Why do we feel so insecure in a love relationship?

[mojito]

I have a relationship for a long time but still sometimes I feel insecure in my relationship. Have you evet felt the same, why do we feel it in our love relationships?

[blunty]

This is a deep question and something almost everyone can relate to at some point. I'll tell you what I think below...

Past Baggage: A lot of our insecurities stem from past experiences. Whether it's a previous relationship that ended badly or childhood issues that left a mark, this baggage can make us doubt ourselves and our worth in a relationship. It's like carrying a suitcase full of "what ifs" and "not good enoughs" into every new relationship.

Fear of Loss: When we really care about someone, the thought of losing them can be terrifying. It's like when you finally get that limited edition thing you've always wanted, and now you're scared of losing it. We might start imagining scenarios where we're not enough for our partner, or where they find someone 'better'.

Social Media and Comparison: Oh boy, social media doesn’t help, does it? We see these picture-perfect couples and start comparing our own relationships to these idealized versions. It's like comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.

Lack of Communication: Sometimes we feel insecure because we're not sure where we stand. Maybe we're not talking enough with our partner about our feelings, or maybe we're not getting the affirmation we need. It's like being in a dark room and trying to find your way – without proper communication, we're just fumbling around.

Self-Esteem Issues: A lot of insecurities actually start with how we feel about ourselves. If we have low self-esteem, we might think we're not worthy of love or that our partner might find someone 'better'. It's like having a pesky little voice in your head constantly putting you down.

Changing Dynamics: Relationships evolve, and sometimes the changes can make us feel insecure. Maybe you've moved in together, or one of you has a new job.

Trust Issues: If there's been a breach of trust, like infidelity or even small lies, it can lead to major insecurities. Rebuilding trust is tough, and until it's fully restored, insecurities can run wild.

Dealing with these insecurities isn't easy, but it's not impossible. Open communication with your partner, working on your self-esteem, and maybe even getting some therapy can help a lot. Remember, it's normal to feel insecure sometimes, but it shouldn't be the constant background music of your relationship. Talking things out, understanding where these feelings come from, and addressing them head-on can make a world of difference. Remember, you're not alone in feeling this way, and with a bit of work and understanding, you can overcome these insecurities. Keep the faith!

[sage2021]

My fear is what recently happened. Someone I know stole my boyfriend away from me. There was nothing I could do about it. He started being mean to me for about two months before he left. I would always hear them laughing together. We used to laugh together for hours. We were that way for many months. All of a sudden he stopped joking around with me. I wasn't ready to see them together and hurt my heart again.

Cheating and abandoned me are my two biggest fears.

[KrakenAttackin]

@sage2021. Ouch! That stings, sorry to hear that.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I don't feel insecure. I just have to open my arms and he comes running or tap my lap and he lays his head on it while we watch tv.

The way he looks at me and treats me is how I feel secure. He always lets me onow where he is or what he's doing. And he does that himself, I never asked for it.

[caring__1]

Insecurity comes from a sense of not measuring up. We have a strong need to belong and feel we have some worth in those places we belong. Sometimes, we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, based often on insensitive judgments we received in our past, and sometimes, we feel we don't meet the expectations of those we want to please in the present. Identify whether we're not applying ourselves and expect others to make us whole, whether we just want to be noticed and appreciated as we are or whether we feel we'll never measure up to our own expectations, no matter what we do. In other words, separate what is within your control from what will never be within your control. Only focus on what is within your control. Dwelling on things out of your control will only make things worse.

There are things you can do to help your partner feel less insecure. Don't take your partner for granted or focus on any sense of entitlement. Show appreciation for what your partner brings to the situation. Be specific with what your partner does and how it impacts you... not just "I think you're cool." Reciprocate in kind, whenever possible, showing your partner you notice what the person is doing and how that person's choices are influencing the person you are becoming.

