I wrote a similar question to this awhile ago (link below). Results were about 50/50, but a lot of people thought first relationships are more of a learning experience. The person who is in their first relationship is likely to not know exactly what to do all the time and are learning as they go, if the other person has more relationship experience they may not want to wait while the other person learns the ropes and becomes more comfortable, so the inexperienced one may just have to chalk it up to a learning experience. Its hard to accept that the first one didn't work but if you think about it, you can likely take some lessons from it. And then when when you enter future relationship (s) you can apply what you learned and maybe that one will work out for the long run.
That's not to say first relationships can't work though. If both people are inexperienced they can learn together and that may bring them closer together and create a bond that lasts. Also the person with no relationship experience could end up finding a more experienced person who loves them enough to stay through the beginning while they learn, and that too can create a bond that lasts.
There are a lot of reasons why they do or don't last. Though I don't see why a first relationship can't work out if both parties are committed, I believe that most don't work out, but have valuable lessons to hold on to for when you find 'the one'. Either way as long as the person eventually finds the person they want to be with for life, it doesn't really matter if its the first person they're ever with or not.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2092240-do-first-relationships-every-really-work-out-or-do-you-view-them-more
In most cases I always believe that first time relationships are really just meant to be "learning experiences" because it's something you've never had been through before or gone through before. Very rarely do they end in something serious like a marriage and a family together kind of reality.
Here, I think the following videos are relevant and could be useful in regards to you questions:
The reality is that its not almost doomed to fail. Its because you end up with the wrong kind of person, already doing all the wrong things. People want sexual relationships before marriage and that is one of the major reasons 1st relationship fail automatically. Their not serious about it and they play games with each other. There are a lot of factors to consider as well:
1. The true intentions of the person: as in WHY are they dating you. 9/10 its for sexual reasons, even if that is not what you are looking for.
2. How they were raised, their morals and belief's.
3. They don't take relationships seriously, especially the first few relationships.
4. One person maybe looking for marriage, the other may not or won't.
5. They jump into relationships in dating far too young. As in 11,12, 13 young. Instead of waiting until 18. Some can have proper relationships as teens, while nearly 90% of teenagers today can not. Even as young adults in this date in age as most people no longer believe in early marriages.
So the best thing to do is to teach young children about the importance of these things while they are still young. Especially if they want to get married. I had to find these things out on my own to make proper decisions since nobody really wanted to tell me, except for my late mother and close family. Love is a choice as marriage is a choice. It all begins with Yes or No. In fact the real question is not: Who is right for you? But. Should you even marry at all?
Mainly because most people have their first loves so young. It's not impossible to find someone and stay with them forever. But it's okay to have a few relationships. No one is perfect and it's impossible at 15 to know what you will need in life at 40. So it's best not to put so much on your first relationship. If things work out, that's great! But if they don't it's not the end of the world, even if it feels like it is.
Relationships take time, and they definitely change over time as well. I know people who have been together since high school. They make it work because they both want things to work. Not many people can do that for so long. But also because your life changes so much now.
People change from teens to young adults. You're not normally the same person through your whole life. So it can be hard to maintain relationships through these transitions.
Firsts are wonderful. I think you have to know going on that it probably won't last. You have to use it as a learning tool. If the relationship grows and does remain the one and only-good for those that have that something special. But it is like everything else in life, we want a benchmark, we want something to say, I want that, or I don't want that... Firsts are all about awkward and learning. The first kiss, the first touch, etc... you grow, you learn, you move on... but one thing is for sure, to this day, I remember my first, still see him on social media, and even though I found happiness throughout my life without him, he still makes my heart twist and beat just a little fast when I see him! Have a first, have a memory, and move forward when it is done!
Most people have their first relationship when they are young. Generally when we are young we are still trying to figure out who we are and what we want. A lasting relationship doesn't happen until both parties figure out and are comfortable with who they are and what they want.
The most common reason for first relationships not lasting is that one or both partners start to depend on the other for validation and purpose, which should be something you can give yourself. If you get validation and purpose from your partner then it should be a benefit, not something that is needed. Usually all of this comes with time, and experience.
Most people won't be able to figure out what they want until they have tested the waters with other relationships.
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u Almost all relationships fail. You have dates with 10-50 or more "candidates," and a few of them turn into longer term relationships before failing, but once you find The One, you stop looking and you settle down. The final score is 1-49 or 1-38, or 1-whatever. The odds are stacked against almost all relationships and there is SOME magic to the first, of course, so first relationships probably work a little bit more often than others, but it's still a low percentage.
It's simple. We change, mature, whatever you wanna call it. Most first relationships happen in your mid to late teens and I know for a fact that at 16 I was literally a different person than I am now at 20. This does not only apply to relationships either, I also got new friends and could no longer get along with old ones because we all became different people, took different paths in life. So... the girl I onced "loved"?, turns out I never loved in the first place. This is why the most ideal time to start a serious relationship is in your early 20's. First relationships can be a good 'test' run. I doubt anyones first fuck was they're best.
- You don't know how to be in a relationship
- You are too selfish
- Issues (distance/availability) are bigger when you're younger
- You don't know how to communicate
- You don't know what you actually need in a romantic partner
- You want to rush to the part where you have a supportive loving SO and want to skip over the part where you get to know them and build the base for that support and love to grow
All things tied up with being young and inexperienced in dealing with people.
