Do shy nerdy guys, date outgoing girls?

[Anonymous]

If you're the " shy " kinda nerdy type - how much would it bother you to have a girlfriend who is pretty attractive, and outgoing? You guys have a lot in common, like she can settle down and enjoy your company, but she also likes to go to parties, drink a little, and is friendly ( just friendly,) with other guys, but turns down other guys advances because she cherishes you so much?

I ask because there's this idea against outgoing girls that we're slutty and don't make for good girlfriends, and somehow get out of guy's leagues or having that lifestyle can be intimidating for quieter guys. I really love quiet nerdy type guys and would take one over some obnoxious wild guy any day. I want a nerd guy but I think they might be worried about dating me because of a vibrant social life and typical outgoing person habits like drinking and partying.

Do shy type guys prefer other shy types to date? If your this kind of guy, could you date a girl who was more outgoing?

[VivaLaColdplay90]

I'm so glad you asked this question. I wouldn't consider myself to be too quiet or shy, because I'm not. I would consider myself to be far from a "wild" type of guy. I'm the nice guy who usually makes people laugh. That's my thing. I don't go crazy at parties, I usually keep to myself and some friends, but I wouldn't call myself shy. Anyway, from personal experience, all the girls I've ever liked have basically been attractive and outgoing. I think not only is that good, but it's necessary. Two people who are both always quiet or both always wild may not be ideal. The girl that I'm in love with is very attractive and she is outgoing as well. Do these qualities make guys like myself feel jealous? Absolutely. But the hope lies that if she really cares for you, she will always be faithful to you since you will presumably be good and faithful to her. I definitely never as interested in a shy girl, for me I need a girl that brings out some of the qualities in me that I may be lacking, and vice versa. Yes, there have to be other things in common, which currently is the case with myself and this girl that I mentioned earlier, such as a great sense of humor, hobbies, interests, but personality wise, ideally, the girl for me is more on the outgoing and social side. Like I said, as long as there is a strong trust between the two people, then you really have no reason to panic. You should always bring out the best in each other.

[Asker]

Totally agree :D - that's what I'd really like. I'm more on the outgoing side, so I'd love a guy who's just quiet / shy - but still interesting. Like not just sit around all day, but has his own unique hobbies, and friends, but we have things in common. I really find intellectual type guys to be the most attractive, so even if he's a computer whiz who'd rather play COD then go out all the time - I'd be totally fine with that.

[VivaLaColdplay90]

Well you sound like a great girl that any guy would be lucky to have. That is exactly what I've been looking for my whole life. I have finally found someone like that, now I just have to break it to her that I love her as more than a friend. If only life were as simple as that. You will find the type of guy that you're looking for. I guarantee it.

[Asker]

Awe I'm very happy for you and I wish you all the best for that blossoming relationship :) thanks very much, I really hope so too.

[WoIIie]

I wouldn't mind dating an outgoing girl. I just get the notion that outgoing girls want outgoing guys, and me being somewhat stern and grounded would be too much of a bore for her. When she isn't satisfied, she's just gonna walk away or even have the audacity to cheat.

Going for girls I can stay level with seems to be the safer bet. But after reading your question it got me thinking. To me, it seems as though girls with your mentality are few and far between.

[Asker]

Yea that's what I worried the impression I was giving to the shy guys around men. some days I'm quiet too and just like to chill out " be boring " as you put it lol. but then they see me with a beer laughing with 4 other guys in a short " go out " dress and probably think little of me. it's just hard to find a shy guy who could maybe put up with both sides of my persona. oh tnx for the last statement - it's a curse sometimes though :(

[WoIIie]

Just let this be known first and foremost whenever you decide to date a shy nerdy guy. If you don't tell him, he just assumes the worst.

[Asker]

Okay - I'll definitely tell him whatever he needs to hear / know. Not one for sneaking around, and I prefer to be upfront about everything anyway.

[moobb]

Seems like you are going for qualities normally associated with a shy guy. But to answer your question, yes and no. I find that generalizations don't always work out. A guy might like you because of your personality or may be scared by it.

Looks like you will have to make the first move though, good luck.

