Is it weird my boyfriend didn’t get me a graduation gift?

[Anonymous]

I just graduated from nursing school and my boyfriend didn’t get me any roses, didn’t mention he was proud of me, but he did take me to dinner which I appreciate. After the ceremony was over, he couldn’t find me anywhere nor could he get ahold of me on my phone, so he sent a text saying, “I just circled around everywhere looking for you. I guess I’m about to leave now. Congrats” and then almost left before I called him and told him I was using the bathroom. He thought I was trying to avoid him. But anyway, we did end up going out to eat afterwards. But all of the other graduates I saw had flowers in their hand and everything. Maybe I’m just being ungrateful. Or maybe I’m overthinking this. I don’t know. But when we went out to eat, he didn’t even mention saying he was proud of me for graduating from nursing school or anything. He really isn’t the best at showing love with words of affirmation. So later when we went to bed that night, I asked him if he was proud of me and then he said “I am proud of you.” And that was it really. But I think he just really does suck at showing love with words of affirmation which kind of sucks for me. But I do love him and want to be with him.

Something else that bothered me was when we went to this new restaurant to try their seafood a few days later, he said to me, “we can go, but we’re splitting the bill” which is fine with me. I have no problem going in half for things. But what bothered me was later when I gave him the bag with our leftover food in it, he was like, “what, you’re too good to carry the bag?” And that really hurt because it’s not that I think I’m too good. It’s just that I want to know that my boyfriend is a gentlemen.


What do you guys think of all of this?

[jennifer_bloom]

He might be jealous you have your own career because there is a higher chance you could leave the relationship if you have your own source of income. I know guys that like jobless girls cause they want more control over how they will live as a couple. If he does not care about your happiness, I would reconsider whether you want to continue with him.

[smne35]

He is the gift so are you together your worth more than any trinket, appreciate each other first finding someone who loves and cared for you is the greatest gift ever and one you don't just put away but use everyday,

[Asker]

What does this have to do with what I asked? Lol

[smne35]

I did respond to your question, but I'm curious did you ask why he didn't get you one of do like to hear why he didn't, the point I was trying to make is you found someone who loves you that's the real gift,

[Ironic_Method]

I would think the dinner should be sufficient? Not weird at all. When you don't have a lot of money, spending money on flowers feels like a waste.

[Asker]

Why is the dinner sufficient when you can take someone out to dinner for any occasion. I just thought he would think outside the box and put some more thought into something special for me since this was a huge accomplishment for me.

[Ironic_Method]

I mean he showed up and bought you dinner. What else were you expecting?

[Asker]

Maybe a card or something telling me he was proud of me and all the hard work and dedication I put into nursing school. Even mentioning it to me face to face during the dinner would’ve felt soooo good.

[Ironic_Method]

I feel like you'd still make this post if a card was involved.

[Asker]

No. I think a card and some roses would’ve been something great along with the dinner and just hearing him say he’s proud of me. But I didn’t get any of that. Just a dinner and no spoken words about my accomplishment.

[Ironic_Method]

Hmmm. I think not mentioning it is weird, but I feel if you've been dating you could tell if he's just a bit aloof or not. If this is your love language it could be a problem.

[Asker]

I don’t know why people keep mentioning the love language thing. I think it’s because I mentioned the “words of affirmation” thing. I think regardless of whether that’s someone’s love language or not, it seems like that’s what ANYONE would do if their significant other just accomplished something huge.

[Ironic_Method]

Because some people aren't into gifts, giving or receiving. I am one of them. I didn't get my wife a card or flowers or anything when she became a doctor, but it's also not her love language so it's fine. Hers is quality time and we DID get that, therefore she is happy and satiated. Your situation seems to be two different love languages trying to make it work, which doesn't come naturally.

[Asker]

So just because someone isn’t into gifts, does that mean even if they said they didn’t want anything, you’d literally not get them anything. Whether they say they don’t want anything or not, we all know people feel appreciated when you do something for them.

[Ironic_Method]

I wouldn't. Because when I say "I don't want anything" I don't like it when they get me something.

[Asker]

I don’t believe that at all. Why would you not like it?

[Asker]

So you’d rather not feel appreciated?

[Ironic_Method]

Really? I feel like this is somewhat common.

Because I literally just don't want anything. I buy anything I actually desire (which isn't much) and enjoy lots of quality time with my friends. I have a wonderful wife and feel fulfilled.

If someone got me something despite me saying otherwise, I feel like it's disrespecting my wishes a bit. I can't be mad at them though, because I know it comes from a place of affection.

[Ironic_Method]

I feel very appreciated by my partners and friends! They show me love in the ways that I want to be loved.

[Billlewis]

It's more than just weird -- it's unacceptable, in my opinion.

[Asker]

Why do you say it’s unacceptable?

[Billlewis]

Because unless he just didn't have the money, this was a golden opportunity to express his love and admiration to you.

[Asker]

He always claims he only has “money for bills”.

[Billlewis]

Although you apparently just went anonymous, I've read your questions, comments and discussions in the past, and you're very motivated by material gins, etc, in my humble opinion. That makes you very appealing to a lot of guys. Contrary to popular belief, not all guys are put off by materialistic women. There's nothing wrong with demanding that you enjoy the quality of life you feel you deserve, and I think you're magnificent, myself, ma'am.

[Asker]

Why do you say I’m motivated by material gins?

[Asker]

I think you have the wrong person

[Billlewis]

I don't know who the 'right' person is, because you're hiding behind a cloak of anonymity for something so trivial. Don't like the answers, don't ask the questions, secret agent❤️

[Asker]

I’ve went through all of my questions and none of them have anything to do with materialism. I’m really not materialistic at all. I don’t know why you think me expecting my boyfriend to get me something, even a graduation card just telling me he is proud of me would’ve been nice. I don’t see how that is at all materialistic.

[Gent207-2]

His love language is different from yours.

Otherwise he's a real oddball

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[Gent207-2]

His love language is not words of affirmation or gift giving both of which are clearly yours

[Asker]

I don’t see what a love language has to do with getting your girlfriend a graduation gift when she just accomplished something huge.

[Gent207-2]

It's how she feels loved and appreciated

[Sonjita]

Yeah that doesn't sound good

[Asker]

How come?

[Sonjita]

Same as you, I like to receive gifts at least on special ocasions

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

We are not going to win. She asked the question, and she really does not like the explanation or answers. If she was happy with the dinner, then she should not have asked the question.

[Asker]

Sorry. It’s not that I don’t like the answers. I’m just trying to get everyone’s insight.

[Asker]

I was just wondering if I was being ungrateful for expecting more than just dinner.

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

Cheap thoughtless

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

Did not buy a gift for such an accomplishment. Cheap Did not think to buy even a small gift is thoughtless. You spent a lot of time and probably a lot of money to get PINNED [Graduate] the gift to honor your accomplishment of your completing your education in an honorable profession.

[Asker]

But he paid for my dinner when we went out to eat…

[Asker]

Am I being ungrateful?