Do girls want emotional guys?

When it comes to emotions, there is no winning for guys. Girls say they want a guy to open up, talk about his feelings, be a human...then they get upset he doesn't. However, when a guy does decide to open up, girls (and his peers) think he is too emotional, pathetic, and there is no mystery or attraction. So what to do?

Updates:
Thanks for all the great answers!

The question is reopen now, though I accidently selected a mho.

Feel free to voice your opinions!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Girls don't like sensitive guys, I do but most women have unrealistic standards for a man

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Most Helpful Guy

What Girls Said 73

  • Everything requires balance.

    I was raised to be a tough cookie, even though I had times in my life where I admittedly wasn't. You have to have thick skin and to know when to toughen up, but you also have to know that expressing shit is necessary for your own sanity. I want a guy to be in control of his emotions the way I am and be able to express them in a healthy way. Some dudes just absolutely take it to an extreme and go off the deep end, letting a bad day bring them to their knees while they bawl and blubber how they're such a nice guy and don't deserve any hardships. That is where I draw the line because that's mental and emotional weakness.

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    • " tough cookie" lol

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    • What would you do if your boyfriend cried because you gave him a orgasm?

    • That's not usually how it works but keep doing whatever it is you're doing.

  • Honestly just be yourself and don't surpress your feelings to please a girl. Why is it okay for a girl to be sensitive and, at times, overly emotional yet when a guy stops bottling up he's labeled "pathetic"? Sensitivity isn't gender related, it's a personality trait. It's so much more attractive when a man isn't concerned with "being a man." If a girl cares for you she isn't going to judge you for opening up so I guess all those girls that worry about the lack of mystery, if you do decide to open up, are the ones you should let loose

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    • I hope I can find a girl like that, most girls, people I should say... I can't open up to, it hurts when friends call me too emotional or pathetic... They are super close friends too...

      It feels like I just have to bottle everything up and "man up" just to be attractive.

  • What women want is an emotionally mature man that can express his feelings in a respectful, healthy manner. This means that we want him to be able to tell us when he is feeling happy, sad, angry, unsure, etc. in a respectful and mature way.

    If he is mad at us, sure let him have his space for a little bit but he should be able to come to us and explain why he is mad without being aggressive like people typically expect. He shouldn't just ignore us until he magically feels better.

    Also, I don't care what y'all will say men feel the urge to cry and that's ok. Your mom died? You just nearly cut your finger off cutting potatoes? Broke up with gf? Yes it's OK to cry. But just like with emotionally immature girls, we don't want them sobbing over every little thing. Have a little grit.

    When emotional we mean we want him to express his affection for us. Tell us you love/care about us, be physically comforting, if you feel safe open up about yourself and tell us things you wouldn't tell most people.

    I think there's many emotionally damaged males who could get help from a therapist to feel better but don't because of societal pressure to "be a man" and not show emotion. Women who make fun of men for crying, etc. further this.

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  • I want an emotionally intuitive guy. One who recognizes the correct time to display a certain emotion. He needs to know when the incorrect time to display an emotion as well. And he needs to recognize when I am displaying an emotion and have the correct emotional response to my emotion - whatever it is.

    He doesn't need to wilt into a puddle every time a conflict comes up. But he does need to recognize the acceptable emotions to be displayed at any given time.

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  • I don't want a robot I want a guy with emotions and one that can understand what I'm going through.

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  • I want someone who is emotional but not someone who is a drama queen. It's very reassuring when you're with a guy who is capable of being emotional. When my boyfriend and I started talking again after a difficult few months apart, there was one night he was over at my house and we were talking and I started crying a little bit and I felt like an idiot, but he started crying a little bit too. He was super embarrassed but I don't know I guess it validated that we were both feeling the same way.

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  • It depends on WHAT GUY chooses WHAT GIRL, if a girl accepts the guy being emotionally expressive or NOT, then it means they just found the right partner.
    It's not that we ARE NEVER HAPPY about this, but it all depends on US WOMEN as well how we approach MEN, so :) ye

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  • Every relationship should have one woman in it. , when I say I want communication I don't want him to replace me cuz being the woman is my job.

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    • Generally agreed but ideally both men and women strive to be unemotional.

      Emotional Person: A person who acts before they think.
      Unemotional Person: A person who thinks before they act.

      The sign of a very emotional person is someone who constantly does things they immediately regret. The sign of a very unemotional person is calm, controlled behavior which generally makes things better because they're thinking about how to make things better instead of just doing whatever they feel like doing without thinking about the ramifications.

    • An example of a very emotional person in a house fire would be one who panics and screams, "We're going to die!" maybe even committing suicide and killing their own children to avoid a painful death.

