My girlfriend is very independent and not very affectionate...

[Anytime23]

Im 21 my girlfriend is 22. We've been going at it for 3 months and I'm a very affectionate person in a relationship, always up for cuddling and all that soft stuff. My girlfriend was in a relationship where she was closed down couldn't see her friends or do anything without her ex now she gets claustrophobic if things get close like I'm going to leash her. I tell her that's not it I like her around between her bartending job and sleep I almost never see her and I live with her. When she is off she goes out with friends or the bar never asked me to go but when I offer she sometimes accepts. And for the most part when at the bar is bouncing around to other people chatting. She's very honest and wouldn't cheat but I like the closeness and it's lacking. I've talked to her about it and it slightly works but all I want is more time with my girl and the distance is not cool. Any advice how to be a better accepting boyfriend about this?

[idontlikeusernames]

definitely have a chat with her, if you're in a relationship you should be able to communicate easily. My boyfriend is a bartender and i hardly see him as well, i usually see him once a week and sometimes once every 2 weeks, cause he's always tired from work, then he has to do uni work, then see his mates etc etc, which i understand i mean who would want a girlfriend thats all needy and restrictive. I work in a office so 9-5 and he works at night, so when i get time off he's on work, and when he gets time off, i'm on work. sometimes its very hard but i try to not text him or whatever because i know he needs his space and is busy, i mean of course id love to see him more often, but we live pretty far so yeah

so yeah i guess if she's always with her friends, then maybe she just wants to spend time with her friends, time she doesn't usually get from her bartending role. Also, try to see things from her point of view like how she feels about her past, try to accept that this is how she feels. your feelings are valid simply because you feel them, so you need to talk to her if you want more intimacy/more time with her and see how you guys can fit your schedules together.

definitely talk, its the only way you're going to find out

[NataliePaige]

A relationship is a two way task. You shouldn't have to do all the accepting, she needs to accept that you can't have a relationship with each other because it's basically non existent. Of course you need to accept 'her' time with her friends etc just like she needs to accept that she needs to make more time for you! I'd talk to her about but not in a negative way, perhaps suggest date nights or something, it worked a treat for me and my partner, we take a weekly day trips together away from our hometown so that none of our friends and spoil our day! It doesn't have to be anywhere too extravagant just a little country park or something to get out together :) Good luck!

[Anytime23]

Ty for the answer I'm trying to get a weekly us time she works like 14 hous average at the bar five days a week so when she does get time off she wants to be at the bar w her friends unless I plan us timeline a week in advance, when I do talk to her it irritates her because of her past she thinks I'm trying to leash her. It's a tough balance. But Ty again:) t helps

[Vermi]

H'm... There's a very thin line between being an independent person and independent from a person.

I'm not saying I'm right, but something is really starting to go off in my bullsh*t meter. Before I even read that she fights with you when you address the issue, I knew she was going to use an excuse to turn the issue back to you being the controlling one or the selfish one. You shouldn't be accepting to any of this, you're in a relationship where your needs are met when it's convient.

You guys live together after 3 months of dating? Did she move into your place or vice versa? Do you usually share the bills?

[Anytime23]

She moved in the. We started dating I've know her for several years.

[Cephei]

That sucks :/

When it comes to closeness I can't see how you can be a better accepting boyfriend about it. One thing that can be said is 3 months might be too little for her considering her past. She certainly can't be blamed for it but I would expect her to start opening up as time goes on. Maybe it's just a little too early for her yet. It's for sure something I would be upset on too and would expect it to improve or I'd consider whether it was worth carrying on.

[Anytime23]

Yea sometimes I by close to cutting it but I remember what she means to me when she's around and it makes me want to see it through and not quit but it feels good to hear that mean sometimes feeling in the back burner isn't me being stupid. Sometimes when I do talk to her she makes me feel wrong for feeling in important.