(Most) women can't separate sex from love/romantic feelings/emotional connections, and women all know that they can get casual sex whenever they want it as long as they aren't overly picky about their partner, so for those reasons, casual sex isn't something most women have a strong desire for (yes, exceptions exist - this is a generalization). Women have an "abundance mindset" about sex - they know they can be getting it within 15 minutes of wanting it, almost anywhere on the planet. And most women only have (or want) an emotional (and therefore sexual) connection with one man at a time, so if you aren't that man in her life at the time, you usually have no chance with her, because she doesn't have those kinds of desires for you.
Men work very differently. (Most) men's sexual desires are IN NO WAY limited to just the women we have an emotional connection with - men don't need to be in love to want sex. And men are programmed to pursue sex, and most men aren't able to get it whenever they want, so most men have a "scarcity mindset" about sex: always be on the lookout for opportunities, and to take every opportunity you get, because you never know when the next one might be, and it could well be a long time.
Thus, men see every woman who is at least moderately physically attractive as a potential sex partner (this means 60-70% of the women in his target age range), and if he's "friends" with a girl, he obviously also finds her personality attractive, so between those two factors, he's almost certainly going to be sexually attracted to her. While the girl will only want one guy and one guy only, and it's rarely her "friend" or he wouldn't have been friend-zoned in the first place.
How many guys do you know who say "I just want to be friends with her"? In 5 decades, I may have heard one or two guys say this, but it's very, very rare. Guys generally have no interest in being "just friends" with girls - guys either want to date her, fuck her, or have nothing to do with her. But I've heard hundreds - probably thousands of girls say "I just want to be his friend" - and they mean it.
I think there are a lot of reasons, biology surely being one of those. I'd like to just talk about the fact that women have much bigger choice in men then vice versa. What I'm saying here is that men are those that usually are trying to "win over" a girl and maybe even compete for a girl whereas girls job is just to chose among the men that are competing for her. That being said, when a women choses one (or maybe more then one) man she will treat other men that were competing for her either as friends or as not important at all. Men however, not being the one's that have a choice but rather being the ones that compete will then compete for any women they find attractive. It's a numbers game, if you don't have a sure shot with one girl because a lot of guys want her then you compete with for a lot of girls so you have more chance of actually getting a win. I do believe however that once a man gets a girl he'll have no problem treating other girls as just friends as he already has his girl, no need to compete anymore. At least that was a case with me when I got my girlfriend.
I have a friend who is nearly 10 years younger than me. We have a lot of the same interests. We are both fire arm enthusiasts which is our main shared interest. He does have a clearly stated interest in me. I like him a lot too as a friend. I have made it very very very clear that I do not cheat I have no intention of cheating specifically with a kid ( he is 22) he keeps inviting me out to the gun range and everything in me has screamed " DON"T DO IT" so instead of going a lone I invited a few more guy friends. on the way to the gun range the other two friends cancelled... we had fun at the gun range but in the parking lot he tried to make a pass at me... he is now joining the Marines because my rejection was quite direct. So I tried to be friends there are many times I try to be friends the guys always thinks they can weasel their way in. don't get me wrong my other guy friends think I am hot too... they are just better at maintaining the friendship and taking care of thier feels for me in the privacy of thier own home. .
Sorry to hear. I have a friend I'm extremely close to whose 17 years my senior and she's just amazing and awesome and beautiful. Married as well and I've had a massive crush on her since pretty much moment one. We spend time alone together, even in her home. I constantly have my mind racing about how gorgeous and sweet she is but it's nice to be able to enjoy quality time alone with her and know that we respect and really appreciate and like each other to just be able to hang out with nothing more in the way. I'm definitely only having eyes for her right now and probably for a long time and I can kinda feel our gravity pulling each other sometimes but I also genuinely like where we're at and part of me is terrified to even get closer anyway. So friends is pretty great. Sadly not everyone can separate it like that.
I don't know, when I was a child up to mid teen it was easy being friends with guys. Now they make it really difficult. They always end up liking you and when you tell them your not interested its like they only hear the Interested part and tone out the NOT part.
I can be friends with a woman without wanting to have sex with her, but not if she is an attractive woman. You are right; we cannot and should not ignore our biology and the fact that we are animals.
Mostly disagree with the notion is mostly biological. From a behavioral study position "it's our biology" is pretty much a last resort after you've exhausted sociological options.
To me it's pretty simple. People don't show guys as much close affection, so we aren't used to giving or receiving it. Guy friends are generally pretty simple with a bit of distance but low maintenance.
Girls who are friends will practically have sex with each other and say it's "just in a friendly way". Might be an exaggeration but probably not much of one.
So a guy in a group of girls probably seems like a somewhat distant aloof friend by comparison. While a girl amongst guys probably seems like she is flirting with everyone all the time.
Like, I've gotten lots of "I love you", "I'd totally bang you", and "I want to have your babies" but then you suggest dating and they're like "where did this come from? WHY DO GUYS ALWAYS ASSUME GIRLS ARE FLIRTING WITH THEM?"
Amongst guys, you can be like "nice hat" and that's already crossing the line for some guys. I mean I don't hang out with these guys because it's stuff macho bullshit. But it does make the difference pretty obvious.
In this case, really think it's more nurture than nature. I'm a big fan of trying to use evolutionary biology to try to make sense of social phenomena but you don't observe this phenomenon consistently throughout the world.
