Why do some men try to get in touch with the women they have done so wrong?

[Anonymous]

About 2 years ago I dealt with this guy right. We were together for 9 months. In the beginning he love bombed me heavily and I fell for it until his true colors came out. He turned out ti be really insecure, controlling, and demanding. He hurt me so bad using me for money and body. I ended up leaving eventually. He contacted me 2 years later saying he just wanted to apologize for how he treated me and wants me to continue doing good. I broke down because he hurt me so bad but I don’t think he means it at all. Does he just think I’m weak and will get back with him?

[DaveJord]

I would have to say because there is some level of guilt and desperation mixed into the decision. Like maybe he does honestly regret what happened, but on the other hand there is no reason why you should trust him.

To me it's all the same type of self-centered nature that got him to trouble to begin with. So now he feels bad and wants to make amends, because that is what he feels he needs to do for himself. When in reality all it does is reopen an old wound and bring all that hurt back to you.

But he has no clue how him apologizing could cause you that type of pain, because he is still incapable of truly empathizing with that hurt. His apology is all about him making himself feel better, it has nothing to do with how you feel. I mean he can't even acknowledge how much it hurt you, because he can't possibly comprehend the damage, he caused. Even if he really wanted to apologize and go through that process with you, and really understand and make amends... it still is all about him doing on his terms at this time of his choosing.

I have wrong women, in the past. I have honestly and seriously do feel bad. No never did anything on purpose, or with the intent of causing hurt. But I have done stupid shit. But years later I would never reach out and try to apologize, because I would assume this woman has move on with her life. So why would want to reopen that wound and cause her more pain?

[Finchie40]

He’s narcissistic and wants to do wrong to you again , he can apologize to you all he wants but the truth is you already saw his true colors so he will do to you what he did to you before if you fall for his bullshit , One thing I learned from life is to never take an ex back period , if someone can walk away from you or you can walk away from them the first time around then that’s your answer that you both truly don’t value each other , and are not meant for each other , Trying to take an ex back into your life is like trying to reheat Mcdonald French fries in the microwave , it will never be the same , it’s just a waste of time and it’s just a convenience. When you truly love someone you won’t walk away from them period , when someone truly loves you they won’t walk away from you period , Value yourself worth and realize you deserve someone that will never walk away from you when things get tough or we have disagreements , People that love each other fix it and don’t walk away from each other period

[WiccanLady2023]

Because he already "played" you & thinks he still can. These sorts of people do not legitimately care, they do not legitimately apologize. They're like psychopaths - minus the murder - in a way in that they're unable to feel emotional guilt for what they do.

They're known as narcissistic individuals. His insecure controlling mannerism is 150% typical narcissistic. A narcissistic individual will use & abuse others and will never admit they are at fault, will never feel guilt, etc. but if you speak up against their conduct YOU are the bad person and THEY are the poor innocent victims.

.

Do yourself the BIGGEST favour you will EVER do in your life. BLOCK his number, BLOCK him on Facebook and ALL social media. Because if he gets even a HINT of leverage he can use against you he will be abusing & using you all over again.

[FreyaRed]

They are like electrons and follow the way of lowest possible resistance

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe he wants to sincerely apologize, and maybe he is trying to dupe you so that he can use you again. Only one way to find out. . . if it's important to know the answer to this question.

[ManOnFire]

Same thing I was gonna say.

[Avicenna]

Maybe he's one of those people who thinks they can talk their way out of everything

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Apologizing to the people you've wronged is one of the first steps on any recovery program. I wronged someone once and her reaction was the same as yours when I apologized a few years later. And it was eating away at me for a long time. It was hard to know she didn't take it seriously because people wonder why you did the thing in the first place.

But once the damage has been done, people rarely want to know where it came from or why.

Apologizing about stuff like that I'm beginning to realize is selfish. All you're doing is adding complications to that person's healing process so you can make yourself feel better. It's like a shitty version of being a martyr

[Peter_Penetrator]

Is he an alcoholic? If he is in a 12 step program, part of that program is to make emends to those he wronged.


