47 year old guy looks much younger, fit; do mid-thirties to early 40s women still find such a man attractive?

[uphill]

Hi:

I'm a 47 year-old guy in the unfortunate position of looking for a life partner after the loss of a serious six year relationship. I feel a bit out of place, and for the first time, a bit unsure of myself. Reason is, I'm extremely fit & I've always looked considerably younger than my age. At 40, most people thought I was maybe 35. At 47, people usually assume I'm 40 to 43. But I am looking older, as is inevitable. So I see these lines under my eyes, going across and down my lean cheeks, those high cheekbones standing out, and I think...am I looking old? I look maybe ruggedly handsome, but it looks like youth is slipping. Fair enough, it's gotta' go sometime. I don't want to look like I'm in my 20s. You just tend to look more serious, or tired, if you're a lean athlete in your mid 40s.



My dilemma is not that I seek younger women per se; I seek the right partner; she just pretty much has to be fit and young-ish in appearance. It's not superficiality; it's just my need to be truly physically as well as spiritually attracted to give my all to a woman. If I compromise, I can't be sincere. My last relationship was with a woman 12 years my junior. It's not a status thing. I'm about substance and love. I often wait a long time in between relationships, because I can't fake it. I don't try people out, in the hopes that they'll become attractive, physically or spiritually.

I wonder if women I'd like to meet think I'm just too mature (old) looking. I'd hate to be the unwelcome older guy...I have the general social awareness to know if that's the case, but this is a time of loss and change in my life, and, well, I'm just insecure about it. Not ready to move on to being "middle aged," as that's where so many people just get frumpy.

I'm more fit than most 20 year-olds. It's sad, but it's real hard to find a 40-something woman who's fit, attractive, childless, intelligent & educated. (Just being honest, I don't want to join a prefab family that someone else started!) It's a rare breed. So that leaves me, by default, mostly hoping to meet a woman about 10 years younger. (Believe me, if I could find a 45 year old woman that fits the bill, I'd be delighted; usually they're married).How do women ages 35 or so feel about guys like me?

Thanks.

[justjasmine]

Listen, here is what you do to get out of the funk. Find someone in your age that you admire and see how the guy does it, what his strong points are and how he carries himself. I do this all the time with women because I am one, 49 and trust me I have it way more difficult than you do. Older men are accepted with younger women, reverse that and it is tabu, it has become a bit more acceptable in the last couple years, but still is frowned upon. At 49 I look better body wise than most my sons girlfirends, his friends find me attractive and I have to remind 20 year olds to behave and don't be rude. I don't like being called Milf that's just out right offensive and being called a cougar by either younger women or mind you older men when they see an attractive man in his late 20's or 30's start conversation with me is just outright insecure on there part. But I have my insecurities and I can tell you I would take an older mature man that takes care of himself than a young man that looks good only because he is young. Want a role model, Tim McGraw this man is 46 and hot, fit and good looking and any 20 year old would be with him just about, but the reason they like him is its nice to see a man that takes care of themselves and is set financially. Look as I was once told by a very handsome man "a woman of 20 doesn't run after the guy with the walker or cane and say he's so gorgeous" Yet you have this happen all the time when the man has money, a car or even a home! You know what you want so go find it, if your fit, good looking and financially secure, don't worry about the age, if you see a beautiful woman you find attractive, ask her out on a day date, if you like her great, if you don't, do it again, the only way you will find someone is by being active, if you are insecure a woman will feel this, so find that role model, get active and good luck.

[Aphropuff]

Ok do you want a woman about ten years younger than you who hasn't ever settled down?! You must be joking. Women my age --late 20s-- are freaky enough as they stress about not having settled down yet. So I imagine someone older would be nuts! Women my age already feel fat and unnatractive and hve low self esteem--someone older who is single would feel ten times crappier! I hate to overgeneralise but I'm just trying to say don't rule out any possibilities. Heck a single mom at least has a stable head on her shoulders and feels good about having tried the settle down thing. Plus she's more likely to be independent. Anyway you never know I'm just saying the descripion of the woman you want hardly exist in the age of 20 let alone 30 or 40. But what does exist is a woman with potential and who may need a little push to make herself better. You may meet a woman who isn't fit but would love to work out with u. Look for someone who makes you feel good and the rest will work itself out cos I don't see many 40 year olds who are fit awesome fun and whatever else you were trying to convey. Anyway hit the gym the park the pool

And keep your eyes open there for all the ladies who work out but above all please be open to new things and different types of women cos if you zero down to such specific details you're in for a lonely ride. And get over the looking older thing--it does come across to women they can sense it when theyd rather sense confidence to fitte awesome rugged handsome exterior;) Take care and expand your mind now now now asap! Good luck!

[uphill]

You're right about the confidence thing; Though we (men and women both) may feel that looking vulnerable is somehow approachable, it usually looks like the opposite. It tends to repel. Only really perceptive and interested people can see through that.

And , truth is, a man pretty much usually has to be confident (or at least honest in his demeanor). I get that, and it's good to be reminded...Thanks.

You're right, exceptional people are rare at any age, and flexibility helps...I'll try!

[Aphropuff]

That's the spirit!:) Good points you made there. Obviously I'm not saying to ignore what you want and settle for somethig way less...i'm just saying to try somethig different for a change and go on all sorts of dates to meet new types of women. You may be pleasantly surprised!

[crazycrazychick]

im 23 and I'd totally date you. in fact, I'm crazy about this guy who is 40 something. but he's hot.. I don't think women who are younger than you are mind about the age difference. really. so put yourself out there and just be blunt :)who knows, you might find the one.

[phoebe77]

Hi I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have a similar thing about not looking my age. Most think you are lucky but it does provide you with a bit of an identity issue. I don't relate to others my age , they look older and act older . But I would love to meet someone like me , same or close to my age but its difficult. As for finding a woman even at 35 who has no baggage , you will be hard pressed. If you think those that are attractive, intelligent etc would have been snapped up by someone at some point because of their attributes. You do need to be flexible otherwise you might miss an opportunity for meeting that special girl.

[Anonymous]

I understand you don't want to date someone who has kids. But let's be realistic here, most women who are single in the age range you are looking at have children. The plus tho if you find a woman closer to your age, her children most likely will be adults and hopefully out of the house. I know men have this whole ideology of, "that's not my seed" and blah blah blah bit really you could passing up something absolutely right for you.

[Anonymous]

I am a 41 years old girl and just like you very fit and successful and yes of course we find men over 40 or nearly 50 attractive still. Specially if they take care of themselves. Just be yourself and enjoy life and hopefully you find the right person. Don't worry about age gap as long as its not so much of a gap that she can be your daughter :). Most important thing is that you click with that someone.

[Anonymous]

If you have money, girls of every age will find you attractive

[Anonymous]

What about a 19 year old?