Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated? (Page 3)
Click "Show More" for your mentions
Most Helpful Opinion(mho) Rate.
Learn more
Learn more
We're glad to see you liked this post.
You can also add your opinion below!
You can also add your opinion below!
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
74Opinion
You should let him know. One because this probably means you aren't ready for something serious with him. Two because he should have the option in deciding whether he wants to stay with a cheater or not because if that guy is your best friend he isn't going anywhere and things will only get worse. Two maybe your boyfriend won't care because he might be doing the same thing up in Canada cause I heard the hottest girls live up in Canada.
y should she let him know if the relationship si gonna end anyways.
@orphan Then let it end. It's probably for the best.
Tell him or break up with him. If you break up with him and he asks "why?" then tell him you don't deserve him. And if he asks "why?" again then you tell him if you will accept the outcome. I'm sorry but you don't deserve him. To me breaking up will break my spirit but cheating will break my heart and reason to live.
That sounds like a terrible idea... "I don't deserve you" is incredibly hard to deal with when someone says that.
@frozenhorizon Do you mean he may interpret it as something positive? Because in my eyes she doesn't deserve him and he definitely don't deserve what she did to him.
If you can't respect your commitment, break up with him. He deserves better.
No. You wanting to tell him is an extension of your selfishness.
Make something up and break up with him.
When people are far away shit happens. I am sure he has hooked up as well with someone. Let it go. What's the point of mentioning him that.
That is the stupidest thing I ever heard, it happens? He probably cheated so it was okay? That is moronic. How do you justify that behavior? What if he didn't? What if he did not cheat on her (as many people manage to do) what if he only thought about how he missed her? Now what? That is rationalizing a behavior, something I get the impression you have done before, its an attempt to justify an action with the logical fallacy of "you too", even if (which you have no reason to believe is the case) things happened like you say it still would not justify the behavior.
@hellionthesage No, your reply to me is moronic. First of all you don't know me, I am not those women in your life so you shouldn't take your anger out on me. So stay objective or don't reply at all. ''I have a feeling you have done this before''. Who are you again? And why are u up in my business? I really can't stand when people are projecting their own issues on strangers online. Long distance relationships are are a tough deal, people do stray. Lots of times men hook up more than women.
I've never been cheated on so I am being objective your argument was he might have or could have cheated therefore it isn't a big deal. That is stupid, its a justification. And as for hooking up actually its about even in how frequently men cheat and women cheat. As for my remark, I wasn't saying you cheated, I don't know who you are I was saying that clearly you are prone to justifying your actions because that argument was not objective, it was an attempt to justify an action that could not be justified. To simply excuse peoples actions, ones that hurt others is a horrible thing to do yet that is precisely what you did, you justified it you enabled her to go out and hurt some one else instead of expecting them to try to be the best person they can be. Thats messed up.
Would you accept that reasoning if it was a man? How about if it was you who was cheated on? If he said its okay because you where probably cheating anyway, would that be acceptable to you?
@hellionthesage that's why I don't do long distance relationships. I'd rather have an open relationship with him untill we are together again in the same town. I wouldn't be able to trust him that far away. It would be unfair towards a trustworthy guy, but if it's the kind who strays in these situation... don't think so. If I was in this situation, I wouldn't cheat especially if I know he is a trustworthy guy. But many guys get distracted, they do hook up without feeling guilty. I think only OP can decide if she has a solid relationship with him or not. If it' was me I would ask him to take a break untill we are united again, that way everything is clear.
No not many guys some guys and some women. As for what she did, she did not do that, he thought they where in a commited relationship and she broke his trust period. Their is no excuse for that. Maybe she should have gone on a break maybe she shouldn't have been in a relationship at all but the fact is she did enter the relationship she did have him convinced she commited to him and then she knowingly destroyed that trust. Their is no excuse for that.
You 100% have to be honest. If you aren't your relationship will become a lie. He probably will break up with you but that's the way the cookie crumbles when you cheat. Take it as a lesson and learn from your mistakes.
All you will do is transfer your guilt onto his shoulders and it will turn into his pain.
