Yep you can give thousand lies to justify that but nobody is going to believe you. You were not there on dates for us, you were there for yourself cuz man can afford himself through out life. I think majority of woman want marriage, sex and kids. You want equality, you have it now fuck the traditions and stand up for yourself, apart from old school in GAG nobody will believe you.
You were never there for us, we don't spend 1000 bucks monthly or more to just look beautiful and buy fancy stuff, you do. You are dating him for your own benefit not his.
No I haven't been on a date for anybody because I've never been on a date before. If I ever go on one then it will be to enter a romantic relationship with someone I can respect and who respects me
I don't want equality. We are all equal under the law. I prefer traditional gender roles for relationships
I don't need anybody on GAG to believe anything I say because I'm secure with my own thought processes and believe
this time last year I wasn't even making $1,000 after taxes. Every cent went to paying my bills to keep myself alive, not on frivolous things. I'm naturally beautiful, I don't have to buy beauty
I get where you're coming from. I've had a lot of people on this site make comments about the whole equality issue on other things I've posted, so this isn't the first time I've had to make that clarification. It seems a lot of guys on here have been the victim of feminazis and feel like their masculinity is under attack. I personally can't blame them because I've seen it, but they need to chill out and realize most girls are actually moderate. I happen to more conservative. That's the whole irony of it all because I was "raised" by a feminazi
LOL. I'm not angry about anything. I am secure in my beliefs and understand that most people here are misguided and have preconceived notions about me due to their specific troubles and encounters in life. I couldn't be more happy with all of the conversation that this MyTake has encouraged.
What "list" am I on? I didn't know there was a list?
You might be right about that one. I haven't seen any polls on it, but that would make sense. Either way there's a lot of animosity between both genders
And I only know one real feminist in real life. I work with her and she's a huge pushover. She'll never admit when she has a problem with something, but she's generally very amicable to work with. She's also married and has a child. She would never act with the lack of tact people here have
I absolutely do not expect a man to carry me financially. I a financially independent. if a man I loved wanted me to keep my job, I would, but if he preferred to have me keep house and doll myself up for him everyday when he comes home from work, I'd oblige him in a heartbeat
I agree most people should split after the first date if that's what both sides desire. A relationship consists of two people providing for each other. Some people might have a different direction of provision than others--nothing wrong with that
I wouldn't go out with a man who felt like paying for me was an obligation. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who stresses out about little costs. I'd only go on a date with a real man who wanted to pay for me because he respects me and wants to love and take care of me
The problem with this mytake i have is that you say you can't afford to pay for first dates but you are willing to spend money afterwards which makes no sense to me because if you can spend money afterwards then you can pay for your own food too.
Im not interested in pulling the short end of the stick on the first date.
If someone paid for meals for me, I'd be able to buy him things with the money I wouldn't be spending on food. It wouldn't be a lot and I wouldn't be able to afford anything expensive, but he would get a return on his investment. I'd pay him back with things money can't buy
I love how women justify why guys should pay, almost all the same reasons apply to us as well, what makes you different? YOU also need to impress us! I think first dates especially should be split, each pay for their own meal.
I completely agree that it can be applied to both genders and girls should put as much effort into impressing guys. My opinion is that the person who asks should pay for their date. My lesbian boss who identifies as a beta male agrees
What a arrogant/privileged post. Telling a guy to ''man up'' is also pathetic. A woman once told me to do that and I punched a bunch of teeth out of her mouth lol.
Seriously, how is that acceptable or going to convince me that my viewpoint is wrong? You're only reinforcing my belief that I should only go out with a man whom I feel respected by and respect for
Thank you for politely agreeing to partially agree/disagree. Unfortunately your video won't load beacause I already hit my data cap for the month, so my speeds have been reduced. You'll have to type out the gist of it if you want me to know what the guy is saying
I personally think you have to pay to show your interest.
BUT
if a girl thinks her guy friend paid and is not interested, that's taking advantage of him. He is paying for a reason, to demonstrate "I find you hot. Your move".
I wouldn't pay for someone if I wasn't interested. Thus if I'm out with a girl or female friend and pay, then I'm into them and they should know that.
I'm not taking advantage of him because I am clear with him that I'm not looking for a relationship and have told him many times he doesn't have to pay for me. He's genuinely a nice guy who helps people out. He bought one of our other coworkers a nice suit for work because she didn't have one.
I'd agree that a woman who isn't clear about not having any romantic attraction to a man who buys food for her is taking advantage of him. That's why I don't go out on dates. I've never met a guy I could feel comfortable going on a date with because I'd feel like I was taking advantage of him because I know I haven't been romantically attracted to anyone who has asked me out
Oh yeah I wasn't saying YOU did that! You seem to be a decent person. What I meant was girls who just expect it OR else do not make it clear they aren't interested in that way or never offer to pay, that's wrong.
Because if a guy friend pays for you, he demonstrates he cares about you unless it's a situation where you constantly take turns. It essentially means he finds you sexy and he likes you if he pays. It's something a girl should acknowledge by flirting back. She shouldn't just pretend to ignore the situation as that's like leading him on. Of course this applies in reverse also by the way.
Oh thank you. I wasn't surr woth how Many people here are accusing me of mooching off my friends and taking advantage of them
I am clear with all of my male friends that I'm looking for friendship only and nothing romantic will ever come between us. They've told me they respect me for that because they know I won't lead them on like other girls have and that they can rely on me when they need advice. I'd never ignore a situation where I knew a guy was attracted to me and didn't want to be romantically involved with him. I feel like it is much better to create clear boundaries early on so nobody gets hurt
It's nice to see a few men here still see paying for his woman as a positive thing
Yes I also think it's a great thing to offer to pay. I mean I did it recently for a female friend who I did like and haven't seen in a bit. Tbh I am attracted, so I think it would have conveyed that and she did thank me.
When you mention though women acknowledging or addressing if a guy friend likes them, do they know? I mean I would have thought it obvious if a guy is sweet/complimenting or offering to see you alone etc. I mean I have a friend who is talking about meeting up, I'm pretty sure she should realize I like her more than a little in the way I act?
I've seen studies that show about less than a third of all men and women can tell if someone likes them romantically. This means more than two-thirds of people can't tell if someone likes them romantically. You might think it's obvious, but that's why so many people on this site ask "Does he/she like me?" Because most people can't tell
I can usually tell if a guy is attracted to me based on the way he looks at me, but some guys are good at hiding it, so I'll become friends with them without knowing their ulterior motives. I'm vocal with people about how I'm happy being single and am not looking for a relationship with anybody, so my friends do know in my case. I've had a few friends get past this in the past, so now I'm up-front about it when I meet new male friends.
I have plenty of platonic friends who buy me food, so I don't consider buying someone food to be romantic unless both parties understand they're on a date.
That wouldn't surprise me. I mean I have two female friends who are now single (they weren't when I met them and although I lightly flirted and they both admire me, I didn't overtly hit on them when they were not single). I wonder how to make them understand I fancy them. I mean I would have thought it obvious from the flirty/affection I demonstrate.
I'm genuinely a gentleman and they seem to admire my energy, suave/smooth charm. Maybe I'm not picking up on their signs lol/
But I don't know how to know if she knows I like her (either of them). I feel like there is sometimes a click, but with women it's very hard to tell! I mean I actually do think the world of each and hope we are friends forever tbh, which makes me nervous to kinda say, oh by the way you've really grown on me, I always had a crush on you lol.
I mean I offered to pay for one girl when we met up alone, I think she liked that. The other one, I would offer to pay now she is single, so doesn't that suggest something more surel
surely? I've always had a friend pay for everyone in the group or we split, or else if I like them I pay. But obviously I'm not dining alone with women who aren't single?
I would say it's likely that you're all the 70+% of people who can't pick up on subtle flirting. Nothing wrong with that, you're in the norm
Most of my friends are female who buy me food, but a couple of my male co-workers have bought me lunch a few times. One of them was married and another's girlfriend went with him to get the food and ate with us in the break room, so I know they weren't trying to hit on me. I have the one male friend I go out with, but he just got out of a relationship where his girlfriend cheated on him and he's told me that he appreciates how I've told him I'm not romantically interested in him so he doesn't have to feel nervous around me
My thing is that I hate it when guys who I thought wanted to be my friend suddenly drop three months or six months in that they're interested me because I would have definitely shown interest in a guy earlier on. If you act like a friend, them you will stay a friend. I only consider romantic attraction when a man assumes it
But I'd say your friends who were in relationshis when you met are a different case because it's never OK to hit on girls already on a relationship. Maybe you should drop more obvious hints, but the best way would be to say it honestly and openly and hope she returns the sentiments
To clarify though, this isn't a case of us hanging out everyday lol and happening to buy each other some snack/bite. I'm talking about a female friend and I met up at a cool restaurant for a 3 course meal on the weekend and I insisted upon paying.
Similarly another female who I like is talking about meeting up. I'm trying to meet / see her alone so I catch up with just her, but I'm unsure how to put it in the text exchange? Obviously I would be fine/down to pay as I am interested in her or want to demonstrate affection?
Like I said, i couldn't demonstrate interest as these girls were NOT single when I met them. On top of that when you are working together at uni (years ago when we met) you can't avoid them. And you naturally hit it off an be friends. I don't personally subscribe to oh you're labelled a friend and that's it. I personally have been super sweet/affectionate to them more than I am to anyone else or other guys?
I mean I am a gentleman/decent chap in the first place which I'm sure is one of the things they like about me. So how am I meant to show them that romantic/sexual interest or be intimate with them?
How do you for instance talk about meeting them one on one in person when they're texting about meeting up (visiting the city, but other friends live there too)?
And how do you mean obvious hints lol?
Problem is unlike before, life is busier, I'm not sure I can date, I also want them in my life forever, as they are so genuinely sweet/nice. But I can't help the attraction for one, and am open to intimacy at this point in life?
You can either straight up ask her if she would consider going on a date with you or you could lean in o kiss her and see how she reacts. You have to be bold will the someone who isn't picking up on your subtle hints
Thanks! Yeah I like to think so. A decent chap who just hasn't met people who are single really lol. You seem like a savvy girl and I appreciate your kind nature and advice.
Yes I guess so, it's just do women not realize when you say something like let's grab a bite, just us, or I'd like to just see you, that you are hinting at a 1on1 date?
Also how do you say if she's visiting a city where other people live and to which you have to commute that you would be up for coming down, but primarily just to see her?
As for the kiss, haha I guess so, I mean I am open to intimacy, i always saw her as my first time tbh. I do genuinely care for her and got her a welcome home gift whilst I was on holiday.
Just wish I knew if she knows I like her lol. Does she know I fancy her? I'm lost in translation lol...
Honestly no that isn't clear that you're interested in a girl romantically. If you want her to know she's on a date, you'll have to ask her on one or tell her you'd like to consider it a date. Be assertive and she'll tell you what she wants
Obviously she likes you as a friend, but you won't know if she wants to be anything more unless you ask
Oh golly really, so even if I said in the text "my treat" it wouldn't sound like a date? I mean I wanted to welcome her back and meet her alone 1 on 1.
I mean for instance I met another female friend (mutual) recently , said I just wanted to see her, and she met me alone for pretty much a day of eating, walking a bit. I insisted on paying. Was that a date? I dunno lol anymore.
As for the other girl, though, how do I say it if I really do genuinely care about her as well though as well as being attracted? As in I see/saw/do think of her as a friend forever as she's so sweet. I mean I'd love to just do us, but I don't know how to put it, so my treat, or "just us" on the end doesn't construe a date/date in all but name?
