Why is it hurtful that my partner slept with this particular person in the past?

Question

I'm an insecure person. I know and I'm well aware of it. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite as when me and my partner met we were already in our 30s none of us was a virgin and we've had other partner's in the past. Recently I found out that my partner has slept with this specific woman in the past it was never anything serious between the both of them but I don't know why it made me feel so disgusted. When I saw her pictures I was shocked. She's the stereotypical OF girl and has nothing to do with me. I'm an elegant woman and she's the trashy type. I feel bad for degrading other women. We live in a small city and I've known at least three men who slept with her and don't have good things to say about her type. I always thought that my partner was selective with the type of women he dated/slept with in the past I don't understand why is it bothering me so much...

poshspice123 · Accepted Answer

Asker- I’m sorry I totally understand. As women I also expect that a guy chose me coz I’m classy and he wouldn’t want a trashy women and to be honest I would have felt the same way. But I guess we can’t really do much about the past except accept it. And hope that he understands your value. It’s good to discuss this with your partner and see how he reacts. Does he comfort you and make you feel secure by maturely acknowledging your feelings or does he brush them aside and gaslights you. That would give you the way forward I guess.

Zoeysiren · Accepted Answer

There can be a few reasons why this might sting. It could be jealousy of their past relationship, or maybe it brings up insecurities about yourself. It's also normal to wonder if there are still feelings there. The important thing is to talk to your partner openly and honestly about how you're feeling. They can reassure you and remind you why they're with you.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

You feel bad because you wonder if he thinks you are trash, equating you with this other woman. Remember this... especially when younger, a guy might have sex with whomever is willing... it means nothing.

Be confident in that you have each other now. Try to forget, or at least ignore, the past. There's nothing you can do about it. Concentrate on the present and the future. And enjoy what you have.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

This is why people should be virgins. Many people care about their partners sexual history but they are too scared to shamed into bringing it up.

It is disgusting and it’s so hard to tell who someone may have slept with. I know if I was dating a girl and found she’s been with weirdo guys it’s like ehhhhh….

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Diving into the whirlpool of past relationships can be as exhilarating as it is daunting, especially when a surprising revelation pops up. It's natural to feel shaken, darling, especially if the discovery contradicts the image you've painted of your partner. But here's the thing, love isn't a straight line—it's more of a wild dance, full of unexpected turns.

Your feelings of discomfort spring from your insecurities and perhaps a dash of competitive spirit, which, let me tell you, is as human as it gets. Comparing ourselves to others, especially in matters of the heart (or bedroom), is a tale as old as time. But remember, your partner's history has contributed to the person they are today—the very person you fell for.

Instead of dwelling on a chapter of their past that doesn't define the whole story, focus on nurturing the love and trust between you. Open up about your feelings without placing blame, and remember, everyone has a past, but it's the present and future that you share. Embrace your elegance, confidence, and the unique connection that sets your relationship apart from any past flame. Let's turn jealousy into a catalyst for deeper intimacy. Keep shining, you elegant gem! ✨

lightbulb27 · Answer

Because you have a higher opinion of him than the evidence presented by this fact.

That creates doubt about your sense of security.

All these answers are in your early life development. So go back to why you are not secure and figure that out. Maybe your feelings are legit? Maybe they are skewed by some traumatic events.

mattthefatbat · Answer

My guess as to why I think it is bothering you so much is it honestly disgusts and hurts you to think of your partner your significant other having been with that woman in particular. But why let that thought come between what you and him have going now? I believe he is only seeing you and is with you now and is enjoying you a lot better than he did her

Purpleronnie · Answer

This is quite simple I think , it’s about how you regard that type of female in your head. Perhaps you feel that you are so different to her or even the polar opposite of her and so can’t reconcile why your partner loving you as he may would ever be with a female like that. I’ve done something similar with ex’s of mine when meeting their ex’s I’ve thought and said what the hell did you see in him. I reconcile it by saying “ well they are not with them , are they “

David94358 · Answer

Well if it makes you feel any better he is disgusted with the people you slept with as well. You can look back or move forward.. one ends in a ruined relationship.. your choice

Anonymous · Answer

It bothers you because you think too much of your current partner's "moral character". If she's a hot thing and she came on to him and he said yes, you'd like to believe he would have said no because "she's trashy". But that doesn't matter to most guys - trashy or elegant, it's all about the sex especially if you're younger. So get over yourself if you can and try to grasp that no man will ever live up to YOUR standards.

Fabrizio6699 · Answer

Because you think yourself to be inferior to that person but in reality you are probably so much better you have just been brainwashed by the media and society to feel a certain way.. your strong he's with you.. confidence is what we as men find sexy so grab your man fuck his brains out enjoy each other as much as you can.. dont let her ruin what you have fuck that ho

strateguy632 · Answer

it wasn't hurtful at the time. when you found out, you probably over reacted. it was the past. focus on now today.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You answered your own question, massive insecurity.

Anonymous · Answer

I bet she’s beautiful af and u are degrading her 😂

spartan55 · Answer

Aren't you full of yourself.

handsomelad70 · Answer

OF girl? Left, centre or right field?

jahaims · Answer

You answered your own question. You are insecure

Anonymous · Answer

his past is none of your business

Why is it hurtful that my partner slept with this particular person in the past?

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