Am I wrong for being mad at my fiancé for lying to me?

[Anonymous]

My fiancé is the best man I know. He’s the love of my life and has never given me a reason to doubt him. We made a promise to each other that we’d always keep it real and never lie even if the truth hurt. He’s an only child. Or at least I thought he was. Last week I got a Facebook message from a woman claiming to be his little sister. She said to tell him she was sorry for everything she had done. All the pain she had caused. I couldn’t believe it. I asked her to elaborate. She thought it was best it came from him. I confronted him and he confessed. That is his little sister. She got heavy into drinking and drugs and caused a living hell in their lives. When their dad was sick she never went to go visit him in the hospital. Never spent birthdays with their parents. The last straw was when his mom passed. His sister never visited the hospital. Barely even made it to the wake. Since then he told her she was dead to him. He needed to get away and moved literally across the country (East coast to west coast) to start over. He’s hated her ever since. I’m hurt he kept this from me. We all have family secrets but as a soon to be married couple I feel like he should’ve told me. I was pretty pissed and he thinks I’m overreacting.

[DreamCrescent]

i can see your perspective that you feel lied to but read your post. this wasn’t about you or directed at you

why don’t you approach this by showing him support. tell him you’re there for him and this must’ve been hard that he estranged his little sister

as you show him love, support, forgiveness start the conversation that you’re getting married and you want nothing more than to feel that he trusts you even with the harder things in life. that you’re there for him through thick and thin and if he won’t tell you about something so painful in his past then who does he even share with. this is what you’re there for

it’ll be a difficult conversation to have. you’ll feel defensive that he hid things from you and he’ll feel exposed and vulnerable. it’ll get uncomfortable.

it’s marriage though. good luck it sounds like you love him so i wish you the best and i hope he opens up to you and sees you as a true partner after this and doesn’t feel the need to pretend to be someone else

[etsylo]

i don't think you're in the wrong. i too would be upset if I were to find out that my fiance had a sibling out there despite him telling me he was an only child.

you honestly don't even have to lie about that or keep that from someone. i wouldn't be full blow angry, but id be disappointed.

he could've easily told you that he did have a sibling but that he doesn't want to be associated with her and that's fine. i don't know why he kept that a secret, unless he forgot he even had a sister to begin with.

you're not in the wrong, and neither is he. though he cannot be telling you that you're overreacting when this is huge news to you. it's a literal human being out there that is his sibling that he had kept from you. i think his communication may have slipped up at that moment, people tend to do that when someone or something is no longer relevant to them.

[boggboss]

I think your overreacting to expect him to be fine and to temrs with that enough to tell u is unrealistic yes he has past truma yes it would have been nice him telling u but qe have no clue how he is dealing with it and how fine he is with it by the doings of it he was burying that shit to never deal with it again I think u being angry with him for him not better dealing with his issues is the wrong problom it would be lile me being angry at my girlfriend for not telling me she had been raped in the past because I felt I should know that

[BadApple69]

I too have family I just as soon like to forget. I can understand him not owning up to having a sister because in his mind he doesn’t. Does it make a difference in your life with him? No. He wrote her off you should be ok with that decision. If he had 50 brothers and sisters or none… his love for you would be the same. I don’t see this as a lie because the sister I wrote off means nothing to me and doesn’t affect my life at all. She actually doesn’t exist to me.

[Summeroflove]

Is it wrong to be mad he lied? No. I would be mad too. As long as you’re able to forgive.

[sage2021]

No you should not be mad at him.

He had a life before he met you. A life that was so hurtful to him that you know nothing about.

Because see, he is right, you'll be asking questions and putting him on the spot. She hurt him and just now she's sorry for the hurt she caused in his past. Sorry doesn't cut it.

Get off his back man! When he made the promise to never lie to you, I'm positive he never thought his sister would find him or you.

A man needs to have his own thoughts and some secrets to take to his grave. He is allowed this.

Leave the guy alone!

