Why does the age difference bother him?

Question

So my best friend and I are obviously attracted to each other. We are very close, and we get a long great. Our personalities really click, and we trust each other fully. We tell each other things that we have told no one else, etc.

I am older than him, and do not take me for a creeper. We both are strong Christians, and I would never, ever do anything to jeopardize our friendship nor would I ever try anything inappropriate. He is 15, soon to be turning 16, and I just turned 19 a month ago.

Well, I finally decided to tell him that I felt our friendship couldn't continue honestly unless I told him my true feelings for him, in which I did so. I told him that I liked him slightly more than a friend. With which he responded saying that he already knew, and that "if you weren't older, then yeah. ha." and I told him I understood. Then he apologized for "not exactly feeling the same way, but mainly because of the age difference."

When he said this, it did confuse me. Did he mean that he did somewhat like me? Or that he would if I were not older?

Are most guys bothered by a girl being older in a relationship?

Honest answers please!

Updates

+1 y

update:

he and I are now pretty much on the verge of dating. :)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I love this story, it's so sweet to see a boy with a slightly older girl, it's something new and casts a new perspective on how this relationship can be, especially if both are responsible. Don't listen to people who said "they're intimidated" what world those answerers live in! boys at that age are never "intimidated" by older girls or even scared to approach them or anything. They actually wish they could be with a college girl, it's not only about scoring. If you want to know how it really feels, I'm going to tell you that if I'm 15 all over again and had a very close friend that is 19, her holding my hands would feel like heaven. Yes! even 15 yo boys have feelings and hearts that can be touched, and that boy you're talking about is not far from that I guess.

The other thing I want to talk about, is that I praise you girl, because you went for someone like him even though he is younger, and that proves how pure you are. Girls your age always go for older guys, why? they'd say boys our age aren't mature enough, but the truth is they're greedy, they're impure and somewhat perverted if he was older by 10 years or so, yes they're the ones supposed to be called perverted and not you. A girl says yeah this guy has a good job now, he's gonna make more money, yeah and he is taller, he is more controlling, a bitch like me needs that... but you're unlike all of that, probably because you're a believer, and that's what God wanted women to be, not to look at a man's age, height or money, only what he has in his heart.

So I wish someday, he'll grow up, he'll understand. But at the moment try to be his best friend, and try to keep him emotionally fulfilled so he won't slip feet into crap you'd never want him to, and that is if you cared about him, and it might just end so happily for you both as a couple one day, married as I hope cause I'm a believer too :)

God bless you both,

anynymoooooose · Accepted Answer

Yeah guys can be bothered by the girl being older. It can be strange, so if it bothers him, then I'm afraid that is that.

However, you should just ask him. We really can't help you out, this is entirely up to the both of you. I think the best advice is to talk to him more, you said you were close, and see what the deal is.

Btw, last year I was 23, and I went out with a 31 year old woman that I met at work. It was kind of strange sometimes when we discussed our childhoods, but that's about it. She really liked me, and I thought she was attractive as hell. Nothing wrong with that, and in this case it didn't bother me at all. So basically, it's an issue if it bothers him, or you, but if not there's nothing to it. It's totally dependent on what the two of you want and feel.

Again, just treat it like a normal relationship, ask him how he feels and go from there. By the way, if he answered you like that, that is confusing. Seems to hint that there are other reasons also why he's doesn't feel the same. Talk.

2doves4me · Accepted Answer

I use to like younger guys when I was your age, because most of the guys in my youth group were younger.  I didn't have the guts to do what you did and tell them.  It's better to have said it then regret it later, if you really liked the guy and didn't want to lose the chance.  It seems that he's still immature and doesn't know that age isn't that big of a deal in relationships.  It's more of your personalitites, your attitudes, religious beliefs adn things like that that really makes or breaks a relationship.  the younger guy that he and I liked each other, we never told or said the words out loud but we did a lot of things that expressed it (he would always want to talk to me and come and visit me).  We grew apart and he deleted me off his facebook friends (couldn't take the temptation that he couldn't get me?).  Doesn't matter anyways, I met someone 2 weeks younger than me when I turned 24 and we recently married so... just wait until you find someone more mature regardless of age though... unless you can wait for this guy to mature.

slickwithit · Accepted Answer

Did he give you any signs that he was the last bit interested in you, other than a friendship? It seams to me that he let you go down the easy way. If any guy was really interested especially at his young age. Age wouldn't matter to him, because he doesn't even recognize it erally. I mean what 15 year old wouldn't want to date a 19 year old? They only whouldn't if they sincerely just were not interssted. I'm sorry to be so honest, but truth is he used the age difference as an excuse. You probably caught him off guard and he didn't know what to say too, perhaps. But your young, in lust I'm sure there are other boyss with great personalities that you'll get along with just grea:)

dakota102 · Accepted Answer

honestly the age thing was just an excuse. if 2 people are attracted to each other then there shouldn't be any reason that would keep them apart. I guess you read the signs wrong.

