My boyfriend has a new roommate, and I think he’s being a little too friendly?

Question

So my man moved out of town for work and he’s renting a room from a woman around our age. I had no issue with that at all. He’s been there about two weeks and will be moving into his own place on the first. About 3 to 4 nights ago she knocked on his door while we were on the phone and asked what type of rice he wanted her to make for dinner. I told him that seemed a little odd, but didn’t make a big fuss about it, he assured me there was nothing to worry about. Yesterday she got into a car accident and called him to pick her up. Today he called after work and told me he was out shopping. I asked if he was alone he said “no my roommate called me because she was out getting her lashes done and wanted a ride home. I told her I was headed to do some shopping and she wanted to go. So I picked her up and now we’re out running some errands.” Am I wrong for starting to feel uncomfortable? Or like he’s being too friendly?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It sounds like that girl has the hots for your man and she is investing a lot of her time into him , which is a clear indication , that she wants him more than just acquaintances , your boyfriend sounds like, he was just being nice to her in the beginning , for the simple fact, he is renting off of her and is grateful for letting him stay there. But sadly to say , and hate to break it to you , but your boyfriend actually could be lying to you as well , and just telling you things to make you feel like nothing is going on. So you have every right to feel the way that you do , don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise , Because if the tables were turned and you moved into a place , renting off a guy that was close to your age , and you were spending a lot of time together with this other guy, , Your boyfriend would be thinking the same shit, especially if this guy was investing a lot of time into you and making you dinner as well. So that to me already sounds shady , that he is getting a little to close for comfort with this girl. If he respected you and valued you , he wouldn’t be investing a lot of time into this girl period and wouldn’t be having dinner with her and going shopping with her , he would politely tell her he is already involved with someone and doesn’t want to cause any. drama between him and his girlfriend period and pretty much telling this girl to back off in a polite way , so whether your boyfriend slept with her or not? , he is still cheating on the relationship that he choose to be in with you , by doing things , that I guarantee he wouldn’t want you doing to him. It sounds like this girl was hoping a good looking guy would move in so she could get her paws on him , considering all this stuff is already happening within 2 weeks of him moving in there? That to me is shady as shit , Have you met this girl or seen pictures of her? Ask your boyfriend to send a picture of her to you and post it on here , along side a picture of yourself , Us guys’ will, be able to give you a valid answer if he is screwing her or not. Or you can just sit back like a sitting duck convincing yourself that he is not being up to no good. It’s your life and your decision. But from a male standpoint, this is definitely shady behavior. How long is your boyfriend going to be away from you? If he is going to be away for quite sometime , maybe you are best just to separate and remain friends until you both can reunite , so you aren’t living your life worried about what he is doing behind your back at all times , and have no strings attached with him , you aren’t married to him , so you can do this sort of thing , so you can be at peace as well and go out and do the things , without any conflicts of ruining the trust you have for each other , the thing is you can’t stop someone from cheating on you , if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat , by you being away from him is going to give you insecurity feelings that aren’t going to sit well with you period. So sometimes it’s best to part ways with someone so you can reflect on yourself and live your life contently without worrying the whole time about whether he is going to cheat on you or not , cuz it already sounds like he has been with this girl that is throwing herself at him. Don’t be a sitting duck with sucker written on your head , I been there before, and I will never do it again

Cody2004 · Accepted Answer

So I don't want to give any opinion too strong on this because I don't know you I don't know him I don't know the roommate.

What I will say though and I will back it up so don't worry. You feeling jealous or even suspicious is completely normal I promise you that. It's gut feeling. If you didn't feel this way I would be more concerned because you might be easily tricked.

The one advice I would do is 100% make sure she knows he is your boyfriend not through him but literally go over there and hang out with him. Does not want you over there at all that's a red flag I would dig into that and if you can't get a straight answer and have it backed up by somebody else cut it off right there. It's not worth your mental health in future relationships.

Now some people look at what I'm about to say is a bad thing I will explain it which is where the proof comes in from what I was mentioning earlier or whatever it was.

For context I suffer from cancer with that I get the bonus of having a therapist who is just like any other type of therapist. Therapy has worked for me because I've learned that these feelings are normal. They will sit there and discuss everything with you if they are good therapist if they're not find a new one.

I know how scary all of this is for you I'm not going to sit here like the other people and kiss your ass about the shit and be like oh it's all going to be okay cuz it might not because that's where the realism of the situation comes in. This is stuff that would be best explained but the therapist I am not a therapist I am an 18-year-old dumbass.

Final thing I will recommend which also the therapist will tell you if they are good therapist is have a good support structure. What I mean by this? if you have siblings talk to them have them support you if you have cousins talk to them have them support you. Most importantly Mom and Dad I promise you it's okay to talk to all these people about this. They want the best for you lean back on that support structure they will help you.

Therapy is an option it's not required but I do recommend it helps. I want to make this very clear in no way am I saying you have mental issues there's just so many people who don't care about their Mental Health or too scared because they'll be judged. Take everything into into consideration and really think about this. Remember no boyfriend no friend is worth risking your mental health for in the future.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

sounds like normal roommate stuff to me. if i'm cooking rice, i likely won't be eating it all myself, so it's only nice to ask what the other person wants too. car accident, needing to be picked up, seems normal to me because they live at the same residence and she wants to go home. roommates shopping together, another normal occurrence. if this roommate was a guy, would you still question all of these activities?

he'll move on in like 2 weeks. i don't think it's anything to get too worried about. obviously i would be cautious, but most guys are so oblivious he probably doesn't even know what's wrong from right.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He is calling her a room mate from a woman his age who is just renting like a landlady a room to him... I'd be concerned for this is getting chummy and she may be crushing on him. And him? Only u know how he is with his heart. He may ask jer to be a roommate. Be on your guard. I'd be livid.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Did you trust him absolutely up until two weeks ago?

