I’m in love with someone who HATES me?

[giaaa]

hey y’all 💁🏽‍♀️
so i recently started working overnights at my current job and i met this guy. we clicked from the start, we started hanging out all day and all night cause we worked alongside each other. i was his first female encounter, i took his virginity, everything. sh*t was amazing i’ve never been happier my whole life.
except...
only problem was i was still in a relationship with my ex at that time and the guy from my job kept pressing for a relationship and i’d hit him with the “i’m not ready”. i was getting ready to leave my ex for him when he found out and now he hates me.

i’m still in love with him and he will not even acknowledge my existence, i’ve tried everything. approached him numerous times and i’m just ignored, left notes on his car, made textfree numbers.. i see him every night of the week and i have anxiety attacks all the time. i’m losing sleep and weight because of this guy. HELP!

i would just get over him but i have so much optimism 🤦🏽‍♀️ maybe i’m just naive as h*ll.

[Anonymous]

I understand your genuine pain over this but I also understand the fact that you cheated on your boyfriend with this guy. If he has strong morals, being with someone who cheats will be a major turn off, being the unknowing person that the girl cheated with would fill some men with disgust. I seriously doubt he'll be willing to have a romantic relationship with you again. The best you can hope for is that he'll eventually be able to be friends with you. Even if he got over what you did, he'll probably always worry that you'll one day cheat on him for someone else like you did for him. He won't ever fully trust you. That's the thing with dating a cheater. He might even become super protective, possessive, and even paranoid. It might be best for both of you to let this go. And you need to give a lot of thought to what you did (cheating) because it's going to affect your future relationships as well.

[giaaa]

i have given it a lot of thought, like i said i’m losing sleep cause ill stress til my head hurts in turn i can’t eat so i’m losing weight. i’ve even had suicidal thought i’m starting to hate myself for what i did.

[Opinion Owner]

I think you need to give yourself some space from this guy so you can start to get over him. Seeing him all the time, and having him hate you when he was in love with you before is not going to help. If possible, change your job.
On the other hand, consider what I mentioned earlier and if you'd really have been okay with that i. e: if he gave you a chance and you got together, would you really be okay with him never fully trusting you, or being very protective/possessive/jealous? Not many people can stand that.

[SuperMoist]

@giaaa listen to this man, wise words. You broke the guy's heart unintentionally but you were his first now that image will likely never be the same again in his eyes.

[giaaa]

thanks guys

[NearlyNapping]

"only problem was i was still in a relationship with my ex"

You made your bed now lay in it.

To be honest, you sound like a borderline stalker. Don't let yourself go there. If he hates you there is nothing you can do about it. So stop trying. Keep a close eye on yourself mentally. If you let yourself become so obsessed that you can't let it go, then you really are on your way to being a stalker.

This is the reason why a lot of people say to never have a relationship with someone at work. I don't agree with that. I think it's fine *IF* you can stay professional if things don't work out. You need to get yourself under control for the sake of your job, and your own mental well being.

[giaaa]

thank you

[NearlyNapping]

Will you be OK?

[Anonymous]

I'd walk up to him at work (and get into his face if necessary) and just tell him: "I was ready to leave my (now) ex when I made love with you - because I loved YOU."

If that doesn't work, maybe it wouldn't have worked out with him eventually, anyway (and he's doing you a favor by ending things now).

At least you'll know you tried - that's all any of us can do. I'd also read any one of Josette Sona's free ebooks - they were a comfort to me when I was in a similar situation.
Good luck, hon.

[Harmseygrace]

You lead him on. Of course he doesn't like you. You took the poor guys virginity while you were with a different guy. He probably really liked you but now he feels used.

Leave him alone, cheating is not a nice thing to do at all. He's smart for not wanting to be with you after that. I feel very bad for him.

[Harmseygrace]

About how it's making you feel, it'll be okay. I know it doesn't feel this way now, but there will be others. I thought I would never find anyone like my ex boyfriend (he wasn't a nice guy anyway) but I found much, much better.

Every time you have those suicidal thoughts, don't fall into them. Just push them away. If you believe in God, pray. Eat something too, even if you feel sick. It's for the better. I hope you feel better soon. If you need to talk, I'm here.

[brightphase]

You have to first draw a line between love and lust.
Possibly, you are not able to forget the moments of warmth that you felt in his arms or you are not able to forget sexual encounter. He might have turned up in bed exactly as you have dreamt of.
Best known to you if it is love or just lust.

Moving ahead, i would recommend you to write on a piece of paper exactly what you wish, divide the tasks and fulfill.
Now , if uou are being ignored, dont let anyone play with your self esteem now. Find alternatives.
Take care dear. Be happy always. May you get what you wish for.