However if it was me and my boyfriend did this I would like to know so I can make an informed decision on whether or not to continue the relationship
Here's you option:
1. tell him, he might be hurt and you might lose him.
2. you don't, he won't know, but you will.
Honestly, leave a girlfriend alone for that long is a recipe for disaster.
Also, young people and monogamy don't mix. lol :D
Truth be told all you women are the same... if it was your boyfriend you wouldn't think like this instead the moment you would hear about it you would dump his ass... I know majority of wives and girlfriends cheat on their SO, only reason most don't get caught is because they are better at hiding it... I think you should just let him go and save him a life time worth misery I'm pretty sure he can do better or better yet be single and still have a better life
This sin't true. Guys cheat just as much.
women cheat more its proven in a research in Harvard... Like I said they get caught less since they are so damn good at lying and being pretentious
you do realise guys cheat just as much, right? i am wrong for what i did, there's no denying that. There's no telling that he's being faithful, though. Both genders are equally guilty of infidelity.
If there's a study from Harvard, it's only down to whatever there sample size was. irl, people are people.
You said it yourself you don't feel a damn bit of remorse for what you did... cause if you did you'd rather tell him the truth by now instead of asking opinions from strangers on the internet
also you'd not be arguing with a stranger about the debate of whether your boyfriend has cheated on you or not... though you have no proof that he did
Remorse? i feel like sh*t. the only thing stopping me from telling him is the fear of hurting him.
you mean the only thing stopping you from telling the truth is that you are a coward...
i mentioned him possibly cheating just to prove that guys cheat aswell, and often dont get caught
What do i have to be scared of? besides hurting him?
The fear of hurting him... Maybe you should have thought about that before...
@schnipdip Like i said, i am wrong for what i did, i never denied that and i hate myself for it. The question is simply if it's better for him to know or not
look you know in your heart that you don't give a F*** about this guy so why are you pretending like you do... If you were really concerned if he'd be hurt or not you wouldn't have done some other guy in the first place... also you prove it yourself that you don't give a cr*p about him cause like I said if you did you'd have told him the truth by now instead of getting into arguments with strangers on the internet
Well if you're going to break up with me for no reason, I'd want to know why. Especially if it's your fault.
I guess the only mistake you made here besides doing another guy is that you made this post where both men & women can give their opinion... Cause I'm pretty sure had you made it a question just for girls by now you'd definitely have some telling you that you were justifies for doing what you did and its only empowering women though you wouldn't be saying the same had it been your boyfriend doing the dirty deeds... I guess you should do yourself and him a favor by telling the truth you'd give him a lot of pain but he'd save himself from ruining his life
you can't tell me whether or not a give a sh*t hahah
I hate myself for it and would do anything to undo what i did. but i can't.
I didn't leave my house with the intent of hurting him. I was with my best friend who i find it hard to control myself around.
There were never any malicious intentions.
If someone had cheated on you and made you believe that everyone who cheats doesn't care, you're wrong.
"I was with my best friend who i find it hard to control myself around." , LOL you do realize that you keep saying it yourself that you have no feelings for your boyfriend in the 1st place... a woman who is like you should tell him about the truth so he can stay the F*** away from people like you in the future
FYI people cheat when their feelings for the SO is reduced or goes away... what you are feeling right now is just a bit of shame you don't regret what you did :/
The ironic thing is you were cheated on. I bet you felt betrayed. Like cheaters are scum.
You don't feel bad for your boyfriend. You feel anxious about what you did and how it will affect you, not him. "I don't want to hurt him" is an excuse to cover up the pain that will be directed at you... Quit lying to yourself. "Best friends" don't fuck each other.
I am honestly sorry for whoever hurt you so bad you just assume people don't care. My best friend and i have been messing around for over 7 years. Its not hard to believe that i would make a sh*tty mistake like this.
I do care. I do feel like the worst person on earth for it.