[AutumnSerenity]

I wouldn’t be upset with him. I’ve kept very personal things about my family from my husband because I simply didn’t want to revisit those painful memories ever again. I wanted a new life without those things ever getting in the way of my newfound happiness. As time went on, everything came to the surface one way or another. You won’t know everything about each other simply because you’re engaged. I’ve been married for almost 20 years and we’re still learning things about each other. Some things take time. Allow him to heal & share what he wants to share when he feels ready. He’s not doing it to deceive or hurt you, he’s doing it because he doesn’t want anything to ruin his happiness with you.

[bolverk]

No you should not be made at him because he never mentioned the sister because it is clear that he'd cut her out of his life. the sister should not have contacted you as it something between them alone, and she probably contacted you so it would cause drama and disrupt the life he's made for himself away from her. Before you say anything to him you'll regret, sit down and think it through from his POV, having a sister you'd rather not want to talk about or even acknowledge is a tough thing for guys to do as we are brought up to protect them, and there nothing you can do to stop them inflicting damage on themselves, it really, really hurts you and there nothing you can do but walk away.

[Staximus]

It's not for you to decide when he should tell you about his no-account sister, it's his. He didn't tell you because he doesn't want to talk about her and get all pissed off and drag himself through the mud mentally again, think about his parents dying, he wasn't ready to subject you or himself to all that. He wanted to leave her in the past. If you've never been betrayed by a sibling on that level, you really can't relate and should respect his decision to want to leave her in the past. He didn't lie to you, he just didn't want to talk about it. Get over yourself and think about his feelings on the matter, not just your own.

[petitedollbabee]

I don’t think that you’re overreacting. I’d be upset aswell if my partner kept something as big as that hidden from me. Especially if we were engaged! You’re supposed to know everything about each other, or at least that’s what I believe. My thoughts are also, if he can keep something as big as that a secret from you, then he will have no problem keeping smaller secrets from you.

[Staximus]

You're comparing apples and oranges

[petitedollbabee]

@Staximus Each to their own

[Fireguy17]

I can see both points.
He did what was right for him at that time.
If he told you about it there would have been endless conversations about it, how does he feel, his feelings and you may have felt the need to try and fix it.
And you feel hurt because he never told you for the above reasons.

[Sparkie460]

He told her that she's dead to him. He didn't want to tell you about her because he didn't want to see/talk to her ever again. He wanted to block her out of his past like she never existed. You shouldn't be mad at him. It obviously happened before he met you.

[DextroShade]

You are overreacting as this is someone who was dead to him and he had never anticipated having any contact with for the rest of his life which means it would have had no effect on your marriage. What really bothers me is that you are angry at him instead of being angry at his junkie bitch sister who is just using you in an attempt to worm her way back into his life. He deserves better.

[HelpfulWoman]

not wrong AT ALL.
I totally get the "dead family" shtick but you still disclose it?
Re-evaluate your relationship, that's a major secret to keep and dumb as shit to just expect you to not react to it

[Johnny2479]

My opinion is he should have told you, but not all people have the same emotional abilities. In his heart she was no longer his sister, and he may have not wanted to talk about her because it just brought up bad memories. I don't think he intentionally meant to upset you, more like he was just looking out for his own feelings.

[FunkyMonkee]

I can look past a little white lie; not being told about a surprise party, etc., but, seeing as how you're SUPPOSED to be basing your relationship on complete trust, lies will only start breaking down the relationship!

[KrakenAttackin]

You are wildly over reacting and need to learn to stay in your damn lane. He wants to disown her, that's his business.

Not everyone has a sugar coated life. Chill the fuck out.

[slatyb]

I think you are too. This really doesn't affect you.

[sheikalana]

Anyone in your situation would be upset but I can also understand his reasons. Be understanding and empathetic. I'm sure you'll get over this.

[Anonymous]

Bruh
What difference dies a former drunk drug addict sister make?

[Nice222]

You definitely have a right to be upset. My wife and I have always been open about our family secrets.

[Tstrbrainer]

I'll be not okay with that if a woman I love and who claims to love me kept such a secret from me

[Anonymous]

I don't give a flying fuck

[Iron_Man]

Work it out