Is it worse to go back to a cheater or an abuser?

[coachTanthony]

And yes its bad to go back to both but for the sake of the poll just choose one.

Cheater

Abuser

[molonski2]

Oh Shit ! Not even a question..
And those who say a cheater is an abuser ( ridiculous) has never suffered true abuse.
Abuser without doubt.

Let me tell you a story , a sadly VERY true story , I was running like an Airbnb scenario , lady called me for a spot , 43 year old hairdresser , she seems flat ( phone ) , we made an appointment 11am on the Saturday, at this time , no show , so I sent an SMS " Are you still coming? " , get no answer , oh well , no prob , went about my day. Monday comes , call - private number - " David , it's Nick S from the homicide squad , and we are needing to talk with you " -- me " Yeah sure mate , Fck off , come up with something better " --- " David , Im sorry , this is a real call " -- Do you know Maria S? Serious? Yes.. No , I only briefly spoke on phone..

" Well , David , she is in a bad way , and we know you had nothing to do with it , but we need you to make a statement, we expect she will not make it though the night " ..

WOW Fck me , this guy is real !
When I made my statement the lady was deceased..

That's an abuser ! A potential murderer.

Someone who just has Geeks / lovers.. PLEASE don't insult others with this comparison.

[coachTanthony]

"And those who say a cheater is an abuser ( ridiculous) has never suffered true abuse."

100% agree

[anon1903]

Agreed. Abuser ≠ cheater

[molonski2]

Thanks for MHO Coach , its a subject I've been close to with colleagues over the years , and unless you have seen the results first hand , the damage , the death ( in the case of my tenant to be ) ..
Certainly this is a very sensitive topic.
I even know of one Gag poster ( suffering abuse ) , and she makes excuses for him , self victim blaming.
A cheater , sure you may be silly to go back , but an abuser? They can take your life , that's a never , ever , and no , they will not have changed.

[imtiaz45]

Both going back to a cheater or an abuser can be detrimental to one's well-being, and the severity of the harm depends on various factors. Returning to a cheater may involve emotional pain, broken trust, and a potential repeat of infidelity. On the other hand, going back to an abuser poses significant risks, including physical, emotional, and psychological harm. Abusive relationships can lead to long-term trauma and may escalate over time.

In both situations, it's crucial to prioritize one's safety, well-being, and self-respect. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals is important when navigating these complex and challenging decisions. Recognizing and establishing healthy boundaries is key, and individuals should prioritize their own mental and physical health while considering the potential consequences of re-engaging with someone who has betrayed or harmed them in the past

https://www.youtube.com/embed/BaAeatcpkAY

[PetLover24]

Cheating IS abuse. It's psychological abuse which can cause long term damage. Even after leaving a cheater the damage that they have dealt can last a person's lifestime.

Physical abuse - unless extremely severe - can be healed. Within a year of leaving an abuser unless visible scarring the damage is healed and may even be forgotten.

-

What makes physical abusers more dangerous is the psychological abuse that often accompanies the physical & why the victim finds it difficult to leave their abuser.

An victim doesn't stay because they like being a punching bag, they stay because they are psychologically damaged and believe that they can't get better or deserve it. Same reason why people stay with cheaters, they are psychologically damaged.

.

There's an old saying > sticks & stones may break my bones but words will never harm me < back in 1860s which highlights how words are far more damaging than anything else. The speaker was highlighting how they had learned to overcome the worse damage ever - psychological abuse in name calling and verbal abuse.

[PonyCar]

Oh, the abuser is definitely worse.

A cheater is a problem because they are self-centered & generally a terrible person. You can be "with" someone without any sex or emotional intimacy (i. e. the roommate situation many couples have).

An abuser is a terrible person who's going to intentionally make it your problem.

[Rosexøxø]

Neither. Both make the victim desperate. Desperate to be loved or desperate for safety.

Thus, both can take a toll on mental health.

one may be easier to cope with and improve from (cheating), but usually the consequences are bad if it’s consistent and the victims were sensitive/ vulnerable/ and/ or trusting of their partner/the cheater/abuser.

Both can leave them in a vicious repetitious cycle of dating similar people (its sometimes subconscious). OR possible going drastically in the other direction like dating people with no back bone, clingy, or maybe even gender changes.

One will leave them furiously seeking trust/acceptance instead of rejection, or being paranoid and developing trust issues.

The other can leave them with ptsd and difficulty socializing and trusting people overall, or a specific gender.

Actually, both mistreatments can leave them vulnerable and having difficulty coping and trusting again. Being able to let others close and setting up healthy boundaries as well as finding the red flags prematurely.

Both can cause mental illnesses/ physiological/psychological stress/ and potentially negative addictions.

For a rare few, it may affect how they view themselves and lower sense of self worth or quality/validity.

Neither should be accepted because the aftermath/after effects is unacceptable.

By one chance- for the question purpose only- hypothetically only, or if it were some test someone was to be put in. It depends.