      An example of a very unemotional person is one who would still feel the same fear as the very emotional person (unemotional does not mean robot, that would be humanly unattainable) but doesn't act on that fear. Instead they calmly locate an exit and guide others to safety. They might even express their fears if it helps others to also calm down.

      Both men and women could benefit from striving to be unemotional.

  • express yourself honestly without losing control. expressing emotion does not mean being lout of control emotionally.

    that goes for anyone regardless of sex. human beings have emotion. before thought there is emotion. whether you can articulate it or not it is there. a person who is intelligent enough to articulate it instead of grunting or throwing a tantrum bc they locked everything up for so long -a lot of people do that bc they think it looks cool to look cold. but stuff comes out eventually tantrums are not cool. violence is worse- is very attractive. if your girlfriend can not handle the real you she's immature and you can't trust her. best to get out.

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    • emotional repression results in violence. many people would rather be caught beating the shit out of an innocent person, than crying. _thats_ pathetic. an dangerous.

  • In my personal opinion, it really much depends on the way they open it. The society has taught us that women are vulnerable and guys should be tough and no matter how much we try to break that pattern or want something different it is everywhere around us. I do like emotional guys, but I don't like the self pity and the over sharing some emotional people have it inside, mostly because I do not know how to handle i. It may be wrong, but I always tried to stay far from this kind of guys when being in a relationship, because for me it kills the vibe. As for having emotional male friends, I have them and I respect them and I never considered them as weak. You may call it double standards but I guess that is just me.

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    • how did society teach that women are vulnerable? what does that refer to?

  • I personally like an emotional guy. Can't speak for other girls, but I think it's cute. I like to see that guys actually do care and have emotions and aren't afraid to show it. And there is a big difference between being a normal, emotional person and being a mess. It's totally fine to cry and open up, but if its way too often then yea, the guy will seem a little pitiful.

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  • i love it when boys show emotion

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  • Okay so.. I believe my man should be able to discuss his feelings with out being judged and if he is hurt he should be able to cry and what ever it is as long as he isn't hurting himself or anyone else.. BUT there's levels to this shit I'm sure guys wouldn't want to date a woman whose always sad or crying or feeling hurt over the Little things women don't want it either the reason we want you to open up is because you're probably closed off it's like a door to a house and all the emotions live in this house you shouldn't leave your house door always open only when something is coming and going and that's Men and women

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  • lol I want a normal solid human being.
    not a cry baby and not an emotionally detached or autistic person

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  • there is such a thing as too emotional, my ex is one of them. I like a guy who says what's bothering him, but when he works up emotions to such extremes it's really hard to deal with, especially when they can''t see reason and are so sensitive the slightest harsh tone to my voice upsets them >.<

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  • Opening up means that he trusts me and thinks me as a close, intimate person. But if he's not my boyfriend, I would be quite surprised and disgusted if he's being emotional. As for me, I rather want an emotionally-intelligent guy. I'm not an expressive person, and I would love it if he asks me what's wrong when seeing me unhappy rather than me complaining. But again, even when he's opening himself up, I still think that we should have some sort of distance (we are still 2 independent individuals) and that too much complaining just ruins my day.

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  • No, I wouldn't blame a guy for opening up. I think for me, what bugs me is explosive behavior. My boyfriend is really horrible about that. If one thing does not go his way, he is just in a foul mood. Which contradicts me because I am so passive and c'est la vie about everything.

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  • Yes, i wish to have an emotional boyfriend so he can feel me, understand me and do what i like without telling him. My current boyfriend isn't emotional and this is makes me get upset at him because i think that he don't care bout me plus i am a girl and girls are emotional, sensitive so they need an emotional guy who can understand em and show em care and love.

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  • For me it is fine for my guy to be emotional. I had a boyfriend before who cried when he felt something really hurting about his family. I admired him that he opened up and showed his emotion in front of me. I would love to have someone like him again.

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  • I have a really close guy friend who opens up to me and I don't think less of him. I've seen him cry over his family problems and I'm just there for him. I'm also really close to my brother and he opens up to me. I personally like when a guy opens up to me because it means that they trust you

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  • it's alright. For example, who the heck said that "boys shouldn't cry" and stuff like that? I think guys who are sensitive are better people...

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  • Is this a legit question or are you venting frustration? My boyfriend is a very emotional person. He is very cheesey about feelings. When I had to leave (ldr) we both cried. I rubbed his back and kissed him. I don't think there's anything wrong with being emotional. The only time I don't wanna hear it with his venting is about family matters because he just wants to complain and not do anything about it and it stresses me out!