No. Saying "my treat" means you appreciate and respect someone enough to want to pay for them. My co-workers always say "my treat" when they want to buy me lunch because I always turn down the first offer due to being broke
If she didn't know she was on a date, then it may not have been. It's not uncommon for friends to hang out together when they've known each other a while
I'd say you could gague the situation once you get there. If you try to hold her hand and she pulls away, then she doesn't think she's on a date. If she holds your hand back, then try to kiss her
The best way to let a girl know you want to take her on a date is to ask her if she wants to go on a date with you
by the way the My treat thing was to a girl by text who for some reason didn't respond then which is odd, yet texted me another time and is asking about meeting up. Bit odd. I like her though, I am trying to suggest meeting 1 on 1, how do I do that then if it's not about regular dating, but a one off (first time in seeing her in a long long time). I would like it to be date like yeah, certainly before making it some big reunion of people.
As for the other girl who I met saying I just wanted to see her and did meet for dinner, well I insisted on paying, I mean we met a long time ago, but equally haven't seen each other since well for a few years now. Was it a date if it was just us, I paid and well I don't think anyone knew haha. She kept playing with her hair, which I liked, though I dunno if it was a date. It felt incredible though personally I enjoyed it a lot and she seemed happy.
I know, it's just it's clear with new girls, but with friends/acquaintainces how do you know if it's a date?
I think being straightforward would be your best bet , something like "I fancy you and would love it if you'd allow me to take you out."
Maybe she was waiting for you to make a move and you never did. I know girls who have thought they were on dates, but the guy never kissed her or held her hand or brushed her hair behind her ear , so she assumed he wasn't romantically interested or lost interest
You sound like a nice guy, but you have to take charge when you're with a girl you like
Oh yeah I get the taking charge. It's a bit harder now since I don't live that close anymore, so any meetup is pretty much a planned affair which sadly can be on the same day she's in town etc catching up with others.
I mean for that other girl, how do you say it more subtly. I do genuinely care about her as well, and kinda hope she is around my whole life so I wouldn't want that to be messed up by using the word "take you out". I mean I did already offer to welcome her home and it's my treat, so i would have thought that a date. Even now if I write, just us, is that not a date?
For the second girl, I mean we met up, she deffo played with her hair, laughed, we had a great time. I mean I deffo touched her lower back and things like that. The hair thing would have been a bit awkward and I didn't exactly make a kiss, tbh it was just us catching up, but a whole day alone. I paid and I wonder if it was interpreted as a date. Still flirting.
I think you should definitely be more straightforward than subtle if you want her to think she's on a date, but I get that you value the friendship as well
Hair twirling generally is flirty behavior, and a girl allowing you to touch her lower back means she is comfortable with your touch. She probably viewed that as a date, but some girls are thickheaded and don't always understand that. You should try to hold her hand or see if she's comfortable with a long embracing hug or dancing. You should be more straightforward with her as well, but breaking certain touch barriers to be sure if you're nervous about officially come out as fancying her
You know you seem like a genuinely nice and great girl btw! I should clarify again, we're talking about two different girls here yeah?
So the first, yes we met up, alone (arranged by text positively), been a little flirty I guess by text before and since (I hadn't seen her in a long long time). What does the angel baby emoji from her mean?
At the meet she twirled her hair A LOT. As in I noticed it often. Laughed so much, asking questions, talking a lot, it was genuinely fun and didn't feel time go tbh. As for hands on back, yeah whilst walking occasionally and hand on a hi five, which she kinda also held my hand while doing that momentarily. There was a long hug (cut short by the busyness of the departing point of a train station). Dance wise, I mean she did these dancing jokey moves at the dinner table. I wondered if that was perceived as a date. Given I paid, and just us etc. It's so hard to tell whether she likes me back haha?
The second girl, is the one I mean about asking to meet up and valuing the friendship as well. Again not seen her in a long long time. I mean she's visiting a nearby city (where others live, including that first girl), so I kinda hoped to meet her 1 on 1 (since I commute to see her, not her amongst 6 other people some of whom I'm not really friends with) at least for a meal before any group activity as such. I mean, I dunno if I can date atm given being busy and the distance between us (tho I hope to keep in touch in a flirty way), but yeah I'd like it to be a date in all but name.
I did at one point use words like 'my treat' and welcoming her back etc. I mean even 'just us', so is that not interpreted as just her and me virtually like a date? I dunno what she thinks/knows if I fancy her. Or whether she fancies back given she seems super enthusiastic at times, still asks about meeting me, yet can be erratic on response time versus quick before (tho still super long/keen)?
Hair twirling and laughing means she likes you. You should make a move on her before she thinks you aren't interested in her
I don't know what the baby angel emoji is because I don't use emojis. I'd rather type something out to get the message across
It's tricky with the girl out of town. She may think it's a date and flirtatious, but she may think you're really good friends too. I have a guy friend who takes me out and we're both aware it is not a date and never will be. We just have a lot in common and get along well as friends. You'll have to be more clear with her if you want her to know you want to be more than friends
So the hair twirling with the first girl is a good thing right? She did that so much when we were eating? I loved her laugh as well. In terms of making a move, again it's tricky as I don't live close to her anymore, so any meetup has to be planned a bit in advance (for me to train it back and forth). How do I convey my interest in her?
I hear you on the emoji, just wondered if it was flirty, given she was using it I guess to convey she isn't up to mischief (which I flirted about with her). She also seemed to ask my plans and carry the conversation on, was that a sign to ask her out again haha. Tbh tho I'm working, and tbh I would have already asked her to meetup again had I lived closer. I dunno if she saw the last time we met up just us as a date?
As for the second girl, again I don't know how to "date", even though she is back in the same country, we're not in the same city. I'd like to convey attraction now she is single tho, and meet alone i
if that's possible? I don't mind the first girl (a mutual friend) joining, it's just many of the others she invites, I'm not really close to at all. I just want to see her, I do think the world of her too. Can't help being attracted, but she wasn't single when we met. There's admiration there, affection, but I can't tell if she knows I fancy her or if she fancies me back lol?
It sounds like both girls like you but are hesitant to say anything because you haven't made a move on either of them, so they don't know how interested you are. Another part of it could be the distance between you. LDRs tend to be difficult and often fall apart due to cheating, and if you're too busy with work, a LDR will be even harder to maintain. You can't blame a girl from being hesitant with that
In my experience, emojis are generally flirty as in the context they're usually used in past highschool is generally a flirty context. If she's pretending to be mischievous, that's flirty behavior
You can make a move by holding hands, going in for a kiss, or asking her to dance (slow dancing is most romantic) or getting cuddly or pulling her close during a hug
That's great on the hair twirling, hug and laughing yes!
I do wish I lived closer (I did when they were not single haha). I mean first girl is in the capital, I can commute which is when I asked her to meetup last time (was that a date if I paid and we had a great time?). The second girl is another city and there is a proposal by her to catchup in the capital (where the first girl and other friends also live, so unsure how to make it a solo meet). I mean you can't blame me from hesitating on how to make my attraction to them clear when I don't live close and I have to kinda plan a meetup a week in advance bare minimum to train it in right?
I mean when you say "make a move" how do I do that then haha? With the second I did meet her alone a month ago. I mean she actually texted me back for Christmas and also continued the conversation to ask what my plans were until new years (but I thought it was just general convo). Atm I'm not free till next week tho, otherwise if I lived close, I'd
have tried to see her if I was in the capital. Yes we had a flirty conversation about mischief and having fun, so I think the emoji is referring to her joking about being innocent , you know me, type of thing?
I do find both attractive and now they are single would like to convey that. I genuinely care about them as well and would hope we are friends forever into old age etc, so I'm nervous given I do find them attractive physically and personally as well? It's hard.
Hugging and fiving I think I do well. Just unsure how to know they like me or know if they know I like them?
If you don't use the word "date" or try to kiss her she may not view it as a date even if you pay. With her being from out of town, that makes y even more easier for her to view it as just two friends meeting up and you paying b cause she's coming to your town so you're t
Sorry I think you're really confusing the issue lol! The girl is NOT coming to my town. She commutes to the capital. I ALSO commute there. I do NOT live there. I am also travelling in. I insisted on paying for her and we met alone. Is it not perceived as a date if it's just us and we have a great time? Let's call this GIRL 1 by the way so we know who we're talking about! She twirled her hair a lot and we've flirted a bit since. We were already acquaintances and not close close, but friends ok? I thought it would have been construed as a date in all but name?
As for GIRL 2. I mentioned treating her/welcoming her, is that not a date? Or certainly 1 on 1?
I'm not sure what your latest points are on meeting for new years as they're not quite related to what I said, I'll just repeat them in case you missed it?
"I do wish I lived closer to EITHER girl. (I did when they were not single haha). I mean GIRL 1 is in the capital, I can commute (I TRAVEL IN) which is when I asked her to meetup last time (was that a date if I paid and we had a great time?).
GIRL 2 has returned to this country and is in another city and there is a proposal by HER to catchup in the capital (where GIRL 1 and other friends also live, so unsure how to make it a solo meet). I mean you can't blame me from hesitating on how to make my attraction to them clear when I don't live close and I have to kinda plan a meetup a week in advance bare minimum to train it in right?"
I mean when you say "make a move" how do I do that then haha? With GIRL 2 I did meet her alone a month ago. I mean she actually texted me back for Christmas and also continued the conversation to ask what my plans were until new years (but I thought it was just general convo). Atm I'm not free till NEXT WEEKEND tho, otherwise if I lived close, I’d try to?
I do find both attractive and now they are single would like to convey that. I genuinely care about them as well and would hope we are friends forever into old age etc, so I'm nervous given I do find them attractive physically and personally as well? It's hard.
Hugging and fiving I think I do well. Just unsure how to know they like me or know if they know I like them?"
The date supposed to be a mutual want you describe it in your "i am here with you section" but you still need him to impress you and pay, all you have to do is pitch up. If you don't like a guy because he doesn't pay, and refuse to continue dating him because of it, you are no different than a prostitute, and the guy will be glad you made his decision for him.
Prostitutes give up sex. I'm a virgin, so there would be no sex. I'm glad I'd eliminate a guy who didn't want to pay for me. I would only be with a guy who truly loves me and wants to give everything to me. I'd give him everything in return. I'd do everything to impress a guy if he could impress me
And they don't matter much is you don't want sex with a guy and aren't attracted to gender specific traits, you might as well just go date another women if gender specif traits don't sexually attract you.
I am attracted to traditional masculine traits and do find men attractive. There is a difference between finding a man attractive and wanting to have sex with him. I will never want to have sex with someone I can't respect or don't have feelings for
Men's brains are much better at compartmentalizing sex from emotion than women's brains. This is why men are virgin-shamed and women slut-shamed. Not being able to compartmentalize sex from emotion doesn't make me asexual or unattractive--it makes me female
I've never heard about this BS theory that all women are secretly bisexual until a few months ago when I ran into it on this site. I am absolutely not and never will be able to see a woman as sexually attractive. Having sex with a woman would be disgusting
in my opinion there´s a distinction between "inviting" somebody and "asking somebody out". what you said counts for "invitations" by my definition not for dates.
Thank you for respectfully disagreeing with me. That's what this whole hoopla of people going around insulting everyone is about. We all have different views of what a date is, entails, and isn't. There's nothing wrong on any side for someone having a different view. Variety is the spice of life
i mean i´d still try to pay for her but i´d kind of hope that she wants to split the bill. that´s kind of a partner test for me xD if she doesn´t even try to split the bill, she fails :P it´s not about the money. it´s about the message.
i know that more conservative people expect a guy to pay on the fist date and i see why. i don´t see it as a bad thing but it´s just not my preference.
