My boyfriend doesn't pay for me? help!

so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 8 months, and we've barely gone on any dates .. I could count on my fingers how many "dates" we've been on. I'm his second gf, and his first girlfriend was his first love, first kiss, first sex, first everything.. and then they broke up maybe two years ago and she died about three months before me and him started dating. he said he used to buy her EVERYTHING, when they went shopping he'd buy her clothes and things, and I know for a fact they used to go on dates like movies and dinner etc .. he's also obsessed with money and making/saving money, he says that he works hard for his money so it's his and that's why he doesn't spend money on me.. a few times when we've grabbed a bite to eat I've actually had to pay for myself too.. its really been getting to me because all we ever do is go to parties and go to either one of our houses.. basically, we do things that don't cost money. how do I get him to understand that he should treat me as equal to his last gf? I'm not asking for him to buy me things when we go shopping, just a date here and there would be nice. oh and he didn't give me anything for my birthday or valentines day either. PLEASE HELP :(


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe, the fact that his ex died he is afraid to "hurt" her memory by doing the same things..may sound crazy and not to say it makes up for not treating you somewhat the same as he talks about he did with her, but could be an explanation. Or possibly he did not like spending so much on someone (money is a starter but making her his first of so much tops it off and all that effort) and then it ending...maybe he's scared that will happen with you and he'll be left with the thought he spent so much (translated into gave so much) and you left him.

    If you did not mention the birthday or valentines day thing and are nervous( I personally prefer hand made and such to money gifts) but just ask him do you feel that two people in a relationship should pay for all their own stuff and not spend money on gifts? If he says yes then you have to ask yourself if that is how you can handle being in a relationship and if the rest of him makes up for that "flaw".

    Remember, the topic of money is one of the leading causes of relationship issues, so make sure you properly address this - if you cannot be honest about this thing now, after so long together, marriage will be tough. Gather all the nerve you can and just out with it - it'll suck at first may even cause a fight - but if it bothers you this much you have to say something. Because, I know your situation it is not the money as much as the feelings of not being as important to him involved so let him know how it makes you feel.

    Good luck! :)

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Would you date someone younger/older/married?

What Guys Said 25

  • Maybe he doesn't want to create dependency; maybe that' what went wrong with his prior relationship.

    Maybe he wants this realtionship to be more equal, more 'modern.' I know I did, fed up with having to pay for everything.

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  • "how do I get him to understand that he should treat me as equal to his last gf?"

    You're entitled to being treated as equal to him.

    IDK how his relationship with her really was but it seems unbalanced,according to what he tells you.

    Her death might have changed him (and/or his perception of her and his perception of their relationship)

    Do you see what I'm hinting at?

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  • Wow... army ant... you really are an asshole...

    Simply amazing. You constantly repeat that she expects her boyfriend to spend his money in exchange for sex, therefore she's a prostitute.

    She didn't actually even mention having sex with her bf, you're assuming that they do. Not only that, you're also drawing a false conclusion that she expects payment FOR sex.

    She states "I'm not asking for him to buy me things when we go shopping, just a date here and there would be nice. oh and he didn't give me anything for my birthday or valentines day either"

    She is simply requesting this dude give her the attention & gifts one would normally expect to get in a relationship. A birthday gift makes her a whore?

    LMAO... you're such a fvcking sexist piece of sh!t... I bet you expect your girlfriend to get you a birthday present AND spread her legs for you. If she doesn't, I guess she must be a whore then...

    It's absolutely hilarious that you act like this poor girl is an embarrassment to women. You think women have to earn your affection and shouldn't expect any gifts or attention from you. At least not without calling themselves a whore.

    Then you turn around like a hypocrite & say this undermines other women's struggle for respect? LMAO apparently if it was left up to you we still wouldn't have women voting & somewhat equal pay for women.

    How nice it must be to live in the 1950s with your head up your ass & treat women like sh*t, but act like you're doing them a favor by showing your attention.

    You make me sick. This poor girl isn't an embarrassment to women.

    YOU army ant are an embarrassment to MEN. Your sexist, chauvinistic, and juvenile outlook on women is just flat out pathetic. It's guys like you that make chicks all around think "all guys are assholes". I swear to God I'm ashamed to even be a man if it means I have something in common with you.

    You are a sad little boy & I pity you. If you truly view women in this light, you must be lonely indeed. I cannot imagine how sh*tty an existence it must be to be called YOUR GF.

    You want to respond to my argument and then block me like a little child, for what? So you can have the last word? lmao... again dude... just friggin pathetic loser behavior. If you cannot win an argument you end the debate.

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    • Just for that I'm blocking you too.

      YEY! that's two anonymous people on the internet you have successfully managed to alienate yourself from. Btw army ant was winning that debate long before he blocked you. And anyone can go look up and research the correct translation of the bible.

      Ill bet you are a blast in real life and have tons of friends!

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    • As for how fun I am in real life? Lmao... people appreciate charming, intelligent, and respectful people that can discuss a wide range of issues with actual knowledge.

      I probably wouldn't be the most popular guy at a fraternity house, but then again, I wouldn't WANT to be. I have all the TRUE friends I need or want. You probably have tons of acquaintances you consider friends, that would watch you drown before they help you.

      Considering your ignorance, you probably don't know the difference

    • Wow. VERY well said, Tiruas :)

      I bet army ant and some other sexist jerk were the ones to disapprove your comment... lol.

  • Uh... maybe he's just not that into you...

