If you Were the Dumper in a Relationship, Would you Expect the Dumpee to Try and Win you back?

Question

charrissanextdoor · Accepted Answer

Yes there is some expectation on my side when the break up is fresh for them to try harder and ‘win me back’ if they really treasure me. Although it is very short lived. If they don’t, it makes me think they never fought for me and tried to amend things. Especially if it was their fault behind why I dumped him.

StarWarGirl · Accepted Answer

No. Relationships isn't joke for me neither is my decision is of any kind play or game. If i decided to not make anyone the part of my life then i must have taken that decision with some thoughts only. Why should I challenge my own wisdom?

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

No. If I dump someone, there's usually a damn good reason for it. I'm the type of person that sticks it out until I realize there no hope, you've REALLY screwed up, or you don't want me and/or a relationship.

For example, last guy I dated cheated on me-
Do y'all really think I'm going to let a cheater back into my life? It was over the moment he said I was "emotionally immature," yet he left me for someone twice my age 😂

You have to set boundaries for yourself or people will take advantage of you.

Pinay_ako · Answer

When I breakup with someone it’s because I’m setting them free to love someone else coz either they want me to let them go to be happy or I’m no longer happy because I feel more alone being with them. So it’s for the best for the both of us to part ways. No, I don’t want them to try to win me back. My second ex tried but I told him don’t waste his time. It’s best for him to let me go and let me get over him. He cheated on me. I won’t give him another chance to hurt me again.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Sometimes, depending on the dumpee's personality and level of desperation. But that doesn't mean I WANT them back in my life.

AviatorTom · Answer

I wouldn't expect anything. The relationship is over, in the past, time to move on.

Avicenna · Answer

No, if I dump her, I am really and truly done with her

dynamicyandere · Answer

When I’ve decided to break up with someone, I would have taken at least a month to really think it over.

Once that decision is made, it’s final.

I don’t do that break up and get back together and break up and get back together dance.

To me, that just screams impulsivity and emotional immaturity.

So when I say it’s over, it’s really over.

I will not be swayed at that point, no matter how much they cry or beg or apologize.

Because by the time I’ve reached that point, I will have tried everything—for multiple months, expressing concerns, for multiple months, only for those important issues to be dismissed or ignored, rather than be resolved.

It should not take the threat of breaking up for someone to take your relationship issues seriously.

And I do not threat, I commit—I don’t bluff.

So if I say hey, unless we resolve XYZ, I really don’t see how this relationship is going to work out.

That’s a red alert to take me seriously, or I’m out the door.

And once I’m out, I’m out.

It’s normal for them to try to win me back.

I fell for that twice, and gave second chances.

The result? Got burned. Both times.

They were an ex for a reason.

And ever since, I always stuck by my decision if I ever decided to break up.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Nah. I’ve had to break up with one girl and turn down a wedding arrangement for another. In both circumstances I really took my time to think through everything very hard. I gave both women full closure too.

One ex girlfriend went absolutely ballistic and insane. If the roles were reversed there would be some article written about in a woman’s publication. But I left with a clear conscious. Right or wrong, fair or not she got to say every crazy thought that crossed her head. Didn’t hear from her afterwards because I gave her full closure.

But I’ve never had a woman give me that kind of respect. Ever. Every girl who has broke up with me treated me disrespectfully while doing it because once a woman decides she no longer finds value in a man he’s expendable. Men aren’t special for existing. Only specious if they can provide value.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I would expect it. She DID try to hang onto me as a friend! That's only fair, though because, I told her from just about day 1 that if we ever did break up, I'd still want to stay friends. However, I didn't think to include the clause: but not if I catch you cheating, stealing and lying!! I just never thought I HAD to! If it was just an ordinary break-up: she decided she wasn't in love with me, anymore or I decided the same about her, chances were VERY good that we'd still be friends after the break-up.

Zatsuma · Answer

You got to have a good legitimate reason for finalizing a relationship. I wouldn't expect someone to come running back if they were dumped for another person. However if it's a forgivable reason that with communication and time can be worked out, then yes. By all means try your best to make amends especially if you were in the wrong.

