its a decision. even if its an out of passion thing. time is still needed to get naked and start f***ing. that's at least 2 minutes. I could solve difficult math problems in 2 minutes so it is definitely a decision. a mistake is forgetting tp carry the 1
I think that there's always a decision to cheat, but that often times after the fact, people take stock and evaluate their choices. For instance, some people can't believe what they just did and it tears them up inside and they feel incredibly guilty, and they swear to never do it again. Other people take stock and accept what they did and move on, not really effected by their actions.
Personally, I think that cheating is a learning experience for some people. Like touching your hand to a stove. The only thing is that people have to have a stake in their relationship to care if they cheated.
Also, I cheated, but I don't ever want to do it again. And cheating gave me the strength to leave the relationship.
In my opinion, cheating means that you are not sure of your decision. In other extreme situations, it might also mean that you cannot fully complete him and he feels like there is still something missing.
It's that, if I think about it, cheating isn't really a mistake. He/she really did wanted to do it at that moment because there was something they wanted that couldn't be found in their gf/bf. And the importance of the thing missing is stronger than giving in for their gf/bf. Therefore, their significant other aren't able to complete them, so, not the one AT THAT MOMENT. (sometimes it works out afterwards).
What is betrayal? that is subjective. Did the person promise a loyalty forever? You don't need a promise for everything. If someone truly loves you, (does not necessarily need to be a bf/gf) he will decide for themselves not to do any wrong to you. Even if they do wrong, is accepting someone's fault a way of loyalty? You promised to love someone for who they are, but all that including the cheating was that person, therefore, you disliking them after, is that betrayal? Betrayal is subjective
My perspective is this: Betrayal is anytime a person confides in another of the opposite gender in a manner they should their significant other. I actually do not have female friends. Against my beliefs. If I have a girlfriend (to which I haven't dated since 2003, or so..), she is the only female friend I deal with. Conversely, it is offensive to my beliefs for her to have a male friend. Anyways, I was cheated on once. Cheating is betrayal. I do not forgive that.
I have never cheated, I rather break if off than cheat. If I am not pleased with him why stay? So, your girlfriend cannot have a male friend? I believe that you don't trust her then. I have a lot of male friends, but they're only friends. If I am with him, it will only be him, he needs to trust me that much as I would. (It's just my opinion, I'm not imposing it on you if it sounds that way)
Not trust but against my religious beliefs. Judaism. According to my beliefs, the only male friend of a woman is her husband and for a man, his wife. Not jealousy... for I don't know jealousy. However, I am heavily into my beliefs... And for my beliefs to be offended, I am not so much kind to that, for I will not offend another's beliefs. Nevertheless, I agree with you... However, my point would be I won't deal with anyone I am not interested in, in the first place. I haven't dated due
to a lack of interest. I have yet to find someone that I am both personality wise nor physically attracted to. Well, except for a manager of the coffee shop I go to... But I found out she is married. So... As of yet, no one interesting enough. I am just a little too particular... LOL
I am not interested in anyone atm either. I didn't know it was part of your religion, I'm sorry. You should try someone from your religion, it would be easier. Bc of my religion, it is hard for me to understand religious ppl, I'm agnostic.
Exactly... I will not do anything to offend another's beliefs... My ex fiancee was buddhist. I avoided a lot of things to not offend her beliefs. But it seems that people don't seem to understand nor even adhere to what offends others or their beliefs.
Decision. How can ANYONE consciously cheat and claim it was a "mistake". Sure, things "happen" but you are completely conscious of the situation. I've cheated before and would never again. It's never worth it. Put it this way- I don't even talk to the guys any more.
Its a decision, and BAD one usually. Nobody is ever 'forced' to cheat on someone, and I don't ever think cheating on someone is EVER a mistake, well not in the true form of mistake. Because like you said, No one made the train go in to the tunnel.
Obviously, it is a decision, a very poor one to say the least. Mistake, because people do it unintentionally? No, it's because they are only thinking of themselves and not thinking of the consequences. Once they are done satisfying their needs, they then consider their spouses feelings and feel it was a "mistake". But you know, that's crap.
Some people do it for validation, payback, attention, what ever their reasons are, it's still a choice.
