Dating two guys - when should I cut it off with one of them?

I am in a bit of a dilemma...
I'm "dating" two guys right now, both of which I have feelings for. I only went on one date with one of them (a second date is set) and I've been on two dates with the other (the third date is set) .

Am I wrong to be doing this, and should I cancel on one of them? Just something feels wrong about this... please let me know what I should do! When should I decide? What would you do?

Updates:
Thanks everyone for your advice. And just so you guys know, I am of age where I live (17) and it is ok. This is my first experience dating and this is my very first time going out, so everyone's advice is appreciated.
I think what I'll do is go on one more date with the first one and take it from there. I am in no way trying to hurt anyone here and that was not the intention. Going forward I will not do this again but it just happened and I initially did not think it through. Thanks again.

1|5
2257

Most Helpful Guy

  • Something feels wrong, because you're not letting them know what you're doing. So you feel like you're hiding something or doing something behind their back, when technically you're not. Assuage your guilt and let both guys know about the other.

    To answer you second question. When to cut it off with one of them. You do that if/when love sparks. You're in the early stages of getting to know both of these guys. You aren't in love with either of them. You just have the warm and fuzzies. When you begin to fall in love with one, that's when you say good bye to the other guy. My personal view of relationships is that you only make someone your girlfriend/boyfriend if you're in love with that person. You don't make it official, just because you've been seeing them for awhile. If love is there then love is there. If there isn't love, then don't be together. Simple as that.

    Let them know what's going on and be honest about how you're feeling and that you have feelings for both guys. If they're not up for that then they're not up for that and you have to be willing to risk it. Best case scenario, both are down, you don't feel guilty and you can continue getting to know both guys and see where things go.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • It seems to me that many guys care a lot about dick size. That says something about their sexual orientation if you are asking me...
    Anyway, keep seeing the one with whom you have more intense feelings for.

    0|0
    0|1

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 56

  • As an older man with quite a lot of experience , I would like to explain something fairly fundamental to someone so young. When you and your partner are 100% committed to each other, it is a magical, deep and wonderful thing. In fact this is actually what everyone is looking for. As soon as one party in the relationship is not of that frame of mind, that magic is not achievable. You will never find the magic unless you are committed to ONE other person. Otherwise it is diluted, like putting water into wine or Coca Cola. If you want purity and intense love and romance, this is only possible without dilution and with full commitment. I have traveled a long road and only found it three times, mainly due to mistrust and in some part my own folly. It is not easy to find another person passionate and committed, but when you do, grasp it with both hands and enjoy it while it lasts.

    1|1
    0|0
  • You might as well be cheating. I find it extremely shitty of you to be doing this. I can't believe some people. How in the hell can people do that to someone? it blows my mind, what is wrong with people anymore. I don't believe you deserve either of them

    1|3
    1|0
  • Tell both about it. Be truthful.100% If they don't like the truth, stay with none or the on e that does. Also mentions polyamory. Whoever agrees wins! Unless they both do or dont then ya know what to do. Or decide next dates which is better.

    1|2
    0|0
  • you should leave them both because you clearly are either not mature enough, or are just too selfish and self centered to be dating yet

    0|4
    1|1
    • She's not actually in a relationship with either of them, so what's your problem?

    • Show All
    • @CarpetDenim It means paying for your own way when dating.

    • @burpzzzzz That's fair. It does sound like a good way to, as you put it, "weed out the freeloaders." I agree. Women these days shouldn't be completely financially dependent on a man.

  • Yeah, don't date two guys at once and before you choose, think to yourself the pros/cons of each guy. No offense but since you are under 18, the likelihood of either guy being "the one" or something long term is unlikely.