I understand your view. If you want a relationship with a girl who is your fiscal partner, then it makes sense that you'd want her to split the bill
I don't care how much money a guy makes and I don't consider money to be an important factor in a relationship. All I ask is that he loves within his means and can spend his money responsibly
I agree that it' about the message, not the money. You and I differ on the messages we want
You're entitled to your preference and you shouldn't have a problem finding a girl in today's world who is willing to meet your expectations
i can also live with a girl who expects me to be the one who pays but that comes with other expectations from my side :P i mean you can´t just cherry pick your favourite things out of liberal and conservative. choose one and then take the disadvantages that come with it ^^
I pick conservative. I don't see many disadvantages to it. I dislike this modern, liberal world that allows women like my mother to destroy the lives of everyone around them. I'd have had a much better childhood if the courts hadn't granted her full custody for 11 years without any visitation rights from my father. It turned him into a nasty, bitter man as well. Nobody won anything from it
Girls who sleep around all the time complain that men don't respect them, but it's because they don't respect themselves. Attacking masculinity only breeds resentment from men towards women. Half of all married couples in this modern era end up in divorce. You have feminazis and MGTOW. How is being a modern, liberal society improving relationships?
in some ways we'd better off paying for our own food so we don't have to give the obligatory blowjob before getting dropped off so that's why i'm not paying to take a man out never have never will
i agree the guy should pay for the date and it has nothing to do with $$$ it's about someone wanting to take you out and having a nice time if he wanted to take me for a sandwhich and a movie that would be fine i wouldn't yell at him but it's tacky if he thinks i'm going to pay for him... and a lot of creeps will park somewhere and expect you to do that for them they'll even say pay for your dinner.
I don't think I'd get into a car with someone I didn't know very well. That sounds incredibly disgusting and disrespectful. Has that actually happened to you? What did you do to get out of it?
depends where you meet him... you sound like a really nice girl... but i'm sure if you meet a guy from church or something along the lines of that he'll be nice... or before you even date maybe someone you know that you have an idea he's a really nice guy you might want to consider him... or school if you still go to school i'm sure there's a lot of nice guys there you might want to avoid jocks they're usaully a bit conceded and think who they are too often but don't shy away from men because of what they did to me... sometimes if you dress too sexy you pay the price and wear to much make up you pay the price
Oh thank you so much. I've had a lot of people calling me names here, so it's refreshing to have someone give me a compliment
I don't go to church or school. I work most and then keep to myself most of the time. My friends sometimes take me out to eat or clubbing. I've actually met a few nice guys at the club we go to, so I think that's probably my best option at the moment
I usually dress quite modestly and I rarely wear a lot of makeup. I don't wear any to work. I wear lipstick when I go out, but I've only worn eyeliner and mascara a few times. I try to dress like a virgin so guys won't think I'm one of those girls who's there for a hookup. Lol. But some guys certainly don't get that vine I'm trying to put out. I make sure I don't run off with people who would try to take advantage of me
keep dressing the way you feel like dressing and you'll meet someone who values that kind of dress... you want a guy who values what you value that's called haveing common interest... i was influenced or became interested in styles that weren't so good for me and i learned a bitter lesson... i wouldn't want you to go through that and i want you to know it's okay to have your values and nothing wrong finding a man who values what you vale and most important respects you... don't ever forget this... respect is the most important critera in a relationship supercedes anything else you can think of looks $$$ organ sizes, dress... i'm sure your a great girl but just keep your head up and continue to believe in yourself and your values
Thank you for your advice and sharing your experiences. I'll definitely keep believing in my values
You're absolutely right about respect. I recently read an article involving over 1,500 couples married 10+ years who said trust was the main key to a long-term relationship
I would be perfectly happy to do all of that and more if I found a man that I could respect and love. A relationship should be about satisfying your partner's needs because you want to
Which I completely agree with, except the OP states that she'd never ask out a guy first. So it's pretty convenient for her to think the asker should pay.
Then you still have the option to not take her in a fancy restaurant. There are thousands of really cheap/free dating ideas. Just be creative. And this is only for the first 1-3 dates. Afterwards the girl should show initiative as well and ask me out. If she doesn't, I will lose interest anyway since she isn't involved.
@SpecialAgentStone I'm actually not one of those girls who is looking for a fling. If someone wants a relationship with me, then I'm looking for something long-term. Asking me out is the first step in proving that you want to and are willing to put effort into me.
I have plenty of options because I'm beautiful. I'm not mean to polite guys nor do o use and abuse them. If I can tell a guy won't cut it for me, I decline rather than take advantage of him
You might be good-looking, but without humbleness you certainly aren't beautiful. And those good looks will be fading. If you want a guy who has something to offer including politeness you better also have more to offer than your fading looks.
And if you want a guy to ask you out, you better also show interest. Aka open body language, eye-contact, smiles, etc.
Agreed. I actually don't want guys to ask me out. I try to display as much closed body language as possible because I want to show that I am not open to flirting.
"Beautiful " isn't a term I gave to myself. I used to think I was ugly because kids bullied me in school. I've had quite a few people tell me I'm beautiful over the last couple of months, so I've picked it up
No need to be sassy, so put down your pitchfork. There are tons of girls who wonder why they don't get approached with a closed body-language.
Additionally it doesn't matter if you say other people called you beautiful. Your statement was "I have plenty of options, because I am beautiful". That in itself is a superficial statement. Plenty of options is something that people care who want casual things. The people who look for something serious only want a single option.
Being sassy is in my nature, I'm a redhead. Sometimes I do need a pitchfork to ward off all the perverts creeping on me
I agree that I only need one guy who can love and care for me. That's why I've never gone out on a date. I'm waiting for the perfect guy
I said I have plenty of options because I have plenty of guys asking me out. I don't have to ask out guys because of my options. I wasn't being superficial. And stop complaining about girls with confidence when all I hear on this site is about insecure, clingy, cheating women
No need to go on. It is clear that your low ego requires you to boost yourself more than you deserve.
Humility is a great thing. You might want to try it out. And if you are actually humble, then you should work on the way you express yourself which makes you not appear that way.
I don't have to change anything about myself to fit into what society expects of me. Society has its own problems to deal with and I'm not one of them. People can view me in whatever way they want because it won't affect the way I view myself. I know who I am and what I want out of life and have standards for what things I'll accept into it
Yes, I do consider paying for your date a manly thing to do
I'm a virgin. my vagina has nothing to do with this
I'm not gold-digging my way through the dating field. I've never even been on a date because I refuse to go out with someone I know I'm incompatible with. I'm not a gold-digger, and I'm not even a part of the dating field
Well you're in luck because there's a lot of girls out there who will hookup with you without even having to take them out on a date. You couldn't have lived in a better era for your desire
Your life as a woman isn't more worth than my life as a man. Are you in the damn 1950s? What happened to equality? Wow, you are so entitled that when the bill comes, we men are at it. Not being offensive, but I disagree with this take. Why don't you "woman up"? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a33784-why-don-t-guys-want-to-pay-for-the-first-date-anymore
If all of the women except one died, our entire population would die. If all of the men except one died, he could still reproduce with every woman on the planet and we'd have a significant reduction in population, but Hans would still survive. 3,000 years ago, women would've still needed men to protect them and survive, but modern technology would allow an entirely female society to survive as long as they still had one man. So women's lives are more important than men's when it comes to reproduction
What happened to equality is that feminists are sleeping around and aborting children and attacking men for being men, creating hostility between the sexes
I'm not entitled and I don't expect men to pay for anything of mine. Out of the seven drinks I had this weekend, only one of them was bought by a guy, all the rest by girls. If you don't want to buy me things, then you don't have to because I don't care about you or your money. I have other people who enjoy putting effort into me
What do you mean by "woman up"? I'm a virgin, so I'm saving myself for the right man. I'd cook and clean for and take care of a man the way a wife should
The divorce rate in the 1950s was much lower than it is today, so you can't tell me modern dating is working out. Things would be better if we went back to the 1950s. Science has shown that as a decade when people were the happiest and most satisfied with their lives
I've never been on a date or expected men to foot any of my bills. But if a guy wanted to take me out, I'd expect him to cover the expenses he incurred on the date of his choice. I already said I wouldn't expect a five-star restaurant, he just needs to be able to cover his debts. A guy who takes a girl on a date he can't afford is a guy who doesn't live within his means. That's extremely unattractive and a sign you'll have financial struggles throughout life
I don't mind paying the bill on my first date but the woman shouldn't expect it from me and having a good time while my wallet goes empty. Yes we are equals, like you mentioned in your take but the whole point of what feminism does is fight for equality only in the place where there is personal benefit. Okay, if you go on a date with me for argument's sake, I'd go with the 50/50 principle. Women are strong and independent today which is why I mentioned that we aren't in the 1950s. Well, I'd still pick you up and drive you home, so don't think I'm a poor jerk not ready to do anything.
Miss idonthaveausername, I respect your courage. It must have took a lot of guts putting up this take. Dating isn't a one way street. It isn't. Some guys have been used by gold-diggers and the only way to be sure you aren't a gold digger is to judge you by your attitude on the first date. I don't think you're a gold digger, but WE MEN are the ones who have to be extra careful today. Could you spare some time and look at the comments of this- www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a34173-why-he-s-not-getting-a-second-date
And if you're worth more than my money like you said, then justify it by not bothering about how much I spend on you. Or just follow the 50/50 rule. All I see in this take is hypocrisy.
You shouldn't take girls on dates you can't afford. That is irresponsible and rude. You don't have to empty your wallet to afford a decent date
I understand the 50/50 theory but I have ruled that out because I have other options. I had 4people this weekend buy me a total of 7 drinks without expecting me to sleep with them for it, so someone who wants to sleep with me (I'm a virgin) is going to have to try a lot harder than 50/50
I'd rather drive myself. I live alone, so I'd prefer the security of you not knowing where I live
If you read my whole MyTake, I have a section on gold diggers. I don't like them either because they abuse and throw away good men
I've read that and understand it's due to a lack of respect and value between partners
I'd give a man everything he wanted from me in return for being a man I could respect
Well, let me try to make you understand again. 1) I asked you out so I'll pay. But if you act broke with me you're going back home. 2) Oh well, women are educated and working nowadays. If you're broke it's YOUR fault. And if you do believe in equality, then you'll agree with 50/50. If not, you're a hypocrite. 3) This is a date, right? The whole point of a date is two people going out and getting to know each other because we're romantically interested in each other. If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us". Well if you were really romantically interested, you wouldn't think about money either. 4) Oh? Well, dating is half romance half money. If you're worth more than my money, stop saying this- so someone who wants to sleep with me (I'm a virgin) is going to have to try a lot harder. That implies that I'm buying you with my money and you're offering me sex. That is prostitution.
1. Fair 2. I don't believe in gender equality. I prefer traditional gender roles 3. i don't care about money. I'd just expect a man to cover the costs of a date of his choosing. If he chose to take me to the free art museum or zoo I wouldn't accuse him of being stingy 4. Sex is off the table on the first date, so no prostitution. My point was that I have other options in friends that I'd rather hang woth than go on a date with someone who isn't going to take me on an actual date
And you want us to try harder than 50/50 so we can buy you for sex eh? I don't support this kind of shit. So don't even try. Mentioning in the comment of @lumos that you do care and don't care about the money at the same time is like changing colors like a chameleon to adjust your shit.
No sex, so you're not buying sex. I have plenty of people offering better than 50/50 so yes you need to offer more than that for me. I have other options. I don't care about how much money you have or spend as long as you cover your expenses. I'm not obligated to go on a date with you
1) Okay. 2) That's where you see benefits. It's still the men initiating dates more (around 75%) so he would be expected to pay again. So you're acting broke again. 3) Fair. But you should return equal favors too. 4) An actual date to you is where you get stuff free right? Why in the damn 21st century do I see stuff like this? I personally think equality is a great thing as it means equal privileges. When women pay for themselves on a date, we men can't help but admire and still insist on paying (it makes us feel good and not used). So there's a second date with them. No issues. And to reply to your last comment about sex, I want to tell you that dating is dating. I don't like fighting for women and offering more money just for some ridiculous shit. Well, I've tried my best to explain to you. So I am debating on this no further. Have a good day, Miss.