My much more mature guy friend says that every guy would want to go out with an older women. he may not be at that mature stage yet to appreciate an older women yet, which is why he doesn't feel the attraction that you share for him. if he were around your age and you were years older than him then, then the entire situation will be different.

since this question was asked a month ago, what's the situation now?

Jinmetsu_Rasetsu · Answer

Not at all...

But, I must say this...

The stigma behind the woman older than the man predates religious understanding. It is a primitive subconscious connotation that the female is less virile than a younger man... Lets take biblical times for example: at your age, you would have been married and had 2-3 children by now... Probably by a husband that is my age... I'm 32... (I'm Jewish, btw...) Yusif was in his 30's when he married Miryam who is estimated as being 12-14 when she gave birth to Yeshua... So yeah... It is a thing etched into our psyche that even religion can not answer.

And by technicality, you being 19, and he being 15, there are further legal implications. Unless you live in hawaii, where the AOC is 15, even if it is harmless dating, you are legally considered an adult and he a minor not of consenting age... Most states, the AOC is 17... So, even dating, you can be charged with the "delinquency of a minor" even if your relationship isn't of a sexual nature. I would be careful with that if I were you...

sameer711027 · Answer

Hi..there greetings to you for me age doesn't matter for love! because when your in love you won't be able to resist anything for him/her so my advice to you is when the guy is fair enouf to you that he doest feel what your feeling then its more problematic because the feelings should come from both sides...its not only one side feeling so try to convince him with your love and friendship if you are spending 2hrs with try to spend more time with him and try to be around as much you can so that he should be always eager and happy to be with you! but not think of you as your elder than him or mature than him jst try to maintain and think accordingly to him but not in your way!

Regards

Sameer

afrolejin · Answer

i think the age difference depends on the maturity level of the people invovled.I have always had crushs on older women but now it's the yonger women who like me because I have youthful personality.as long as you treat each other as equals age shouldn't matter the second you treat him like a child you have a problem if you really want to pursue this why not just start of slow you don't have to get to know him because your friends and just add kissing and some hand holding and slow move towards bigger this by the time your ready to get really serious the age difference would be a thing of the past

anon543 · Answer

heh I'm on the opposite end of this 1, 26 year old chick and I'm 20.. (she appears very young for her age tho (she's commonly msitaken for 15-18).. we're both hyper-aware of the age diffrence, and we've not become official because of how much it seems to bother her...

for your situation, he's interested, but that age thing is gonna throw him for a loop for a bit. something that really scares down-to-earth guys is not graduating together. he's gonna be stuck in school 2-3 more years after you get out, and won't be able to bring nearly as much to the relationship. -hope this helps you understand a little...

GreasyDevil · Answer

thats bull crap. age, race, religion, creed, or gender should not play a role in whether two people can have a strong, loving, commited relationship. he is probably a little discomforted because he feels less experienced than you might be and has these ideas of what a relationship should be. The American Ideal: strapping senior football star gets with innocent, virgin, freshmen cheerleader. As much as we'd like to think we have changed, people are still fed this idea that men should be older in the relationship. depending on the maturaty level of this guy, I would have to agree. A mature man would have no problem dating someone older. personally, I actually perfer older women( older by 3-5 years). they are much more stable, they are independent. and they are usually more experienced. good luck with that guy. it sounds like he's just using the age difference as an aliby

PHILR · Answer

some are some not,

what he said was if you weren't (the age difference ) yeah he liked you a lot along the same grounds. some guys get off on having an older girl (this in their minds relate more to having more expierence (sexually most of the time))

some guys find it maybe some what exciting but scarey and back away from it.

ok with your update he may be getting used to the idea of having an older girlfriend or his sex drive(hormones) are starting to kick into high gear. lol

good luck don't spoil him to much OK lol

PapaBen · Answer

I would definitely introduce the new rising popularity of Cougars...