    I'm not trying to be negative but it's very rare nowadays, everyone that I have known in high school that ever dated a girl or guy never tied the knot with each other. Most of those relationships lasted months, few of them lasted a few years but ended. As we get older, our priorities change and we evolve and that's when things can be an issue which leads to breaking up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I personally strongly feel that you should only date one at a time exclusively , have a think, which one do you have the strongest feelings for or who do you feel you have the brightest future with and go with them. To date multiple people is morally dubious and may lead to very complicated feelings developing plus the possibility you may fall between two stools.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Nothing wrong with that at all, you can date as many people you like.
    It is when you as a couple are exclusive, then you stop dating the others.
    Like shoes you have to try on a few pairs to get the perfect comfort fit before you buy.
    Men are not so quick to marry anymore these days.
    www.foxnews.com/.../why-men-wont-marry.html

    0|0
    1|0
  • Give that first date a second and see where it goes. Compare how you're feeling with the 2 and decide who you're pulling for more. Unless you're willing to be in an open or poly a decision will have to be made. I don't speak for all guys but If I'm dating someone I wouldn't want them dating others. I thought it was us trying to establish something not a triangle.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Nothing wrong with dating more than one person until you figure out which one you like the most. Just be honest with them both (all) that's all. Tell them you're dating others so they don't think they are the only ones.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Use your own standards as a guideline. Ask yourself the same question, if a guy was dating two women, one of which was you, when would YOU want to know?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Hello. Im in the same position. im dating a few chics and I dont know when to break it off and choose one.

    I guess my advice would be to break things off at intercourse. Thats what I may do. Kissing, etc is one thing. Make ot clear you're dating and getting to know people. But at full sex choose. That why 3rd base is fun. Less risk and still pleasure.

    0|0
    0|1
    • Do those girls know you're not exclusive with them?

    • @Felinegirl during the first date I would tell them Im not looking for anything serious but im open to it based on chemistry etc. I always assume they are dating others unless something official is declared. If asked i point blank tell them the truth. Id say im dating other people but its not serious. To me that means no sexual intercourse. For some reason being a catch gets ladies to want you more. Usually before I even meet someone we have established what we are looking for. If its just a hookup or friends with benefits its easier to navigate. but be very clear and blunt about what you want. Give your preferences clear but also say you're open minded. Then its a signal to them that you're open to dating just ine person. It gives them the option to have fun with others while dating you or conclude you are important enough to have a more official arrangement.

  • Wight them out witch one do you think will A: provide the better relationship B: more likely to succeed AKA last.
    If you can't decide wait longer

    And there always C: if you think it would happen. Have a love triangle? No one ever said it had to be two people. Why not make it three.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You should break it off with one of them, but as long as no one expects exclusivity at this point, I can't really fault you for dating two at a time.
    When you do break it off, do it as gently as possible and don't tell the guy that there is someone else. Make sure you break it off before anything gets serious.

    0|0
    0|0
  • yes choose one thats like the equivalent of a side chick but in the early stages the other is just a backup for if they found out and they liked you it would hurt their feelings where as if you cut one off they could be getting another date and actually get somewhere

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's what everyone does... don't cut it off, just get 2 more! Ironically, the 1 and only time I went to Hooters, the 20 yr old waitress who served my coworker and I, told him (as he was trying to hit on her), that she was, at that time, dating 7 different guys, and they were all "tests." That's the way of today!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Very first thing , why you are even dating two boys? that means that you are sincere with nobody. And you are saying that you will choose any one of them that will betraying and of course playing with one of them. What you can do is go with that third date leave these both two men because it will be better to leave both rather then leaving one. ( I am a boy saying this and if i was one of them and that happens to me these would be the feeling by any one of them).

    0|2
    2|0
    • But guys date more than girl what's wrong if a girl does it? Nothing

    • Show All
    • @naturalgirl same goes for boys

    • yeah of course

  • That's fucked up. Decide for the one you like more. Stop playing

    1|3
    0|0
  • Your best to choose and date the guy who seems to be the best
    Just go by what your heart tells you , I'm sure both guys are nice
    but only you can decide which one is the better one to date.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If they do not know about the other one then you should tell them. What happens if you are out with one guy and run into the other guy? What if they both want to take you to the same place on the same day at the same time? What if they both want to be exclusive?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nothing wrong with it. Not committed. No worries. If one says to you that they want something more, than cut it with the other if it feels right.

