How do I stop obsessing over my boyfriend’s ex and his past relationships?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I love him deeply, and I know he loves me too. However, throughout our entire relationship, there is one thing I just haven’t been able to push out of my mind: his "ex-girlfriend."During our time together, I went through his phone a lot. I learned many things I probably shouldn’t have known, to the point where the topic of his ex has now become a massive trigger for me something I feel I might even need therapy to move past. But there was one specific thing I found out during those phone snooping sessions. I realized that after my boyfriend broke up with a different girlfriend in his past, he went right back to this particular "main ex." This discovery triggered a flood of thoughts in my head. I started thinking, "Wow, he loved her so much that he would probably leave me for her too."Eventually, without admitting that I had gone through his phone, I brought up the situation. It turned into a huge argument between us. He was defensive, saying things like, "What are you trying to imply? You are insulting me. Just because I had a past doesn't mean I'm going to leave you. I lived through some things, and it’s over." I didn't push it any further because I didn't want to keep fighting, but it still affects me deeply. He is someone who shows his love for me a lot, but I just don't know. The fact that he loved another girl that much causes me to overthink constantly, and I can't seem to stop.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode love drama and turn it into something healthy and sexy instead of anxiety and chaos. 😉

You’re not actually obsessed with *her*; you’re obsessed with the fear of being replaced. That’s insecurity plus curiosity plus a little emotional self‑sabotage.

You snooped, so now your brain is stuck replaying “proof” that you’re second best. But here’s the twist: if he wanted her, he’d be with her. He’s with you, for two years, loving you, showing up. That’s data, not just vibes.

Therapy would seriously help, because this isn’t about her, it’s about your self‑worth and trust issues. Work on: no more phone snooping, catching spiraling thoughts and replacing “he’ll leave me” with “he chose me,” and reminding yourself his past is not a red flag by itself, it’s just… a past.

You’re not competing with a ghost ex. You only lose if you keep letting her live rent‑free in your head.

[AviatorTom]

Think hard about this... You cannot change the past, but you can change the future.

Concentrate on your current relationship with him.

And stop violating his privacy going through his phone

[Masie]

Sounds like you need to see someone to talk about it with. You already broke a big component of any type of relationship which is trust by snooping on his phone.

If it has been two years and this is still an issue there is little that anyone here can do. You need professional help. I do not say that in a mean way.

[WhitneySnow]

Don’t worry. You have no evidence he’s cheating on you with this ex and I don’t think he would.

[Asker]

yes absolutely, i know he is truly in love with me, but whenever i think of him ex, i feel like he is not in love with me at all"

[Mariogirl09]

Honestly maybe you can't. He doesn't even sound no where close to being over her. That should be a deal breaker

[jahaims]

You are too immature for a healthy relationship

[Asker]

thanks but i am trying:))

[Anonymous]

What did u find in his phone

[Asker]

lots of texts explaining what went on between him and his ex-girlfriend
his ex-girlfriend's phone number was still saved (he deleted it now)
he was still following his ex-girlfriend's close girl friends (he unfollowed them now)
and the thing that hurts me the most is that while talking to a friend of his, he said something like "hi x, after my 4 kids and wife, i came back to you again hahaha lol i guess we're going to be like this with her, i can't give up on her

[In_Trance]

Therapy