On a more serious note:

I believe that he feels that the age difference between you two can bar the relationship. For example, looking into the future, you're going to go to college before he does, and while he is at home, he is going to miss you dearly while you're out partying with your sorority sisters. When you turn 21, he will just be turning 18, and unless he has a fake ID or another means of getting into bars/clubs, its just not going to be the same.

Also, when a girl is older, they are more like the mother figure. Since you're older, you're going to want to look after him more, as you are more mature and have more experience in this game of life.

Good luck to both of you.

alejandra08 · Answer

I don't think it should really matter, may be he is just confused. He should be proud that you are atrarcated to him at least you are not in the same situation as me in which the guy am attracted to has a girlfriend, and that is a total sin! We have bonded real good and I can tell he likes me too but is just the fact that he is that type of guy that hates to hurt people. And agh the whole situation sucks. Just give your guy sometime he will realize age is just a barrier people has always put in between love!

TheGoodTheBadTheHOT · Answer

He might have an older sister your age and that might make him feel uncomfortable. He may feel intimidated by the fact you're older, you have more power (I'm not being sexist, it's just primal behaviour) many men are uncomfortable if their partner has more power than them, ie; better job, taller, stronger, more intelligent etc.

Or he may think his friends would shun him (tell him the exact opposite, guys scoring older girls earns respect)

hollygolightly · Answer

I think that at the ages your currently at it might cause difficulties. the maturity of a high school student vs. a college student are huge. This could be why he's uninterested in this relationship because he may care more about what his friends might think you may take into account. Now if your both at the same maturity level Then that's great. My best advise if he's nervous because of the age difference if you can wait a year or two he may seem that the difference isn't so big after all.

tboy1011 · Answer

I really like dating older women personally.  As long as it doesn't bother the girl it doesn't bother me, but every guy is different just as is every girl.  I do know that in South America it's pretty normal for someone 27 or so to go out with a 15 year old... But we're not in South America and culture plays a big influence on life.

peanutbutterz · Answer

Guys can be bothered if you're older especially if your like 15 years apart but you like him right & your age diffrence isn't that far apart so I'm sure he does still like you. The thing is you peoples can't be together 'cause I don't think that's legal.. maybe wait a few years & then maybe sometime you can date when your older or when he gets past 18 years. :)

ShesMygirl · Answer

Right now this guy is off limits. While it may be OK to you, the law is the law.

Look...stay friends for now. Remember that "out of sight out of mind" holds true. When he is legal...and a bit more mature you never know. At 15 four years seems like a lot.

ErikM · Answer

Some guys are bothered by a girl being older, yes. He's very young, so the age difference might be more obvious. Maybe when he gets older, the age difference won't be as evident because you've both matured.

Anonymous · Answer

I have a similar situation! I am 18 and he is 16. I'm in college. I think he likes me and I sort of like him, so my situation isn't as far along as yours, but I am SO glad there is someone else like me!

I read all the comments and stuff and you said he has an 18 year old brother. This guy I'm talking about also has an 18 year old brother! Also we are both strong Christians as well.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that from the sounds of it he really does like you, but he way just be worried about what people will think because of the age difference. Or it could be that the age difference does creep him out a little bit. I have a lot of guy friends that will not go out with older girls, just because they are creeped out by it. I honestly think that you should give him some time to get his thoughts together, and ask him again, and if the answer is still the same then you should just remain friends. Another thing is that maybe he's afraid of jeopardizing his friendship with you. Just give it some time and it will all hopefully work out.

Anonymous · Answer

The age difference bothers him because you are an adult and he is a teenager. I mean, why doesn't a 15 year old (his age) date an 11 year old? Because one is a teen and one is a child. Go babysit an 11 year old or volunteer in a 5th grade classroom, then think about how those kids are as close to that guys age as you are.

Wait 5 years, the age difference won't be so bad (or creepy) then.

katrinasanchez · Answer

Uhm I have a friend who's slept with like 7 girls who were 17-19 years old. He was 14 and 15 at the time.  We are both 16 now. But he didn't really care about the age difference..  I'm not usre why your guy did

Delicia · Answer

I hate to break it to you but he was trying NOT to hurt your feelings. He's just not attracted to you. As it seems like guys are seeking older women these days. As they are always trying to pick me up. Don't know what is up with that. Friends last forever and boyfriends seem to come and go. Pun intended.

spoa94 · Answer

i am 16 and it sounds to me like he just wants to be friends. he may have feelings for you but just doesn't want to date someone that much older. or he doesn't want to date you but also doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I know I wouldn't care about the age difference but some guys are.

please answer my question too thanks

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