Is this an abusive relationship or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

My friend recently told his wife he wants a divorce. During the relationship, she controlled everything and bossed him around. He had a violently abusive and horrible childhood and as a result he became kind of a doormat/people-pleaser. As he got older, he became more confident in himself and more outspoken and outgoing. She hated it and would scold him for being immature. Anytime he pushed back against her controlling behavior, it ended with him caving in and letting her have her way. It took him several years to stand up for himself and declare that he is getting a divorce.

He spent a night at a hotel that night. In the morning, he found out that she called some of his abusive family members he had cut off years ago and told them "what he did" as if she was a victim. He received nasty and vile messages from some of them. They also told him his wife had thrown his stuff outside.

He went home to clean up his stuff. Some of it had dog poop on it because she had let the dogs go out and do their business while his stuff was out there.

She told him she contacted his abusive family members because she wanted to know where he was and they "had the right to know" what he was doing to her. She claimed she didn't know they were gonna attack him the way they did. He believed everything she said. When I blamed her for getting those people to lay into him, he defended her.

Later in the week, she randomly flipped out on him trying to bully him out of divorcing her. She brought my name up just because I was friends with him. She said she did a background check on me and knew my address and both my phone numbers. I got calls to both my numbers and creepy texts addessing me by my old nickname that no one calls me anymore and degrading me.

[sawno]

Incredibly abusive if your account is correct, be there for him. He will need you.

[slatyb]

Yes, it's a good thing he's leaving. He should see a therapist if possible.