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  • I like when a guy can be emotional. Society and gender stereotypes tell guys they can't be human and emotional and when guys understand that they can be emotional and shouldn't be judged for it shows a lot of character.

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  • I prefer a guy to open up to me.. I distance myself if he doesn't.

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    • Interesting... What if he tried opening up after you distanced yourself? Would you let him?

  • Some girls do yeah. But not all. I think it's just finding that balance.
    And it's the same vice versa. Guys say they want clingy girls but if they're clingy then it's annoying but if they're not, guys think they're not interested. Both sexes make things hard for the other.

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  • He could be open to me and show emotion, as long as he's not crying everyday I like when guys talk ab real things

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  • well its okay for a guy to talk out his feelings with hia girl. its absolutely okay to talk about whats bothering him IF he can find a solution and of course if his girlfriend helps him a bit.
    thats a healthy conflict to go through.
    BUT if the guy dwells on it for a long ass time and complains a lot and does the "poor me" shit, and doesn't use advice from his girl. then that fucken shit annoying. like he's just pushing it to a crybaby level.

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  • Don't know what sick fucks are saying that but an emotional guy is kick ass all guys want now is sex in my life and if a guy shows emotion it's so amazing I can't even put it into words

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  • I like dating human men, not testosterone robots. Emotions are healthy, if they feel that they are able to show emotion with me then it prooves that we have a close relationship.

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  • Girls want a guy that has empathy, and emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills, in that they know how to handle the girls emotions as in they understand her feelings

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What Guys Said 61

  • I will respond from my relationship coaching lens: There is a phrase that nice guys finish last and I do not agree with it. Timid guys finish last--and there is a difference. Timid guys are a turn off to women because timid guys lack confidence and that lack of confidence effects how they communicate. In this, I have known plenty of men (clients, friends, family) who saw themselves as being emotionally available but the means by which they communicated put on an air of doubt and insecurity. I don't know your personal stories and do not want to judge you as timid, you may not be--but in my professional opinion, most men that feel as though they get flac for being too emotional demonstrate timid tendencies.

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  • I understand your confusion. I was once one of those guys that fell into this exact same trap, but I've learned with experience and pure logic that this isn't what that want at all.

    Women are emotional creature, possessing an emotional mind. Many of the things that they do have to do with how they feel. That being said, as a man, you tend to thing with rationale and logic.

    By becoming emotional to them by showing your feelings to them, being emotionally reactive to what they say to you, and etc, you are in their eyes.. another woman. Woman are not attracted to other emotional creatures, even bisexual and homosexual women. You cannot be emotional towards women because women already think emotionally, causing them to lose attraction for you. Though this brings me to a new point.

    Although women say that they want an emotional guy, they're sort of correct, but mostly wrong. Instead, women need someone to make them "feel" something in order for an attraction to exist. You may have heard of women crying to sad and tragic movies that they have seen, feeling bad for the main characters or even catching an attraction for the male because they have successfully made the woman feel something. Look at abusive boyfriends as well. Although the women already know that their boyfriends are bad for them, abusive boyfriends manage to keep their girlfriend around because they're (unfortunately) insecure, and those abusive boyfriends exploit that weakness by making their girlfriends feel worse about themselves, keeping an attraction in the air.
    Even with getting over unreciprocated crushes.., because the girl has already taken an interest in the guy, whatever that guy does (even when the girl is trying to move on), he makes her wonder whether or not he's still interested, and that's proof that he is successfully making the woman feel something, whatever that feeling may be.

    My main point is, you can't ever use your emotions to try to create an attraction with a girl. It will never work.. unless you are able to appeal to her emotions. They are already emotional, and women are not attracted to other emotional creatures. If you want the better girlfriend, you're going to have to make her feel like she's worth greatness without losing yourself in the process (as mentioned in paragraph 2). Make her feel something, and you'll do well. Good luck.

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  • Emotional guys tend to be toxic. If you go around punching people or things when you're angry or even killing people when you're really angry, crying every single time you're slightly upset, developing all kinds of trust issues from the mildest suspicions, exhibit jealousy all the time, become controlling, etc. -- that's generally not going to be unattractive to girls.

    Even in the rare case that it is attractive and the girl becomes addicted to a very emotional and abusive and controlling guy, it's generally better to learn how to control those emotions and become a calm being who learns self-discipline and stoicism.

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    • [...] that's generally not going to be unattractive [/appealing] to girls.

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    • Emotional guys don't like to use their brains, so to speak... they just act impulsively on their emotions, and that will repeatedly lead to regrettable outcomes that make everything worse. Using the brain is the opposite of being an emotional person, and a person who uses his brain will generally avoid regrettable actions -- he'll often find ways to avoid conflicts, deescalate them, improve relationships rather than damage them further, etc.

