How much do you put up with from other people?

Question

My girlfriend says I should learn to put up with more shit and have trash people in my life too. XD She thinks I'm too quick to distance myself from people like my sister who was very difficult as a teenager and left the house and we barely had any contact since then. She said you have to smell peoples shit and imagine it smells like lemon grass XD

But whenever I see people who do that they're usually miserable so I'm a bit hesitant (also from my own experiences) but I'm also gonna try and move in that direction a bit.

How much do you put up with from other people?

So I wanna ask you guys how you handle it. :)

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

I’m a nice guy until I’m not. I’ve tightened my circle in the last few years out of self respect. I also got radar for people who try to take advantage of my generally kind and well meaning disposition. I’m a peacemaker at heart and really prefer all is chill. I don’t enjoy harming people. But I do have a line. When it’s crossed it’s over. And have and will continue to draw that lin. Especially when it comes to women who go too far.

Once I hit a breaking point there is no turning back. I will cut the rope and that’s the end of it. Reason being there is no substitute for respect. Once I determine someone has no respect for me I’ll just avoid them if possible but I will confront them if it’s not. If they ask what’s up I will speak my mind. This includes relatives.

I can give people leeway for a while considering the possibility I just misunderstood them and/or I interacted with them at a bad moment. But again I will eventually hit a walk and when that happens I will make a fundamental decision to disassociate with them for good.

However I have to forgive people for my own mental health. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean I forget or start up a relationship again. It’s not the same as reconciling. Reconciliation is only possible if the other party owns up to what they did wrong. And the acid test is if someone apologizes to you when there is nothing in it for them doing so. Preferably they bring it up on their own. But some people are too selfish and egotistical to do that. You can still forgive them but never reconcile.

Forgiveness is also a battle of the ego. Your ego is telling you that holding onto malice and resentment as “getting revenge”. More often then not all it does is hurt you more then the other person. But when you forgive someone that hurt you then you have to keep reminding yourself of that decision. Repeat it to yourself over and over again.

It’s actually more effective than most people think.

Iron_Man · Accepted Answer

I’m very loyal. I always hang in there.

desidoll · Accepted Answer

Few year back, I was one of that naive person who let my friends and some of my cousins walked all over me. It took me so long to realize that I have been used. I guess it stems from my traumatic childhood. Both of my parents were abusive towards us so I tend to attract something that is familiar with what I was surrounded by. Now I am very careful and selective with who I connect with.

mandyfire98 · Accepted Answer

I empathize with you. I've been told by my mom that sometimes I need to put up with other people's bullshit towards me and just take it on occasion. However my dad's Italian side cones out in me and I refuse to. I can't just let others mistreat me in any way. My fighting spirit is too strong lol.

Pinay_ako · Answer

You deserve what you tolerate… so many times, I’ve been burnt by my own tolerance. NOT ANYMORE. I don’t give access to people just like that anymore. Once I sense disrespect and shadiness, I just remove myself out of the situation and out of their lives.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I used to put up with a lot, too much. I found Christ along the ways, and I learned to have compassion and understanding for others. After meeting my wife, I learned more strength and awareness of myself that I have to be careful around such people.

I will engage with people, and make efforts to understand and accept, but I draw the line as well and don't take on their crap.

An easy solution is to learn to pray for them, listen, and be truthful, but don't get sucked into their mess.

If you are running from people... ask yourself... are you strong or weak?

Note that what works for your girlfriend may not work for your emotional tolerance, so know yourself. the question is realitive to where you are developed emotionally, your strengths and weaknesses... in emotional regulation.

DishLady · Answer

It depends. Most people I know right now have kids, so they accept anything and everything from their kids — even the impossible near-satanic ones. Most people I know put up with a lot from their biological and "chosen" family as well because they have history with one another.

