How Do I Stop Feeling This Pain even Though I Am The One That Broke Up With Him?

[Anonymous]

I am (20f) and I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years (22) almost a month ago because he has spent more than a year of his life just playing video games and smoking weed. Because of this and his absolute zero desire to advance himself in life/career/education, I lost a lot of respect for him as a man which made me not want to work on issues that we had in our relationship, therefore small problems became big problems. I lost that spark for him and I just felt we were too incompatible and various aspects of our life which made me feel apathetic toward him. We had a lot of love for each other, but we just always had really high highs and really low lows that made our relationship feel like a lot of work instead of fun and joyful. I cut it off with him however even weeks after I feel so much pain, and loss. I don't know if I just miss having someone who wanted to be with me and companionship or if I really miss him. I wish all the things I wanted him to change could just happen and this hurts so so bad. How do I stop feeling this way, he's on my mind all the time now, more than he ever was in the weeks leading up to the breakup.

[loveslongnails]

You're missing the drama and the endorphins that come with your emotions, so you're replacing them with yet another emotion - sadness. You also said it yourself - you miss the company. You miss the good parts, even though YOU saw no future because of the bad parts. For good measure, throw in your own fear of being alone.

You get over it by realizing that your DREAM of him being the motived, driven man you desire is NOT the reality, no matter how much you wish it were. You accept this as truth because it IS the truth, and you stick by your decision.

[Asker]

thank you

[loveslongnails]

You're welcome. Keep us posted.

[abc3643]

This is what will happen...

You will meet a new guy at some point and take an interest in him.
This will immediately start putting the exBF out of your mind.
Then, when you get into another, better relationship (really... you have to go up from that loser), you will thankful that everything turned out the way it did.

[NYCQuestions1976]

You're going to need more than just a month to properly get over a two year relationship. Give yourself more time.

[slatyb]

You meet a man who is capable of having a life.