[GreenPenguin]

Lust often comes before love. Even if it's lust and loneliness driving her now, it might evolve. Love isn't something that's there from the start, it often grows from a seed of lust or affection

[giaaa]

i think it’s love because i miss our memories and times we would just talk and laugh

[brightphase]

You are nowhere wrong 😊
Lust is mostly misunderstood term. I would say , a normal relationship starts from affection or attraction.
When it starts from lust it ends up in bed in a short time.. then due to many such factors the relation usually dont go for long term.
I was basically pointing to a long term relationship in the making.

You are a good thinker. Keep it up. 😊

[brightphase]

Yes giaaa, as i wrote in my previous opinion. Its all best known to you. So yes if you say its love so its love. Chase it. Good luck. Take care..😊

[Nafree]

He doesn't hate you , it's a signal of a broken heart.
People react differently when suffering, some brake down, some simply turn around and leave and some show hate to the thing or a person that caused heartache.
It's a defensive reaction that's all.

[GreenPenguin]

I agree

[giaaa]

thank you.

[Battooot]

Yes this is what just happened with my girlfriend who broke up with me. She hates me so much like i killed her mother. When she loved me so much she used to tell me im her life and she cannot live without me. Im so broken hearted with all this and especially how she reacted with me with all the hate and blocked me from everywhere... it really striked me so deep in my heart how she acted with me. Despite her knowing how much i really loved her

[Nafree]

Him for giaaa and her for Battooot they are just converting pain in something that hurts less , anger and hate.
But sadly it's a much longer path to healing, both of you can expect to hear that he/she said some bad things about you to mutual friends, that's subconscious reaction to hurt you back anyway possible, ignor and don't fall for that.

[giaaa]

what i didn’t kill anyone wtf

[giaaa]

ohhh

[Nafree]

And on the other hand , you're 18. years old , didn't see that earlier. STAY IN SCHOOL ✌️🤘

[Battooot]

Nafre i need to ask you a favor pls accept my follow so i can message u lol

[Nafree]

Isn't it automatic , I can see you following but there is no request :/

[Battooot]

U should be able to accept it in your "following" options

[Nafree]

My xper lvl doesn't allow me to send msgs

[wankiam]

difficult as it is you toyed with his feelings and so he is done... all you can do is use it as a learning experience and try to move on though i will say that before you enter into something else you need to be over this guy so you dont do the same again

[giaaa]

i don’t want to move on i need him back i’m in such a low place right now... i know you’re right tho 😞

[wankiam]

yeah i appreciate that and ofcourse its easy to say from the outside looking in but i think the damage is done so you have to try to get past it

[giaaa]

thank you for your insight

[Chris4744]

Yeah you’re being naive. Sorry but that’s the truth. You did something shitty. If you wanted this guy you should have taken things slow with him starting with dumping your ex. You fucked it up and now there’s nothing you can do about it. If he wasn’t a good guy, he wouldn’t give a damn if you had been in a relationship when you hooked up, but apparently he is and has some self respect, which is probably why you like him.

So the reasons that you like him are basically the same reasons that he will never like you again.

[GreenPenguin]

What a pickle!

Honestly, it's a bad spot you've put yourself in, but not hopeless.

The problem is how experienced and mature this guy is. You cheated, it's a red light for most guys, especially young ones.

I assume the relationship with your ex was going poorly anyway, right? This I assume is part of the reason you found someone else.

If you want to continue with this guy, you have to explain this to him. That you made a mistake, that it wasn't your intentions to cheat on your ex.

Your previous relationship was bad, and you didn't want it anymore. You should've done something sooner, but things like these are hard to do.

A way to convince him further would be to tell him that the thing you had together helped you finally end things with your ex.

Of course, this solution is based on the fact that I was right about you and your ex. Otherwise it would be a huge lie.

[giaaa]

i did tell him that, he’s the reason i broke up with my ex period.

[giaaa]

still no response from him

[GreenPenguin]

I forgot to mention it in my opinion, but he might need some time without you to put collect himself. Time is a very good tool.

[NickiB]

The problem is he feels played and lost trust for you. Especially he trusted you enough to choose you to be his first time.

Sorry that becomes something that is not easy to overcome.

I know this is hindsight but you should've come clean from the start. He deserved as much.

Try telling him that if you can. Tell him you're mistake. Try to explain your failure in this situation.

You owning up to your part might help.

If not. There really isn't much more you can do.

[Anonymous]

This might be one of those times where it's just a lesson learned. Don't mess around with other guys while you're in a relationship. It just ends up hurting everyone in the end.