    0|1
    1|1
    • Give them the option to choose whether to stay. It makes your choice easier if one chooses to leave. You give hood advice man.

  • You're dating not in any sort of relationship. Date as many people as you want till you decide to be a couple. That is what dating is for. To give you the opportunity to make an informed decision.

    1|0
    0|1
  • Nothing wrong with it. Date all you want. Once you get more serious with one, then you need Ron decide.

    2|0
    0|2
  • What are your intentions with dating two guys? What if it turns out you connect with both? It's gonna be even harder to tell one of 'em that you can't be in a relationship with him.

    Just don't date them both. It only has disadvantages compared to dating one person.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Leave them both

    0|2
    0|1
  • If you are not exclusive with them, date both of them a few more times. By then you should have an idea of which you like better.

    0|0
    0|1
  • As long as you don't make things serious while dating both then it's fine. Just date both for now and see which one you like more.

    0|1
    0|1
  • You don't have to decide until you get serious, as in are making plans to move in with one.

    1|0
    0|2
  • That right there tells every man that your not faithful. You should date 1 not 2 . obviously you given yourself a bad reputation right there. grimey

    0|1
    2|0
    • She's gone out on one date with one guy and two dates with another. That doesn't mean she is sleeping with them... She definitely should pick before it goes that far though and she shouldn't keep seeing them both. A few dates should be enough. But you are judging her far too harshly too soon. I wouldn't even calling that full on 'dating'. That's going out on dates. Dating is when you are seeing someone on a regular basis (at least weekly) for a period of time without it being a committed relationship. This is the stage before dating. It's not like you have one or two dates and all of the sudden you are a couple.

      Tons of guys go out on multiple dates with different women all the time. If you're a chick that is single and you go on a date with a guy you pretty much have to expect that he's likely (not always but it's highly probable) been on dates with a few other chicks that month or even that week... And you are expected to be 100% ok with it.

    • Show All
    • I'm not sleeping with either of them and haven't even kissed one of them.

    • Then you post

  • You're not old enough to date

    1|0
    0|0
  • U r self centered

    1|0
    0|0
    • Guys date more than one girl too so stop it

    • Show All
    • @Jmo232323 Yeah because they are probably used to guys who talk to other guys.

      "I guess so. I don't belong in this era.."

      Me either. I swear I should have been born in the 20's. Of course there were issues (I definitely like the medical advancements we've had) but the style, music and such were more to my personality.

    • @Nyx_85 I don't know where I belong, I feel like whatever time period I find myself in I'd be out of place. Medical advancement doesn't matter much to me. If I'm supposed to get cancer and die then that's how I'll go. No point in fighting the inevitable.
      Anyway good talk, I don't want to keep blowing up this post, so I'll let you go now.

  • More from Guys
    26

What Girls Said 21

  • You should cut it off with both of them because if you were truly interested you wouldn't be able to date them both. Its so new that the pain will be a lot less and a lot less messy because as you date them both and get more feelings you will hurt them and yourself so much more. You need to think about what you really want and obviously you don't know at this point so just be friends with them until you know what you actually want from a companion.

    0|6
    0|0
  • See, this is why I always condemn this. If you got to be fickle then don't date at all. Dating is not about feelings and what you just feel for a person. It is a rational decision. At the end of the day, nobody is telling you this, but you're playing the both of them because you're selfish and you have options. It's going to hurt their feelings and they wouldn't trust you. Besides your under 18 and is far too young for this crap. Especially if you have no plans for early marriage, forget it. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if somebody did that to you where you're an 2nd choice.

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's normal to go out with more than one guy friend
    but dating two means that neither one is IT
    and letting only one go will not solve that problem
    only some of the juggling problems

    Time to begin fresh with a new shopping trip to replace both

    1|3
    0|0
  • Go with the one you feel the happiest with. You can't be playing them both. Or you end up losing them both.