Maybe you don't understand the nature of the question and I must explain to you: The nature of the question was not to ask a question on a personal basis, buut to see hypothetically what others think. So no, I did not answer my own question. However I do not disagree with your view.
It's definitely a decision. I think when people refer to it as a "mistake", they don't mean that they accidentally got naked and had sex with someone. They mean that they made a bad decision, an error in judgement. They regret their decision, but they cannot go back and erase it.
This is the problem with the english language, it is vague to a point of perception sometimes... "Mistake", for instance... Everyone precieves the word differently... I look at it as an unintentional acttion. However, how does one claim an action that was wrought with intent, "unintentional"?
As I said, "Mistake" is not in my vernacular. I don't even use the word. If it is a "lack of judgement" I say that. If it is an error in action, I call it that. As I said, Most people equate mistake to an unintended action opposed to an action with unintended results. Another problem with the english language: in abstract conceptualization, the language is too general. in fact, its so general, that the definition of the word is often different than how the average speaker interprets it.
Its no mustake its a choice I have been cheated on never been the one cheating people do it wether they are happy or not in a relashionship insted of dumping or devorcing their partner its wrong and it hurts like hell. I don't understand cheating ither but it happens wether we like it or not I have been tolled everything under the sun but in the end its the same thing I still remember
to this day its not something you can forget or forgive all you can do is take your time move on with your life and hope you find some one who is right for you if they cheated on you then they dident love you and are not right for you
Cheating implies that every thrust or every received thrust was an accident.. NOT POSSIBLE. It is a bad decision usually made in the heat of the moment.. I don't think cheaters will always be that way.. I just need to see that they aren't repeat offenders.
Do you mean "calling it a 'mistake' implies that every thrust given or recieved was an accident"? If it were the case, I totally agree with you. However, I disagree with giving cheaters a chance. One of my critical questions are that if they are or have cheated on someone. Both are fatal disqualification. The only way is for them to prove it, and I do not desire myself to be the one to directly be proven to, if they can prove that they won't, fine, but it is impossible to prove if they have
Basically, You can prove it, but can not use me as the pasis to prove that you atre no longeer a cheater. I say that because cheaters are self centered and only care about their own sexual satisfaction. Given that, If I am not gratifying them in the manner to whuich is their preference, opposed to telling me what I am doing wrong, they are likely to cheat aghain. therefore it is more provable to say, "once a cheater, always a cheater." And to say anything else is not plausible.
cheating is a mistake to whom did it, due to thefact that they did it and then they regret it and blame it on it was a mistake and I'm sorry. temptations can go different ways it could be somewhat difficult to deal with but sometimes it could be to extremes. this is where cheating is a choice because even if you want it you have someone to do it with, your boyfriend or your girlfriend. if you want to do something call them and be frank -i want ... saves you a great deal of trouble adn you feel better once you said no to what temped you and guess what you still have full trust from your girlfirend or boyfriend, husband, or wife.
Let me put it this way... I did not cheat even when the other chick forced herself on me... I was actually drunk. She attempted to say something like, "Your fiance don't have to know..." I told her, I'd rather shoot myself than to betray those who trust me. It is a decision. I had opportunity to betray, but decided not to. Mistake implies that I had no self control in the situation.
I believe cheating is a decision, that said I don't believe it's unforgivable depending on the circumstances. (This is also going off that flirting, kissing, etc can also constitute cheating even if there's no sex.) My philosophy is, it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and it takes 2 people to make a relationship fall apart. Something provoked the decision to cheat, the question is what the provoking action was compared to the act of cheating. That's when you decide whether it's forgivable or not.
So, if your boyfriend or husband confesses to adultery with the cute little tennis starlette down the street that blatantly flaunts her physique/figure wearing tight shorts and whatnot, that is blatantly a perfect size 2 or 4 in dress size... You'd forgive him? I wouldn't... Mainly because of my beliefs... In the Asuret Mitzvot (Ten Commandments) it is forbidden to commit adultery. Moreover, the punnishment is death. I agree with that... Your opinion?
Why did he cheat? If is because he found her more appealing (as your comment seems to imply) then hell no. But if I had been flirting with other guys in front of him and this is how he chose to retaliate. Then we're both at fault, of course then it becomes a question of what went wrong in the relationship to begin with that we were both looking at other people and can we fix it? Then we both need to forgive and forget.