Leapfrog00 · Answer

If I broke up with a girl, it would probably be for a good reason, like she was cheating or using me. I might take them back if they could prove they changed, though most people don't change, or say they will and don't. I believe in giving everybody a second chance, but they'd have to show at least some effort. I'm an easy boyfriend! Lol

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Depends on what l did to justify being dumped.

If l was dumped for something petty then she would have her work cut out for her.

If she dumped me for someone else and then it didn’t work out for her, then there would be no reason for her to even try. Her efforts would be in vain.

wkozak · Answer

It happened to me recently, my ex actually tried to massage me many times on my facebook account and she wanted to be withe despite her many mistakes and make herself look like a naive and insane girl infront of my dad made me dump her and ghost her, she didn't believe that i replied to her after 4 months, we talk and things seem good but i don't hang out with her, i rarely text her, ghosting her sometimes, i only talk if there's something important

Anonymous · Answer

Firstly, I would never do that coz break up happened for a reason and secondly even if I expect that , the relationship will not ever be the same as before and I would lose respect in that person's eyes. So I would just try to stick to my decision and just move on. Coz everything happens for a reason 😛

ZackBan · Answer

No.

If I had to muster up the courage to end a relationship I'd want to put it behind me and move on.

Having my ex bending over backwards trying to restart things with me would be the opposite of that and also unfair to her

FellowTraveler · Answer

I am older, as older than 60 YOA. This subject is difficult to tackle, here it goes!

IF one or both of the two had extraordinary stresses in their life NOT generated by the other, then there's a good chance of reconciliation IF they effectively communicate WHAT WENT WRONG and make a conscious effort NOT TO REPEAT.

IF however neither were in a 'spot' that precipitated the breakup, you simply are not compatible and will repeat the same behavioral pattern that caused the break-up in the first place.

mandyfire98 · Answer

If I break up then I'm done. I don't want to go backwards at that point.

Rei13 · Answer

Nope. Anytime I’ve broken up with someone I had a good reason for it and the more they tried to win me back the less I wanted anything to do with them

Simslover92 · Answer

No. The type of guy I have would never do something like that. And if I dumped him, it would be for a very good reason like cheating. There's no coming back from cheating for me.

Djdudndb · Answer

depends on who the man is. Some men don’t understand no means no and they will come back over and over to pester you for another date or whatever they want as if your thoughts are not even relevant. One man I told to stop contacting me and guess what he did? Still to this day is trying to contact me even coming up to me in real life at work.

chrissykerdock · Answer

eventually when they get horny they'll contact you one way or another

RoseySaraah · Answer

Yes they need to try and win my heart especially if my eyes are on someone else while he is being lazy on the couch!

loveslongnails · Answer

Why would she? If I'm dumping someone, it's because I don't enjoy their personality or something else about them, and I'd let them know it's not going to work. Why would I expect her to try and convince me otherwise?

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I find the terms “dumper” and “dumpee” equally disrespectful to both of the parts involved.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

No! I am the kind when it comes to taking decisions i do it and mean it and it's not about right or wrong.

Spongebobssocks · Answer

No never. If I'd ever end a relationship it would never be to hurt the other person. Nor would it be for ego.

provokeesmokee · Answer

No. That's gross. I'm dumping them, I don't want a relationship with them. Trying to win me back will make me block them, frankly.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

I’ve been on both end of that scenario every girl I dumped keeps attempting to contact me and every girl who has broken up with me has tried to come back because I’m not a good person but I am a wonderful boyfriend

babycowboy · Answer

depends on the type of relationship we had but from my experience i’ll say yes but that doesn’t mean i’d want them back

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Not at all. I would hope they wouldn't, nothing like having to tell the a 2nd time it's over.

CubsterShura · Answer

No. I don't care if he does, I'm not going back to him.

Anonymous · Answer

NOPE! .. If I leave …. I LEAVE. I don’t expect or want anything from him.  If I want to get back with him. I ask. He says no, then no. I fucked up 🤷🏻‍♀️

molonski2 · Answer

No , as there would be good reason , I dont want them hanging around , thats just nonsense.

ohsheeT · Answer

I don't know I just woke up and I have all these images running through my head on how they're trying to win each other back how the dumper is trying to win the dumpy I don't know I think I have to think about this one LOL I just have too many images going on to my head right now

If Humpty Dumper sat on a wall
And Humpty Dumpty had a great fall what's the rest of the story
Or better yet what's moral of the story

electromagnetic · Answer

No. I’m a firm believe that if I ever get dumped, cut my losses and walk away. I don’t see the point in pleading my case for a person who’s made up their mind long before that they wanted to break up. Any healthy relationship means an open conversation to work out the issues. But if I got dumped, it means whatever I did was so bad it didn’t warren a conversation and they’ve essentially already made up their mind.