At the end of the day, if he's no longer interested, there's not much you can do. Just don't make the same mistake again.

[Anonymous]

You messed with his head by sleeping with him knowing full well you already had a boyfriend. Therefore proving to him that you would also cheat on him if the moment ever presented itself. Leave him alone. You have hurt him enough. You'll move on and find someone else but there's no hope with this guy. The damage is already done.

[akiflyer]

To be fair, this is on you. Not only did you cheat on your ex boyfriend, but you cheated on him too, especially if he truly liked you.

If he took you back, he'd never trust you too!

I gotta say "ya gone and fucked it up". Take your lumps I suppose... Learn from your mistakes.

[luvstoned4him]

Messy

always be clear and honest with matters of the heart or it usually comes back to bite you in the ass

give it time, he will forgive you but I dont know if he will trust you

[giaaa]

thank you

[luvstoned4him]

no probs

[Clo917]

Don't keep pushing to talk to him, he likely has a broken heart and is hurting a lot right now finding out he was the side guy. It'd be best if you just left him alone for good after everything.

[giaaa]

thank you.

[arabgoddess]

Don't push it! Leave him.. The more you show desperation and neediness the more he wants to distance himself away from you.
Ignore this guy and pretend he isn't there and before you know it, he'll slowly become closer to you

[SuperMoist]

Maybe... maybe not... You're right about not overdoing the whole obsession thing and getting some distance but probably shouldn't give false hope... He might not come back around.

[arabgoddess]

Well I've tried it a few times and it seems to work. The thing is, since the guy got use to her trying to get his attention, when she stops it, he'll feel something is missing or he'll wonder why she stopped. It's a longish process.. But it's not worth losing sleep over

[SuperMoist]

Yeah... I know what you're saying but seems a bit manipulative when you say it like that though lmao... She should honestly just move on. If he does come back the relationship would likely be toxic due to all the resentment and mistrust he'll harbor.

[arabgoddess]

I wouldn't manipulate anyone or anything.. Its just simple psychology! If he has any resentment, it'd be for his own personal reasons because remember he did love her.. They had connection and spark!

[GingerGuy]

Does this work with women too? lol Yeah this is about 50/50. It will make him wonder, BUT, if he truly has no interest to begin with, it's not going to all of the sudden make him want her.

[arabgoddess]

If he truly has no interest he'd confront her with it or come up with some excuse to get out of it

[GingerGuy]

You'd think so, but not necessarily. Some people are very bad communicators (ie, don't at all).

[arabgoddess]

Yeah true

[Shamalien]

U dumb bitch u cheated on ur boyfriend to take his innocence and u wonder why he's pissed? What sane guy gets in a relationship with a cheating slut? Why were u with ur ex if u wanted to sleep with someone else? U cud have called him that night even that would b better than what u did. U deserve ur treatment

[Ranomguy]

Well I had a best friend and we went through somethibn similar and she hurt me in a lot of way by saying B's to me about our friendship also we was really close and we still go to same high shcool she does her thing now I think in lack of better term just go straight up to them ask for one more chance and make it clear your serious if he don't respond welp move on I cried to much over things she did and I stopped giving fucks it kid sad cause I realize I lost my chances with another amazing friend that wasn't her and I probably hurt her so she ghosted me lol this reply is horrible

[Rab1901]

Go find a hobby or two to take your mind off of him, and practice being honest. Reach out to him only after you can get the honesty part down. Remember to practice awareness while you're at it. Reading about it helps. Don't go telling everyone how fat they are everywhere you go.

Being socially aware and honest will go a long way. If you don't end up with him, someone else great will come along.

[Juxtapose]

Would you want to get together with somebody like yourself?

[giaaa]

if i really loved them

[SOARER_]

You need to confront him before or after work.
Tell him how you feel, and tell him you left your boyfriend for him

He obviously isn't man enough to give you a clear answer. He should have just told you he didn't want you any longer or that he does what you want. Also I doubt he hates you. He is just playing angry.

[Ripper_E]

Doesn't sound like love. Sounds like intense infatuation.
but you set yourself up for that one. You have a red flag on you. If a guy, a good guy, sees that a girl cheated on her boyfriend to be with him, he won't want her. What's to stop her from cheating on him?

[Tyffen]

Yeah. You fucked up, I'm afraid.

Guys hate women who have no loyalty.

It would've been way better if you left your ex, and then started talking to him.

[giaaa]

no shit sherlock 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Tyffen]

👍🏻👍🏻

[boggboss]

There is not much you can do you played with him and he now hates you for it if he was willing to talk u would say there was hope but without that there is nothing you can do this is why you shouldn't play with people's emotions