    • >> However, when a guy does decide to open up, girls (and his peers) think he is too emotional, pathetic, and there is no mystery or attraction.

      Opening up and expressing your feelings isn't necessarily an indication of an emotional person. An emotional person is someone who is out of control. They can't use their brain.

      An example of an emotional person is someone who runs around panicking and screaming like a headless chicken when their house is on fire. An example of a calm, level-headed person (the opposite of an emotional one, even though he/she feels the same feelings) is someone who, in the presence of a fire, avoids acting on their fear/panic and calmly locates an exit.

      A person who is not emotional is always calm and always strategic, always using that brain to decide what the best thing is to do in a given situation.

      Now a calm and strategic person wouldn't necessarily open up their feelings to people just because they felt like it. They'd do it to resolve a conflict, e. g

  • Very rarely will a chick want a man more emotional than her. Emotional guys tend to get trampled on in general. As a man, you should have control over your emotions and should never cross the line of what would be considered sensitive. Women can preach how they want a nice sensitive guy all day, but there is a reason why those same women are always single and/or dating the guy in opposition to that. They aren't actually attracted to those types of guys.

    I was scoring the most pussy when I was less available with my emotions. It created more mystery. I've always struggled with intimacy. I hate cuddling.. holding hands.. I hate all of that stuff. It worked to my benefit when I was having casual sex though. That within itself has to say something.

    Luckily I found a girl in whom I can connect with and actually understands how that I do have have emotions but express it in a different way. She was patient in figuring me out.

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    • The way I see it, the way people define "emotional" and "unemotional" is screwed up. A definition of "unemotional" that implies unfeeling (robotic) is humanly unattainable, and we come back to sayings like, "Courage is not the absence of fear [...]"

      More practical definitions to me are:

      Emotional: Acting before thinking.
      Unemotional: Thinking before acting.

      By these definitions, being overtly "emotional" is always negative, always weak, and the sign of someone who is very emotional is one who constantly does things he/she immediately regrets. Such a person never uses his/her brain.

      And likewise, being "unemotional" is actually one of the greatest things to strive towards -- for both men and women alike. The sign of unemotional to me is someone who is generally very calm and controls themselves in all kinds of situation (in spite of being in danger and feeling fear, in spite of feeling anger, in spite of feeling sadness). This tends to lead to better outcomes for everyone involved.

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    • >> Having said that, It was always hard for me to connect to someone on what I like to call on a 'real level' in regards to dating. I've gotten much better throughout the years. I'm attentive and have the ability to be genuinely interested in other peoples lives. It took effort to get to the point in where I'm at today though.

      The fact that you're making this effort is something I don't consider "emotionally" driven but rationally, because that self-evaluation and improvement came from a determination, I assume, that this will improve your relationships.

      What I consider more in the realm of emotional behavior in this context is if a guy just keeps doing what he's doing even if he's driving everyone away without stopping and thinking if what he's doing is actually getting him what he wants.

      I actually don't think your struggle to become more empathetic is the result of you becoming more emotionally-driven... but rather something thought out to achieve a better outcome.

    • Just the word "emotion" is heavy and triggers subjective ideas, but the dichotomy I see is more between:

      1. self-disciplined vs. impulsive
      2. in control vs. out of control
      3. self-aware vs. oblivious
      4. thick-skinned vs. hyper-sensitive
      5. productive vs. counter-productive

      ... things along these lines. I think it's dangerous to promote "emotional" people because too often it may be interpreted in ways that lead to the latter cases in all four points above, and I see them all as negative qualities.

  • What? . No way!. I don't think so and in fact I am sure of this. As far as women are concerned, I am sure they want men who are very logical but at the same time men who can respect and understand their feelings while they themselves won't be emotional and weak minded.

    Hence I think women really want men who are mentally strong, logical and understanding by nature.

    I am sure a women won't find an emotional guy attractive! or appealing for that matter.

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  • Let's get something straight... every individual person is looking for something different! Ofc you can put up some tag's, for ex. vain guys like vain boys or nerds like the looks of the prom queen but, at the end of the day, up other nerds, etc. Bottom line, you'll have tons of opinions... but none of them will answer YOUR question... since they are the express individual opinion of each one of them... sorry brother. Take a big hug from me instead!

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  • In my opinion it entirely depends on circumstance. You could express yourself word for word, action for action in exactly the same way in two or more different locations, places and times to different or even the same people and you would not get the same reaction. The solution to this issue is not "if" you should or shouldn't express yourself, but more like "when and how" you do it.
    It all boils down to knowing the right time and place.