You can disagree with me, but you can't claim I believe things when I don't
I get free stuff when I'm not on a date, so getting free stuff doesn't make a date. I also said I'd go on a date that didn't cost anything, so that's not getting anything for free because nobody is paying
I would return the favor and then some, but you're not going to get any return on an investment you don't make
I never asked you to explain anything or try to change my views. I understand your views perfectly fine, but I disagree with them. I'm firmly set in my beliefs because they work for me
You saying you won't fight for a woman is exactly why I'd never go on a date with you. I'd want a man who loved me enough to fight for me and I for him. If someone isn't worth fighting for, that person isn't worth dating
Miss, looks like you got offended a bit but let's come to an agreement with this. I am debating no longer but still. I pay on the first date. After that it's 50/50. Do you agree? ( Well I didn't want to be rude. And if you are not offended then good for you. Don't make an issue of that.)
I don't get offended by people who don't know me and say things that aren't true, but you're not going to accuse me of believing things that I don't on my thread. You're debating points that I'm not making
MyTake is about why you should pay for the first date. I never said anything about anybody paying for the second one. If two people want a second date, they can decide where to go from there, but the person who asks pays on the first date
If you don't want to be rude, then don't assume people believe certain things or act a certain way. If you don't want to be rude, then you failed because you are being quite rude. It would behoove you to present yourself in a respectable manner if you don't want to come off as rude
No I actually want to have this debate lol. Respectfully too. Let's begin from the beginning. Forget the previous shit. The woman whom I want to date is one who respects me and treats me as an equal – so one who doesn’t go to the date with the attitude that “I’m the woman, so feel honored that I blessed you with my company”. Picking up the bill is just part of it. It’s a gesture – so it’s not something you have the right to expect from me. Expecting me to unconditionally pay your share is rude toward me – because it sends me the message that you view me being able to go to a date with you much more of a privilege than you being able to go to a date with me. That’s being on a very high horse.
That's fine for you and your girlfriend if it works for you. But that doesn't make my view wrong or mean I don't appreciate kind gestures or expect anyone to give me anything for free
There's no such thing as gender equality and people should strive to satisfy and provide for and comfort and protect their partners. One person paying for a date doesn't mean the receiving end disrespects the giving end. Treating your "partner" like they aren't worth a meal isn't respectful at all and isn't grounds for a good relationship. The equality from this would mean your date wouldn't ever see you as worth buying a meal for either and you'd end up in a stalemate where neither side wants to budge
That's the problem all you guys on here have. I never said I'd unconditionally expect a man to pay. I'd wear nice clothing, show up on time, engage in conversation, order something reasonable and actually eat it, and put effort into getting to know the man as well. I'd try to impress him if I liked him
I agree with your logic on that for most situations. I however have never been on a date before (and trust me, I get plenty of offers that I turn down because I'm not interested) so it would be more of a privilege for a man to take me out than for me to be taken out. That is unless he also has as many admirers coming after him as I do that he turns down. Considering no one has ever been on a date with me, the first man I accept an offer from should feel very privileged. You can say I'm on a high horse all you want, but you won't make me feel guilty about it. On the other hand, he should know how much I respect and admire him for being the only man I'd be interested in enough to date
I preface MyTake with that fact in mind. I am aware men do most of the asking as I don't ask and have plenty of askers. But I have plenty of lesbians ask me out too. I'd say 10-20% of the people who hit on me are female. One girl bought me 3 drinks Saturday
Okay. I guess I can see that your take makes sense now. Actually all this while it seemed like you were expecting the man to pay for the first date without even making a kind gesture. My bad, lol. I'm single just like you are. Never been on a date before. Never gonna find the time because I'm a student.
Thank you for understanding. I turn men (and women because I'm not gay) down when I'm not interested in them and know I won't be able to think of them romantically or respect them. I respect people enough not to lead them on or take advantage of them. I could become a gold digger very easily if I wanted to because I get a lot of attention and people tell me I'm beautiful often. But I don't want to take advantage of people and I'd prefer to only be in a relationship I wanted to contribute to as well. I don't have any money to contribute to a relationship right now, but I'd offer other things
You should stay in school and at least get your diploma. College is good if you can afford it, but there are good living wages to be made as a high school graduate. I never went to college, but I'm financially independent and am debt free. My boss actually asked me if I wanted a promotion today, so I might take it so I can afford a new car
I have never said anything like that. If you read through the multiple posts on this thread, then you'd see that I would prefer to cook for a man after he pays for our first date.
If women want equal pay, then they have to come to the interview with the proper experience as well as being able to negotiate their salaries well
Keep it simple, if she's the one then she won't mind doing something that doesn't cost money at first, and if we have a good time & she sticks around then all that other bs won't matter
I couldn't agree more. You can definitely still impress a girl with something simple and affordable. My whole MyTake was about how there are so many more important things than money, the most important thing being two people getting to know each other
At the first date even when she insists to pay it'd be ur duty to pay, it's traditional right? I think a women can pay for her own food on any other following date
@SARAAAAAAAAAAH it's also traditional for the woman to cook, clean, be subservient to her man, accepting it when he beats you, wait for sex until marriage and be shamed by society for giving birth to a baby born out of wedlock, needing your husband's consent when wanting to work and even then only have the option of lower income jobs, to be completely barred from any position of power, and to have no actual representation in politics. Just to name a few 'perks' of traditional gender roles.
Is it therefore also logical to conclude that it's your duty to conform to your traditional role as a female as well, since it's traditional? Or does this line of reasoning only apply to men, I wonder?
That's a good point I haven't discussed here yet. Yes I'm an American, but the only man I've ever been attracted to is a European immigrant. I'd much rather prefer a traditional European man who knows how to and wants to respect me. And his sexy accent would only be a plus
Maybe my Irish side is where I get this from, then. My Irish side is one of my best sides. My curly red hair is my favorite and most unique physical trait. It definitely does make me special (despite what some people here seem to think)
@SpecialAgentStone That actually sounds perfect to me. I'd only love a man who wouldn't physically harm me without my consent, but I can meet all of those other standards
@yotes-of-472 "But you wouldn't say a woman who refuses to pay on a date is a loser? " That is rather like asking whether the tides caused by a moon made of green cheese would be any different. Your question is nonsensical.
@yotes-of-472 I don't take it out on men who are losers. It is women who often prefer men who are successful because they can have such a higher standard of living. It is quite logical for them.
I have been known to tell women who complain about their loser boyfriends that the answer to their complaints is to stop dating men who have no money. Many women figure this out for themselves.
Yeah, that's why you are such a wuss and blocked me from sending you a message. Wusses block and ban because they can't handle rebuke and heed criticism. Point in case. You don't like debating. You are just a flame warrer. It is just as much your duty as it is my duty to prove as it is your duty to disprove. Guess what, I showed you ample articles and a website by an extremely intelligent man named Richard L Deem. You have shown me nothing. Plus, did I mention that I am not a social wuss that blocks/bans members out of rage/anger? Whatever word you want to use.
@gobsmacked3 You just hit my weakness. There's nothing that drives me crazy like an accent I can't understand when you're speaking English. I adore language and the different sounds and affectations from around the world. I love listening to my Brazilian friends speak in Portuguese, Bosnian friend speak in Bosnian, and the Albanian lady I work with talk to her daughters in Albanian. Not being able to understand the words makes the rhythm and fluidity even more beautiful as well as truly being able to listen to the raw sounds of a person's voice
@WalterRadio You're completely right about that Yotes guy. He's upset because he's unable to meet a desirable and worthy woman's standards
It's not our duty to pay nor your right to get paid for, we have equal rights, there is no wrong or right or any reason to get angry about what just happened unless he takes you to an expensive place that you cannot afford or lie to you about what his plans are in regard to payment. It's purely by choice. It's your choice to go for a man that is more than willing to pay, and his choice to have his mindset. If a man pays for you on the first date you shod be grateful and appreciative of his kindness and the same the other way around. He should not expect you to return the favor either and that is true kindness from both sides, yes I personally want to pay and would even insist even when you are self righteous in my mind, but then would either not go on the second date, or would continue to experience life with you if you seemed like my type no matter what your mindset is something as petty as paying for the first date.
Most guys don't know me when they first ask me out, but some do. I'd never go on a date with a stranger. I'd have to know enough about him to respect him and want to make him a part of my life. I've been on a date before because I haven't met the right man. I'd only go out on a date with a man who saw me as special.
I'm not entitled. I don't take advantage of guys I know I'm not compatible with. Everything I have is because I've earned it
What Girls & Guys Said
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Yep you can give thousand lies to justify that but nobody is going to believe you. You were not there on dates for us, you were there for yourself cuz man can afford himself through out life. I think majority of woman want marriage, sex and kids.
You want equality, you have it now fuck the traditions and stand up for yourself, apart from old school in GAG nobody will believe you.
You were never there for us, we don't spend 1000 bucks monthly or more to just look beautiful and buy fancy stuff, you do. You are dating him for your own benefit not his.
No I haven't been on a date for anybody because I've never been on a date before. If I ever go on one then it will be to enter a romantic relationship with someone I can respect and who respects me
I don't want equality. We are all equal under the law. I prefer traditional gender roles for relationships
I don't need anybody on GAG to believe anything I say because I'm secure with my own thought processes and believe
this time last year I wasn't even making $1,000 after taxes. Every cent went to paying my bills to keep myself alive, not on frivolous things. I'm naturally beautiful, I don't have to buy beauty
Then its fair trade, I respect that,
I was talking about so called feminist that want equality then cry about the fact that, they have to pay.
I get where you're coming from. I've had a lot of people on this site make comments about the whole equality issue on other things I've posted, so this isn't the first time I've had to make that clarification. It seems a lot of guys on here have been the victim of feminazis and feel like their masculinity is under attack. I personally can't blame them because I've seen it, but they need to chill out and realize most girls are actually moderate. I happen to more conservative. That's the whole irony of it all because I was "raised" by a feminazi
I know you have every right to be angry but you were on the "LIST".
LOL. I'm not angry about anything. I am secure in my beliefs and understand that most people here are misguided and have preconceived notions about me due to their specific troubles and encounters in life. I couldn't be more happy with all of the conversation that this MyTake has encouraged.
What "list" am I on? I didn't know there was a list?
List is classified but look around 80% population of gag is feminist. I know in real life the number is kind of low.
Lol okay then
You might be right about that one. I haven't seen any polls on it, but that would make sense. Either way there's a lot of animosity between both genders
And I only know one real feminist in real life. I work with her and she's a huge pushover. She'll never admit when she has a problem with something, but she's generally very amicable to work with. She's also married and has a child. She would never act with the lack of tact people here have
Many guys support themselves too, and you expect them to carry your financially as well?
The power of division is a real thing! Splitting the bill means nobody feels financially obligated to one another.
I absolutely do not expect a man to carry me financially. I a financially independent. if a man I loved wanted me to keep my job, I would, but if he preferred to have me keep house and doll myself up for him everyday when he comes home from work, I'd oblige him in a heartbeat
I agree most people should split after the first date if that's what both sides desire. A relationship consists of two people providing for each other. Some people might have a different direction of provision than others--nothing wrong with that
I wouldn't go out with a man who felt like paying for me was an obligation. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who stresses out about little costs. I'd only go on a date with a real man who wanted to pay for me because he respects me and wants to love and take care of me
The problem with this mytake i have is that you say you can't afford to pay for first dates but you are willing to spend money afterwards which makes no sense to me because if you can spend money afterwards then you can pay for your own food too.
Im not interested in pulling the short end of the stick on the first date.