If you want to know if your partner appreciates you, let your partner know the impact your partner's words and actions have on you. Don't say "You should appreciate me." Instead, say "This morning, when you acknowledged and showed appreciation for my help, your actions motivated me to want to help even more." People aren't going to change their basic essence for you, but sometimes we can influence subtle change by sharing past experiences. You can say, "When I was a kid, I felt very important to my daddy when he would take time to listen to me sharing whatever was important to me at that moment. His caring motivated me to show caring to him and others, as I learned the value of the caring he modeled for me."

[Finchie40]

Because at times we are our own worst enemy and think how does someone love me or like me , they must be blind or some shit Having insecurity in a relationship is actually a good thing if it isn’t extreme insecurity , Extreme insecurity can be a bad sign that you don’t trust your own self Everyone has insecurities in themselves , whether they say they do or not , If they say they don’t, they are talking out their ass.. Insecurities mainly stem down from past trauma in your life or things that you have experienced in your life , especially if you ever had someone you loved , walk away from you before. The key to burying your insecurities , is to focus on yourself and realize you are a beautiful person , and realize you can only treat someone the same way you want to be treated in return , if that someone chooses to walk away from you , let them go and realize you deserve someone that will not walk away from you period. We can’t force someone to love us the same way we love them , we can only treat them the same way we want to be treated in return. When you learn to accept yourself as a person , that’s what others will be drawn to , Your partner was drawn to you because they liked who you are as a person and they were attracted to who you are as a person the same way you were attracted to them. So remember they are choosing you the same way you are choosing them , if they choose to walk away from you , let them go and realize you deserve someone that will not walk away from you. The key to a happy relationship is to learn how to remove selfishness from inside yourself for your partner , hoping your partner will do the same for you

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I feel more secure in a relationship than I do as single.

[smne35]

Be honest as I always am, I don't worry about my partner in a relationship, don't stress over what's she doing who is she with, why I learned a long time ago that a woman is going to do what she wants when she wants, if she wants to cheat she will do so right in front of you and you won't even realize it, I have seen people leave to go to work only to sit and spy on their home serving who gives and go that's insane, I know people who put spy ware in their girls or wife phones rummage through their personal things at home and I'm like if you have to resort to those strings it's time to go end it, I don't invade anyone's privacy in anyway I would not want it done to me, but the truth will always surfaces, so if who I'm with is doing what they're not supposed to it will surface always does

[Drago12587]

After my ex cheated on me after 12, years in releationship, i have big trust issues and i don't know if i ever get over that.. i fixed only one thing... I enjoy being alone as well as being in releationship.. so my next breakup will not destroy me, i already made a plan " what if".. and simetimes i just wish to be single again, it's peaceful life. So if my girlfriend will be loyal , good for me, if she cheat on me, also good for me :D im not scared of loosing anyone now

[RageBabe]

There are so many things that can make us feel insecure in our relationships, past relationships, and childhood experiences, especially ones that left us questioning our own self-worth. Unfortunately, the only way to remove feelings like this is through therapy, but even that isn't guaranteed. Best wishes

[Anonymous]

Because most people (man or woman) are just out for themselves. And we KNOW it! But we like to BELIEVE they're telling the truth when they tell us how much they love us. But deep down we really know it's just lip service. And they'll drop us like a hot potato as soon as they see what in thier mind is a better offer.

That about cover it?😆

[rosemilk]

it probably has to do with past trauma of getting broken up with? just knowing that at any point they can break up with you?

[Fireguy17]

it can be a trust issue, you may have been dumped before so that is in the back of your mind as well.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because we are afraid of the other person pulling our beating heart from our chest and taking a bite from it while we watch in horror.

[jahaims]

You are insecure with yourself so it manifests that way or you don't trust your s/o

[PinkSmoke]

That's not a good relationship hun

[Anonymous]

Nope. Stop projecting.

[msc545]

People leave.

[lildkman1010]

I have yes.

[DreamLife7]

Who is we?