I met my fiance when I was 14 and he was 12 (it sounds hella creepy now lol). We waited until we were 18 and 16 to date - for obvious reasons.
We're now 23 and 21 and are planning a wedding for 2018. So it CAN happen. But not a lot.
I think this depends a lot on the individual people and situation. But I believe that a big part of it is that your first relationship is a learning experience. People experiencing love for the first time are often young, and they may think they're more committed to the relationship than they really are. They may not even fully understand what love means to them yet. With time and experience, you learn more about what is important to you in a relationship, how to recognize problems, and how to work to solve them. First relationships can work out, but you have to be lucky enough to meet the right person the first time- and you have to be willing to trust that they're the right person for you, since you have nothing else to compare them to.
Honestly, at least from a girls standpoint, the idea of love and relationships is exactly that, an idea. Girls expect the cute overly done up things depicted in movies and online. So if she expects A and the boy she is in love with is trying as much as possible and still can not reach A the girl is disappointed.
I also think most first relationships fail bc of what a learning experience it is. You learn how to live day to day not only being concerned with yourself but also your significant other.
well it depends on when you find that love. At a young age, it's often not even love, it's the idea of love.
Two scenarios:
Two 18 year old, trying to decide what college they wants to go to, what thei major will be, what they wants to be after college, getting a job to pay their bills, and stressed out by the expensive work load laid out in front of them day after day. They are each others "first love"
Two friends, very successful in college, graduating in with the same major, preparing for the same fields of work. They find jobs in the state they live in because they have a high demand for whatever it is that they want to be. These two friends, along the way, developed feelings for each other and became each other's "first love"
Which do you think is more likely to make it?
My first lovr and i had an age gap of 5 years. Im 24 and she is 19... the relationship lasted abiut 3 years but she broke up with me, broke my heart, manipulated me and took advantage of the fact that i wanted the relationship more than her, for me it was tought because i knew who i was and didn't have to explore or find myself, her on the other side changed drastically, started smoking, drinkin, wanting to party every day and so on... I wasn't in her plans anymore, she maybe never will regret losing me or even feel bad about it.
Young lovers are doomed to fail.. and if your girlfriend is relatively younger than you, when she chsnges snd starts putting you out of her life plans you will know what im talking about
Because you haven't really met or experienced being with other people so when you realize what else is out there you want to try new things out and that's why they don't always work. People get bored or tired easily nowadays. Plus when you're young like that you really don't know what you want and your taste or what you want in a man/woman is constantly changing as you age.
"Its almost as if your first relationship is doomed from the beginning."
No. Most relationships fail, it's not strange that the first one might fail, you've got just as much chance as the next. Arguably the only successful relationship is your last.
On the one hand people say you learn things about yourself, you change just by being with someone so it's hard to stay the same person you were at the start. On the other hand the longest and most successful relationships and marriages begin in highschool or shortly after as first loves. So really I'd just say it's kind of a wash, I'd just go back to saying you've got just as much chance as any relationship.
Because what you find attractive most usually is pretty superficial or the person you do love for the right reasons was a bad logical choice, due to goals, personality traits and so on. Things that are deeper that you usually don't think about when you're younger.
A lot of people start dating when they're younger and children are inexperienced and truthfully don't even know what love is. Often times people call someone their "first love" but in reality they're their first of many infatuations. I would imagine the person you actually end up marrying is your true first love in all its entirety.
It's because men and women are so excited to be in your first relationship that they each other's differences and personalities. They usually focus on how hot he/she is but when they realize how different they really are, the relationship fails... I think a real long last relationship takes training with patience and acceptance. You must tell yourself no bodies perfect in looks and you must mentally train yourself to never play around that thin line that labels you a cheater.
My sis married her first love, and etc
They are doing fine
I think people falls in love blindly.. for those esp who's love fails.
When you fall for someone, things that you normally can't stand becomes tolerable if the other person does it, and so on.
Most people don't have the practice necessary to make the first relationship last or don't have the experience to know what they want. In that sense the first relationship is a bit of a learning curve to discover what exactly you want in a partner and what exactly you must do to maintain/grow a relationship
Because you don't know what you're doing. Everything seems to be a huge deal to you, fights over little things, etc. By the time you get to your second and third relationship, you know what things to make a big deal out of, and where things went wrong in past relationships that you know to avoid this time around
It's because you and they are both learning what you want and need from a relationship, its all about practice and understanding yourself as a member of a relationship. Unfortunately you dont have that experience and it tends to end up not working if one of you wants/needs something the other cannot offer.
Your first relationship is generally during your youth. At that time you are growing and changing so much that the two of you naturally grow apart. You aren't the same person at 26 that you are at 16. Sometimes, you just outgrow each other.
People nowadays always look for something/someone better. As soon as they get bored, they will replace you instead of working things out.
Also they feel like they missed out by having had only one partner.
no such thing. Instead solving relationship problems and communicate, of course people will escape. If you take out the stereotype relationship out there the only ones are left are the opposite of failing.
Cliché answer: because we're too young. As we grow up, we usually change or evolve as a person (depending on how you see it) and at one point we are forced to make choices that significantly impact our future. To be in a solid LTR you need to support your partner's goals and work to achieve common goals as well. Life gets serious. Usually, we're not ready for that in our teens.
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