I know this is a slim possibility, but it is still possible but because I don’t know him l can’t say for sure.


You can always keep him at arm’s length long enough for time to pass and determine his sincerity. If he isn’t sincere, he will grow impatient, try to rush things and become hateful again.

[inhua]

if he didn't care, he wouldn't apologize

how the hell did he use you for your money?

[Asker]

I gave him some money for a short period of time. And he never paid me back for it every time I would ask. I was gonna do something crazy since he wouldn’t give it back but I didn’t

[inhua]

why did you give him money though?

was he some 20 year old guy living with his parents playing video games all day needing money for weed or was he some 40 year old millionaire who got himself bankrupt at a casino?

either way I can't think of any reason why a guy would ask a girl for money, why not his mates?

[WiccanLady2023]

@inhua - psychopaths & narcissistic individuals say sorry all the time. They don't mean it, it's a valueless word to them but it makes their victims feel special.

[inhua]

@WiccanLady2023 psychopaths yes. narcissists no. either way there's not enough detail to determine what truly went on 2 years ago

[Asker]

Okay so I was 21 at the time and he was 30. Ik what I did was stupid but I didn’t think like that back then. I just didn’t see a problem helping him if he needed it.

[inhua]

is he at least promising to pay you back? that's the very least he could do

[Asker]

I only wanted him to pay me back because I felt like I was investing more in him then he was in me. I really didn’t care if he didn’t give it back. It was genuine. I was just so hurt.

[Marcuslrh]

Probably just wanting to try clear his conscious he apologised leave it at that I wouldn't say he is trying to get back with you but you dont need to communicate with him further

[RingOfFire]

"Does he just think I’m weak and will get back with him?"

That's the right question to ask and the answer is yes. People can sometimes change their ways. But not in two years. RUN don't walk away.

[Mangospacho]

If he was controlling and you left him, he is likely trying to manipulate you by contacting you years later. If he is sincere about his apology, though, he will respect your wishes by not having contact with him.

[Iron_Man]

You should know not to keep giving money up like that

[Asker]

I didn’t give him much. Only gave him some for a short period of time and stopped but he never paid me back.

[Iron_Man]

They never do especially boyfriend and girlfriend. I don’t even worry about that. I never even try to get money from a girlfriend. I just give it to them to help them out as a gift never expected it back.

[Asker]

I get what ur saying. When I would give to him it wouldn’t cross my mind to get something in return. I honestly was just really hurt that he used me.

[genericname85]

well you can like someone but also do them wrong at the same time. him not treating you the way you wanna be treated doesn't mean he doesn't like you. but it does mean you shouldn't be with him.

[Elpeu]

This is the cycle they live in. When everything is over, they reset and apologize and say they just want forgiveness and nothing more. But deep inside they're plotting how to get u back and start the cycle of abuse again.

[Jadexoxo]

Probably because he couldn’t find someone else to control and manipulate. And now he sees you doing better now his little ego is brokennn. 2 years later and he’s texting you trying to apologize that’s pathetic and he seems desperate.

[adidas0169]

To make amends. things might have ended on a bad note doesn't mean it has to stay that way. sometimes all it takes is a sincere apology.

[blueonblack22]

He might just feel guilty about what he did and wanted to get closure about it. It depends if he asked you to hang out again or not.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆 Why does a dog lick it's balls? Because it can.

Guys know the girls the can play and the ones they can't.

[milo2u]

I had a similar situation, i felt very disgusted by my actions that i did those things that, i apologized to the person and her mom. I was a very immature kid at the time, the realization of what i did made me apologize.

[Huntingnfishin]

Do women not feel the need to apologize or admit they were wrong with an ex?

[TonyMetal___86]

I don't know, maybe he's making another bomb to bomb you 🤣

[Anonymous]

Cause they keep coming back for more.

[boobliker]

only god would know