Djaay · Answer

You can't win out of being the looser. With human emotions there isn't a rematch usually. If you deem you're relationship as a competition' , then that's why you're an EX.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

It's situational. In some cases, people get dumped as a test or to make a point. If they come back, it's a do-over I guess. but the dumper can feel like the 'scorched earth' approach is necessary.

Others, it's just about getting them out of your life, so I would make it clear that winning me back isn't an option. Sometimes that works against us too- I had a stalker for about 2 decades, I dumped her and she just couldn't accept that there was no winning me back.

Anpu23 · Answer

No, I expect them to walk away and not contact me.

Nik1hil · Answer

But i want to stay a Dumper, when I go in reverse I make Ve-vu-Ve-vu-Ve-vu-Ve-vu sound

exitseven · Answer

It never happened. When I dumped them they stayed dumped.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

No. I would be done with the relationship otherwise I'd try to work on it.
Having been the dumpee, I was told it was over, no chance of working in it and that she wanted no contact. So that's exactly what I did. She seemed pissed a few months later when she got in contact thtlat i hadn't been in touch. I was content with most of my actions

Alex-Snow · Answer

Not really. The end of a relationship is just that

Andres77 · Answer

Irrelevant. If I’m done, I’m done. I invest no emotion or thought into her at all

worldscolide · Answer

No, unlike women who play idiotic childish manipulative games, when I dump someone, I'm done.

nawtee_me · Answer

Nope because I would think that I was in the right and justified so therefore why would they?

Jdodkfndosn · Answer

When I dump someone, I don't see it as a game where I'm testing to see whether they'll fight to get me back. Instead, I want them do whatever they need to do to be in a good place but understand that I have zero interest in further communication.

DextroShade · Answer

No, if she got me to the point of dumping her I have written her off as a lost cause.

Sparkie460 · Answer

No I wouldn't want them to try to get me back. When I'm done, I'm done.

Anonymous · Answer

I've learned to not be the dumper. Women cannot handle the rejection. An ex of mine was cheating on me for about a year with a guy she was monkey branching too, I found out and dumped her. My ex was all like how dare you dump me and got pretty nasty.

xxo69 · Answer

depends. if it was because you got bored then no but if it was because they got disrespectful then yes

Runningmc · Answer

I would hope that it’s not a surprise for the person that I’m breaking up with, so for me, the answer is no

silentz1 · Answer

No... the whole point of dumping is to leave that person so why would I want that person to put extra efforts in me?

fuddly · Answer

Maybe, maybe not Maybe they got sense Were you the dumper?

CubaPirate · Answer

Noooo I'd expect them to follow my example and move on

Becky03_ · Answer

No I dump my ex cause she cheated. I have zero tolerance.

TipsyFr · Answer

No because I wouldn’t try myself. Usually things go sour after a breakup make up situation. Also getting rejected is a really strong turn off for me. Any sort of mind game is also a turn off so yeah either way wouldn’t expect it.

Anonymous · Answer

If I dumped them why would I want that? If I dumped them I did it for a good reason.

luvstoned4him · Answer

If I make it to the point of being a dumper then that's means am very sure I wanna end this, I have grounds for ending it etc. So by then, I'm never taking them back

Veevian9 · Answer

No. I dumped him for a reason so I believe going separate paths is what's best 4 both of us

Anonymous · Answer

No, id be focusing on moving on to better things.

Kellokittie · Answer

Personally, imma fight for my love. So if I've dumped you, i feel there’s nothing left to fight for. So if he does come running back, he can turn right back around because, while i believe in giving someone a second chance, we’re to this point, and you’re just now trying. Reality of it is, the second he walked out the door i could finally breathe. And imma keep it that way.

If you Were the Dumper in a Relationship, Would you Expect the Dumpee to Try and Win you back?

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If you Were the Dumper in a Relationship, Would you Expect the Dumpee to Try and Win you back?

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