To me it sounds like a lot of things happened here: you guys got married for the wrong reasons, communication wasn't the greatest, and she also started communicating with another guy that had feelings for her, and unfortunately he probably wasn't giving her any advice that would help the two of you, more than likely just building himself up by cutting you down to her. And now she thinks her mind is made up.
I think that if you still love her then you fight. For your son you fight. She doesn't want to listen, then fight enough for her and you. She may not listen for months, but if you love her keep trying to talk to her. Do little things that help her out. Cook for her one night, do the dishes, fill up her car with gas, ask her how her day was. Listen to her. Buy her flowers. Keep it mind that she may shoot you down for weeks with every action that you offer, but she's noticing still. Keep trying. If she eventually begins to put her guard down and open up then communicate. Ask her weekly what can I do differently? How was this week? Do you feel like I put you first this week? And she needs to do the same to you. Did she put you first that week? (eventually once she has opened up again). I read something very true, we think of marriage as this pretty box with a perfect ribbon on top filled with laughter, and cuddling, and children, and happy memories... but it isn't. Marriage comes with an empty box and it's up to us to fill it. And also you cn only take out of the box what you have put into it. If you filled it with noncommunication and failed attempts you're going to have to fight that much harder to fill it with positive. Good luck man!
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This is really sad, because I get the feeling that you are a good man and really love your wife.
I actually don't believe that the only reason your wife married you was because you took her virginity. I think she got carried away at the time, being so in love with you and also excited at the prospect of marraige. A lot of us girls dreams of love, marriage and children, since we are little, and then when it actually happens, we get too excited and jump into it blindly, without actually being ready for it. I think that's what happened to you guys. She loved you and probably still does, but I think she had these grand ideas of what marriage would be like. You know, happily ever after, and that of course doesn't happen in real life. So she is disappointed and can't handle it now...
I for one believe that once you make a commitment of marriage and especially if you have kids, you must try to make the marriage work. This doesn't apply in extreme cases like when there is abuse or cheating... But otherwise I think one must do everything in their power.
If the lack of excitement and passion is the only problem in your marriage, I think it can still be fixed. You probably have communication issues. You need to understand what each other wants and then make an effort to give it to them. Not sure if you have marriage Counselling in your country, but that might be an option. But I think the first step is to be positive about your marraige and make a decision together with your wife that you are not going to give up.
She couldn't have lost her virginity by your finger. Her hymen could've broken by simple things like a tampon. You only lose your virginity when you have intercourse. It sounds like you shouldn't have married in the first place and she is too immature still to understand what marriage really is.
Ok my friend, here is my advice. I am not sure if you two are Christian or not but there is a book that I have witnessed to work with amazing results! It is called The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. You do not necessarily have to be Christian to benefit from the book as it is lessons is selfless love and giving, but I am sure all the biblical referance could possibly be a stumbling block for some. Anyway, it is 40 challenge for two people who once shared love, to reconnect and communicate on a loving and healthy level again. There is a movie called Fireproof staring Kirk Cameron that is a great way to introduce the book. I recommend buying to copies of the book and offering her a personally inscribed copy with your pledge to love her deeper with everyday written inside. Present this to her following your discussion after the movie. Take the next 40 days together, exploring the heart of one another. I recommend you leave sex completely off the table until she shows you her desire has returned. I am happy to see you fighting for your marriage and your family. To add one additional thing; From the outside looking in, I think you did a fine job of helping us see this through your wife's eyes. (which is rare today as most strive to present themselves in the positive light) Because of this, I can sence your wife's past efforts and current frustration. You are on the right path if you are not pointing fingers and accepting responsibility for her current distance. I wish you and your family the very best.
First, you did not take her virginity before marriage. Your finger does not have the power to do that. And though it may have torn the hymen, that can happen with tampons and even with nothing going in during some exercise, even horseback riding. So regardless of your country's customs, her hymen was as intact as it would be if one of those things had torn it.
Once you married, she lived with you and basically her life was taking care of your home and you. For two years, you were her main contact with life outside of the home. She needed to have conversations with you when you came home, But instead of talking with her, you were quiet, which made her feel more isolated. So for two years you made her life seem like she was in a prison.
She told you how that was affecting her. For two years she tried to get you to talk with her more. How easy that would have been for you. But after two years of that, she has lost the love for you. She is now only going through the motions of being your wife in taking care of the home and your baby. Beyond that, you have made her not care anymore.
If you try to change her mind it will only make her dislike you more. The only solution I see is that couple's counseling may work for you, but I do not know what that would be like in your country, nor how you two would be able to be open about those things with a counselor. But that is the only chance I see for the two of you.
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i think time should cure this things... if u can able to save your relation for 4 or 6 years (till she became 28/30) so that she will understand world better till then... and also if ur can able to save ur relationship for 10years... u will build a great bond till then - but u have to speak to her all the way, if she not gonna speak - nothing gona settle... try speaking to her. if she is not allowing to speak... try texting her frequently... thats it i can say - all the best for your future :) - good people may struggle in between but end up with great things. dont worry
First of all, virginity is not lost to a finger. It's lost to an erect penis.
It sounds to me like you're not taking her seriously when she identifies issues and revert almost immediately. You need to get your ass in gear and start worrying about what SHE needs or you're gonna lose her and your son.Bottom line: Your custom is dumb. Someone might say I should respect other cultures customs and not judge, nope. Look what happened, it's dumb. I'll refrain from calling your wife dumb and (to a lesser extent) you dumb as well because you're subject to the culture, but basically you should either go somewhere better or challenge the custom and try to be happy where you are, or you could buy into the custom and try to push through, but in my opinion it's already shown that it's messed up. Sorry if it's harsh but that's the reality of it.
"accidentally made her lose her virginity"
I MEAN
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT LOL YOU WERE FINGERING HER
You're both dumbdumbs
It doesn't matter if your culture doesn't permit sex before marriage - and trust me I know what that's like - you both should've been smart enough to realize that you were doing something beyond stupid. And now that you have a kid, you'll have to think through this very cautiously.Take her to court and take YOUR son. She's an unfit mother, used you to have a child and nothing more. She can't possibly have anything to add to that child's worth or future. Also take everything in the house as I'm sure you've made 90% of the money that bought it.
This is very unfortunate. But honestly you should move on if she doesn't want to try and fix the marriage anymore. The last thing you mentioned seems like she might try and request an open marriage next. Just get a divorce.
You and your wifes are victims of the worst ignorance and bigotry.
I saw your wife's question on here. You are both all of a sudden GAGer's? Seems unlikely.
Date her again flirt get her flowers write her love letters frequent but not in an over bearing way. Show her you love her not sure what else...
I think you should divorce her immediately.. Cause she manipulated you and made a fool out of you... I am sorry but you married the wrong person here..
You should not have married her...Yes, it's over. No sexual or emotional life? That's not a relationship. She doesn't even want to try fixing things. Sorry.
Go to marriage counselling and go from their. That is all you can do
Second update. .. why would you want a life like that anyway? Let her leave if she wants.
WoW!! This is so sad 😞😞.
Yep move on.
Divorce now.
yup sure is!
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