Personally, I accept rather a lot, but I draw the line at any sort of toxic behavior because it's very subtle and seems harmless but actually can destroy hearts, minds and lives, so that's a hard pass and something I don't tolerate from anyone if I see it.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Not all boundaries are created equally, and they shouldn’t be. I wouldn’t treat someone who forgot my name the same as someone who tried to stab me to death. Would you? Would your girlfriend?
It’s important as an adult to have learned a little self respect and established meaningful boundaries. You can’t get by in this world at either extreme end of that particular spectrum.
I grew up with the baseball rule, three strikes and you’re out. That was way too soft for the girlfriend who cheated on me and too strict for someone wanted to make a bigger deal of birthday than i like. I also had to be honest with myself about my ability to make and keep friends. I put up with more asinine behavior because i’m a bit of an ass myself. It’d be hypocritical to hold my family and friends to a higher standard than i expect of myself.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

I don’t accept people causing me grief for very long. If you happen to be close to me, and you continue to do so, l will just stop communicating with you all together. Just as l did with my step sister and my ex wife. Both are narcissist, and by going silent, they lost control over me. That will really fuck with a narcissist. Especially if you live with them. Especially if your spouse uses sex to manipulate you.

Don’t give them the satisfaction of them seeing you lose your shit with them. Don’t be there to cater to them either.

sage2021 · Answer

Usually it is someone, like the manager of my apartment building that says things she knows aren't fair to me, and I can feel my blood pressure go up.
🤬 But with her, I don't say what is on my mind that would be fair. She knows she's the boss where I live, and if I appear as a trouble maker by speaking my piece she and the other employee's can make my life very difficult here.

Otherwise, I do stick up for myself.

Account · Answer

Definitely way less than I look.
I give the impression of a person who puts up with shit, but when they try me, they reconsider their first impression.
It is kind of odd that people happen to respect you more when you snap and don't put up with shit.

Cheapskate · Answer

The way I see it is I kinda don't want people to hang out with me out of pity, if they don't actually enjoy my company.

On the other hand, if I really need help, it would be nice if someone took me in and helped me.

So I guess my philosophy is to treat others with kindness, but don't become some doormat. Be kind to yourself also.

purplepoppy · Answer

We all step in shit but we don't trail it over other peoples carpets.

LaurenM1997 · Answer

NO you shouldn’t have to put up with shit it’s not fair on you only you should make your decisions and not listen to other people’s decisions for you you have your own best interests at heart

Billlewis · Answer

In my relationships, I endure an almost unfathomable degree of indignities as a routine part of my servitude to the women who use me for their own selfish pleasure, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

umm no, If someone brings drama and trash into my life, they get a quick invitation to piss off. no exceptions. As an example, I had a huge toxic family and I haven't spoken to any of them in 20+ years.

Overandunder89 · Answer

I find your approach to be far more relatable. It's better to be alone with your self- respect intact than it is to be surrounded by people who trample on you.

JacobJordan · Answer

Lol sorry but your girlfriend is stupid. If you surround yourself with trash you eventually become trash. As for what I tolerate? Abso-fuckin-lutely nothing. I give people 2 chances and then they are gone permanently

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I have a crazy amount of patience for some things, others I'm still improving, some things I have basically zero patience.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

I have a high tolerance for when I know someone is trying me since I’m used to people trying to get me out of character. However, I have no tolerance for nonsense that’s detrimental

DrPepper12 · Answer

Compromise is a necessary social lubricant. Try to discuss with her why she feels you are rigid and to give specific examples and you point out to her when you are going along

The_Sexpert · Answer

We're on the same boat  I've very less tolerance to talking shit from people, I distant myself from them asap

exitseven · Answer

I try to stay away from people that get on my nerves. Life is too short to deal with other people's problems.

JayBones2469 · Answer

You train everyone how to treat you with what you will accept. Everyone treats you the way you teach them too.

jahaims · Answer

I don't. If I don't like you then I won't put up with you

DextroShade · Answer

Your girl is giving you terrible advice, and I would be concerned about the sort of shitheads she keeps in her life.

Sabretooth · Answer

Far too much.

How much do you put up with from other people?

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