If someone paid for meals for me, I'd be able to buy him things with the money I wouldn't be spending on food. It wouldn't be a lot and I wouldn't be able to afford anything expensive, but he would get a return on his investment. I'd pay him back with things money can't buy
I love how women justify why guys should pay, almost all the same reasons apply to us as well, what makes you different? YOU also need to impress us! I think first dates especially should be split, each pay for their own meal.
I completely agree that it can be applied to both genders and girls should put as much effort into impressing guys. My opinion is that the person who asks should pay for their date. My lesbian boss who identifies as a beta male agrees
What a arrogant/privileged post. Telling a guy to ''man up'' is also pathetic. A woman once told me to do that and I punched a bunch of teeth out of her mouth lol.
Seriously, how is that acceptable or going to convince me that my viewpoint is wrong? You're only reinforcing my belief that I should only go out with a man whom I feel respected by and respect for
There is nothing anyone can say to change your ignorant beliefs... I wouldn't waste my time.
eh it seems like a okay idea in some ways but i disagree with it in some ways
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71o3hq6iSPMI agree more this guys idea on the topic:
This a million times over! YES YES YES YES YES!!!
Thank you for politely agreeing to partially agree/disagree. Unfortunately your video won't load beacause I already hit my data cap for the month, so my speeds have been reduced. You'll have to type out the gist of it if you want me to know what the guy is saying
I personally think you have to pay to show your interest.
BUT
if a girl thinks her guy friend paid and is not interested, that's taking advantage of him. He is paying for a reason, to demonstrate "I find you hot. Your move".
I wouldn't pay for someone if I wasn't interested. Thus if I'm out with a girl or female friend and pay, then I'm into them and they should know that.
I'm not taking advantage of him because I am clear with him that I'm not looking for a relationship and have told him many times he doesn't have to pay for me. He's genuinely a nice guy who helps people out. He bought one of our other coworkers a nice suit for work because she didn't have one.
I'd agree that a woman who isn't clear about not having any romantic attraction to a man who buys food for her is taking advantage of him. That's why I don't go out on dates. I've never met a guy I could feel comfortable going on a date with because I'd feel like I was taking advantage of him because I know I haven't been romantically attracted to anyone who has asked me out
Oh yeah I wasn't saying YOU did that! You seem to be a decent person. What I meant was girls who just expect it OR else do not make it clear they aren't interested in that way or never offer to pay, that's wrong.
Because if a guy friend pays for you, he demonstrates he cares about you unless it's a situation where you constantly take turns. It essentially means he finds you sexy and he likes you if he pays. It's something a girl should acknowledge by flirting back. She shouldn't just pretend to ignore the situation as that's like leading him on. Of course this applies in reverse also by the way.
Oh thank you. I wasn't surr woth how Many people here are accusing me of mooching off my friends and taking advantage of them
I am clear with all of my male friends that I'm looking for friendship only and nothing romantic will ever come between us. They've told me they respect me for that because they know I won't lead them on like other girls have and that they can rely on me when they need advice. I'd never ignore a situation where I knew a guy was attracted to me and didn't want to be romantically involved with him. I feel like it is much better to create clear boundaries early on so nobody gets hurt
It's nice to see a few men here still see paying for his woman as a positive thing
Yes I also think it's a great thing to offer to pay. I mean I did it recently for a female friend who I did like and haven't seen in a bit. Tbh I am attracted, so I think it would have conveyed that and she did thank me.
When you mention though women acknowledging or addressing if a guy friend likes them, do they know? I mean I would have thought it obvious if a guy is sweet/complimenting or offering to see you alone etc. I mean I have a friend who is talking about meeting up, I'm pretty sure she should realize I like her more than a little in the way I act?
I've seen studies that show about less than a third of all men and women can tell if someone likes them romantically. This means more than two-thirds of people can't tell if someone likes them romantically. You might think it's obvious, but that's why so many people on this site ask "Does he/she like me?" Because most people can't tell
I can usually tell if a guy is attracted to me based on the way he looks at me, but some guys are good at hiding it, so I'll become friends with them without knowing their ulterior motives. I'm vocal with people about how I'm happy being single and am not looking for a relationship with anybody, so my friends do know in my case. I've had a few friends get past this in the past, so now I'm up-front about it when I meet new male friends.
I have plenty of platonic friends who buy me food, so I don't consider buying someone food to be romantic unless both parties understand they're on a date.
That wouldn't surprise me. I mean I have two female friends who are now single (they weren't when I met them and although I lightly flirted and they both admire me, I didn't overtly hit on them when they were not single). I wonder how to make them understand I fancy them. I mean I would have thought it obvious from the flirty/affection I demonstrate.
I'm genuinely a gentleman and they seem to admire my energy, suave/smooth charm. Maybe I'm not picking up on their signs lol/
But I don't know how to know if she knows I like her (either of them). I feel like there is sometimes a click, but with women it's very hard to tell! I mean I actually do think the world of each and hope we are friends forever tbh, which makes me nervous to kinda say, oh by the way you've really grown on me, I always had a crush on you lol.
I mean I offered to pay for one girl when we met up alone, I think she liked that. The other one, I would offer to pay now she is single, so doesn't that suggest something more surel
surely? I've always had a friend pay for everyone in the group or we split, or else if I like them I pay. But obviously I'm not dining alone with women who aren't single?
I would say it's likely that you're all the 70+% of people who can't pick up on subtle flirting. Nothing wrong with that, you're in the norm
Most of my friends are female who buy me food, but a couple of my male co-workers have bought me lunch a few times. One of them was married and another's girlfriend went with him to get the food and ate with us in the break room, so I know they weren't trying to hit on me. I have the one male friend I go out with, but he just got out of a relationship where his girlfriend cheated on him and he's told me that he appreciates how I've told him I'm not romantically interested in him so he doesn't have to feel nervous around me
My thing is that I hate it when guys who I thought wanted to be my friend suddenly drop three months or six months in that they're interested me because I would have definitely shown interest in a guy earlier on. If you act like a friend, them you will stay a friend. I only consider romantic attraction when a man assumes it
But I'd say your friends who were in relationshis when you met are a different case because it's never OK to hit on girls already on a relationship. Maybe you should drop more obvious hints, but the best way would be to say it honestly and openly and hope she returns the sentiments
Haha yeah I guess most of us are like that.
To clarify though, this isn't a case of us hanging out everyday lol and happening to buy each other some snack/bite. I'm talking about a female friend and I met up at a cool restaurant for a 3 course meal on the weekend and I insisted upon paying.
Similarly another female who I like is talking about meeting up. I'm trying to meet / see her alone so I catch up with just her, but I'm unsure how to put it in the text exchange? Obviously I would be fine/down to pay as I am interested in her or want to demonstrate affection?
Like I said, i couldn't demonstrate interest as these girls were NOT single when I met them. On top of that when you are working together at uni (years ago when we met) you can't avoid them. And you naturally hit it off an be friends. I don't personally subscribe to oh you're labelled a friend and that's it. I personally have been super sweet/affectionate to them more than I am to anyone else or other guys?
I mean I am a gentleman/decent chap in the first place which I'm sure is one of the things they like about me. So how am I meant to show them that romantic/sexual interest or be intimate with them?
How do you for instance talk about meeting them one on one in person when they're texting about meeting up (visiting the city, but other friends live there too)?
And how do you mean obvious hints lol?
Problem is unlike before, life is busier, I'm not sure I can date, I also want them in my life forever, as they are so genuinely sweet/nice. But I can't help the attraction for one, and am open to intimacy at this point in life?
You o seem like a decent chap and a great friend
You can either straight up ask her if she would consider going on a date with you or you could lean in o kiss her and see how she reacts. You have to be bold will the someone who isn't picking up on your subtle hints
Thanks! Yeah I like to think so. A decent chap who just hasn't met people who are single really lol. You seem like a savvy girl and I appreciate your kind nature and advice.
Yes I guess so, it's just do women not realize when you say something like let's grab a bite, just us, or I'd like to just see you, that you are hinting at a 1on1 date?
Also how do you say if she's visiting a city where other people live and to which you have to commute that you would be up for coming down, but primarily just to see her?
As for the kiss, haha I guess so, I mean I am open to intimacy, i always saw her as my first time tbh. I do genuinely care for her and got her a welcome home gift whilst I was on holiday.
Just wish I knew if she knows I like her lol. Does she know I fancy her? I'm lost in translation lol...
Thanks and you're welcome
Honestly no that isn't clear that you're interested in a girl romantically. If you want her to know she's on a date, you'll have to ask her on one or tell her you'd like to consider it a date. Be assertive and she'll tell you what she wants
Obviously she likes you as a friend, but you won't know if she wants to be anything more unless you ask
Oh golly really, so even if I said in the text "my treat" it wouldn't sound like a date? I mean I wanted to welcome her back and meet her alone 1 on 1.
I mean for instance I met another female friend (mutual) recently , said I just wanted to see her, and she met me alone for pretty much a day of eating, walking a bit. I insisted on paying. Was that a date? I dunno lol anymore.
As for the other girl, though, how do I say it if I really do genuinely care about her as well though as well as being attracted? As in I see/saw/do think of her as a friend forever as she's so sweet. I mean I'd love to just do us, but I don't know how to put it, so my treat, or "just us" on the end doesn't construe a date/date in all but name?
No. Saying "my treat" means you appreciate and respect someone enough to want to pay for them. My co-workers always say "my treat" when they want to buy me lunch because I always turn down the first offer due to being broke
If she didn't know she was on a date, then it may not have been. It's not uncommon for friends to hang out together when they've known each other a while
I'd say you could gague the situation once you get there. If you try to hold her hand and she pulls away, then she doesn't think she's on a date. If she holds your hand back, then try to kiss her
The best way to let a girl know you want to take her on a date is to ask her if she wants to go on a date with you
by the way the My treat thing was to a girl by text who for some reason didn't respond then which is odd, yet texted me another time and is asking about meeting up. Bit odd. I like her though, I am trying to suggest meeting 1 on 1, how do I do that then if it's not about regular dating, but a one off (first time in seeing her in a long long time). I would like it to be date like yeah, certainly before making it some big reunion of people.
As for the other girl who I met saying I just wanted to see her and did meet for dinner, well I insisted on paying, I mean we met a long time ago, but equally haven't seen each other since well for a few years now. Was it a date if it was just us, I paid and well I don't think anyone knew haha. She kept playing with her hair, which I liked, though I dunno if it was a date. It felt incredible though personally I enjoyed it a lot and she seemed happy.
I know, it's just it's clear with new girls, but with friends/acquaintainces how do you know if it's a date?
I think being straightforward would be your best bet , something like "I fancy you and would love it if you'd allow me to take you out."
Maybe she was waiting for you to make a move and you never did. I know girls who have thought they were on dates, but the guy never kissed her or held her hand or brushed her hair behind her ear , so she assumed he wasn't romantically interested or lost interest
You sound like a nice guy, but you have to take charge when you're with a girl you like
Oh yeah I get the taking charge. It's a bit harder now since I don't live that close anymore, so any meetup is pretty much a planned affair which sadly can be on the same day she's in town etc catching up with others.
I mean for that other girl, how do you say it more subtly. I do genuinely care about her as well, and kinda hope she is around my whole life so I wouldn't want that to be messed up by using the word "take you out". I mean I did already offer to welcome her home and it's my treat, so i would have thought that a date. Even now if I write, just us, is that not a date?
For the second girl, I mean we met up, she deffo played with her hair, laughed, we had a great time. I mean I deffo touched her lower back and things like that. The hair thing would have been a bit awkward and I didn't exactly make a kiss, tbh it was just us catching up, but a whole day alone. I paid and I wonder if it was interpreted as a date. Still flirting.