Don't guess how other people are feeling
I'm not guessing I'm just stating the facts... truth be told most women though can be in a relationship but that doesn't mean they necessarily love the guy they are in a relationship with... Besides most women are incapable of loving someone unconditionally... and honestly if I were you instead of pretending to feel so bad on the internet with some strangers I'd rather call my SO and tell her about it.
@schnipdip making out isn't f*cking. Like i said you can't tell people how they feel. I really don't care about myself right now, and i feel like sh*t.
But when i was cheated on it hurt, so much so that i wished i would've never found out about it. Ignorance is bliss.
So i just want to try to minimise the shock and hurt for him. not myself.
"Oooo what should I do ~~ if only I wasn't the damsel in distress".＼(;´□｀)/
No one has to hurt you to know people who cheat are shit... It's common sense.
Like I said, he isn't your best friend if you are fucking him... That's more than friends. You're in the wrong relationship to begin with.
Yeah, but he was your fuck buddy in the past... Same thing.
And yes you are right some body did hurt me... but that has not completely clouded my judgement... besides the only reason I don't believe in relationships to begin with is cause of people like you... People like you don't give a crap about anyone else and just pretend to actually love anyone... by the way if you were so playful with your best friend may be you should have had a relationship with him instead
Women are capable of it, and guys cheat just as much. its not a gender issue. I am capable of unconditional love, just platonic love. I do really care about my boyfriend, i just don't love him as much as i do my best friend. Maybe i'm just f*cked in the head and have to sabatoge anything good in my life. Thatt doesn't mean all girls are like that.
it has completely clouded your judgement, obviously.
@schnipdip People who cheat ARE sh*t. Like i said i'm NOT defending myself. I am just saying that just because you make a sh*tty mistake, that can't be excused, does not mean you don't care about the person you hurt. People make mistakes
If you do care, you'd give him a reason...
" But when i was cheated on it hurt, so much so that i wished i would've never found out about it. Ignorance is bliss.
So i just want to try to minimise the shock and hurt for him. not myself. "
You must be a saint for being so considerate towards your boyfriend you care about his feelings so much... you care about his feelings so much that you'd rather lie to him and do other guys behind him... and here I am criticizing you for being bad... you are definitely a nice person and let me say something other women would say to you at this point - " what you did was OK and you got nothing to be ashamed of , in fact if he dumps you after hearing the truth its cause he don't deserve you as you are better than him, so its all his fault "
"do really care about my boyfriend, i just don't love him as much as i do my best friend." OK now you said it yourself you don't give a damn about your boyfriend...
yup my judgement is clouded but guess what even with a clouded judgement I'd have told him the truth by now ;)
Who ever hurt you made you bitter. I never one defended myself and repeatedly said i am a sh*tty person for doing what i did. Other women would criticise me too. Being female doesn't automatically make you a cheat.
I was literally just asking what everyone thought the best thing for HIM is. Because when i was cheated on i would've preferred not to know. so i don't know what to do for HIM. because i'm such a sh*tty person, i should try to reduce the number of sh*tty things i do.
Your anger is pointing towards the wrong person cause i'd take the insults in with open arms. I'm not defending myself
We aren't insulting you...
@schnipdip Indirectly you are, and i deserve it.
The Anon is mad at whoever hurt him, and is taking it out here.
but i think the animosity is directed at the wrong person.
also, Maybe you didn't, but the entire female race was insulted a few times in this thread.
well I just wasted like 20 odd minutes on this bullshit... apparently you have decided that you are gonna F*** your best friend and keep lying to your boyfriend so there's no point in trying to explain you that he deserves to know the truth and stay the F*** away from you... God bless that stupid guy for getting into a relationship with you in the 1st place... Your a person who loves and wants to sleep with another dude but want to make this dude your boyfriend obviously something is severely wrong inside your head to begin with... you can't make a mentally challenged person understand logic... Yes all the sh** happened to me made me bitter but at least I'm better off without getting into a relationship with a lying wH@*#
I never once said i'd ever do this again? you okay?
you're just assuming things out of no where. i feel like sh*t and obviously wuldnt do it again
i really am sorry for who ever f*cked you up this bad
please you don't have to sympathize regarding who fu***d me up... >_<
If anything whoever did that to me did a huge favor to me... it only made me stronger and more independent and I know for fact women don't always feel the same in a relationship like a guy does... as far as my condition is concerned I'm doing great...
