If I didn't bring it, was he going to break up with me?

[Anonymous]

Before my ex and I started dating I was about to go to college and he was staying in our hometown 2 hours away, but we decided to get together and give it a try. After dating just a few months and going through the honeymoon stage, his grandpa unfortunately passed away. I tried being there for him as much as possible but he still wouldn’t give me the attention i needed like just a simple call. his excuse was that he didn’t want to call while his “family was upset”. This went on for about a week. i noticed when we were texting while he was away, i sent him “i’m here if you need anything❤️” he just sent back “thanks i appreciate it” with no heart which i thought was weird. i ended up asking him if he still had feelings for me and he responded with “i just haven’t been as into the relationship as the beginning”. i asked what was going on and offered to call and talk ab it (but he said he couldn’t bc he was busy w something and out of town w his family due to his grandpas passing). i then got frustrated and said if it’s to break up i don’t wanna hear it. he never flat out said that was it but i sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if i didn’t say that. what do you think?

[DoggyDude]

I think you where disingenious with your message of "i'm here is you need anything" because you ended up asking him about his feelings for you, which means whilst you where, in a sense, there for him, your feelings where caught up in that to the point that you where kinda there conditionally (or at least with strings). I get that you where just worried and a good boyfriend would understand that. He's not showing evidence of being a good boyfriend based on your description.

So, to answer your question, I opinion that its difficult to say here. He was going through the loss of a loved one which can make a person very cold, because they don't want to feel right then and you kinda put it on him to show his feelings for you. Which I sort of get what you where going for, and like I say a good boyfriend would understand. Though, he may only have taken away the feeling that at a very difficult emotional moment in his life you where focusing on you through what his feelings are for you. Which might have honestly made him reconsider if your right together.

So I think my final answer is, this was a difficult time and looks like you both make mistakes. He made the mistake of not reflecting his love for you (presuming it was there but dampened by the loss) and you made the mistake of "being there for him" but then being there by caring he cared for you (which is selfish but understandable, as loss affects you both as you want to be there for him and if he's not feeling care for you it makes it hard to help).

So you both made errors, but understandable ones. Try to fix yours, just be genuinely there for him when he needs you, be ready to forgive him if he turns out to regret not showing you he cares.

I think he might have been somewhat unhappy in the relationship before this all played out, based on what you describe. So, it is possible, he was questioning your relationship together before the loss, and possibly subconsiously you knew that leading to you asking him.

Anyway, that's my thoughts, I may be way wrong but there they are, hope they might help.

[Aditiiii]

Maybe just give him sometime as losing a family member can be really difficult. Since you told him you will be there for him so be there rather than bringing up arguments or seeking attention at this time. Also was he treating you like this before his grandfather was dead, if not then give him some time to heal

[WhitneySnow]

Probably. He’s your ex now and he really wasn’t feeling the relationship at the time, so yeah, he probably was.

[Nikki1989]

Let him break up with you. You won't be missing much by the sounds of it.