I don't get how to tell with both these women whether they fancy you back or know that you fancy them haha
I think you should definitely be more straightforward than subtle if you want her to think she's on a date, but I get that you value the friendship as well
Hair twirling generally is flirty behavior, and a girl allowing you to touch her lower back means she is comfortable with your touch. She probably viewed that as a date, but some girls are thickheaded and don't always understand that. You should try to hold her hand or see if she's comfortable with a long embracing hug or dancing. You should be more straightforward with her as well, but breaking certain touch barriers to be sure if you're nervous about officially come out as fancying her
You know you seem like a genuinely nice and great girl btw! I should clarify again, we're talking about two different girls here yeah?
So the first, yes we met up, alone (arranged by text positively), been a little flirty I guess by text before and since (I hadn't seen her in a long long time). What does the angel baby emoji from her mean?
At the meet she twirled her hair A LOT. As in I noticed it often. Laughed so much, asking questions, talking a lot, it was genuinely fun and didn't feel time go tbh. As for hands on back, yeah whilst walking occasionally and hand on a hi five, which she kinda also held my hand while doing that momentarily. There was a long hug (cut short by the busyness of the departing point of a train station). Dance wise, I mean she did these dancing jokey moves at the dinner table. I wondered if that was perceived as a date. Given I paid, and just us etc. It's so hard to tell whether she likes me back haha?
The second girl, is the one I mean about asking to meet up and valuing the friendship as well. Again not seen her in a long long time. I mean she's visiting a nearby city (where others live, including that first girl), so I kinda hoped to meet her 1 on 1 (since I commute to see her, not her amongst 6 other people some of whom I'm not really friends with) at least for a meal before any group activity as such. I mean, I dunno if I can date atm given being busy and the distance between us (tho I hope to keep in touch in a flirty way), but yeah I'd like it to be a date in all but name.
I did at one point use words like 'my treat' and welcoming her back etc. I mean even 'just us', so is that not interpreted as just her and me virtually like a date? I dunno what she thinks/knows if I fancy her. Or whether she fancies back given she seems super enthusiastic at times, still asks about meeting me, yet can be erratic on response time versus quick before (tho still super long/keen)?
Thank you. I try to be pleasant
Hair twirling and laughing means she likes you. You should make a move on her before she thinks you aren't interested in her
I don't know what the baby angel emoji is because I don't use emojis. I'd rather type something out to get the message across
It's tricky with the girl out of town. She may think it's a date and flirtatious, but she may think you're really good friends too. I have a guy friend who takes me out and we're both aware it is not a date and never will be. We just have a lot in common and get along well as friends. You'll have to be more clear with her if you want her to know you want to be more than friends
You are pleasant and that's so great!
So the hair twirling with the first girl is a good thing right? She did that so much when we were eating? I loved her laugh as well. In terms of making a move, again it's tricky as I don't live close to her anymore, so any meetup has to be planned a bit in advance (for me to train it back and forth). How do I convey my interest in her?
I hear you on the emoji, just wondered if it was flirty, given she was using it I guess to convey she isn't up to mischief (which I flirted about with her). She also seemed to ask my plans and carry the conversation on, was that a sign to ask her out again haha. Tbh tho I'm working, and tbh I would have already asked her to meetup again had I lived closer. I dunno if she saw the last time we met up just us as a date?
As for the second girl, again I don't know how to "date", even though she is back in the same country, we're not in the same city. I'd like to convey attraction now she is single tho, and meet alone i
if that's possible? I don't mind the first girl (a mutual friend) joining, it's just many of the others she invites, I'm not really close to at all. I just want to see her, I do think the world of her too. Can't help being attracted, but she wasn't single when we met. There's admiration there, affection, but I can't tell if she knows I fancy her or if she fancies me back lol?
Yes hair twirling and laughing is a great sign
It sounds like both girls like you but are hesitant to say anything because you haven't made a move on either of them, so they don't know how interested you are. Another part of it could be the distance between you. LDRs tend to be difficult and often fall apart due to cheating, and if you're too busy with work, a LDR will be even harder to maintain. You can't blame a girl from being hesitant with that
In my experience, emojis are generally flirty as in the context they're usually used in past highschool is generally a flirty context. If she's pretending to be mischievous, that's flirty behavior
You can make a move by holding hands, going in for a kiss, or asking her to dance (slow dancing is most romantic) or getting cuddly or pulling her close during a hug
That's great on the hair twirling, hug and laughing yes!
I do wish I lived closer (I did when they were not single haha). I mean first girl is in the capital, I can commute which is when I asked her to meetup last time (was that a date if I paid and we had a great time?). The second girl is another city and there is a proposal by her to catchup in the capital (where the first girl and other friends also live, so unsure how to make it a solo meet). I mean you can't blame me from hesitating on how to make my attraction to them clear when I don't live close and I have to kinda plan a meetup a week in advance bare minimum to train it in right?
I mean when you say "make a move" how do I do that then haha? With the second I did meet her alone a month ago. I mean she actually texted me back for Christmas and also continued the conversation to ask what my plans were until new years (but I thought it was just general convo). Atm I'm not free till next week tho, otherwise if I lived close, I'd
have tried to see her if I was in the capital. Yes we had a flirty conversation about mischief and having fun, so I think the emoji is referring to her joking about being innocent , you know me, type of thing?
I do find both attractive and now they are single would like to convey that. I genuinely care about them as well and would hope we are friends forever into old age etc, so I'm nervous given I do find them attractive physically and personally as well? It's hard.
Hugging and fiving I think I do well. Just unsure how to know they like me or know if they know I like them?
If you don't use the word "date" or try to kiss her she may not view it as a date even if you pay. With her being from out of town, that makes y even more easier for her to view it as just two friends meeting up and you paying b cause she's coming to your town so you're t
Treating her
Make a move as in kiss her or ask if she fancies you or wants to date you. If it's not clear, the girl could move on and you'll miss out
If you're too busy to meet, then that wouldn't look
Good for a relationship. A girl will want to spend time with a it she's dating
You should get together wth the one girl for new year's
Sorry I think you're really confusing the issue lol! The girl is NOT coming to my town. She commutes to the capital. I ALSO commute there. I do NOT live there. I am also travelling in. I insisted on paying for her and we met alone. Is it not perceived as a date if it's just us and we have a great time? Let's call this GIRL 1 by the way so we know who we're talking about! She twirled her hair a lot and we've flirted a bit since. We were already acquaintances and not close close, but friends ok? I thought it would have been construed as a date in all but name?
As for GIRL 2. I mentioned treating her/welcoming her, is that not a date? Or certainly 1 on 1?
I'm not sure what your latest points are on meeting for new years as they're not quite related to what I said, I'll just repeat them in case you missed it?
"I do wish I lived closer to EITHER girl. (I did when they were not single haha). I mean GIRL 1 is in the capital, I can commute (I TRAVEL IN) which is when I asked her to meetup last time (was that a date if I paid and we had a great time?).
GIRL 2 has returned to this country and is in another city and there is a proposal by HER to catchup in the capital (where GIRL 1 and other friends also live, so unsure how to make it a solo meet). I mean you can't blame me from hesitating on how to make my attraction to them clear when I don't live close and I have to kinda plan a meetup a week in advance bare minimum to train it in right?"
I mean when you say "make a move" how do I do that then haha? With GIRL 2 I did meet her alone a month ago. I mean she actually texted me back for Christmas and also continued the conversation to ask what my plans were until new years (but I thought it was just general convo). Atm I'm not free till NEXT WEEKEND tho, otherwise if I lived close, I’d try to?
I do find both attractive and now they are single would like to convey that. I genuinely care about them as well and would hope we are friends forever into old age etc, so I'm nervous given I do find them attractive physically and personally as well? It's hard.
Hugging and fiving I think I do well. Just unsure how to know they like me or know if they know I like them?"
No it's not necessarily a date
You're not being aggressive enough. You will lose out on both of those girls if you don't make your intentions clear
The date supposed to be a mutual want you describe it in your "i am here with you section" but you still need him to impress you and pay, all you have to do is pitch up. If you don't like a guy because he doesn't pay, and refuse to continue dating him because of it, you are no different than a prostitute, and the guy will be glad you made his decision for him.
Prostitutes give up sex. I'm a virgin, so there would be no sex. I'm glad I'd eliminate a guy who didn't want to pay for me. I would only be with a guy who truly loves me and wants to give everything to me. I'd give him everything in return. I'd do everything to impress a guy if he could impress me
"I'm glad I'd eliminate a guy who didn't want to pay for me" future prostitute then
I'm never going to be a prostitute. Sorry to disappoint. I could spend the rest of my life a virgin and die a virgin no problem
That lack of sexual drive is not what men want in a women at all. It makes you undesirable.
Your opinion won't change mine. I have plenty of attractive qualities
And they don't matter much is you don't want sex with a guy and aren't attracted to gender specific traits, you might as well just go date another women if gender specif traits don't sexually attract you.
I am attracted to traditional masculine traits and do find men attractive. There is a difference between finding a man attractive and wanting to have sex with him. I will never want to have sex with someone I can't respect or don't have feelings for
Men's brains are much better at compartmentalizing sex from emotion than women's brains. This is why men are virgin-shamed and women slut-shamed. Not being able to compartmentalize sex from emotion doesn't make me asexual or unattractive--it makes me female
I've never heard about this BS theory that all women are secretly bisexual until a few months ago when I ran into it on this site. I am absolutely not and never will be able to see a woman as sexually attractive. Having sex with a woman would be disgusting
in my opinion there´s a distinction between "inviting" somebody and "asking somebody out". what you said counts for "invitations" by my definition not for dates.
Thank you for respectfully disagreeing with me. That's what this whole hoopla of people going around insulting everyone is about. We all have different views of what a date is, entails, and isn't. There's nothing wrong on any side for someone having a different view. Variety is the spice of life
i mean i´d still try to pay for her but i´d kind of hope that she wants to split the bill. that´s kind of a partner test for me xD if she doesn´t even try to split the bill, she fails :P it´s not about the money. it´s about the message.
i know that more conservative people expect a guy to pay on the fist date and i see why. i don´t see it as a bad thing but it´s just not my preference.
I understand your view. If you want a relationship with a girl who is your fiscal partner, then it makes sense that you'd want her to split the bill
I don't care how much money a guy makes and I don't consider money to be an important factor in a relationship. All I ask is that he loves within his means and can spend his money responsibly
I agree that it' about the message, not the money. You and I differ on the messages we want
You're entitled to your preference and you shouldn't have a problem finding a girl in today's world who is willing to meet your expectations
i can also live with a girl who expects me to be the one who pays but that comes with other expectations from my side :P i mean you can´t just cherry pick your favourite things out of liberal and conservative. choose one and then take the disadvantages that come with it ^^
I pick conservative. I don't see many disadvantages to it. I dislike this modern, liberal world that allows women like my mother to destroy the lives of everyone around them. I'd have had a much better childhood if the courts hadn't granted her full custody for 11 years without any visitation rights from my father. It turned him into a nasty, bitter man as well. Nobody won anything from it
Girls who sleep around all the time complain that men don't respect them, but it's because they don't respect themselves. Attacking masculinity only breeds resentment from men towards women. Half of all married couples in this modern era end up in divorce. You have feminazis and MGTOW. How is being a modern, liberal society improving relationships?
lol i think this pretty much hits the spot xD couldn´t have said it better. liberal isn´t for everyone. everybody has to find his/her own thing.
in some ways we'd better off paying for our own food so we don't have to give the obligatory blowjob before getting dropped off so that's why i'm not paying to take a man out never have never will
I'm a virgin, so obligatory blowjobs are a no-go. That's even worse than a guy inviting you out on a date he won't pay for
i agree the guy should pay for the date and it has nothing to do with $$$ it's about someone wanting to take you out and having a nice time if he wanted to take me for a sandwhich and a movie that would be fine i wouldn't yell at him but it's tacky if he thinks i'm going to pay for him... and a lot of creeps will park somewhere and expect you to do that for them they'll even say pay for your dinner.
