Ex keeps asking me to hang out?

[Catharina]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 4,5 months ago. First I did not hear from him for a while, then we saw each other for two times. After the last time, I told him that it’s all or nothing and that I can’t be friends with him. It was always him who asked me to hang out. Now he asks again, despite what I told him last time. I also heard that he was jealous that I hang out with a friend of his when I was going out. I still have feelings for him, but after every time I see him, I feel upset. I don’t think I can move on when I still see him. Does his behavior mean anything or does he really wants to be friends and is too selfish to respect my feelings for him? What should I do?

[isaac_e]

You were just right when you said "he's too selfish to respect my feelings for him" because I think that's just what it is. Getting over someone is definitely not an easy task when that person really meant something to you. Some may have the hability of moving on faster than others, and seeing each other when love is not reciprocal anymore just hurts. So it's normal to just feel upset after you see him. You have already explain this to him, If he doesn't understand this, then I think it's just disrespectful from him. Just keep in mind, 4 months haven't been enough for you to get over him, and maybe 8 months won't be neither. But be patient, keep occupied, get new routines, if you've always been interested in photography, go get some lessons or something, as long as you dedicate more time to yourself, you'll re-learn how to be out on yourself. Then one day, sooner than you think, you will realize you've just spent some 24 hours in a row without thinking about him, then, you can see him as a friend.

[Catharina]

Thank you so much for your respond, the others as well! you are right, I should do that and tell him we can't hang out :)

[realtalkgurus]

Men are very territorial creatures. Even if we break up with a girl...the thought of any other guy getting with our exs bothers us severely...and it makes it even worse when it's someone we know.

It sounds like he wants to hang out with you to keep you on a short leash...if he's still present in your life...he can sustain the feelings you have for him without having to invest any real commitment. In regards to what you should do...well this really all depends on the reason for the break up.

If there are justified reasons for the break up and you guys came to the conclusion that you're just not compatible or the love is gone...then it's time to move on..get the closure you need and get on with your lives...but if time apart has made both of you guys realize that you're meant to be..then talk it out and try to see what you guys can do to improve the relationship.

[Catharina]

thank you for your respond. I already texted him that he knows how I feel about him... I mean, I told him last time how I feel about him? If he wants to try again, won't he tell me? I don't want to hang out as friends anymore... he has not responded though. I can't do anything now, can I?

[hunnay]

i went through this last week.

i told him I still had feelings and that we shouldn't hang out.. and then he just kept asking me to hang out after that. if you still like him and you want to get back together with him then you should ask him how he feels about you. if you don't want to get back with him, then seriously don't talk to him anymore, espacally if you still have feelings for him. it's really hard, but its just thing you have to do so you can finally get over him

[BirdofParadise]

If he wants to be with you, he would be with you. It sounds like he doesn't want a relationship, but he doesn't want you to be with someone else and this hanging out thing is his way to keep you from seeing other people but without committing to you. If I were you, I would tell him I need space and ignore him.

[littlered]

i totally agree... going through the same thing. he's not worth his crap. don't put up with it