Boyfriend wants space after fight but said he doesn't want to break up.

[Anonymous]

So me and my recently new boyfriend (of a couple of weeks) have been fighting recently due to his work schedule. He doesn't call me when he says he will and has cancelled hanging out with me a couple of times.

- At first I was understanding, then it got to be too much and he was supposed to stay the night and texted me he couldn't because he was tired. I had been drinking that evening and told him after we had been talking/fighting for like 30 minutes to lose my number and that I was done. I didn't mean it at all and he knows that because we talked a little bit after. He said he would call/text me the next day.

- Next day came and no word from him, so I figured he was upset so I made him dinner (as an apology) and took it to his work only to find out he got off work early. I guessed that he was at a bar he normally goes to after work... and I was right. I went there and confronted him (probably not a good idea). He said he didn't contact me because he needed some space because our fight freaked him out. He explained that he hasn't been in a relationship for almost 2 years so he doesn't know what to say/think/act/etc. He also said that me showing up surprised him, but he understood that I was only trying to make things better with dinner and he appreciated it. He said that he likes me alot, he wants to be with me, he doesn't want to break up BUT he needs his space for a couple of days to cool down. He also told me to calm down and go out and enjoy myself and he would text/call me the next day.

- I am afraid that by me showing up to make things better actually made things worse and scared him even more. This happened on Sunday night (original fight happened Saturday night), and here it is Wednesday with no word from him... he never texted me like he said he would.

- I gave him all of Monday with no contact whatsoever. I texted him on Tuesday with a sweet text saying that I care about him and respect him which is why I'm giving him his space, and also that I missed him and that I hope we can talk about this soon. I sent another text Tuesday night asking to talk either that night or the next day. I sent another text Wednesday afternoon asking him about the space he needed and his expectations with it. I also said that if he needed more space to let me know and I would give it to him. Also I said that I don't consider this a break up and I still consider him to be my boyfriend and if either one of use changes our mind then I hope we can talk about it.

- My plan of action is to leave it be until he contacts me and hope for the best. Is that a good idea?

PS... We started this relationship very quickly and he also said that freaked him out as well, however HE was the one who introduced me as his girlfriend to his family/friends/coworkers/etc. He was the one who wanted to make it official. I am 24 years old and he is 29 years old... so he's not immature and I'm pretty sure he means what he says.

Guys are simple right? He doesn't want to break up?

Updates

+1 y

UPDATE!


Late Wednesday night, I was woken up by a text from him. He was super drunk and stranded at a bar literally right down the road. So I picked him up and he stayed the night... we talked things out and he recognized how hard it was for me and if he needs space in the future he said he would keep in touch (but not alot). So things are great!


And for all of you guessing... he was freaked out because things went too fast.

[Anonymous]

AHHH! I know how you feel.That drives me insane, my boyfriend did the samething once and I didn't hear from him for two days and then I sent a text saying that I assume he wants to end things. He responded and we talked. I'm 25 and my boyfriend is also 29 and he's mature and all that. His response is he needed some space and he didn't know how to talk about it. I say wait for him to contact you and if he doesn't respond I would send one more final text. Don't go and surprise him. If he truly cares he will respond to you. Some guys are idiots and can't express themselves. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks girl! I'm gonna give him until Sunday (with no contact). I'm pretty sure that is ample time! If not, I hope to find him so I can break up with him in person.

[Opinion Owner]

Thats more than enough time. I hope things work out! You're welcome! I hope you post an update! :)

[Asker]

Update posted! :)

[Opinion Owner]

haha that's awesome! good for you guys!

[VooDooChild89]

Just stop texting him. He needs space like he said. Could be a few more days. You texting him mult times in 24 hours might push him away even more.

Give it time

[Asker]

I have given him a full day and at least 7-10 hours between each text... I specifically asked when he said he needed space, "So that means you don't want to hear from me?" And he said he didn't mean it like that. That is why I wanted to talk to him today to find out what he wanted from getting space, so I know how to act without pissing him off.