[Asker]

Ha ha - I know I will. I'm just wondering how. Usually with guys I will just walk up to them and talk to them - but if he's shy I don't want to make him really uncomfortable. I want to flirt and def let him know I like him, but don't want to come on too strong. If your a shy guy - how would you like a girl to approach you?

[moobb]

A girl can't really make a guy uncomfortable unless she is perceived to be ugly or weird. But not being awkward usually erases that. I assume that a shy guy doesn't have to be shy to everyone, just to a girl he likes. And I don't think shy guys in general prefer any particular approach. Go through a friend, or have eye contact then jump next to him and talk. A shy guy's feelings is the same as any other regular guy.

[Asker]

Oh okay cool. Thanx ^^

[Anonymous]

I don't really consider myself full blown nerdy, just a little bit nerdy because of my interests but I'm athletic and dress with some sense of style and I can be shy around girls I'm attracted to. Honestly I'm scared to try to date anymore outgoing girls because those are always the girls I fall for and I've had my heart shattered by them twice already and I can't take the chance of it happening again. I was depressed for a year or longer both times after this happened. Out going girls aren't bad but they're always just so social and meeting so many other guys it only seems like a matter of time before they end up liking more than one guy at once or even if it doesn't go that far they're always flirting with other guys and it just makes me feel insecure I guess.

[Asker]

Oh you sound perfect. Nerdy and atheltic and a tad shy. Yea I can see how that happens. I don't fall for dudes easily, so it'd take a lot to just go hopping around liking different guys because guy A, B, and C are hot or something stupid like that. I'm sorry you had your heart broken like that. I could never imagine hurting someone like that. Pff, there are a lot of outgoing girls who don't do our image much justice :\

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think out going girls have really hurt me on purpose, they just get bored easily like they seem like they always crave new experiences with new people and since they know so many people there are always a ton of guys hitting on them and eventually they cave into the attention and new experience of another guy.

[Asker]

Yea I know well what your talking about. I'm kind of both, so eventually all the outgoing gets a tad much for me. It would be great to have a guy who is naturally quieter to just relax with, instead of trying to keep up with the people typically involved with that lifestyle. Plus, shy / nerdier guys are more likely to be faithful I'd say. They aren't usually the type to go playing girls, and just want a pretty and nice girl to share affection with. The choice pick IMO.

[Anonymous]

She can be outgoing as long as she

a. doesn't act stupid while drunk/drinking (as it can not only be embarrassing but many girls have cheated because of intoxication)

b. we share interests as well

c. she likes me for me and not what she wants me to be

[Asker]

cool - I never get drunk so you wouldn't have to worry. I think drunk cheating is very trashy. I have some nerdy interest :P I adore shy / nerdy guys, so I'll love him for everything he is. the only thing I'd guess, want him to be, is more open to trying new things. Like maybe come out with me or hang out with some of my friends? would a girl having a lot of guy buds bother you?

[Opinion Owner]

It gets back to the drinking thing. You can have guy friends as long as you are responsible when drinking. Also, it just depends on the guy. Some guys are more willing to try new things, others aren't

[Asker]

Of course. I have no problem compromising that for him. I'll even stop drinking all together if he wants.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't say you had to give it up, I just said, watch how you behave

[Asker]

Yea. I just want to make sure he can be comfortable is all and trust me.

[Opinion Owner]

If you can't count how many fingers you have up, you've had too many. That's when it gets dicey!

[Asker]

Ha ha I've never been close to drunk. A little tipsy but that's it. I don't like losing control to substances - freaks me out. Have a hard time smoking weed because if I get too high I get terrible panic attacks because of losing my right mind : \

Lol when I drink I keep doing line test to see how the alcohol is effecting me, and balancing on one leg :P I'm always the designated driver and " keeper " so I take care of everyone who passes out lol

[Opinion Owner]

I don't date smokers. I don't like secondhand smoke and kissing girls who smoke is like kissing an ashtray, it's just nasty!

