Why do guys say things to be deliberately hurtful?

Have you ever had a guy say something that was cruel and completely uncalled for? And you didn't feel that you had done anything to deserve it? Just a random remark, that kind of knocks the breath out of you? What the hell is that about?

I am not trying to pick on men here, its just that when women do, there is really no need for conjecture, they are usually just jealous or bitter. :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Because 99.3% of men are emotionally retarded. That's all there is to it...just simple retardation.

    Good Luck.

    - Harvey D

    • HaHa!!! Harv! That's sooo true! :)

    • Show All
    • "I am not trying to pick on men here" - Yeah, right. You picked the anti-male answer.

    • I love this answer! :-)

What Guys Said 17

  • Sometimes it is like Italo_DiscoFever says and its a really uncooth guy.

    However, in my experience, sometimes its that the guys simply don't see things the same way as girls and vice versa (hence this wondefull site where we know we are receiving inpersonal answers and tend not to take offence).

    For example (and I warn you I give terrible examples O_o):

    A girl might ask a guy, what he thinks of this or that. The girl might be secretly nervous and hoping the guy will see how the thing in question effects her and that she's looking for a response in understanding.

    The guy will just see a straight forward question put to him, and will respond honestly, on many occasions completely hurting the girl with the reply. This is because the guy is thinking "generally" about the question and the girl is "going somewhere" with the asking.

    This also happens in reverse, but usually with things girls take for granted as being "general" which guys do not.

    So for example, a guy might ask a girl what she did last night, knowing he had texted her asking her for a date or thinking he asked her for a date (he actually just texted "so, what are you up to") and the girl preceeds to describe a fantastic night out, which the guy feels hurt by because his text was unimportant to her.

    So, basicly girls hurt guys and guys hurt girls all the time and 90% of those are through misunderstanding. Occasionally you meet someone miraculas who simply understands you, or someone with such common experiences you both naturally talk along same lines and so hurt less regularly occurs. Also, someone who has lived a "intense" life and has a lot of people experience can be more sensitive and spot these sub texts.

    Secondly, when we hurt, we say the truths we have been hiding and not sharing because we love someone. We blurt out the things that have pained us and until that point we have not wished to mention them because we don't want to hurt the person. When we hurt, we feel, why am I hiding this, this person didn't bother not to hurt me? Usually, the other person has been SO bothering not to hurt us, and when we hurt them a flood of hurt happens.

    • Thank you for your input. :)

    • Show All
    • Good question. I must add that when I said " we feel, why am I hiding this" its not a "concious" choice to hurt, but a subconsious thing. It takes great maturity to not be effected by being hurt. I am 33 and still consider myself to be "learning" to be emotionally adult in personal dealings of love and being hurt. Some people never grow up emotionally though, some people just repress it from childhood too (they never learn why, they just learn not to express anything negative)

    • Avksx: Ok. lol. so jerk ;). I was trying to give guys the benifit of the very slim region of doubt about their motivations.

  • Self-esteem issues, jerk attitude, pickup technique, or the favorite is blame. For self-esteem they say those things to you to make themselves feel more important. By insulting you they believe that they are better than you and believe it even more so when it greatly effects you. Some guys just have a jerk attitude and believe that the only way to make people listen to them or follow them is to insult or threaten them. Often times it is a pickup technique to get a girl off of her pedestal. Lower the girl don't to his level so she is easier to control and most often f***. My personal favorite however is blame. They blame you for not liking them and want to make you as miserable as you make them. The objective is to lose the feelings they have for you and replace them with anger. Much like how a drug abuser blames outside sources for the addiction. If a guy is at this point with you he wants nothing more then for every horrible and mean thing to happen to you. He wants you to wish you had never been born twice over. In some cases he even feels the need to kill/rape you as revenge for making him unhappy.

  • So you're saying it's okay to say something hurtful out of pettiness, yet it's a sin when the reason isn't starkly obvious? Both genders have their moments, sometimes lifetimes, of being hurtful and saying mean things, but it's not just men... I can think of plenty of totally hurtful, uncalled for things said to me by woman, but you don't see me categorizing genders.

  • It was an accident...<.<

  • Trust me, these men rarely get laid. If ever.

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What Girls Said 7

  • some men insult women because they either want her but knows he don't stand a chance with her that's why he's picking on her. OR he is into her and he is acting like a clown to get her attention and he is too shy to tell her straight up hown she makes him feel weak in the knees! GUYS IF IM WRONG, IL BE DAMNED. LMAO!

  • i had a friend of mine get really angry at me..and all I did was take him off my friends list on xbox..i deleted him a few times before and he never got mad at me..said that was it haven't talked to him in a month he blocked me on xbox..

  • hey I'm sure guys pms too, they just had 2 let out their inner bitch

  • A guy I loved and he wouldn't admit he had a woman. When i had enough! i said just leave me alone he told me its ok you gonna die a slow death! Thats beyond mean thats hurtful and scary @ the same damn time.. I was in tears...

  • Yesh happened to me! he asked me if I always fell/ gave up under pressure. I couldn't even say anything back. grrrness

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