    Sorry, but honestly, he isn't treating you right.

    Get a new boyfriend that respects you & treats you good.

    He douched you on your bday & valentines?

    What more does this dude need to do to burn you...?

    Ditch him... sooner rather than later.

    Or at the very least sit him down and tell him how crappy he's making you feel & that he isn't treating you right. If he doesn't change it's because he doesn't respect you... yet again, ditch him.

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    • How can he not be that into her? it seems like his treatment is clearly based off his past relationship and has nothing to do with his current GF.

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    • And btw you are wrong.

      It actually says thou shall not -murder- not kill. Based off the original bible that was in Hebrew.

      i could prove you wrong all day long, but I'm done with you. ta ta.

    • I read your other posts, because I could not believe you actually thought that way. I was curious to read what warped opinions you had on other matters.

      I like to be informed BEFORE I pass judgement.

      Military support is Nationalism. Bible support is religion. Its not the same

      If everyone followed the bible (or the koran for that matter) nobody would even need an army.

      I don't agree with the military being all over the world telling others how to live. It's not America's business... never was.

  • Before I start, you might want to take a look at this. link

    Relationships are about treating other people with respect, while simultaneously not kissing their ass.

    If someone does something for someone, they expect a return on their investment.

    The amount someone loves someone, or how much they are attracted to someone has to do with how invested they are. Attraction=investment.

    Lets suppose you got your dream car, it took you 20 years to save up for it, imagine the leather seats, how great it looked and how much your friends hated you for being busy all the time, working to save up the money to get it. Then you drive it home and in your driveway there is that same exact car, that you won in a race. Which one would you be more apt to sell? Of course the one you won in the race. Because of all the hard work you put into it. The person buying the car would choose probably the one you didn't drive home because of the miles you put on it.

    A woman asking a guy to pay for stuff is asking for him to invest in the relationship.

    What is the woman doing in return? Does she kiss him, does she do anything like hold his hand? Is she fun to be with? Why in the world is someone going go invest in a complete stranger?

    If you spent 20 years saving up to buy you dream car and come to find out it breaks down on you, you'd be PISSED!

    If you spent 4 years getting your degree and they told you that oh I'm sorry were no longer accredited. You'd be mad.

    If your a woman and you act fun, show that you are affectionate and loving and he likes you a lot, and show him that there might be a possibility for sex, he's going to be willing to spend money on you.

    Why? because both of you are in love, both of you don't care about the money. Heck, she might pay for him because it feels right. it doesn't matter because both of you are invested in the relationship.

    For men, they shouldn't buy women things until they deserve it. You don't reward a woman with money simply because she's got a nice ass. That's called creepy and desperate.

    For women, You shouldn't demand to be bought, that's called a whore. Instead, you should do something to deserve it, like be fun and interesting and physically complaint to a mans advances. (this doesn't mean you screw him when he says hello, it just means being compliant.) it means following his lead, and being a good conversationalist, and not weird and bitchy and full of drama.

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    • Lmao that you compare a relationship to that of possessing property.

      Your ideas are from the 1950s or earlier, bro. Back then women were property, to their husbands and whatever asshole guy controlled them.

      You sound like a cheap asshole. Women don't have to EARN the right to be treated right. Nor is this girl asking for a Ferrari, she's asking to be taken out to dinner & god forbid a birthday present.

      What kind of sh*thead boyfriend would deny a girl these simple pleasures & expect sex??

    • Show All
    • I treat all people with respect & at the bare minimum civility. I would not hand a homeless man my house keys, but I would not disrespect him, either.

      I happen to have plenty of confidence & have no trouble meeting woman at all. You don't have to be an @sshole to be assertive. You don't have to be cocky or arrogant to be confident.

      You believe people have to earn the right to be treated right? Maybe 1950s is wrong, you belong in 1750s running a plantation full of slaves. Ur just sorry bro

    • Whatever you say chief.

      You don't have to qualify yourself, or try and impress someone anonymous on the internet.

      Im done talking to you.

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What Girls Said 26

  • talk to him about this...I feel sometimes guys should pay and get their girl gifts.

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  • Why would you be with a man who couldn't be fair and share expenses? Imagine what he's going to be like as the relationship continues to progress. People do to you what you let them do to you. You are just as responsible as he is for allowing this nonsense to happen. Get him to pay up or find a new man.

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  • He is still traumatized so hid heart is not ready to fully open himself to another girl. That's really sad that she died, just be careful because you don't want to be a "filler" or rebound. Give him some time to cope.

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  • How long were he and his ex girlfriend together? If you're that serious about it, then talk to him. Tell him you don't feel like you're being treated right. Remember that he shouldn't pay for EVERYTHING though. Maybe even pay for him once? Then maybe he'll take the hint and start doing stuff for you.

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    • They were together for like a year or year and a half or something . yeah well that's what I'm saying, I don't and wouldn't ever expect him to pay for everything for me like that, its just that he has no middle ground, with her he paid for everything and with me its nothing. and I've offered to pay for him before and he refused to let it happen, he said it makes him feel low when other people pay for him or somethng

    • Oh wow. It could be a subconscious thing for him. Tell him what you just told me. If that doesn't work, then...idk.

    • The problem is that you are comparing yourself to his previous girlfriend. Your a different person and it's a different relationship.

  • Maybe you should find a guy who isn't broken...? Or still pining for his ex...? Just saying...

    He's either super selfish or still mourning... either which way, you need another fish. Sorry.

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