My boyfriend doesn't pay for me? help!

so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 8 months, and we've barely gone on any dates .. I could count on my fingers how many "dates" we've been on. I'm his second gf, and his first girlfriend was his first love, first kiss, first sex, first everything.. and then they broke up maybe two years ago and she died about three months before me and him started dating. he said he used to buy her EVERYTHING, when they went shopping he'd buy her clothes and things, and I know for a fact they used to go on dates like movies and dinner etc .. he's also obsessed with money and making/saving money, he says that he works hard for his money so it's his and that's why he doesn't spend money on me.. a few times when we've grabbed a bite to eat I've actually had to pay for myself too.. its really been getting to me because all we ever do is go to parties and go to either one of our houses.. basically, we do things that don't cost money. how do I get him to understand that he should treat me as equal to his last gf? I'm not asking for him to buy me things when we go shopping, just a date here and there would be nice. oh and he didn't give me anything for my birthday or valentines day either. PLEASE HELP :(


Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe, the fact that his ex died he is afraid to "hurt" her memory by doing the same things..may sound crazy and not to say it makes up for not treating you somewhat the same as he talks about he did with her, but could be an explanation. Or possibly he did not like spending so much on someone (money is a starter but making her his first of so much tops it off and all that effort) and then it ending...maybe he's scared that will happen with you and he'll be left with the thought he spent so much (translated into gave so much) and you left him.

    If you did not mention the birthday or valentines day thing and are nervous( I personally prefer hand made and such to money gifts) but just ask him do you feel that two people in a relationship should pay for all their own stuff and not spend money on gifts? If he says yes then you have to ask yourself if that is how you can handle being in a relationship and if the rest of him makes up for that "flaw".

    Remember, the topic of money is one of the leading causes of relationship issues, so make sure you properly address this - if you cannot be honest about this thing now, after so long together, marriage will be tough. Gather all the nerve you can and just out with it - it'll suck at first may even cause a fight - but if it bothers you this much you have to say something. Because, I know your situation it is not the money as much as the feelings of not being as important to him involved so let him know how it makes you feel.

    Good luck! :)