A sandwich and a movie could be nice date.
I don't think I'd get into a car with someone I didn't know very well. That sounds incredibly disgusting and disrespectful. Has that actually happened to you? What did you do to get out of it?
not having to walk home about 20 miles or so... that's when i was dating i didn't njoy dating at all
I've never even on a date before. Seeing all the disrespect here is only confirming that I'll be happier if I keep to myself
depends where you meet him... you sound like a really nice girl... but i'm sure if you meet a guy from church or something along the lines of that he'll be nice... or before you even date maybe someone you know that you have an idea he's a really nice guy you might want to consider him... or school if you still go to school i'm sure there's a lot of nice guys there you might want to avoid jocks they're usaully a bit conceded and think who they are too often but don't shy away from men because of what they did to me... sometimes if you dress too sexy you pay the price and wear to much make up you pay the price
Oh thank you so much. I've had a lot of people calling me names here, so it's refreshing to have someone give me a compliment
I don't go to church or school. I work most and then keep to myself most of the time. My friends sometimes take me out to eat or clubbing. I've actually met a few nice guys at the club we go to, so I think that's probably my best option at the moment
I usually dress quite modestly and I rarely wear a lot of makeup. I don't wear any to work. I wear lipstick when I go out, but I've only worn eyeliner and mascara a few times. I try to dress like a virgin so guys won't think I'm one of those girls who's there for a hookup. Lol. But some guys certainly don't get that vine I'm trying to put out. I make sure I don't run off with people who would try to take advantage of me
keep dressing the way you feel like dressing and you'll meet someone who values that kind of dress... you want a guy who values what you value that's called haveing common interest... i was influenced or became interested in styles that weren't so good for me and i learned a bitter lesson... i wouldn't want you to go through that and i want you to know it's okay to have your values and nothing wrong finding a man who values what you vale and most important respects you... don't ever forget this... respect is the most important critera in a relationship supercedes anything else you can think of looks $$$ organ sizes, dress... i'm sure your a great girl but just keep your head up and continue to believe in yourself and your values
Thank you for your advice and sharing your experiences. I'll definitely keep believing in my values
You're absolutely right about respect. I recently read an article involving over 1,500 couples married 10+ years who said trust was the main key to a long-term relationship
I expect women to "women up" and clean my home, wash my clothes, and suck my dick
I would be perfectly happy to do all of that and more if I found a man that I could respect and love. A relationship should be about satisfying your partner's needs because you want to
It's simple. The one who invites, pays. If I invited a friend I don't expect him to pay either - except I make it clear right from the get-go.
And if I don't have the cash, I pick a date-idea that's cheap. This really ain't rocket science.
Which I completely agree with, except the OP states that she'd never ask out a guy first. So it's pretty convenient for her to think the asker should pay.
@SpecialAgentStone
Then you still have the option to not take her in a fancy restaurant. There are thousands of really cheap/free dating ideas. Just be creative. And this is only for the first 1-3 dates. Afterwards the girl should show initiative as well and ask me out. If she doesn't, I will lose interest anyway since she isn't involved.
@SpecialAgentStone
I'm actually not one of those girls who is looking for a fling. If someone wants a relationship with me, then I'm looking for something long-term. Asking me out is the first step in proving that you want to and are willing to put effort into me.
I have plenty of options because I'm beautiful. I'm not mean to polite guys nor do o use and abuse them. If I can tell a guy won't cut it for me, I decline rather than take advantage of him
"I have plenty of options because I'm beautiful."
You might be good-looking, but without humbleness you certainly aren't beautiful. And those good looks will be fading. If you want a guy who has something to offer including politeness you better also have more to offer than your fading looks.
And if you want a guy to ask you out, you better also show interest. Aka open body language, eye-contact, smiles, etc.
Agreed. I actually don't want guys to ask me out. I try to display as much closed body language as possible because I want to show that I am not open to flirting.
"Beautiful " isn't a term I gave to myself. I used to think I was ugly because kids bullied me in school. I've had quite a few people tell me I'm beautiful over the last couple of months, so I've picked it up
If you go out drinking with friends, and you invited them, you pay for all their drinks?
No need to be sassy, so put down your pitchfork. There are tons of girls who wonder why they don't get approached with a closed body-language.
Additionally it doesn't matter if you say other people called you beautiful. Your statement was "I have plenty of options, because I am beautiful". That in itself is a superficial statement. Plenty of options is something that people care who want casual things. The people who look for something serious only want a single option.
@amphet11
I don't invite anybody to go out because I know I can't afford it
Being sassy is in my nature, I'm a redhead. Sometimes I do need a pitchfork to ward off all the perverts creeping on me
I agree that I only need one guy who can love and care for me. That's why I've never gone out on a date. I'm waiting for the perfect guy
I said I have plenty of options because I have plenty of guys asking me out. I don't have to ask out guys because of my options. I wasn't being superficial. And stop complaining about girls with confidence when all I hear on this site is about insecure, clingy, cheating women
No need to go on. It is clear that your low ego requires you to boost yourself more than you deserve.
Humility is a great thing. You might want to try it out. And if you are actually humble, then you should work on the way you express yourself which makes you not appear that way.
My ego is exactly where I want it to be
I don't have to change anything about myself to fit into what society expects of me. Society has its own problems to deal with and I'm not one of them. People can view me in whatever way they want because it won't affect the way I view myself. I know who I am and what I want out of life and have standards for what things I'll accept into it
man up? thats how you define manliness? another vagina that puts her self on a pedestal and gold digs her way through the dating field... .
Yes, I do consider paying for your date a manly thing to do
I'm a virgin. my vagina has nothing to do with this
I'm not gold-digging my way through the dating field. I've never even been on a date because I refuse to go out with someone I know I'm incompatible with. I'm not a gold-digger, and I'm not even a part of the dating field
than i want sex on first date either before or during dessert
Well you're in luck because there's a lot of girls out there who will hookup with you without even having to take them out on a date. You couldn't have lived in a better era for your desire
Your life as a woman isn't more worth than my life as a man. Are you in the damn 1950s? What happened to equality?
Wow, you are so entitled that when the bill comes, we men are at it.
Not being offensive, but I disagree with this take. Why don't you "woman up"?
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a33784-why-don-t-guys-want-to-pay-for-the-first-date-anymore
If all of the women except one died, our entire population would die. If all of the men except one died, he could still reproduce with every woman on the planet and we'd have a significant reduction in population, but Hans would still survive. 3,000 years ago, women would've still needed men to protect them and survive, but modern technology would allow an entirely female society to survive as long as they still had one man. So women's lives are more important than men's when it comes to reproduction
What happened to equality is that feminists are sleeping around and aborting children and attacking men for being men, creating hostility between the sexes
I'm not entitled and I don't expect men to pay for anything of mine. Out of the seven drinks I had this weekend, only one of them was bought by a guy, all the rest by girls. If you don't want to buy me things, then you don't have to because I don't care about you or your money. I have other people who enjoy putting effort into me
What do you mean by "woman up"? I'm a virgin, so I'm saving myself for the right man. I'd cook and clean for and take care of a man the way a wife should
The divorce rate in the 1950s was much lower than it is today, so you can't tell me modern dating is working out. Things would be better if we went back to the 1950s. Science has shown that as a decade when people were the happiest and most satisfied with their lives
I've never been on a date or expected men to foot any of my bills. But if a guy wanted to take me out, I'd expect him to cover the expenses he incurred on the date of his choice. I already said I wouldn't expect a five-star restaurant, he just needs to be able to cover his debts. A guy who takes a girl on a date he can't afford is a guy who doesn't live within his means. That's extremely unattractive and a sign you'll have financial struggles throughout life
I don't mind paying the bill on my first date but the woman shouldn't expect it from me and having a good time while my wallet goes empty. Yes we are equals, like you mentioned in your take but the whole point of what feminism does is fight for equality only in the place where there is personal benefit. Okay, if you go on a date with me for argument's sake, I'd go with the 50/50 principle. Women are strong and independent today which is why I mentioned that we aren't in the 1950s.
Well, I'd still pick you up and drive you home, so don't think I'm a poor jerk not ready to do anything.
Miss idonthaveausername, I respect your courage. It must have took a lot of guts putting up this take.
Dating isn't a one way street. It isn't. Some guys have been used by gold-diggers and the only way to be sure you aren't a gold digger is to judge you by your attitude on the first date. I don't think you're a gold digger, but WE MEN are the ones who have to be extra careful today.
Could you spare some time and look at the comments of this- www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a34173-why-he-s-not-getting-a-second-date
And if you're worth more than my money like you said, then justify it by not bothering about how much I spend on you.
Or just follow the 50/50 rule. All I see in this take is hypocrisy.
You shouldn't take girls on dates you can't afford. That is irresponsible and rude. You don't have to empty your wallet to afford a decent date
I understand the 50/50 theory but I have ruled that out because I have other options. I had 4people this weekend buy me a total of 7 drinks without expecting me to sleep with them for it, so someone who wants to sleep with me (I'm a virgin) is going to have to try a lot harder than 50/50
I'd rather drive myself. I live alone, so I'd prefer the security of you not knowing where I live
If you read my whole MyTake, I have a section on gold diggers. I don't like them either because they abuse and throw away good men
I've read that and understand it's due to a lack of respect and value between partners
I'd give a man everything he wanted from me in return for being a man I could respect
Well, let me try to make you understand again.
1) I asked you out so I'll pay. But if you act broke with me you're going back home.
2) Oh well, women are educated and working nowadays. If you're broke it's YOUR fault. And if you do believe in equality, then you'll agree with 50/50. If not, you're a hypocrite.
3) This is a date, right? The whole point of a date is two people going out and getting to know each other because we're romantically interested in each other. If you make me split the check, then I might as well sit at my own table because it means you aren't thinking of yourself and me as an "us".
Well if you were really romantically interested, you wouldn't think about money either.
4) Oh? Well, dating is half romance half money. If you're worth more than my money, stop saying this- so someone who wants to sleep with me (I'm a virgin) is going to have to try a lot harder.
That implies that I'm buying you with my money and you're offering me sex.
That is prostitution.
1. Fair
2. I don't believe in gender equality. I prefer traditional gender roles
3. i don't care about money. I'd just expect a man to cover the costs of a date of his choosing. If he chose to take me to the free art museum or zoo I wouldn't accuse him of being stingy
4. Sex is off the table on the first date, so no prostitution. My point was that I have other options in friends that I'd rather hang woth than go on a date with someone who isn't going to take me on an actual date
And you want us to try harder than 50/50 so we can buy you for sex eh? I don't support this kind of shit. So don't even try.
Mentioning in the comment of @lumos that you do care and don't care about the money at the same time is like changing colors like a chameleon to adjust your shit.
No sex, so you're not buying sex. I have plenty of people offering better than 50/50 so yes you need to offer more than that for me. I have other options. I don't care about how much money you have or spend as long as you cover your expenses. I'm not obligated to go on a date with you
1) Okay.
2) That's where you see benefits. It's still the men initiating dates more (around 75%) so he would be expected to pay again. So you're acting broke again.
3) Fair. But you should return equal favors too.
4) An actual date to you is where you get stuff free right? Why in the damn 21st century do I see stuff like this?
I personally think equality is a great thing as it means equal privileges. When women pay for themselves on a date, we men can't help but admire and still insist on paying (it makes us feel good and not used). So there's a second date with them. No issues.
And to reply to your last comment about sex, I want to tell you that dating is dating. I don't like fighting for women and offering more money just for some ridiculous shit.
Well, I've tried my best to explain to you. So I am debating on this no further.
Have a good day, Miss.