Even in retaliation it is reprehensable. If I were your boyfriend for instance and I saw you flirt, I'd just leave you all together. To me, it is a sign that you have other intentions and therefore my presence is not needed, therefore I permanently excuse myself for the sake of better persuits. but it gives me not a green light to do retribution by cheating. More or less, no matter the circumstance I find it belittling myself to forgive... It would seem for me that act is acceptable.
I think it is a decision. There comes a time when we are in relationship or not, where we see someone we like and are attracted to. Sometimes, that person likes us back, and approaches us about it. When that person approaches you, you have 2 options. Cheat now and worry about the consiqeunces later, or think about your partner now and turn away; that is when the decision is made.
Every second that passes when a person is moving toward cheating is an opportunity to act (to DECIDE) to stop.
The only time it's not a decision is when it is sexual assault or rape.
If you're drunk or under the influence of another drug and you wind up cheating, then you DECIDED to take the drug and the drug might impair your ability to make well-reasoned DECISIONS.
Making the decision to cheesy might be a mistake, but it's still a decision.
I practice judaism as my preferred religious choice. And the perception of "satan" in judaism is that he is an agent of G_D that is attempting to prove G_D wrong about humans. In that regard, "satan" decides to put a bug in your ear, something that would be against the commandments... YOU choose to do it or not... He then tells G_D, "See, s/he is not as faithful as you think he is!"
Aside from religious rhetoric, I agree with you on many levels.
im a christian, so I know what you mean. satan is there to give you temptations but with God's help you can resist the temptation. but I know its hard...
Close enough... However, If a person is to have direction in their lives, no matter what temptations arise, they should be focused upon the goal and deny any distractions. Your view of Yehoshua (Jesus REAL name) is different than mine... You call him the "Son of God" or "God Made Flesh", I look at him as a wise Rabi and potential Messiah... But that term differs between us as well... However, Even Yehoshua were tempted by Satan and because of his focus, he denied being distracted!
Immediate reward can be enticing. It can be a mistake if they realize what they really had was worth more than the pleasure they gained at that moment not thinking about the consequences.
If a person can go through all the processes of selling off a family home with all of the history that goes with it and still not realizing how much they will miss it when it's gone and that they regret selling it. That could be said to be a mistake.
Not to say that I justify cheating, once a person cannot be trusted, at that level, it's usually too far.
I see it as impulse rather than malice-- doesn't stop me from not trusting them though. Impulsive people who can't keep their word are obviously not worth keeping a vow with.
Decision. It takes many choices to lead up to cheating. A mistake/accident is having tourettes, thus saying something naughty and getting pounced on (which would be sexual assault) or being possessed by a demon who has control of your body. It's out of your control.
First of all. Semper Fi brother. Secondly, It's a decision. I mean..unless your being raped or something...but that's a whole nother story. I especially hate it when someone cheats while you're deployed. People are strange and dumb characters.
It's a decision -- sort of like smoking or dieting. You have the choice to do the correct thing. You know the rules and how to follow them, but you ignore them to go cheat/binge.
Anyone who tells you that it was a mistake is also right -- because they regret it and it was a lapse in their judgement -- but it was still THEIR choice to carry out this unacceptable action.
it's a decision to make a mistake. and people are supposed to 'think' before they make a 'decision'. I hate cheaters. I've had my fair share of them and I just don't have any respect for cheaters.
Conceptually, people quantify the term "mistake" as an event to which is like saying, "oops, I accidentally did this, forgive me?" Therein, given the general assumption to what the term is interpreted, it can in NO way be classified as a "mistake".
I have sentiments toward your disdain of cheaters, however...
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its a decision. even if its an out of passion thing. time is still needed to get naked and start f***ing. that's at least 2 minutes. I could solve difficult math problems in 2 minutes so it is definitely a decision. a mistake is forgetting tp carry the 1
I like this answer. It defines my understanding of mistake versus an act of decision!
youre welcome. I'm one of the only people that knows how to speak english and use logic on this site.
Hey, Likewise, as am I. Interesting...
I think that there's always a decision to cheat, but that often times after the fact, people take stock and evaluate their choices. For instance, some people can't believe what they just did and it tears them up inside and they feel incredibly guilty, and they swear to never do it again. Other people take stock and accept what they did and move on, not really effected by their actions.