[VooDooChild89]

1 full day..maybe that is not enough for him. Normally space means no contact...time to be alone. I would respect what he said and text him by the weekend if you don't hear anything. He might be freaking out about everything

[VooDooChild89]

Anyways it should like you should break up with him if he doesn't get back to you for the weekend or openly discuss it.

[Asker]

Yeah that's what I was thinking, so I decided to give him until Sunday because I've already texted him everything I want to say. Do you have any experience in this particular situation? Just wondering because you seem so sure about your advice. I'm just afraid that this is his way of breaking up with me, even though he said he doesn't want to break up.

[VooDooChild89]

I do have experience. My dad is like that after a fight with my mom he will leave for a few hours or exclude himself from everybody. He says its because he wants to be alone and think about things, he is also a big loner as well. I am like that as well, after a fight (depends on how big of a fight, it doesn't happen very often) I will take a few days to myself but I also talk about it with my boyfriend. I think he just freaked out about the fight since it is so soon in the relationship. When he comes around

[VooDooChild89]

tell him that you understand he needs space and that's okay but you also need him to be open anad talk about thing with you so you can both come to an understand make sure the fight doesn't happen aagin. Him keeping his distance is hard on you and just adds to the stress.

[Asker]

Exactly. I am also waiting to find out if I got into my grad school program, so I am well beyond stressed right now. I think he is def that kind of guy. He is also a restaurant manager and works a really demanding schedule and he has worked the past 3 days so he hasn't had a full day to himself, alone (from me and work yet). So I think that is also a factor in how much time he is taking. I am hoping for the best because this was one of those instant connections. We make a good pair

[VooDooChild89]

Glad things worked out!

[Mrsupaakeru]

um He's 29 and acting like this. Sorry, but he is immature. Space is one thing but completely cutting off contact is inconsiderate, especially since you are being so reasonable with it and want to talk it out. By all means wait for him to contact you that's really all you can do. He isn't treating you very well in this case so he may need to make some changes in how he deals with things if he wants to make it work between you two. Right now he doesn't seem to really care.

[Asker]

Unfortunately, I feel the same way. I am pretty close to breaking up with him because I don't deserve to be treated like this. I understand I may have come across as a little crazy when I surprised him at the bar, but I was told he was going to be there after I tried dropping off dinner for him as an apology. I fear that could be a big factor in why he isn't communicating with me at all.

[Mrsupaakeru]

Well I think your anger was at least justified. How did you approach him? Did you make a big scene?

[Asker]

No, I just walked right in... made eye contact, went up to him and said we need to talk. He followed me outside where we talked... we talked, hugged, and then I left. Pretty simple really.

[Mrsupaakeru]

Yeah so I think you basically handled things very well and your bf' deserves what he gets.

[Asker]

Thank you. Do you think that him not having a relationship in almost 2 years and then having one start so quickly could be freaking him out as well?

[Mrsupaakeru]

I don't really know why that would freak him out. I tend to think maybe he isn't ready for a relationship or thinks have been moving too fast. I don't know enough about him or your relationship.

[bDizzie]

Probably not, but I'd be worried that you're already arguing after a couple weeks.

[Asker]

Probably not what? He doesn't want to break up? Yes it is worrisome, but it is about our communication. I feel he got so used to not having a girlfriend that he is forgetting that it isn't all about him now and he needs to think of my feelings as well.

[bDizzie]

My bad, I was answering your last question, saying he probably does not want to break up.

[Asker]

What is your reasoning? Because he said that? Do most guys mean what they say?

[bDizzie]

Yes I think we usually mean what we say because I think we are pretty straightforward. Also you are adorable so why would he give up on things so easily? I'd say it's probably best not to pop in on him anymore, though it was very thoughtful of you.

[Asker]

thank you... yes we talked about it and he said he appreciates it but he doesn't want me to bring him dinner or something like that just yet. He told me to wait a couple of weeks.