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  • I'll tell you something right hear about being sensitive. Girls dont want to date robots and they dont want to dont guys who can't control their emotions. women are attracted to masculinity, and that is just true. However, having the ability to let go and show an emotional side only for her is something that girls want, and it shows you are a well balanced and authentic male. Authenticity is a part of masculinity. However, you need the ratio. for example 80/20. look at a yin yang a think of masculinity and femininity like that. they are complimentary of one another and each male and female a little bit of the opposite in them. You need to learn to become a well balanced male and thats what going to attract women. How to do this? Well clearly, you have mastered the softer sides of strength and youve learned to be empathetic and compassionate. Good, since some guys are too hard and stiff to feel what you feel. but dont get too cocky, if you find it harder to toughen up, rather than soften down, then you obviously need to work on that. you need to develop your harder more masculine strengths and you need own your masculinity. Dont let the world own you and tell you your masculinity is toxic because it is not. there is a war on men, but you need to resist. Focus on character traits such as Courage, Discipline, Self reliance, time management, assertiveness, and you will learn to become more balanced. hope i gave you some insight.

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  • www.court-records.net/.../miles-crossed(c).gif

    Everything is in balance. The problem is that it is very hard for a man to be openly emotional without coming across as "pathetic".

    I am a very emotional person and it is very apparent that you are ridiculed for being emotional if you are a man. That's why I bury around 85% of it inside me.

    Either way, women like men who have a good mix of traits. Being emotional suggests there's an imbalance of traits.

    www.court-records.net/.../miles-smirk(c).gif

    Just thought I would throw that one in there.

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  • Just be yourself. Then you wait and see who sticks around :)

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  • No. They don't want a rock, but not an emotional guy either.
    Don't ever cry in front of a girl unless it's a happy cry (like when your kid is born), or because a relative died.

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  • From man to man, women are emotional human beings. Plus there Soft, Naturing, and they are natural fical. They have always say things like that especially when they say we don't give them affection or listen to them. When it comes to emotion, Timing is key, be very mature, respectful, strong, and serious in a smooth way when your talking. Don't give out to much information (Especially towards friends that are not your level) unless that woman is mature, trusting, caring, and a good listener (which all equals to balance).

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  • Girls want empathic and compassionate guys - but not whiny little bitches.

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  • He is "too emotional and pathetic" only if the emotions he shows aren't ones she (or people in general) like.

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  • Some people just don't understand men's emotions. We're taught since birth to bottle everything up, and that's what most of us do. So i think, when they meet one of us that aren't emotionally crippled this way, they don't understand how to handle it. I'm always open about my emotions, and aome like that, some don't. You just gotta find that one that knows what you have to offer and wants that. There's no reason to change who you are for someone else. There will be someone that thinks that you are exactly what they are looking for.

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  • No, as a man you are not required to have emotions, the only women who will tolerate your emotions are your mom, sisters, female friends and the girl you marry after she becomes you wife for a while, any other girl you have a slight interest in will think you're pathetic if you ever show weakness or emotions.

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    • This is true. Emotions = weakness in women's view.

    • @BubbleBoy69 we're humans and i've showed emoitons that is not something any of us can ignore or avoid however around stranger girls i find hot? no never, and thats why i still get their attention.

  • Make her work for it

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  • What do you mean "emotional guys"? For me, emotion is like money. I don't waste it for useless things. So if a guy expressed his emotions to you, it means you are special to him.

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    • a guy is like that to me, he said he just open his feelings with me, which he didn't do with his immediate friends

  • They love that more than a stone cold guy

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  • Girls don't know what they want?

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  • Just be you. Can't win every time for every person. Eventually you will surround yourself with people ya dig and who dig you, for you.

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  • Emotional as in my sensitive side? extremely caring, loving, trustworthy but emotionally stable and strong, I'd hope so.

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  • I'm someone who doesn't have much empathy/sympathy and I've been getting girls for a long time, it didn't really affect the initial part.

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  • Will u act like how girls want guys huh? Be yourself dude don't wear a mask.

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  • they say yes but mean no

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  • Emotionally unstable I don't think anyone would want. To me that would cover crying, worrying, jealousy etc. Emotional as in being open and showing you care in a healthy respectful manner I can't see why anyone wouldn't want that.

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  • You are clearly a nice guy eh? Since when you open your problems to your girl and exposing her to more emotional disarray? Man don't talk problems only solutions. ..

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  • okay, simply, opening up doesn't mean that you have to put everything out there.

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  • Every time I open up and start crying like a baby and crying about my mommy issues...

    Supermodels flock to me.

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