Personally, I think that cheating is a learning experience for some people. Like touching your hand to a stove. The only thing is that people have to have a stake in their relationship to care if they cheated.
Also, I cheated, but I don't ever want to do it again. And cheating gave me the strength to leave the relationship.
In my opinion, cheating means that you are not sure of your decision. In other extreme situations, it might also mean that you cannot fully complete him and he feels like there is still something missing.
I can't disagree... Different perspective...
It's that, if I think about it, cheating isn't really a mistake. He/she really did wanted to do it at that moment because there was something they wanted that couldn't be found in their gf/bf. And the importance of the thing missing is stronger than giving in for their gf/bf. Therefore, their significant other aren't able to complete them, so, not the one AT THAT MOMENT. (sometimes it works out afterwards).
True...
I have never cheated on anyone. I rather kill myself... LOL I don't like betrayal, and therefore I do not betray.
What is betrayal? that is subjective. Did the person promise a loyalty forever? You don't need a promise for everything. If someone truly loves you, (does not necessarily need to be a bf/gf) he will decide for themselves not to do any wrong to you. Even if they do wrong, is accepting someone's fault a way of loyalty? You promised to love someone for who they are, but all that including the cheating was that person, therefore, you disliking them after, is that betrayal? Betrayal is subjective
My perspective is this: Betrayal is anytime a person confides in another of the opposite gender in a manner they should their significant other. I actually do not have female friends. Against my beliefs. If I have a girlfriend (to which I haven't dated since 2003, or so..), she is the only female friend I deal with. Conversely, it is offensive to my beliefs for her to have a male friend. Anyways, I was cheated on once. Cheating is betrayal. I do not forgive that.
I have never cheated, I rather break if off than cheat. If I am not pleased with him why stay? So, your girlfriend cannot have a male friend? I believe that you don't trust her then. I have a lot of male friends, but they're only friends. If I am with him, it will only be him, he needs to trust me that much as I would. (It's just my opinion, I'm not imposing it on you if it sounds that way)
Not trust but against my religious beliefs. Judaism. According to my beliefs, the only male friend of a woman is her husband and for a man, his wife. Not jealousy... for I don't know jealousy. However, I am heavily into my beliefs... And for my beliefs to be offended, I am not so much kind to that, for I will not offend another's beliefs. Nevertheless, I agree with you... However, my point would be I won't deal with anyone I am not interested in, in the first place. I haven't dated due
to a lack of interest. I have yet to find someone that I am both personality wise nor physically attracted to. Well, except for a manager of the coffee shop I go to... But I found out she is married. So... As of yet, no one interesting enough. I am just a little too particular... LOL
I am not interested in anyone atm either. I didn't know it was part of your religion, I'm sorry. You should try someone from your religion, it would be easier. Bc of my religion, it is hard for me to understand religious ppl, I'm agnostic.
Yeah, but I was not born Jewish and am viewed as an "outsider"... Yeah, the only way is to find someone that is not Jewish... Unfortunately...
awww, that's sad because it's hard for non jewish girls to understand that
Exactly... I will not do anything to offend another's beliefs... My ex fiancee was buddhist. I avoided a lot of things to not offend her beliefs. But it seems that people don't seem to understand nor even adhere to what offends others or their beliefs.
I grew up among men and a lot of my friends are men. It's too hard for me to leave friendship.
Understandable...
Decision. How can ANYONE consciously cheat and claim it was a "mistake". Sure, things "happen" but you are completely conscious of the situation. I've cheated before and would never again. It's never worth it. Put it this way- I don't even talk to the guys any more.
Its a decision, and BAD one usually. Nobody is ever 'forced' to cheat on someone, and I don't ever think cheating on someone is EVER a mistake, well not in the true form of mistake. Because like you said, No one made the train go in to the tunnel.
I totally agree.
You answered your own question here.
Obviously, it is a decision, a very poor one to say the least. Mistake, because people do it unintentionally? No, it's because they are only thinking of themselves and not thinking of the consequences. Once they are done satisfying their needs, they then consider their spouses feelings and feel it was a "mistake". But you know, that's crap.
Some people do it for validation, payback, attention, what ever their reasons are, it's still a choice.