You're obviously not, though.
Whoever she is messed you up. But not all girls are like that.
Guys are just as bad generally. You mightve just been from the small percentage that isn't bad, and got hurt unfairly.
That shouldn't make you discriminate against an entire gender, nor should it have you attacking the wrong person.
I admitted my wrongdoing, but i'm not who you're angry at.
you're right you admitted your wrong doing to a bunch of strangers on the internet... you must so great and a complete saint of a person... all your mistakes should be forgiven for your confession to strangers on the internet... BRAVO :P... Did hit your head on something recently or were you born this delusional
wow your the one who cheats on guys and then you say guys are mostly bad and i belong to a small %age of guys who didn't cheat but got cheated on... woman hear yourself talking... if anything you women have it in your DNA to be a lying cheat ...
your sarcasm is not appreciated, nor necessary.
For f*cks sake, i never once said i deserve any pitty, never defended myself. You're just bitter.
Like i said who ever she is, she really f*cked you up
i can't help myself but ask you... did you call him and talk to him by now? or are you still trying to justify yourself for what you did?
never tried to justify myself. and he's in a class so no
you know what thanks :)
as of late I was becoming really close to a girl & she likes me too and to be honest not 8 hrs ago I was actually thinking that I should try to get into a relationship with her, but after the last 2 hrs or so I changed my mind, so really thanks for posting your question and thanks for allowing me to prevent from making a mistake, thanks for reminding me that I was about to be an idiot yet again and most importantly thanks for reminding me that no matter how good things look or how nice people appear you never know when they might turn out to be something else... Good luck to you :)
I said no because all it will do is end your relationship with the boyfriend. He does seem way to possessive though, but that is for another question on G@G.
You do need to figure out what you want and then stick to it.
If you don't tell him, you'll be forced to live in guilt knowing that you're keeping secrets from him, and you'll always be worried that someone will tell him. Just get it over with and hope he doesn't get pissed.
That's the only way to show you respect him. He deserve better than a whore.
Why don't you just date your best friend? There must be chemistry there if you're willing to mack on them for two hours.
You should tell him at the same time that you let him go. He doesn't deserve to be with a cheater. And your aren't fit for a relationship.
insult to injury... FOR WHAT?
"hey.. i'm breaking up w/ you... oh and i cheated on you"
unnecessary. least she could do is save the dude some heartbreak.
@orphan so you suggest to allow the guy to continue to love a liar and cheater? I say pull off the bandaid quick. Let him heal to move on and find true love than to continue with someone who will undoubtedly cheat and lie again.
Nobody needs a cheater in their life.
he doesn't need to know he was cheated on to heal after a breakup.
girls prefer to kno if they were cheated on... guys.. nah.
i feel girls lean towards telling to clear their conscious... another selfish endeavor.
@orphan if she just breaks up him, he'll have questions and wonder if it's something he did. He may try extensively to get her back (I've experienced this and it's sad and painful for both of us) if he knew he could learn, make better choices and heal.
i'm sure she can cite something else in their relationship as turmoil.
it's like telling me you spit in my food after i ate it and had no clue.
@orphan speak for yourself I would like to know.
@Ferretman21 So... Think about your ex ex girlfriend...
You'd welcome a text message out of the blue saying she cheated on you?
@orphan they're not exes, they're in a relationship.
@orphan what are you talking about? I'm not suggesting telling your "ex ex"
They are currently in a reaction ship. He deserves to know what she did and decide.
lol @ reaction ship
@orphan RELATIONSHIP. autocorrect fail😞 .
i know they're not ex's... but they're about to be.
@orphan only if she tells him like I suggested.
telling him would just be another selfish act. involving him in something he's unaware of just to be 'honest' didn't matter until she had something on her conscience.
selfish.
it doesn't benefit him in any such way. it's not gonna make him a stronger person down the line... it's not gonna heal whatever you think she's hurting any faster.
it'll probably just make him irate along w/ disappointed. he's better off just disappointed.
and tellin' him as she breaks up w/ him couldn't be more selfish... he doesn't need to know. case closed.
