Does the no contact rule work and why?

Just wondering. It's been 5 days and I texted/called him almost everyday. He seemed annoyed :/ how long should I wait?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The No Contact rule works, and I'm proof it does.

    Don't bullshit yourself with the 30-day NC rule, NC is forever - well at least until your ex who dumped you gets in contact.

    You see, the NC rule gives a chance for your ex to start missing you.

    With the NC rule you effectively disappear from your ex's life. So if they are still at least 51% attracted to you, they'll most definitely get in contact.

    Let me share a short story.

    My ex and I broke up over a year ago. When it ended it seemed like it was permanent and I was left distraught. It was a very bitter BU with lots of shouting (from my part) and crying (from her part). We immediately stopped talking to each other.

    The radio silence continued for months. By the 5th month, I knew it was over and that I'd never hear from her again. By the 8th month, I was over her - I was over the relationship and I could finally wake up without her on my mind, I could finally fall asleep without keeping myself awake.

    All changed in April though.

    I have the FaceBook messenger on my phone, an app I check every once in a while to see if friends have got in contact. A MESSAGE FROM MY EX!! I was shocked, I was surprised and, for a moment, I was happy.

    You know what she sent? She wanted "advice". After a year of silence, of not talking, she wants ADVICE?

    Bullshit. It was as excuse to talk.

    This is why I assumed she wanted to see me, so I said "(her name), it's been so nice to hear from you and I'd love to see you, when are you free/back?"

    I can tell you it took a lot of courage to send it and I was very nervous when I did, but she replied quickly and got this reply.

    "I'm back the 10th and I'm definitely up for a catch up :)"

    You see?

    When you go NC it has to be for you and only you. Your ex isn't a priority anymore, you are. It's up to them to reach out if they regret the BU or miss you.

    The strongest negotiation position is to walk away and mean it.

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    • Thank you so much for the encouragement. I've always seen no contact as a chance just to let your ex miss you but I guess I can do that as well work on a more improved version of myself! Thanks again and hope ur love life is awesome haha :)
      God bless

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't put you life on hold for someone hoping they will contact you when they broke up with you. Just move on from it and don't contact them ever again. If you have there number or if you are friends with them on social media block them. The best way I moved on was deleting them off of everything so I could have time to focus on myself. Just do you and be you, don't worry about him contacting you anything just keep moving forward and never look back. If he wants you back he'll come back to you, but don't give him the power of watching you suffer and definitely do not chase him. If they want you back they'll come back.

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What Guys Said 12

  • You dated. It didn't work If you couldn't make it work for more than a few months or a couple of years, why would you want that for the rest of your life?

    You don't want it for the rest of your life? Staying with an ex prevents you from moving forward and meeting someone else. To every guy who might meet you, maintaining contact with your ex is a bright red flag with warning bells and flashing neon lights.

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    • Hahaha warning bells and flashing neon lights lmaoooo yeah that's true actually. I feel like I was just comfortable around him and I didn't actually love him? Was just used to the affection and I thought I couldn't get it from any other guy :/ any advice? And most guys aren't loyal or honest and I was holding on to the comfort that he was

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    • @Iloveasianfood1 Right! Totally block him from your life and move on.

  • You should leave him alone, I've always gone at least 2 years before I talk to an ex. It gives times to cool down and not be so pissed about our relationship going sour. I also don't have a Facebook or anything, so it's not like I have to see their shit thrown in my face.
    If you guys broke up than clearly there was a reason for that. So sometimes its better to cut your losses and walk away, and usually to do that you need to STOP TALKING TO HIM.

    If he doesn't answer than he does not want to talk. If you keep bothering him it makes you seem kind of crazy, and I'm sure you don't want that reputation.

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  • It's over. Move on

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  • Okay you've given almost no information so I have to ask what is your relationship with this guy and why are you trying to apply this five day rule?

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  • It only works if you're trying to break up. If he's pissed and he doesn't tell you, then move on. Don't drag yourself through the dirt for someone else.
    Ask him why he's annoyed, if he doesn't reply, move on.

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  • The texting game is an extremely childish thing to do !

    Doesn't speak of much maturity from his part... move on if nothing happens

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  • At this point I would roll up the middle finger and be like "Adios". Fuck that shit, I hate this fucking mind games and shit. You either want to date this guy or you don't, and for some odd reason woman and man waste each others time with some stupid ass shit.

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  • I don't really see the no contact rule as a way to get back with them. It's a way to learn how to not depend on them. Whether you're both a great match for each other is a different approach.

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  • yes it does. takes about 1-2 months. i'm not gonna waste paragraphs to explain.

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  • I'm a big believer in the idea that the no-contact period must last at least half the length of the relationship. In theory, anyway. In practice, I prefer to make a clean break and never look back.

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  • I hate games like this, but unfortunately many of us guys have played it. Don't call or text for at least 72hrs, if you can make it longer do, if he is truly into you he will find a way to get in touch with you. Also if he does text don't be immediately available, make him wait a few minutes, then tell him sorry but you were busy, if he has any interest he will work harder to keep in touch.

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    • Thanks mate for the encouragement and advice! God bless

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What Girls Said 10

  • I don't believe in the "no contact rule" You either speak to me or you don't. If a guy didn't appreciate my presence then I'd make him appreciate my absence by never contact him again. It doesn't work in my case, because if someone intentionally ignores me then i never disturb them again

    I need to resolve issues etc by communication, not by avoiding problems by ignoring each other.

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  • Depends on if you are using the no contact rule as a tool of manipulation or whether you are sincere with your decision to not keep in touch.

    If you're simply using the no contact rule as a covert plan to manipulatively make him miss you, then he'll sense your needy heart moments after you two start speaking again. What's best is to truly move forward and focus on having a healthy, happy life that doesn't revolve around some scheme to make him want you back. That's usually when the exes start wanting you again; when you don't want them anymore, you are confident and don't desire to be theirs, and you're living a beautiful life that they'd want to tag along on.

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    • Thanks for the comment. I won't get my hopes high and continue living my life :) so if he does want me back it'll be a pleasant surprise heheh
      Thanks and God bless :)

  • No not really.

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  • The no contact rule only works when you are using it to help yourself heal not to make someone come back

    I'm not saying that is your intention to make him but the contact rule should help you not the other person

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  • The more you text him the more you call him, the more chance there is of him getting annoyed and dropping you entirely this is under breakup and divorce so I asked why are you texting him. Drop it see where he's coming from. It also sounds like you one want to get back together. Either way I wouldn't call them what text him the ball is in his court

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    • So trueeee, thanks! Just constantly worried that he will find someone if I don't talk to him :/ but if that's the case probably he wasn't that into me anyways right

    • That is absolutely correct

  • There is no waiting. No contact is for you to focus on yourself and slowly forget about that person who isn't worth it. They say to do it for 30 days, but even if you past 30 days, you should keep going and going until you dont even have to think about it anymore. There are more important things to look forward to.

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  • Never ever text or call a guy first. Call me old fashion but guys find that girls that call or text a lot are desperate. Not saying that you are. Sometimes we get excited and rush things. But a guy likes the challenge of the hard to get girl. So even though It may be tough, don't text or call him anymore if he likes you he will come running.

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  • Wait another five days

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  • Don't call him. It's over. Leave him along and move on.

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  • Yes and no.

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    • Care to elaborate? thanks

    • If you've been texting him a lot and no reply, it's time to stop and be patient. What I meant is that often people miss what they don't have anymore and come back however a lot when they are ignored just move on. But it depends on the circumstance.

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