Maybe you don't understand the nature of the question and I must explain to you: The nature of the question was not to ask a question on a personal basis, buut to see hypothetically what others think. So no, I did not answer my own question. However I do not disagree with your view.
It's definitely a decision. I think when people refer to it as a "mistake", they don't mean that they accidentally got naked and had sex with someone. They mean that they made a bad decision, an error in judgement. They regret their decision, but they cannot go back and erase it.
This is the problem with the english language, it is vague to a point of perception sometimes... "Mistake", for instance... Everyone precieves the word differently... I look at it as an unintentional acttion. However, how does one claim an action that was wrought with intent, "unintentional"?
"mistake - an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc."
I would say that cheating fits the definition of a mistake. It's an error in action/judgment caused by poor reasoning or carelessness.
As I said, "Mistake" is not in my vernacular. I don't even use the word. If it is a "lack of judgement" I say that. If it is an error in action, I call it that. As I said, Most people equate mistake to an unintended action opposed to an action with unintended results. Another problem with the english language: in abstract conceptualization, the language is too general. in fact, its so general, that the definition of the word is often different than how the average speaker interprets it.
Its no mustake its a choice I have been cheated on never been the one cheating people do it wether they are happy or not in a relashionship insted of dumping or devorcing their partner its wrong and it hurts like hell. I don't understand cheating ither but it happens wether we like it or not I have been tolled everything under the sun but in the end its the same thing I still remember
to this day its not something you can forget or forgive all you can do is take your time move on with your life and hope you find some one who is right for you if they cheated on you then they dident love you and are not right for you
Cheating implies that every thrust or every received thrust was an accident.. NOT POSSIBLE. It is a bad decision usually made in the heat of the moment.. I don't think cheaters will always be that way.. I just need to see that they aren't repeat offenders.
Do you mean "calling it a 'mistake' implies that every thrust given or recieved was an accident"? If it were the case, I totally agree with you. However, I disagree with giving cheaters a chance. One of my critical questions are that if they are or have cheated on someone. Both are fatal disqualification. The only way is for them to prove it, and I do not desire myself to be the one to directly be proven to, if they can prove that they won't, fine, but it is impossible to prove if they have
Basically, You can prove it, but can not use me as the pasis to prove that you atre no longeer a cheater. I say that because cheaters are self centered and only care about their own sexual satisfaction. Given that, If I am not gratifying them in the manner to whuich is their preference, opposed to telling me what I am doing wrong, they are likely to cheat aghain. therefore it is more provable to say, "once a cheater, always a cheater." And to say anything else is not plausible.
~"Basis to prove that you are no longer a cheater5..."
cheating is a mistake to whom did it, due to thefact that they did it and then they regret it and blame it on it was a mistake and I'm sorry. temptations can go different ways it could be somewhat difficult to deal with but sometimes it could be to extremes. this is where cheating is a choice because even if you want it you have someone to do it with, your boyfriend or your girlfriend. if you want to do something call them and be frank -i want ... saves you a great deal of trouble adn you feel better once you said no to what temped you and guess what you still have full trust from your girlfirend or boyfriend, husband, or wife.
Let me put it this way... I did not cheat even when the other chick forced herself on me... I was actually drunk. She attempted to say something like, "Your fiance don't have to know..." I told her, I'd rather shoot myself than to betray those who trust me. It is a decision. I had opportunity to betray, but decided not to. Mistake implies that I had no self control in the situation.
I believe cheating is a decision, that said I don't believe it's unforgivable depending on the circumstances. (This is also going off that flirting, kissing, etc can also constitute cheating even if there's no sex.) My philosophy is, it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and it takes 2 people to make a relationship fall apart. Something provoked the decision to cheat, the question is what the provoking action was compared to the act of cheating. That's when you decide whether it's forgivable or not.
So, if your boyfriend or husband confesses to adultery with the cute little tennis starlette down the street that blatantly flaunts her physique/figure wearing tight shorts and whatnot, that is blatantly a perfect size 2 or 4 in dress size... You'd forgive him? I wouldn't... Mainly because of my beliefs... In the Asuret Mitzvot (Ten Commandments) it is forbidden to commit adultery. Moreover, the punnishment is death. I agree with that... Your opinion?