[Asker]

Yea some people are picky about that. Weed isn't like tobacco. It has a strong smell but it doesn't linger. It's more of a social thing, and you don't get addicted. I am guilty of doing it a lot a little while ago - but it gets old quick. You just try new things when you interact with different types of people, and stoners have become more profound these days :\ I'm no regular though, so if he hates it then I won't smoke it around him, or be high around him. If I even smoke at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, you wouldn't be for me then...I don't tolerate it

[Asker]

Ah well, I don't smoke it like that to worry about it being a turn - off. Some people are just more uptight about it though. Totally get that - but I don't know - I'd understand not wanting someone due to them being un loyal or rude - smoking is kinda like eh. It's something that can be ridded of quickly -

But eh- just gotta find a guy who's flexible enough to deal and understand.

[Opinion Owner]

You shouldn't have to change yourself for your mate. If someone smokes, I just won't date them

[Asker]

Well there's a difference between habitual change and personal change. Personal change is often what you dont' want to change - unless it's correcting a negative trait. Habitual change are adJusting things in one's life to meet a common ground with another. We often do this for good friends and family. Why not the person you love? And it's not like making myself into everything he wants - but just reaching that common ground. That's all I mean.

[moviedude714]

the real question is to attractive, outgoing girls date shy, nerdy guys, we guys would love to date those type of girls but you girls never give us a chance

[Asker]

Depends on the girl. Often we meet lots of different guys, personalities, and different forms of loving someone. A lot of shy guys get overshadowed by the other types of guys. I want to know why shy guys tend to not date less outgoing women? I have friends who are sweet and normal social / shy - who always get passed up by every type of guy :(

I purposely seek out shy guys. The opposite in persona is really appealing and a nice atmosphere from what I'm used to.

[moviedude714]

well the vast majority of girls go for the loud, talkative, outgoing guys, that's why they go for the jocks since they are very talkative, so it's a matter of girls rejecting shy guys, it's not that shy guys don't want to date those type of girls

[Asker]

I dunno. I think there's a lot more to a guy getting rejected than how talkative, loud, or how outgoing he is. A lot of girls I've noticed, unless they are outgoing themselves, feel they are out of those men's leagues, and will typically avoid them as even being a dating potential. Outgoing girls have our bad rap ( and it's deserved,) for being wild and relationship unstable - a lot of outgoing guys tend to be more on the side of FWB and playarship. Not what those types of girls want -

[Asker]

saying all girls want outgoing talkative guys, is like saying all black people are ghetto. It's a poor generilization. Do some girls like those really bold and outgoing types? I'm sure - but girls operate on the same " league " descrepencies as the " nice guys" do if they themselves are " nice girls or average girls." A lot of rejection usually happens do to personal circumstances between the two people. Maybe they just don't think your attractive or like your personality? Has little to do with

[Asker]

social classes. Like I adore shy / quiet guys who don't want to party very much or drink until their ridiculously drunk. But shouldn't I - since I am included in the " vast majority " being outgoing and all - be attracted to those outgoing men? No right? Because it's my personal preference. My girlfriends, their friends, women on here - all ask for the same thing in a guy. Typical standards. Occassionally there's the " he should like to party - or have big junk" but that's NOT the vast majority.

[moviedude714]

also, when guys approach girls, or approach you for that matter, why is it that when they start a conversation with you, why do you girls always or usually expect the guy to keep the conversation alive? prevent all of the pauses, awkward silences? isn't a conversation supposed to be a 2-way street?

[Asker]

I don't know why some girls expect the guy to do all the talking - I'm guessing the more quiet girls might prefer that. I mean, outgoing girls lol - we're called so for a reason. Usually we get into the conversation and love to talk and make that social connection. I've never once seen a one sided conversation being out with my friends.

And yes - it's definitely a 2 way street. Both talkers need something to feed off from each other so...

[moviedude714]

yeah, starting a conversation is one-thing, keeping it alive is another, personally, I have an easier time starting a conversation and keeping it alive when it depends on the topic, subject of conversation, etc.

[Asker]

Well of course, that's how everyone socializes. Usually you have to find a topic you'd like to talk about or is entertaining / somewhat interesting. The issue people have, is that they bump into people who aren't on the same level of interest / or topic likes, or maybe dont' find their humor very funny. then things get awkward.