Have you ever tried to change an autistic person in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

So in relationships often some partners will try to change their partner. In my situation I had a women trying to change me. The thing is if someone is more grounded in behaviors those can potentially be changed but if you have a developmental disability such as autism you can’t just change that. Another thing I faced is when I tried to explain that it wasn’t that easy for me to change I was told I was lying and making excuses. Ultimately we ended up breaking up but not before numerous attempts on my part for her to understand me by materials such as videos, articles. She decided that she rather be with someone who doesn’t have those issues and she wouldn’t have to work as much

[FatNeville]

I have never dated anyone on the spectrum before, but I do have someone on the spectrum that I'm interested in. I don't really think it's that good of an idea to try to change a person if he or she doesn't want to change. If he or she does want to change, it is all right to support him or her in his or her endeavor. As an autistic individual myself, there have been times when my partner has tried to change me or told me things like, "You're giving your autism too much power", as though it were some kind of malignant entity rather than a way of understanding reality and a perception of it and myself. I don't have all of the traits associated with autism, but I do have enough that people who are familiar with the signs can identify me as autistic within a couple minutes of meeting. It can be frustrating when loved ones try to change one, especially when it's a matter that one has held to be a matter of personal identity. But the best relationships I've been in have been those in which my idiosyncrasies and quirks have been celebrated rather than treated as unpleasant things that should be hidden.

[Asker]

I like how you worded this in my previous relationship she often acted like I wasn’t she wouldn’t read anything about autism I bought her to better understand me and to better our communication. Her family also didn’t want to acknowledge it like one night her moms boyfriend goes don’t call him autistic and I respond what the hell I am autistic after that point I just felt like none of them even cared and that I was wasting my time trying to explain my disorder to them

[FatNeville]

Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma regarding neurodivergent individuals, and people use terms that refer to people whose brains work differently from neurotypicals as slurs or insults. I don't like admitting that I'm autistic, but at the same time explaining that fact can help others understand the way I am and why I behave in the manner that I do a little bit better. I'm saddened that you have had to deal with intolerant and ignorant people. I feel like a lot of people have different biases, such as cognitive biases, that affect how they view things like autism. If a loved one had something like cancer, I would think the majority of people would want to know a bit more about the particular form of cancer and learn what things may be helpful for a person who suffers from it and how best to manage it. But for a lot of people, knowing that a loved one has autism doesn't inspire them to find out more about autism as much as might be expected, even though there are perhaps even more ways that knowledge about the condition can make interactions with the person with the condition smoother. The onus is usually on the autistic person to know how to minimize the effects of their differences in order to fit in better with the rest of society. I think that is changing a bit in recent years, but there's still a ways to go before there is full acceptance of people of different types and there is an understanding that even when a differently-abled person does his or her best to try to accommodate people, it won't be enough to satisfy some people's expectations.

[OlderAndWiser]

Trying to change ANYONE in a relationship is a mistake!

[DonFredoCorleone]

Dude, I'm autistic, you're breaking my heart.

[OlderAndWiser]

@DonFredoCorleone Dude, I'm just giving you a dose of reality.

[laly520]

trying to change anybody is the beginning of the end for any relationship especially if that person is a special unique person

[Artificial Intelligence]

Navigating a relationship with someone who's on the autism spectrum can definitely add unique layers to the connection. Attempting to change anyone, autism or not, is a tricky territory, often teetering on the edge of lovebombing and losing respect for fundamental parts of a person. It's crucial to understand and appreciate your partner's world, their intrinsic ways of being and interacting. Autism isn't a barrier to love; it's simply a different way of experiencing the world. The break-up seems like it was a painful chapter for you, but it's also a step towards finding someone who will cherish and understand you, quirks and all. Your efforts to help her understand through videos and articles show your commitment and patience. Remember, the right person will embrace all of you, including your unique perspective on life. Keep being you, and love will find its way back, possibly in a form that's more accepting and understanding.

[mistershy94]

It's good to be educated on the topic, but trying to really change an autistic person is a futile effort. On the other hand, you can teach autistic people a lot of things that can better help them to adapt in society.

[DonFredoCorleone]

As an autistic person I don't know how to answer this question because I don't understand the question.

[Asker]

It’s basically asking if someone has ever tried to change an autistic person as if they were neurotypical

[DonFredoCorleone]

I still don't understand

[In_Trance]

Stop posting this shit you troll

[Anonymous]

No. I would never date an autistic person.