Why did he cheat? If is because he found her more appealing (as your comment seems to imply) then hell no. But if I had been flirting with other guys in front of him and this is how he chose to retaliate. Then we're both at fault, of course then it becomes a question of what went wrong in the relationship to begin with that we were both looking at other people and can we fix it? Then we both need to forgive and forget.
Even in retaliation it is reprehensable. If I were your boyfriend for instance and I saw you flirt, I'd just leave you all together. To me, it is a sign that you have other intentions and therefore my presence is not needed, therefore I permanently excuse myself for the sake of better persuits. but it gives me not a green light to do retribution by cheating. More or less, no matter the circumstance I find it belittling myself to forgive... It would seem for me that act is acceptable.
I think it is a decision. There comes a time when we are in relationship or not, where we see someone we like and are attracted to. Sometimes, that person likes us back, and approaches us about it. When that person approaches you, you have 2 options. Cheat now and worry about the consiqeunces later, or think about your partner now and turn away; that is when the decision is made.
It's a decision.
Every second that passes when a person is moving toward cheating is an opportunity to act (to DECIDE) to stop.
The only time it's not a decision is when it is sexual assault or rape.
If you're drunk or under the influence of another drug and you wind up cheating, then you DECIDED to take the drug and the drug might impair your ability to make well-reasoned DECISIONS.
Making the decision to cheesy might be a mistake, but it's still a decision.
"Making the decision to cheesy..." should read "Making the decision to cheat..."
(damned phone... predictive spelling... gorilla fingers)
lol
no one can MAKE you cheat, its a choice. you can be tempted but you can always say no, when you say yes and cheat its a choice
I practice judaism as my preferred religious choice. And the perception of "satan" in judaism is that he is an agent of G_D that is attempting to prove G_D wrong about humans. In that regard, "satan" decides to put a bug in your ear, something that would be against the commandments... YOU choose to do it or not... He then tells G_D, "See, s/he is not as faithful as you think he is!"
Aside from religious rhetoric, I agree with you on many levels.
im a christian, so I know what you mean. satan is there to give you temptations but with God's help you can resist the temptation. but I know its hard...
Close enough... However, If a person is to have direction in their lives, no matter what temptations arise, they should be focused upon the goal and deny any distractions. Your view of Yehoshua (Jesus REAL name) is different than mine... You call him the "Son of God" or "God Made Flesh", I look at him as a wise Rabi and potential Messiah... But that term differs between us as well... However, Even Yehoshua were tempted by Satan and because of his focus, he denied being distracted!
Immediate reward can be enticing. It can be a mistake if they realize what they really had was worth more than the pleasure they gained at that moment not thinking about the consequences.
If a person can go through all the processes of selling off a family home with all of the history that goes with it and still not realizing how much they will miss it when it's gone and that they regret selling it. That could be said to be a mistake.
Not to say that I justify cheating, once a person cannot be trusted, at that level, it's usually too far.
I see it as impulse rather than malice-- doesn't stop me from not trusting them though. Impulsive people who can't keep their word are obviously not worth keeping a vow with.
Decision. It takes many choices to lead up to cheating.
A mistake/accident is having tourettes, thus saying something naughty and getting pounced on (which would be sexual assault) or being possessed by a demon who has control of your body. It's out of your control.
it's a decision, it's not like an 'oops, I fell' kind if situation. it's the ultimate act of disrespect.
I agree 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000%
First of all. Semper Fi brother. Secondly, It's a decision. I mean..unless your being raped or something...but that's a whole nother story. I especially hate it when someone cheats while you're deployed. People are strange and dumb characters.
Simper Fidelis...
It's a decision -- sort of like smoking or dieting. You have the choice to do the correct thing. You know the rules and how to follow them, but you ignore them to go cheat/binge.
Anyone who tells you that it was a mistake is also right -- because they regret it and it was a lapse in their judgement -- but it was still THEIR choice to carry out this unacceptable action.
it's a decision to make a mistake. and people are supposed to 'think' before they make a 'decision'. I hate cheaters. I've had my fair share of them and I just don't have any respect for cheaters.
Conceptually, people quantify the term "mistake" as an event to which is like saying, "oops, I accidentally did this, forgive me?" Therein, given the general assumption to what the term is interpreted, it can in NO way be classified as a "mistake".
I have sentiments toward your disdain of cheaters, however...