his current girlfriend knows about this offer.


It could be a sign that things between him and his current girlfriend aren’t going very well if he’s going to be that emotionally available to another girl.


But, I’m glad that you’ve moved on and that you’ve been strong. I also believe that you’ll recover in no time. 🪴

[RainBat]

No, you're the only person that has ever gotten emotional over being called by an ex, get a grip man.

[WhitneySnow]

He sounds like a good guy. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thanks. I tend to be a bit lucky with the type of men who fall for me. Usually they are very caring and sweet. Probably because that’s the way I like them.

[OlderAndWiser]

It sounds like he is regretting the break up with you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Maybe he just thinks I was a good girlfriend to him and he has only good feelings about me even if we moved on with our lives.

[OlderAndWiser]

That is possible, but it is also possible that his next girlfriend was a bad experience and he misses the good times with you as a girlfriend and not just as a friend. If you don't want to resume the relationship with him, be careful!

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep, I don’t want to have anything in common with him anymore. I am doing fine without him, have no intention of contacting him.

[OlderAndWiser]

Best to maintain no contact. If he calls, you can be civil and explain that you don’t want to resume the relationship and you never try to convert to a platonic friendship after a breakup.

[NathanDavis]

David Villa...

definitely true... David Villa broke his legs twice, (first the femur, later the tibia) and he still made it to become World Champion with Spain and won few other championships with Barcelona

[DJB72]

There's nothing wrong with caring for an ex after a breakup. I still care about mine and if I heard one of them was going through something major I'd possibly reach out if I could help - I'd just make sure my wife was ok with anything I did first!

[RedInnocent68]

That’s sweet. But fight the power. You’ve already sacrificed a lot for him, and it’s time to take care of yourself and move on. 🤗🤗

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

There’s nothing to fight. I’ve walked a long way to let my past go. He’s the story of my past and even if he ever wants to be part of my life again, that will never happen.

[RedInnocent68]

That’s good to hear! 🥰 I want you to register a trademark for me one day, or something. 😉😘

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I will. 🤍🤍

[lightbulb27]

sure, but what are the emotions... from the past. that's what emotions are by the way... you create them based upon prior learnings.

he's a nice guy in your past, be glad, and move on.

[TonyMetal___86]

It's good that you and him have split up on good terms...

Personally i can never be like that, in my opinion when you're in a relationship you always strive to go forward and strenghten your bonds together, whenever these bonds gets broken and starts to go backward than it's over...

For example: i can't be married to someone than after divorce stay a friend with her...

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

We are not friends.

[TonyMetal___86]

I know, i'm just saying what i meant in my personal opinion...
Tbh if i was in your situation, i wouldn't answer or wouldn't even care about what he has to say, especially if this person had hurt me so much in the past, i might achieve a point where seeing or hearing this person will only brings me pain and anger...

You shouldn't feel emotional "sue lee fatale" when he sugar coat you with his words because he brought you enough pain and it's clearly visible how much you have suffered depending on what you have mentioned in your previous "mytake"...

You're a good person and i'm good too but life had taught me to never look back anymore on people who brought misery, pain and sadness to my life...

[Anonymous]

Respectfully, you're so not "totally over him."

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I’d disagree. What makes you think that?

[Opinion Owner]

The degree to which you talk about him in your other posts. You got dumped and gave up dating, and tho' you're still bitter about the break up because he left you because his family didn't agree you filled that void by remaining friends with his mother, using her as a surrogate for him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It’s been a long time I haven’t posted about him.

I don’t like the term “dumped”, we both broke up with each other a few times, before he finalized it.

I didn’t give up dating, I briefly dated a few times this year, but I didn’t feel ready with any of them.

His parents remained friends with me by their choice, I asked then the space, which they couldn’t. I care about them and respect them, I’d like them to have me in their friends because if they ever need me, I’d love to help.

[Opinion Owner]

That is noble of you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you 😊 Funnily enough, his father has called me the exact same word.

I don’t think it’s noble, I think it’s a right thing for me to do - to care for someone you’ve once accepted as your family.

I don’t expect nor desire my ex back in my life, but his family have showed me so much love and support, I want them to know there’s one person in the world, who they can go to anytime. Just like I’d be there for my family.

[HouseMoat]

Of course. He's your ex. I would think the same, if it was a friend you hadn't heard from in a long time

[spartan55]

I had a feeling he might surface.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why did you have a feeling?

[spartan55]

Because you were seriously injured.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, I think that’s why he called.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I was scared about that too.

[spartan55]

Why?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Because I don’t want to meet him again. So I was scared he might have visited. I am happy he’s far and he didn’t. I don’t want to meet him again. We had a pretty nice last meeting, he was in the airport kissing my teary eyes and telling me he loved me and couldn’t live without me. I want that to be our last meeting.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Then he gave me one of the most passionate and longest kisses I’ve ever had in life. It was a perfect goodbye, even though we didn’t know it was the last time we were seeing each other.

[spartan55]

Just steer clear of his crazy mother.

[justabuddy]

Of course, memories sometimes bring back old feelings.

[motownplayer2000]

He trying to make sure he has that on lock when he gets back in town. Interesting

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

What is on lock?

[Nikki1989]

Maybe if you still have feelings for the person.

[Jennz6]

Emotional if you still love 💕 him

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Nope. I no longer love him. I did once love him wholeheartedly though.

[Jennz6]

I don’t understand then why you are emotional

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I loved him so much. It felt comforting to have him comfort me, encourage and show his support.

It also reassured me that probably I was a really good girlfriend if he still cares for me.

[Jennz6]

Oh, do you still have sex with him?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No… I have not had sex with anyone after him. And that was years ago.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You can love someone and not be IN love with someone.

[Jennz6]

@BoopBoopBeep
@lafemmefatale_1 do you miss not having sex?

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Jennz6
I haven't had sex with lafemmefatale_1, where'd you get that impression?

[Jennz6]

@BoopBoopBeep I was asking her

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I haven’t had, either.

[Jennz6]

Sorry honey

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No need to feel sorry 😊

[Jennz6]

Okay good

[ThrillSeeker01]

Totally understandable to get emotional when you talk to your ex

[Elina_432]

I believe he is missing you badly that's why he calls you at that hours.

[TiaNour]

I think he regrets breaking up with u

[PinkSmoke]

That's totally normal

[Sparkie460]

Yes it's normal