    1|1
    0|0
  • If neither knows, at some point it may appear to be deceptive to one or both of these guys. BUT, it's still early on in both relationships. I'd have date #2 to even things out and see how you feel about each. Hopefully you'll find a deeper interest in seeing one over the other for date #3. But if you still have feelings for both, on the third dates I'd let each know you're seeing other people.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't go on dates with other people, always stick with one cause it will make it complicated. You either pick one or none, the one you feel closet with or the one you decided to go on date with first.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I would cancel everything and tell them the truth but make sure you have friends that surrounds you when you do tell them another words back up plan yes you are wrong doing this I would cancel it and just wait for the right person to

    0|1
    0|0
  • If you're just going on dates it's fine and they know you're seeing other people it's fine.. but once you're having sex with one or you talk about being exclusive then it's not.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think that after going on 3 dates with both, you should make a decision.

    0|0
    0|1
  • There's nothing wrong with what you're doing as you're not in a committed relationship with either of them. You're simply just dating and dating involves going on multiple dates with different people to see who you connect with. Until it starts getting more serious with one more than the other and you figure out where your feelings lie, it's perfectly fine to just go on dates with both.

    2|1
    0|3
  • Do the pro and cons list to them both. Then decide after that to be honest I wouldn't tell none of them anything but you do have to pick just one at the end.

    2|0
    0|4
  • Don't worry about it, guys do this all the time with more than 2 other people!! I personally prefer to date exclusively but I guess having a backup makes it easier sometimes, as long as you cut everyone off when you get serious with one of them

    0|0
    0|5
  • I advice not to have two people at once.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Pit them against each other in combat to the death.
    It's the easiest way to decide which is best.

    0|1
    1|1
  • The most likely thing is neither one of them will work out, so it doesn't matter.

    0|1
    0|0
  • After those dates you should decide

    0|0
    0|0
  • see which one of them clicks better with you. State down logical facts about both of them. Pros and cons. How well do you know them? Are you under the illusion theyre perfect? etc

    0|0
    0|0
  • People are so stupid. It's just dating you don't owe them any commitment or explanation. Guys date multiple girls at once all the time, that's being smart!

    Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Date both until one asks you to be exclusive if you can't decide which you like more. Just don't get physical with them because that'll cloud your judgement. No 2nd base or beyond before monogamy!!

    1|0
    0|5
  • You're not wrong as long as you haven't had an exclusive dating talk with either of them. You shouldn't put your eggs in one basket when it comes to the search of a partner. However, it gets dangerous if you start using your sexual appeal for both of them, and lead both of them on. You should decide which one to cut in about 4-5 dates and focus on one. And ideally the one you focus on should also be willing to only date you.

    I normally dated 2-3 at the same time and decided on one after 3-4 dates which one to pursue and focus on and i was kind and honest with the others i was not interested and never string them alone. I only made a mistake of dating one, well it was 3 of them and i decided to focus on one without even making sure he was into me enough. We dated for about 7 months. To my dismay he was just interested in being fuckbuddies and he continued dating others even if after i let him know i want exclusivity. Ask both where they think this is going. And if one is very hesitant and gives red flags, cut him off and keep pursuing the other.

    0|0
    0|1
  • How can you have feelings after two dates? I think it's fine for now just don't do it forever.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think it's wrong to date two people. As long as both are okay with it, that is. I identify as polyamorous and my boyfriend has another girlfriend (we used to be a triad but I fell out of love with her after two years - something that happens regardless of the type of relationship).
    I'm "dating" a second guy and I feel it's not wrong, because everyone involved is a consenting adult who knows everything.

    Don't hold back information, otherwise hearts might be broken and you might lose them both. It's not wrong to have feelings for more than one person, what matters is how you act on them. I believe that honesty is always the best way to go, what comes next is for you and them to decide.

    0|0
    0|2
Loading... ;