You can disagree with me, but you can't claim I believe things when I don't
I get free stuff when I'm not on a date, so getting free stuff doesn't make a date. I also said I'd go on a date that didn't cost anything, so that's not getting anything for free because nobody is paying
I would return the favor and then some, but you're not going to get any return on an investment you don't make
I never asked you to explain anything or try to change my views. I understand your views perfectly fine, but I disagree with them. I'm firmly set in my beliefs because they work for me
You saying you won't fight for a woman is exactly why I'd never go on a date with you. I'd want a man who loved me enough to fight for me and I for him. If someone isn't worth fighting for, that person isn't worth dating
Sex has nothing to do with a first date
Miss, looks like you got offended a bit but let's come to an agreement with this. I am debating no longer but still.
I pay on the first date. After that it's 50/50. Do you agree?
( Well I didn't want to be rude. And if you are not offended then good for you. Don't make an issue of that.)
I don't get offended by people who don't know me and say things that aren't true, but you're not going to accuse me of believing things that I don't on my thread. You're debating points that I'm not making
MyTake is about why you should pay for the first date. I never said anything about anybody paying for the second one. If two people want a second date, they can decide where to go from there, but the person who asks pays on the first date
If you don't want to be rude, then don't assume people believe certain things or act a certain way. If you don't want to be rude, then you failed because you are being quite rude. It would behoove you to present yourself in a respectable manner if you don't want to come off as rude
Oh I agree that I was rude. Never denied that did I?
No point in replying further. Bye.
No I actually want to have this debate lol. Respectfully too. Let's begin from the beginning. Forget the previous shit.
The woman whom I want to date is one who respects me and treats me as an equal – so one who doesn’t go to the date with the attitude that “I’m the woman, so feel honored that I blessed you with my company”.
Picking up the bill is just part of it. It’s a gesture – so it’s not something you have the right to expect from me.
Expecting me to unconditionally pay your share is rude toward me – because it sends me the message that you view me being able to go to a date with you much more of a privilege than you being able to go to a date with me. That’s being on a very high horse.
And men do most of the asking (around 75%) so yeah no equality here. Chivalry doesn't make any sense today, and women earn too.
So there is nothing wrong in the one asking for the date paying but you shouldn't "expect" me to pay. It kinda makes it one-sided.
That's fine for you and your girlfriend if it works for you. But that doesn't make my view wrong or mean I don't appreciate kind gestures or expect anyone to give me anything for free
There's no such thing as gender equality and people should strive to satisfy and provide for and comfort and protect their partners. One person paying for a date doesn't mean the receiving end disrespects the giving end. Treating your "partner" like they aren't worth a meal isn't respectful at all and isn't grounds for a good relationship. The equality from this would mean your date wouldn't ever see you as worth buying a meal for either and you'd end up in a stalemate where neither side wants to budge
That's the problem all you guys on here have. I never said I'd unconditionally expect a man to pay. I'd wear nice clothing, show up on time, engage in conversation, order something reasonable and actually eat it, and put effort into getting to know the man as well. I'd try to impress him if I liked him
Enough to actually want to go on a date with him
I agree with your logic on that for most situations. I however have never been on a date before (and trust me, I get plenty of offers that I turn down because I'm not interested) so it would be more of a privilege for a man to take me out than for me to be taken out. That is unless he also has as many admirers coming after him as I do that he turns down. Considering no one has ever been on a date with me, the first man I accept an offer from should feel very privileged. You can say I'm on a high horse all you want, but you won't make me feel guilty about it. On the other hand, he should know how much I respect and admire him for being the only man I'd be interested in enough to date
I preface MyTake with that fact in mind. I am aware men do most of the asking as I don't ask and have plenty of askers. But I have plenty of lesbians ask me out too. I'd say 10-20% of the people who hit on me are female. One girl bought me 3 drinks Saturday
Okay. I guess I can see that your take makes sense now.
Actually all this while it seemed like you were expecting the man to pay for the first date without even making a kind gesture.
My bad, lol. I'm single just like you are. Never been on a date before. Never gonna find the time because I'm a student.
The two magical words you used- "man up" was pissing me a little. Lol
Thank you for understanding. I turn men (and women because I'm not gay) down when I'm not interested in them and know I won't be able to think of them romantically or respect them. I respect people enough not to lead them on or take advantage of them. I could become a gold digger very easily if I wanted to because I get a lot of attention and people tell me I'm beautiful often. But I don't want to take advantage of people and I'd prefer to only be in a relationship I wanted to contribute to as well. I don't have any money to contribute to a relationship right now, but I'd offer other things
You should stay in school and at least get your diploma. College is good if you can afford it, but there are good living wages to be made as a high school graduate. I never went to college, but I'm financially independent and am debt free. My boss actually asked me if I wanted a promotion today, so I might take it so I can afford a new car
Okay thanks for understanding me too.
Good luck with your job and your life. Ciao.
"Boo hoo, women deserve equal pay. Now pay for every date!" -Every woman ever.
You better cook and clean on the second date.
I have never said anything like that. If you read through the multiple posts on this thread, then you'd see that I would prefer to cook for a man after he pays for our first date.
If women want equal pay, then they have to come to the interview with the proper experience as well as being able to negotiate their salaries well
https://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/48457362.jpg
Keep it simple, if she's the one then she won't mind doing something that doesn't cost money at first, and if we have a good time & she sticks around then all that other bs won't matter
I couldn't agree more. You can definitely still impress a girl with something simple and affordable. My whole MyTake was about how there are so many more important things than money, the most important thing being two people getting to know each other
Unless a woman insists on paying or sharing in the cost of the date, I will always pay
It is both my upbringing in regards to being a gentleman as well as cultural being Irish and how we embrace a guest ethos
At the first date even when she insists to pay it'd be ur duty to pay, it's traditional right? I think a women can pay for her own food on any other following date
@SARAAAAAAAAAAH Of course i would insist on a first date, but some women feel aggrieved by this.
I usually counter this by bypassing it by leaving a card behind the bar meaning no bill is brought
Good to know there are men who would pay regardless :)
@SARAAAAAAAAAAH you always feel honoured being in a womans company so it is a small gesture of appreciation
No offense, but you sound a bit like a push-over. But seeing as you're 45, that's a completely different generation so this might feel normal to you.
I paid the bill on the first date with my boyfriend and I prefer it that way.
@jessica5d far from a push over but you are right about it being Generational
@SARAAAAAAAAAAH it's also traditional for the woman to cook, clean, be subservient to her man, accepting it when he beats you, wait for sex until marriage and be shamed by society for giving birth to a baby born out of wedlock, needing your husband's consent when wanting to work and even then only have the option of lower income jobs, to be completely barred from any position of power, and to have no actual representation in politics. Just to name a few 'perks' of traditional gender roles.
Is it therefore also logical to conclude that it's your duty to conform to your traditional role as a female as well, since it's traditional? Or does this line of reasoning only apply to men, I wonder?
@SARAAAAAAAAAAH
" I think a women can pay for her own food on any other following date "
You must have low expectations in men.
That's a good point I haven't discussed here yet. Yes I'm an American, but the only man I've ever been attracted to is a European immigrant. I'd much rather prefer a traditional European man who knows how to and wants to respect me. And his sexy accent would only be a plus
Maybe my Irish side is where I get this from, then. My Irish side is one of my best sides. My curly red hair is my favorite and most unique physical trait. It definitely does make me special (despite what some people here seem to think)
@SpecialAgentStone
That actually sounds perfect to me. I'd only love a man who wouldn't physically harm me without my consent, but I can meet all of those other standards
Noone can understand my Irish accent- very strong
@SARAAAAAAAAAAH
It's ain't any man's duty to pay crap. Duty means it is a requirement. Are you going to be selfish and leave him if he asks you to pay?
What about culturally being the woman's upbringing to pay?
@SARAAAAAAAAAAH
What would you think of me if I said it's good to know there's women that would always pay regardless?
@yotes-of-472
I would think that you are a loser, possibly living at home and on his parents' medical plan. Maybe working as a barista.
@yotes-of-472
I'd think you're not a real man or worth a relationship
@WalterRadio
But you wouldn't say a woman who refuses to pay on a date is a loser?
But a woman who doesn't pay is worth a relationship and is a real woman? Anything you say about real man can be reversed and said real woman.
@yotes-of-472
"But you wouldn't say a woman who refuses to pay on a date is a loser? "
That is rather like asking whether the tides caused by a moon made of green cheese would be any different. Your question is nonsensical.
@WalterRadio
No, it isn't. You think men should be financial slaves in heterosexual dating as a rule.
@yotes-of-472
The government takes 40% of my income. Exactly who is the master?
@WalterRadio
Then don't work. It doesn't mean you should take it out on men who don't want the burden of paying just because you would do it.
@yotes-of-472
I don't take it out on men who are losers. It is women who often prefer men who are successful because they can have such a higher standard of living. It is quite logical for them.
I have been known to tell women who complain about their loser boyfriends that the answer to their complaints is to stop dating men who have no money. Many women figure this out for themselves.
@WalterRadio
I could say that women who refuse to pay for men have loser girlfriends also?
What higher standards do men have? We have equal standards as far as I know but please, I beg of you to point them out to me.
@WalterRadio
I could tell men to stop dating women that have no money also.
@WalterRadio
Yeah, that's why you are such a wuss and blocked me from sending you a message. Wusses block and ban because they can't handle rebuke and heed criticism. Point in case. You don't like debating. You are just a flame warrer. It is just as much your duty as it is my duty to prove as it is your duty to disprove. Guess what, I showed you ample articles and a website by an extremely intelligent man named Richard L Deem. You have shown me nothing. Plus, did I mention that I am not a social wuss that blocks/bans members out of rage/anger? Whatever word you want to use.
@yotes-of-472
Sorry, dude. You are clearly jealous of those who are better than you are. You can't be helped.
@WalterRadio
Only an arrogant and cocky loser would claim they're better than another. You clearly are not better. Otherwise, you wouldn't have blocked me.
@gobsmacked3
You just hit my weakness. There's nothing that drives me crazy like an accent I can't understand when you're speaking English. I adore language and the different sounds and affectations from around the world. I love listening to my Brazilian friends speak in Portuguese, Bosnian friend speak in Bosnian, and the Albanian lady I work with talk to her daughters in Albanian. Not being able to understand the words makes the rhythm and fluidity even more beautiful as well as truly being able to listen to the raw sounds of a person's voice
@WalterRadio
You're completely right about that Yotes guy. He's upset because he's unable to meet a desirable and worthy woman's standards
@Idonthaveausername, i used to work in MD, and lived for a bit in MT
Both places, the majority of people couldn't understand a word i said, they liked it, liked it a lot, but had no clue
@SARAAAAAAAAAAH
It's not our duty to pay nor your right to get paid for, we have equal rights, there is no wrong or right or any reason to get angry about what just happened unless he takes you to an expensive place that you cannot afford or lie to you about what his plans are in regard to payment. It's purely by choice. It's your choice to go for a man that is more than willing to pay, and his choice to have his mindset. If a man pays for you on the first date you shod be grateful and appreciative of his kindness and the same the other way around. He should not expect you to return the favor either and that is true kindness from both sides, yes I personally want to pay and would even insist even when you are self righteous in my mind, but then would either not go on the second date, or would continue to experience life with you if you seemed like my type no matter what your mindset is something as petty as paying for the first date.
Seriously? This guy doesn't know you when he first asks you out - you're not special to him yet. Stop being entitled.
Most guys don't know me when they first ask me out, but some do. I'd never go on a date with a stranger. I'd have to know enough about him to respect him and want to make him a part of my life. I've been on a date before because I haven't met the right man. I'd only go out on a date with a man who saw me as special.
I'm not entitled. I don't take advantage of guys I know I'm not compatible with. Everything I have is because I've earned it