Here in Japan, for example, it's as common for an average guy to have as many female friends as male ones as it is for the average girl. I was actually thoroughly culture-shocked when I first set foot in the US by the idea that men and women can't be friends, since it's so commonplace here that we don't even question it.
I have heard guys saying it's impossible because the man will want to have sex with her. Of course, I want to have sex with some of my more attractive female friends on some basic caveman level. But so too do I want to do so with a random stranger bending over in front of me in a bikini on the beach.
It's crushing and obsessing that ruins friendships. Guys who get fixated on just one female friend very monogamously and start falling for her and getting jealous when she gets a boyfriend are the ones that can't be friends, and here that only tends to happen with really desperate guys who can't get dates and can't make many friends.
My thought is that in a culture like the US, it's a giant and diverse culture with people of all sorts of shapes and sizes, and despite that people tend to have very specific physical preferences which seems sort of odd to me. I would have thought that would widen people's preferences, not narrow them. And it doesn't seem so common for people in the US, outside of a religious institution, to hang out in communities and social circles, and dating seems difficult even for very decent-looking and charming guys.
So I think that leads to a condition where even a very decent-looking and charming guy, struggling to get a single date and maybe even being single for months on end, and having very few friends, starts becoming fixed on the one girl who is kind to him and gets along with him.
That's not necessarily the case against our evolutionary nature where we likely hung out in small tribes of very homogeneous people. If it was impossible for men and women to be friends in primitive times, I suspect they would have had a very difficult time surviving together as a group against such harsh conditions. On the contrary, I suspect more that it's large and complex civilizations that have made it more difficult for men and women to have relationships that don't veer towards romantic infatuations.
[...] starts becoming fixed on the one girl who is kind to him and gets along with him. [...]
And you know, even if he knows he's not her type. And even if he wasn't so desperate for a date, he knew she wasn't his.
Would Brad Pitt have a hard time befriending women, for example? Who would have it harder, Brad Pitt or Jesse Eisenberg? And especially if we removed their fame? And to be clear, that's not to say that Japanese men are anywhere near as good-looking or as cool. The point is that you don't have to be in Japan to get dates. And that's why a guy doesn't need to obsess on some female friend here who doesn't think he's her type or ones he doesn't actually think is his type.
I definitely think that most people greatly under-estimate how much of our behaviour is biologically driven or hard-wired. They think that almost everything is socially conditioned.
The reason is that men are wired to find more women attractive than women find men attractive.
Any girl who says that she has a lot of male friend, if she’s willing to lose a few, can test this by expressing interest in a bunch of them. 90% of them will say something along the lines of “I’ve felt the same way for while I just didn’t want to ruin the friendship” and they’ll try to either get into a relationship with her or at least get laid.
Many men have been told by women that the best way to get into a relationship is to be friends first also, despite women also complaining that this is a sneaky tactic. So this is what a lot of men do, only they never know when to make a move unless the girl shows clear interest in them first.
I think it's a combination of culture and biology here in the west in the sense that they actively work against each other. I think by nature men want to reproduce many times with many partners to diversify the gene pool while women are generally stuck with one partner per offspring. This runs counter to the idea of lifelong monogamous partners put forth largely in part due to a culture with deep roots in Christianity and catholicism. It'd be easier for women because biologically they're already in that position of one partner and a monogamous relationship brings more resources to the family unit so all the better. Men however have to fight instinct to conform to a societal construct.
If this doesn't make sense I'm really tired and barely awake lol I'll fix it later
Sure there is biology involved a female wants the best partner not multiple partners, but she prefers to have multiple defenders. While a guy have no problem having multiple partners and have no need for female friends.
That said it's just biology and we don't always follow our instincts and behave like animals. So don't think everyone with a brain align to this pattern.
well because for women getting sex is easier and they have fewer urges for it. so for them, having sex with a guy is not as appealing as having sex with a girl is for a man. plus they are hormonally set up in such a way, that they are less sexually driven overall.
Because when you like someone less than they like you (romantically speaking) it's easy to just look at them as who they are and not as partners. Most women by virtue have way more guys lined up to try to smash as opposed to most guys having girls line up to smash them so they experience this way more.
Probably cos guys aren't physically attractive, girls are only attracted to a guys personality, so most guys are jus viewed as a piece of wood... Someone they have no feelings forBut cos girls are physically hot guys lust over almost every girl who isn't ugly
Some woman think it's O. K. too tease within the friend zone, where guys don't. Leading her male bestie on isn't cool, and guys usually know better than too do this unsavory act.
I disagree. I think it’s social conditioning. Women are fine with being friends with men because they’re taught they can only have one boyfriend but an unlimited number of male friends.
Women can derive some degree of emotional connectedness through being friends with guys without getting physical whereas men derive very little emotional connectedness through just being friends with women.
In my experience it's the opposite. I have no problem being friends with women. But when they decide they want more it seems like they're never satisfied.
It's just as easy for men as it is women to be friends with the opposite sex. Guys who complain about this are usually the types that make themselves open to being just friends.
Testosterone. Men have substantially more of the hormone surging through our bodies telling us to fuck and reproduce. It’s no more complicated than that.
Men... are physiologically driven to spread thier seed... (fuck) Sorry... relationship are a womans primary desire... so as a compromise... we exchange relationship for sex... lol
