Should it matter who owned the home?

[MAYbab]

My mom helped me to get a home which i am totally responsible for paying for. My ex didn't like the fact that i got the bouse this way, in fact he didn't want to get married and move in because he wouldn't be on the deed. My mom was gracious enough to get the home even though it isn't in my name it belonga to my family's estate. I got vibes that he was jealous of such as he begin to act strange shortly after i moved in from an apartment to a house. Having a home is more affordable for me vs and apartment. How was i supposed to deal with this when he was still living at home with his parents and never moved out on his own? My left me because I would ask him about him looking at lingerie pictures all of the time on Instagram and even downloading them. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't making fun of my weight.

[BeMuse]

I wouldn’t move into a home owned by a women’s parents primarily because it indicates that the parents are controlling. If it was a gift to the child, then the deed would be in her name. Being that it is retained in the parents name and they are likely controlling individuals, they can at any time come to the property they own and tell people what to do on their land. This might mean they intrude into the home unannounced. It might mean they come and impose their will on her and start arguments and other drama that will cause relationship problems. If they don’t get their way, they might take it out on me. If they don’t agree with me, they might say they want me out or to pay rent to live with her. It’s just a huge mouse trap of fucked up that I would never want to step into. If she owns it, I wouldn’t mind staying there several nights a week, but I would still maintain my own property. I wouldn’t put myself in a position where I’d end up homeless over some emotional spat.

[MAYbab]

I am totally responsible for the property in fact the upkeep is all on me. They just helped get the home so that I would have lower payments

[BeMuse]

So they cosigned on the loan? Are your parents controlling? Just curious… That is if you’re willing to share you opinion on that. I don’t see a problem of parents cosigning on a loan to help their kid qualify for a loan if they made the a down payment or something like that and you make the mortgage payments. That wouldn’t bother me.

[MAYbab]

I totally get your point because it is valid. The home is in my mom's name until I can pay down my student loans and have it refinanced. I am totally responsible for the mortgage and any other things needed for the home. When I was with my ex, my mom stepped back and would let him figure out how to get things fixed as well as maintain the lawn. Most times he would ask me to ask my dad about stuff if he didn't k iw how to fix it which was odd. He didn't want to help with my lawn instead he would cut half of the yard one week and do the other half the next week. I had to end up paying someone to cut it on a regular basis. My mom hasn't been controlling in fact she just wanted me to have someone that would truly help maintain the property when we get married.

[BeMuse]

That sounds reasonable. It’s understandable that student loan debt could make it more challenging to qualify for a loan and that your parents wanted to help you get established. I don’t think most guys would take exception to your situation if they were dating you. I don’t think it would be much of an issue until the relationship got more serious. At some point when marriage was on the mind the issue of buying a home together might come up where the two of you pick a home you both like and both contribute to, in which either you sell your current home and pay half of the new home retaining the profits from the sale of your current home in your own account and place both you and your fiance/spouse on the deed, or you retain your current home as a rental property on the side to earn additional cash flow and as a fall back if things go tits up.`

[MAYbab]

That's very logical. He still lived at home either his parents. He wanted to get a home and for me to move out of my current place but his job history wasn't stable. If I give up my home and he doesn't maintain a home because of him job hopping that may cause me to lose out. He was all about him getting the home as the provider, but his parents were still paying for most of his bills and had never moved out on his own.

[BeMuse]

As far as maintaining the property, well mowing lawns sucks. I personally hate grass. :) I can understand mowing part of a property and then waiting to mow another part later… When I was in a standard cookie cutter home on a quarter acre I would often mow the front/side yard in one go and then a different day do the back yard. I was using a push mower at the time… That is pretty common because a small jerry can of gas might only be enough for the front yard. That means you might have to take a trip to the gas station and it might as well wait until you are out doing something else for the day. It can also be very hot and humid outside in the summer time here in Florida. So if you don’t want heat stroke, you kind of have to pace yourself… You often get rained out in the summer as well when the grass seems to grow several inches every day… :/ Now that I have a much larger acre I ride around on a zero turn mower which cuts far more grass far more quickly and it’s still rare for me to mow more than three or four acres in a single a go. It doesn’t all get done in one day... All the noise, rattling, sun, mower maintenance, debris clearing, etc. always puts a limit on what you can accomplish in a morning. So I understand where he’s coming from on that… Personally I'm trying to eliminate grass on my own property. :D As far as fixing things around the house, it never hurts to ask people or do some research when you don’t know how to do something, but yeah he should take initiative to get it done I suppose. Fix it, or learn how and then fix it.

[BeMuse]

*acreage

[BeMuse]

I guess his eyes are bigger than his stomach... He'll have to get grounded in reality eventually.

[MAYbab]

That's totally understandable. He wouldn't even cut the grass low enough or lower the blade low enough to tell that it had even been moved. When I questioned him about it he questioned respond "your grass is cut". Whenever I would tell him about a problem he would immediately tell me to ask my dad or granddad without even looking at it. He would promise to take off my garbage to a landfill because we live in a rural area and it would be weeks before he could take all of my garbage off. I ended up having to do it myself. But he would expect me to wait on him. He would say things like "I'll get to it when I get to it".

[BeMuse]

Well no one wants to be a slave… I hope you were doing things around the house as well. If you were and he was just avoiding helping out, then obviously that's not fair.

[MAYbab]

Well of course I did my part. Before I had to hire someone to do the lawn I was doing the lawn myself. The heat became a bit much for me because of some meds that I on that makes me sensitive to really hot Temps. I even tried to share the lawn care with him but he would insist on doing it all himself and it never got done. When it comes to yardwork I only have 1.5 acres.

[bamesjond0069]

Sounds like he is a gold digger or has beta angst or both. Gold digger meaning he wants the house if y'all breakup. Beta angst meaning he doesn't feel like a man because he's too much of a wimp to figure out how to work and buy his own house like an actual man would do.

[kyleelyn199723]

Just sounds like jealousy that you have parents that are there to help you which is something his parents didn’t do much of. Doesn’t matter whose name it’s in. My dad is doing that as well. He is buying the house I live in now and passing it to us eventually. Honestly, you are better off not being in contact with someone that’s jealous of you

[MAYbab]

I always felt like it was jealousy. When he left me he wanted all of the gifts had given me back. It was almost like the relationship meant nothing to him.

[kyleelyn199723]

@MAYbab he sounds jealous, and broke. Don’t worry about him

[MAYbab]

I see your point. The body comments were hurtful but I deserve better.

[slatyb]

Why are you still in contact with him at all?

[MAYbab]

After he left he asked me not to be mad that it was over or have ill will against him. How can I not have ill will?

[slatyb]

But why are you communicating with him in any way? Just block him and be done with it.

[MAYbab]

You're right

[Anonymous]

maybe he's just jealous?