Men, Do you like totally submissive women or socially dominant women who can be submissive with you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Anywhere I go - I can be quite dominant socially,

Very few men can outcompete it, I am not competing with anyone though.

But sometimes I meet very dominant men, who are true leaders, who awaken the sense of trust and respect in me and I can give up my throne.

But that doesn’t mean, I won’t still be socially dominant.

It’s just with that man - I can give up my leadership position.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I use the analogy of the first officer in the navy. If you're the metaphorical captain of the ship and you're seeking a first officer, you want her to have capable leadership qualities because she's going to be the acting captain when you're away, incapacitated, or dead.

A good officer can also disagree with the captain and even criticize the captain's decisions but knows to do it away from other followers (ex: children) to avoid encouraging insubordination.

So I like women who can be dominant, assertive, and responsible leaders in their own right. From my perspective, it also makes them more capable mothers. A capable mother shouldn't be submissive to her children and let them lead; she should lead them, guide them, protect them.

However, a good officer does not challenge the captain for leadership. When the captain is around, the captain is the leader. Nevertheless, a good captain listens to the crew, calls meetings with his officers for decisions that can afford careful deliberation.

My wife is like my first officer in this way. She is a leader in her own right as a lead editor and a leader among her friends (even older female friends call her "big sister").

However, she never challenges me for leadership. If the building is on burning, she doesn't quarrel with me about who gets to lead. I lead. If she has an idea of a quicker path to the exit though, I will take that advice seriously and maybe even go with her idea. Yet I lead even when I go with her idea, and I protect her in exchange. If someone has to die, I will. That's my ultimate responsibility for making the executive decision. If someone has to die, I die, because I should be the one to pay the costs of my own decisions. But after I die, my wife is now the captain, and I'm very glad that I chose a wife who will be a capable captain for our family.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

[*] If the building is on [fire], she doesn't quarrel with me about who gets to lead. I lead.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

So my type has always been women who are capable leaders, mentally strong, ideally physically strong too, trained in self-defense as a bonus (my wife trained in Judo), and can take care of themselves without me (in every way, including financially).

The only thing I asked is that they trust me to be the leader of our household because it's my job to die to protect my wife from harm's way, not my wife's job to die to protect me from harm's way. If I'm dead though, it's her job to die to protect any kids we have from harm's way. It is the hierarchy of death. I am first to die and first to lead. She is second to die and second to lead.

[TrueConfection]

This is a great analogy! I especially like that you take responsibility and don't jump off the burning ship. Some captains will start a fire and blame their crew for the fire getting out of control.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@TrueConfection That's something I often want to contrast as "irreplaceable leaders" vs. "replaceable leaders".

The irreplaceable ones often benefit from being a bit more selfish, like taking the lion's share of the rations, staying safely in the back of the metaphorical battle and letting their followers take all the big risks, protecting their reputation and having questionable degrees of accountability (if they have any at all).

The replaceable ones are opposite as I see it and that's the style of leadership I favor. If we view ourselves as replaceable, we want our followers to be competent leaders capable of replace us and we'll train them to be leaders if they aren't already and have them train each other to be leaders. We don't take a lion's share of the rations and can even prioritize feeding our followers first and ourselves last. In the metaphorical battle, we fight in the front lines and take the biggest risks because we believe we should suffer the biggest costs if the our own leadership decisions backfire.

Accountability becomes the most important of all virtues for the replaceable leader; we have to own up to our mistakes and never blame others for them because we see it as our job to suffer the consequences of our mistakes whenever possible and protect our followers from those costs. That's the responsibility we have in exchange for making the executive decisions is that we must be the first and ultimate to suffer the costs of those executive decisions. It comes from the mindset to protect and look after others and views leadership as a responsibility and burden, not a privilege.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@TrueConfection I think the gentleman code of conduct is the same. Some people don't see dominance in it and only submission when the gentleman places his jacket over the woman when it's cold, pays for the date, pulls up her chair, holds open the door, walks on the side of the curb with oncoming traffic so that in the rare case a car should swerve off the road, he gets hit instead of her.

Yet if he's doing it right, he should be leading and deciding where to go for both him and his date even if he sometimes goes with her ideas. He's still the trusted leader even though he's doing everything he can to protect and provide for his date but he's favoring the "replaceable leader" model which is generous and does not view himself as some VIP to take the lion's share of the benefits of his leadership.

The "replaceable leader" as I'm calling it also strives to earn loyalty and trust. They don't demand it because they don't view themselves as so special; they view themselves as replaceable and are willing to resign their leadership position follow more competent leaders if they're present. Their ultimate concern is with whatever is best for their followers, so they have no qualms whatsoever in stepping down when a more capable leader emerges and joining in with their former followers.

[TrueConfection]

I agree!