@orphan you obviously have your opinion on and I have mine. Anytving less than full disclosure is selfish of her. I really don't want to continue debating it with you. good luck in your own relationships. Peace.
you still haven't explained how full disclosure BENEFITS HIM.
circular logic.
@orphan of course I have. I'm not going to teach you how to read also. Again☮. Out.
" if she just breaks up him, he'll have questions and wonder if it's something he did. He may try extensively to get her back (I've experienced this and it's sad and painful for both of us) if he knew he could learn, make better choices and heal."
HOPEFULLY she'll state other reasons. jesus christ.
@orphan there is no other reason that we know of. She's a cheater and unable to be in a relationship. Period. End of story.
wowzers..
she could fabricate a believable one. i'm sure there's other signs of her disinterest. she has a brain for this kinda stuff.
@orphan ok. I get it. You are an advocates of lying when ever you can. I prefer honesty.
now you're putting words in my mouth.
i'm an advocate of lying in this particular situation. yes. furthermore, she's not honest to begin with, so why start by inflicting pain on someone she'll most likely never see again.
@orphan to ensure he never has to see her again. The more he knows, the less likely he is to want to be anywhere near her.
so now he has to save himself from himself? just stop.
@orphan information = power.
really? tell that to all the guys who read this place front to back and still get no play. information is useless unless you do something with it.
@orphan let me correct myself. Information brings knowledge and knowledge equals power. As for all the guys you refer to, they don't believe the information they get so it never actually turns into knowledge.
basically your statement would equate to smart people are the powerful people. yet in the real world... it's the C students hiring the A students.
@orphan A student doesn't equal smartest in life. In the training class of my employment (approx 120 of us nation wide) the first to drop out were the ivy leaguers.
it was a metaphor.
First you should acceptthat you have messed up without any poor excuses like "I am not used to commitment". Don't use any excuses and stand to your own mistake first.
And then you gonna find the guts to tell him you fucked up.
Duh, he deserves to know you weren't faithful to him. And you should be honest. You'll have to grow some confidence and call him, either by phone or Skype. Waiting to do it is only going to make it worse.
Don't you think he's better off not knowing? like if i were to break up with him, and not give him a reason. maybe it wouldn't hurt him as much
He deserves to know. Would you rather him be blind to what you did because you're selfishly keeping it from him? Would you like to keep this big lie in your relationship? He's going to know something is up anyway and you're guilt is going to eat at you so there's no point in hiding it anyway.
If you were worried about hurting him then you shouldn't have done it in the first place
If i keep it from him, it'd be so that HE doesn't get hurt. There is no way to make it right, so i just want to minimise the toll on him. If he's blind to it, he hurts less
Meanwhile the guilt will eat at you, you'll keep pulling away, your relationship will strain, and nothing is going to be the same. So you'd rather that?
i would break up with him and live with the guilt. He does deserve better, though i'd never do it again. i just don't know if i should tell him the reason behind it
If you don't then nothing is going to change.
coming from a guy.. he's better off not knowing. perhaps women would want to know, but not us guys. ignorance is bliss.
She knows telling him is the decent thing to do, she's just a coward and is insecure. Not telling him and making a bullshit excuse is just wrong.
if you're gonna be selfish and cheat, you should remain selfish and keep it to yourself. informing him does him absolutely no good, and your relationship no good, and your character no good.
break up w/ him.
Better get your balls, and once you see him
tell him that, otherwise you'll feel guilty,
whole of your life.
It's always better to tell the truth, even it's hurtful.
This is something you should give him a choice on. It's not fair to him to be in s relationship where his girlfriend unknowingly cheated on him. Give him the choice if he wants to leave or stay.
Asker, I would want to know. I wouldn't want to unknowingly be with someone that did that to me. What would you want him to do? Will you treate him like you'd like to be?
2 private opinion(s)Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more