Someone may prefer an abuser because they don’t want to deal with lies and it’s more up-front. (The problem is obvious and confrontational instead of deceitful). The victim may even be physically fit and can simply disable them, and then delete them from their life. If they’re not dependent on them financially/emotionally, of course. Otherwise it varies.

Someone else may prefer a cheater other than an abuser because they can handle that much better and bring resolution towards that. The victim partner (of the “test”) may be good at social cues and telling when someone is lying, and may have zero tolerance for it, and after one time ☝️ they can also delete that person from their life.

For them it may also be better because they don’t want to be physically harmed by someone they are told they’re not supposed to hit (males towards females) or it is someone that can overpower them (females vs males).

It’s basically bad for anyone who is completely trusting within the relationship/ has poor coping mechanisms/ is unaware/ naive/ is defenseless/ or somewhat addicted needy for the partner who is in the wrong.

Personally, I choose neither of course, but for the sake of this question I’d choose cheater.

Side note: Cheaters can sometimes be aggressive and they can lie. Abusers can gaslight..

So it’s almost the same, really, but I trust my better judgment and if i find multiple clues earlier on, I would just delete them. Neither the cheater nor the abuser respects their partner. That much is clear. They also don’t love them. Unfortunately.

In real life- I prefer neither. They’re very much the same and neither love and I have no tolerance for any of that. Just not worth it. It’s not.

[Rosexøxø]

I’d vote cheater, like I said, for the question, but I would never accept that situation in any circumstance whatsoever; not even a test. So can’t vote lol 😂

[ohsheeT]

when that person was going out on you was cheating on you they did not care about you at all

as a matter of fact they would come home they would act as if nothing happened

they would play the game of degrading you in one sense because of what they're doing and then rubbing it in your face because they're getting away with it


the moment somebody cheats they know that moment what they're doing and they're going to keep doing it as long as they don't get caught

the moment they get caught the tears come out I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry no no no no


they're not sorry they might be sorry they got caught but every single time that they were with the person that they were with when they were cheating they were not saying sorry they were thinking I'm getting away with this I'm the best liar and nobody's ever going to find out I'm better than that person they're stupid



and that all the above is worse than being cheated on is when they come home and act like nothing has even happened they're your best friend again and it's all a big lie

I've been cheated on once I was happy I said more power to you that's okay it's all right not a problem but I left because they showed me exactly who they were at that moment and all that time that they're cheating was nothing but a big lie it was nothing but a big game so I say adios thank you for showing me now

and actually I'm not I was not angry I actually thanked them for doing it

because in those moments you get to see exactly who that person really really is

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, this is like asking, "Would you rather have your right leg or left arm ripped off of your body?"

But I answered that it's worse to return to a cheater, because you can escape the cheater a second time. Many people don't get a second chance to escape an abuser. R. I. P.

[OlderAndWiser]

I meant that it’s worse to return to an abuser.

[Apple1996]

A cheater is emotionally/mentally abusive so both are the same to me

[Infinity_Soup]

Wouldn't the physical threat be worse though? Not saying either are justified but you could literally end up dead if you go back to an abusive partner?

[Apple1996]

@Infinity_Soup I would rather have to fight off a man from killing me then get cheated on

[TonyMetal___86]

@Apple1996 Miss apple can throw killer apples to attack the cheater 😈🍏

[Apple1996]

@TonyMetal___86 lol I would happily throw apples at cheaters 😂

[TonyMetal___86]

The rotten ones, keep the fresh apples for me 😋
I hope that these apples aren't one of miss apple's body products like her dairy milk 🤣🤣
A weird funny miss apples 😁

[Summeroflove]

They’re both BAD! And many times with one comes the other. But a Abuser is a lot worse. A cheater can get you a nasty STD even if you only slept with one person



But a Abuser can violently kill you.

[Avicenna]

The abuser has to be worse

[smne35]

No one should ever have to be c confronted with either of these choices, it saddens me deeply to think that this is so real, why I stress that a woman should always be independent financially weather in a great stable marriage or not, things happen in an instant without warning and you can find yourself at Mercy or in this same situation, you must be prepared to be able to support take care of you and any kids on your own not rely on be dependent on anyone for anything good to school be career ready, have as career not a job, if I was in this woman's position I would choose living in streets till I get on my feet rather than going to either of those choices, you go back you lose yourself well be subjected to brutality abuse or worse miss me with all that crap dude will either end up 6 feet under our handicapped to his bed for life trying to pound on my ass when they feel like they forget that the gut to go to sleep also wake up one day in back of an ambulance strapped down leaking, bet when reality catches up to him he will think twice about even stepping on an ant

[Anonymous]

How about you go back to neither and if someone shows a lot of anger or snapping at you or others in annoyance, thats a red flag that you should not commit to that person unless you spend a large amount of time around them and that is extremely rare cause lets be honest we all have our breaking points. As far as cheating goes there are red flags for that as well, and it usually points to an unmet need. Sometimes it doesn't and the cheating happens for no reason (on impulse). The bible specifically talks about temptation to commit adultery ( ie cheating). We find it in Corinthians 7:1-16.

