Why is my ex so sensitive?

[Anonymous]

So I started dating a guy before the summer for around a month. It was really intense and I liked him a lot. But the college semester ended and a few weeks into the newly established "relationship," which had to be long distance for the summer, we ran into problems. He was neglecting me. He would forget to call. Through the course of all this, I was sort of miserable. I made out with someone at a party while we were apart. Drinking was involved and I don't remember anything. I've never done that before, but told him immediately and visited him the next day to talk. I understand he has a lot of work and his family is depending on, but he told me that I will never be a priority. He also told me I was "cold" to him. And after a fight about his "trust" issues and my supposed "intimacy" issues, he said he needed a week to think things through. He also told me he didn't have strong feelings for me. I knew what was coming so I did him and myself the favor of proposing a break until the fall. He was very cold about it though, which he explained was to not give me "any hope." Then he said we'd see each other again in the fall, which I ignored.

Lately, we've been keeping in contact through facebook once a week or so. We seemed to be on amicable terms. He even told me to visit him (which I will NOT do). Yesterday, I teased him about finding out some interesting information on him (from a friend who happened to know him by name) and he came off very sarcastic and called me "very rude."

What is the deal? Why is he being so sensitive? He's the one who wanted to end things. I told him I would've worked things out. He didn't want to try. I like teasing people, and he's just so sensitive. I feel like I'm stepping on eggshells and we've been talking through facebook, not even the phone. We're not even dating anymore. Why is he like this?

[guest]

He is not being too sensitive. No one wants to be the butt of your jokes. He called you "cold" because your jokes are probably abrasive. Read your question more carefully, you say in the middle that you proposed the break up then in the last paragraph you say he wanted to end things. Which one is it?

It sounds like during your relationship, the long distance caused his feelings to fade. Which,explains why you felt neglected. You felt hurt by this and you acted out in ways that you traditionally don't do and did some things you regret. All of this caused the relationship to become a bit dysfunctional and subsequently ended. Now, you currently have a friendship with him. This is as far as your relationship will ever go with him. He probably does not want to be your boyfriend but still wants to be your friend. You tease him, he doesn't like it but still tolerates it. That is a characteristic of a good friend. They put up with the annoying habits of their friends without hating them. Do him a favor, stop the teasing and mean spirited sarcasm. He does not enjoy it.

One last thing. The invite to visit him is a friends only invite. It does not mean he wants to get back together. However, if you do go visit and break up sex occurs this does NOT mean you are back together. It just means a booty call took place. Sorry.

[Asker]

He told me he did not want a relationship right now. I told him I did, but out of respect and consideration for him, I broke up with him. We were only long distance for two weeks. I had accepted we are never going to get back together, which is what I assumed when he said he didn't want to give me any "hope." Also, I would never want to get back together with him! We already had so many problems as it is lol. I will stop the teasing and "mean" sarcasm, tho he didn't mind when we were dating.

[volkl195]

Sensitive? I have read through your question twice to get the full idea. It sounds as though the guy is coming off more like an ass! The conversation regarding trust and intimacy sound more like him projecting! I would say that he is being sensitive towards you teasing him because he is unable to grasp the fact that he has messed up! Taking responsibility for your own actions is tougher than placing them on someone else's shoulders! From what you described, you would never be a priority, you have trust issues that lead to intimacy issues, which give him the justification to be a dick? How is it that you are rude? He seems to be placing everything negative on your shoulders! He isn't being sensitive, he just isn't being mature! Let me guess, frat boy!?!

P.S. Be proud that you were honest about the night of drinking! Telling him right away shows that you have integrity. Most people would be understanding to a situation such as this! It's college! Most things that happen in college never leave that night!

[Asker]

Thx for the feedback. All his past girlfriends have cheated on him so I felt horrible. I also told him sorry I'm "cold." I've been hurt in the past and that's why I'm not as willing to open up and wear all my feelings on the table. Sometimes I act contradictingly. But because I wasn't very understanding in my past relationships, I tried to be more considerate in this one. I even put aside my anger, resentment toward him to stay on good terms after the breakup because we know mutual people. No longer.