[blueonblack22]

Personally I like calling the shots 2/3rds of the time. But always being in the drivers seat can be tiring.

Sometimes it’s nice to have someone else take the burden off making decisions. Not all the time but occasionally.

I’ve encountered some very controlling women in the past. Initially it’s was very nice because they take all guesswork out of everything. The early stages of dating are very nerve wrecking for men. We are expected to take all the risks.

But as they continued to be controlling I got turned off real quick. Just because I’m a nice guy doesn’t mean I want to be someone’s pet. Also from my observations domineering women are much more prone to cheating and not feeling any guilt about it. They see the man they are dating as an object that they can get bored with.

[Anonymous]

i am just "the girl" in bed, and the guy is "the guy" and he's manly and strong and sort of in charge of the sex. i know i'm supposed to spread my legs and suck his cock and ride him and let him feel my body and wrap my legs around him when he's pumping in me. that's been true with whatever guys i've been with. i don't know if that makes me submissive or if that's a separate thing, i've never once thought about it or talked about it with any guy

[Apple1996]

I'm the opposite. Mostly dominant during sex and submissive in everyday life. My man loves it

[moneymagnet24]

Apple you're gag queen for a reason ✌️

[Ironco]

My life and I used to be the same way.

[Massageman]

SOUnds like the right blend to me. ;- )

[Artificial Intelligence]

Navigating the delicate dance between dominance and submission in relationships is like trying to cook the perfect dish - it's all about finding the right balance of ingredients. Some gents thrive on the energy of a partner who commands the room, shining brightly in social settings. It's like being in awe of a powerhouse who also knows the secret nooks and crannies of their heart where they allow themselves to be vulnerable. Others might find themselves more drawn to a partner who's happy to let them lead the charge, both in public spheres and behind closed doors. The spice in this is when you meet someone who seems to know your secret password, shifting gears from fierce independence to a duo where leadership can fluidly transfer back and forth. It’s all about the magic of connection, trust, and balance, isn't it? 😏 Let's keep this conversation going and hear more views. Anyone else stirred by the blend of social dynamism with a pinch of personal submission?

[Jennz6]

I’m a Submissive Woman, what are you talking about?

[DagonbroughtMehere]

@Jennz6
It's an AI, it's not going to respond to You, waste no words on it anyway.

[Pirate_Jay]

AI or not, I agree with this. Finding the right balance is a very hard thing to do, but when it is there 🤌

It is like magic.

I like a woman who is not afraid to be dominant in public. Sure, sometimes I don't mind taking the lead, but I would like to avoid having to force my partner in order to take the lead. In the same way, I would like to trust them to lead.

[Jennz6]

@Pirate_Jay I’m not dominant in public either

[Massageman]

@Jennz6 It's a machine. It doesn't "know" ANYthing.

[sawno]

I like to have a competent equal in the relationship, if she doesn't take the lead or show her own preference, ill walk all over her assuming she is ok with everything I decide. So I want her to be honest and tell me what she wants, then if I can do the same. If we align perfect it gets done, if we don't we can work out what does work.

Outside the relationship its a turn on if she can stand her ground if needed, I'd love to consider us two competent people unifying into one power couple. Two leaders if you will.

[BonzoInBitburg]

My wife is totally submissive and I like it. It works because she doesn't have a lying bone in her body and if I make a decision she doesn't like, she can't hide her feelings but will still support me. I really appreciate that because I know how she feels and she's really considerate about how she makes me feel

[Grond21]

That does sound appealing, as long as there is a foundation of trust and respect, and her social dominance is working with me, as opposed to competing or smothering mine

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why would I compete with person I trust and respect?

[Grond21]

Some people do anyways, even if its unconscious.

It doesn't sound like you have that problem though

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I also work pretty well with dominant men, I give each type of men what they need.

All in all, I believe I lead, just in different ways in any case…

That’s why I get along with men very well in real life. They love being in my company.

I don’t think they’d think I lead in any way, but the truth is they all follow my wishes :P

[Grond21]

What do you mean they follow your wishes? It sounds like you are absolutely leading them.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not leading by being aggressive, unless I notice that’s what that certain person needs. Which is rare.

I just lead by picking up the character of each person I am communicating with and approaching them the way they need for them to do what I want them to do.

For example, at workplace I had two coworkers, one very dominant, one relatively submissive, I was on great terms with both, they both loved spending time with me and they both spoiled me.

I was a little different with my approach to both of them, but the truth is - regardless of that, I got the same result with both of them - Which was them, absolutely admiring me and treating me with great care, respect and following my wishes.

I’d say something and they’d get it done for me.

[Grond21]

It sounds like you have a high talent for social engineering. Would you say that's true?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That’s a fancy way of saying “manipulation” ? Haha

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I grew up in a 12 people household and have had 15 cousins, I had to learn about getting along with lots of people.