JoePro_ · Answer

No, you're not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. No, I don't think he's being too friendly. I think SHE'S being too friendly, and he probably doesn't realize it. I wager he's just trying to be nice / be a gentleman and help someone. As for how you might resolve it, I'm not entirely sure. You could just ignore it. But you might also bring it up to him. Just make sure if you bring it up to him, be sure he understands that it's not that you mistrust him (even if you do), but that it's that based on her neediness and seemingly always wanting to be around him, that you don't trust her. Tell him like you just wanted to give him a public service announcement because you were concerned for him, in case he wasn't seeing it himself. This could bring it to his attention, and then might be more cautious around her, if he hadn't actually noticed it himself.

SphynxUK · Answer

It’s been 2 weeks. She is exceptionally over familiar. I think she’s desperate and he’s getting too friendly.
She’s a landlady, not a roommate.
He’s using that term so it sounds better than *insert her name here” when you hear him say it.
If you feel a bit suspicious or funny about it, listen to your gut. It’s never usually wrong.

BadApple69 · Answer

I didn’t vote because I don’t know your boyfriend. You see, I am that type of friendly guy. I would help out anyone that needed it. If your boyfriend is that type of guy then he too might have noble intent. If he is a dog then he might be trying to get into her pants. Only you know what type of guy he is.
But as for me… I would help her especially because I’m renting from her. To me, she took a chance taking me in and I would want to repay that kindness.

supercutebutt · Answer

Usually, a gentleman doesn't want to get too chummy with a female roommate because if he impregnates her, it will upend his life. The most he is probably doing with her is unprotected buttsex. So you can most likely relax.

AmyHew1tt · Answer

I'm not sure about your boyfriend, because I don't know him, but her actions would make me uncomfortable too, and I get the sense she definitely likes him.

I also don't think, if roles were reversed, he would be pleased with you spending that kind of time with a male landlord. I hope you talk to him and things get cleared up!

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I don’t know exactly what the yes and no vote options correlate to, but I don’t think you’re wrong for starting to feel uncomfortable. Not saying that there is definitely something going on, but they just seem very comfortable with each other very quickly and I find that strange. If I had to rent a room from someone temporarily, I would be very reserved.

sheikalana · Answer

I think she's just a friendly person. As you said he's only there temporarily I don't think you should worry abou anything however, I understand why you're feeling that way. The fact that he calls you and keeps you updated is a very good sign.

Anonymous · Answer

I would call it off with the boyfriend since he trying sounds like he always has comes up with excuses when he's with the other female female. In my opinion I would go and get all my stuff back that is actually at his place and running a little note and say have a nice life with your new little roomie.

bobalife · Answer

I think you are being jealous, but at the same time I do not understand why she need to call him to pick her up if she had an accident or for him to take her home when she got her lashes done... like are they that close or does she not have other close friends/family? or is she making moves on him slowly? It is too early to say but I think your feelings are valid.

lightbulb27 · Answer

How well do you jnow the woman. Thats the issue. Your boyfriend is a nice good hearted guy. Such people can be easily taken advantage of unless they have strong boundaries and are aware of how manipulative women are.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I understand your headspace but all of this is circumstantial and doesn’t really mean anything. How he is around her , looks at her , body language.. that would be a key to know whether there is more to it. Should your imagination get the best of you just show up and see it for yourself. My advice is trust him and give him some room

Prezzi3 · Answer

I would give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt, he sounds like he is just trying to help knowing her situation with her car. However, I think you’re right to be suspicious of her actions. Make your presence known - I would go over there and help him pack or watch a movie. Or plan a date and take him out and let him sleep over at your place. Limit her access/alone time to/with him.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

You won't prevent them from shagging if they want to. The questions are rather: #1 would he return to you? #2 would you want him back?

Anonymous · Answer

Try not to get insecure/jealous, theyre living together and it isn’t unusual for them to form a friendship or connect. I doubt you’d feel this way if it were a guy he was doing these things with. I think that if your relationship is solid and you trust him then there’s nothing to worry about.

Anonymous · Answer

It's nice to have helpful, reliable roommates. You might just be overthinking and overanalyzing things.

WhitneySnow · Answer

They are definitely getting friendly, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s anything more than friendship. Still, I think I’d be a little jealous.

Anonymous · Answer

It's understandable to feel uncomfortable given the circumstances. It's important to communicate your feelings with your boyfriend openly and honestly. Express your concerns and discuss boundaries that make you both feel comfortable in the situation. Trust and communication are key in any relationship.

dustybiker2 · Answer

It comes down to trust. You either trust him, which encourages him to subconsciously keep it. Or you don't which even if he isn't straying subconsciously pushes a person away. Love is a leap of faith. You only control you.

laly520 · Answer

if u had no issue with it at all then I think u have to keep not having an issue with it or else u won't be in peace

My boyfriend has a new roommate, and I think he’s being a little too friendly?

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