It reads: "1It is good for a man not to marry. 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The
wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In
the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also
to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual
consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of
your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. re-state://background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[msc545]

Both are bad. One of them is going to cause physical abuse and damage and the other one will cause emotional abuse and damage. Typically these things overlap but not always.

That being said, I think if somebody physically assaults you there's probably going to be some emotional response to that and it's not going to be very pleasant.

Somebody cheats on you. I think there will be obviously a severe emotional response, but also perhaps some physical pain because of the stress and disappointment that you will experience. This makes the physical abuse marginally worse.

If this happens to you and I certainly hope it ever never does. Please get some help and stay away from the perpetrator for as long as you possibly can and don't listen to explanations or excuses. This is a time for very serious self-care.

[LaurenM1997]

First of all why the hell would you wanna get back with either of them

number 1- once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater

number 2- just cause people say they’ve changed and are not abusive or cheaters doesn’t mean they have they can still be up to their old tricks

number 3 - why would you be so stupid to get back with either of them use common sense

[billmunch]

I'm lenient towards cheating. If women in a relationship with me want to see other guys while dating me, I would be okay with it. I wouldn't break up over cheating. In fact, they don't even need to hide it. I just don't get upset or angry if a woman cheats on me. I only get a bit jealous but TBH, I enjoy the sensation when women make me jealous. If a woman I'm dating wants to see other guys, she doesn't need to break up with me to do it. I'll even be supportive if my SO wants to have her private dating life outside our relationship. I think it's fine for women to date other guys while in a relationship but men should always remain faithful because it's not okay for men to sleep around on their SO. What I don't like if she speaks mean to me. That's what kills it for me. I know it's weird, but if my SO wants to bring guys home and have boyfriends for sex, that's fine and she can do it all she likes no worries. But if she's mean, that's the turn off.

[RammyM]

Scrolling down I already see a bunch of "my pain is worse", "you don't know real pain", etc. How is that helpful to anyone? If someone breaks a finger, you don't tell them their pain isn't important and that they should shut up because "well I broke my leg once", right? No one likes that persona who pulls out the 'there are worst fates in life' card, y'know. Have some compassion, they're both bad,

I don't really see the value in arguing which one of them should be taking home the gold medal - all that's gonna do is cause victims of both sides to play a game of 'who-got-it-worse' and treat their bad experiences like a sick competition or something. There are no winners in these kinds of 'debates' , only survivors and pain.

[EmmaMary]

@coachTanthony

Why would anyone ever want to go back to a pathetic lowlife.

[coachTanthony]

The real question is why do they?

[EmmaMary]

@coachTanthony

Well that I'm afraid I don't know so therefore can't answer... Sorry.

[anon1903]

Lack of social support or financial dependency. Also, children.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

Obviously, an abuser. I mean, if I ever had any partners and I was running towards either one, I'd probably run towards the cheater first. The abuser would try to hurt me more than anything and not give a care.

[Vesuvius87]

It's definitely worse with an abuser because your life can be endangered. Getting assaulted is actually a crime meanwhile cheating is emotional pain but one you can easily walk away from.

[vj0090]

Agreed

[TonyMetal___86]

@Vesuvius87 but an abuser if he's treated than you can get back together while a cheater is a no no in all cases...

[Vesuvius87]

@TonyMetal___86
There is still the potential that they can still relapse and abuse you again at any moment, even years later. Nope, I'd rather not take any risks with an abuser.

[TonyMetal___86]

What if you have spent years with him and he never abused you again?

[Vesuvius87]

@TonyMetal___86
No thanks. I'd rather start new with someone else that never abuses me.

[TonyMetal___86]

Okay thanks for sharing

[NathanDavis]

cheating is a sort of abuse, so that's worse... that's both

[coachTanthony]

sort of is about as far as I would go.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

If you would go back to a cheater and expect to get cheated again, there might be something you want from that person meaning the love isn't genuine. You can easily make use of a cheater. Compared to coming back to abusers, there's no benefit in it. So it's definitely worse than go back to abusers.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Definitely worse *to go back to abusers. Also because there's nothing you can do to exploit them

[SongBird3]

I mean BOTH are horrible and considered abuse. But to answer your question directly, its worse to go back to an abuser (assuming physically). Because going back to a cheater just makes you dumb, going back to an abuser will make you dead.

[ZackBan]

Both bad. Abuser is worse.

There are a million reasons for cheating (all of them bad) but some people don't do it from a hateful place.

Abusers however those prey on their partner and deliberately indulge in harmful behavior. They're a sick individual who should be institutionalized

[ShellyB]

If we added more options to this poll, my first choice would be "neither" my second choice would be "die in a fire" and my third choice would be "cheater."

I guess cheater beats abuser but not by much, I really really really really would not go back to either.