[Grond21]

I actually intentionally did not say manipulation because it has a negative connotation to it and I wasn't wanting to impute that to you. You could easily be a manipulator if you wanted to, but that doesn't mean you're choosing such a dark route

[Grond21]

It does sound like more than just getting along with people. I would stick with the name social engineering because that's what you're doing. But if you do it with respect and care for the other person it could be a great gift in their lives.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I have often thought I could be a good manipulator if I wanted, but I don’t want.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think in the end both parties stay happy, because they do things for me and they enjoy…

Which means, I am giving something back - even if that is just their positive emotions… But this experience gets rewarding for them.

[Grond21]

I'm glad you have made that decision. Being a manipulator is a guaranteed route to long-term self-destruction. Which I am guessing you know already

[Grond21]

It sounds like a mutually beneficial relationship. As long as you are not taking away the choice from someone, I can't see an issue with it. You sound like a good friend

[aceleon]

no, i generally like submissive woman who at least knows how to protect themselves, i don't like socially dominant girls, if anything she can take some dominant traits in the bed if it means she is not socially dominant, clashing with me is never a wise decision for LİTERALLY anyone and when i say anyone i mean ANYONE, NO İFS.

[RavVid]

I am not getting the meaning of 'socially dominant'. Does that mean the girl who is being the life of the party?

In terms of submissive, I'd be happy with sexually submissive but submissive in the kitchen and with cleaning would get bonus points.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes kind of life of the party. My friends have traveled cities just to party with me. I tend to be good at it.

[RavVid]

Get it now. I wouldn't see a contradiction in a girl being the life of the party and being submissive.

The first thing that seems to happen in a relationship is the girl takes over social organization except for when you and your mates get together. There are good evolutionary reasons for this.

I think men lay the beat and girls do the grace notes. A good division of labor.

[RavVid]

In partner dancing I am the beat and do the choreography whilst the girl focuses on being graceful & beautiful.

[Anonymous]

I only like dominant females who believe in Female Led Relationships. Weak, whiny women are gross. I may be a submissive male, but i don't whine like a bitch or act like a brat. I take care of my woman because she's a freaking gorgeous Goddess that i want to serve, and i'm grateful every minute that She wants me around. The sex is off the charts, the relationship is a solid bond, and i wouldn't want to live any other way.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I love a submissive woman. People think a submissive woman it weak but they're quite the opposite it takes strength to let your man lead!

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It’s a little different question.

What I mean is, do you like a woman who’s a pushover in a social dynamic?

Or the one who’s dominant outside, but can be submissive only with you?

[Jennz6]

@LaFemmeFatale_1 I am submissive

[Bklynbadboy12]

@LaFemmeFatale_ I get what your saying but I'm old school I don't want a dominant woman that's a male trait. Nature assigned gender roles for a reason

[Unit1]

I don't subscribe to this "dominant" and "submissive" gimmick. We are not masters & slaves in my environment unless it's a wanted part of a sex session. Doing only either gets boring fast. Dare I say doing only either is what makes some think about cheating on their partner in order to get to experience the other side and not just for once.

[Joshydavid25]

Submission is simply becoming a helper to the leader.. There are a lot of women with strong personalities who will give their trust over to someone who they have admiration for. But, I like strong will women or "dominant" as you put it..

[Anonymous]

I’m fluid when it comes to this. And same with sex. I find it so sexy sometimes for a girl to charge and fuck me good. And making me submit to her. And there’s times where I want to make her submit to me. And wants me to destroy her. And begs for me.

[NathanDavis]

I definitely like when a lioness does purr while I pet her...

[Squatting_Slav]

Either are fine by me just as long as we don't butt heads as I'm naturally assertive in all departments

[Billlewis]

I much prefer the most dominant, arrogant, vicious woman available, and she can just take her anger and frustration out on my bare bottom until she's completely satisfied, relaxed and content.

[DagonbroughtMehere]

She must be middle ground in this regard for Me to even consider a partnership much less a relationship.

[KrakenAttackin]

Men don't want to compete with a woman in a relationship.

[KrakenAttackin]

WTF is "socially dominant"?

[handsomelad70]

Neither dominant nor submissive. We'd be PARTNERS, meaning equals.

[Anonymous]

I only want to be submissive with the man who deserve it

[ohmyguy]

As much as i adore boobies nah not me.

I don't think I'd encourage any one to go under the knife for superficial reasons...

Though a breast reduction.. like to improve quality of life

[MikeTheBartender]

The girl needs to be submissive in the bedroom, out and about we are equals ❤️ but once in a blue I'll let her be dominant in the sheets.

[JacobJordan]

Submissive or not even paying attention to her. Don't need to be arguing with a woman all the fuckin time shit is annoying as hell