Dating two guys - when should I cut it off with one of them?

[Anonymous]

I am in a bit of a dilemma...
I'm "dating" two guys right now, both of which I have feelings for. I only went on one date with one of them (a second date is set) and I've been on two dates with the other (the third date is set) .

Am I wrong to be doing this, and should I cancel on one of them? Just something feels wrong about this... please let me know what I should do! When should I decide? What would you do?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everyone for your advice. And just so you guys know, I am of age where I live (17) and it is ok. This is my first experience dating and this is my very first time going out, so everyone's advice is appreciated.
I think what I'll do is go on one more date with the first one and take it from there. I am in no way trying to hurt anyone here and that was not the intention. Going forward I will not do this again but it just happened and I initially did not think it through. Thanks again.

[rjroy3]

Something feels wrong, because you're not letting them know what you're doing. So you feel like you're hiding something or doing something behind their back, when technically you're not. Assuage your guilt and let both guys know about the other.

To answer you second question. When to cut it off with one of them. You do that if/when love sparks. You're in the early stages of getting to know both of these guys. You aren't in love with either of them. You just have the warm and fuzzies. When you begin to fall in love with one, that's when you say good bye to the other guy. My personal view of relationships is that you only make someone your girlfriend/boyfriend if you're in love with that person. You don't make it official, just because you've been seeing them for awhile. If love is there then love is there. If there isn't love, then don't be together. Simple as that.

Let them know what's going on and be honest about how you're feeling and that you have feelings for both guys. If they're not up for that then they're not up for that and you have to be willing to risk it. Best case scenario, both are down, you don't feel guilty and you can continue getting to know both guys and see where things go.

[syd48]

As an older man with quite a lot of experience , I would like to explain something fairly fundamental to someone so young. When you and your partner are 100% committed to each other, it is a magical, deep and wonderful thing. In fact this is actually what everyone is looking for. As soon as one party in the relationship is not of that frame of mind, that magic is not achievable. You will never find the magic unless you are committed to ONE other person. Otherwise it is diluted, like putting water into wine or Coca Cola. If you want purity and intense love and romance, this is only possible without dilution and with full commitment. I have traveled a long road and only found it three times, mainly due to mistrust and in some part my own folly. It is not easy to find another person passionate and committed, but when you do, grasp it with both hands and enjoy it while it lasts.

[Anonymous]

You're not wrong as long as you haven't had an exclusive dating talk with either of them. You shouldn't put your eggs in one basket when it comes to the search of a partner. However, it gets dangerous if you start using your sexual appeal for both of them, and lead both of them on. You should decide which one to cut in about 4-5 dates and focus on one. And ideally the one you focus on should also be willing to only date you.

I normally dated 2-3 at the same time and decided on one after 3-4 dates which one to pursue and focus on and i was kind and honest with the others i was not interested and never string them alone. I only made a mistake of dating one, well it was 3 of them and i decided to focus on one without even making sure he was into me enough. We dated for about 7 months. To my dismay he was just interested in being fuckbuddies and he continued dating others even if after i let him know i want exclusivity. Ask both where they think this is going. And if one is very hesitant and gives red flags, cut him off and keep pursuing the other.

[btbc92]

See, this is why I always condemn this. If you got to be fickle then don't date at all. Dating is not about feelings and what you just feel for a person. It is a rational decision. At the end of the day, nobody is telling you this, but you're playing the both of them because you're selfish and you have options. It's going to hurt their feelings and they wouldn't trust you. Besides your under 18 and is far too young for this crap. Especially if you have no plans for early marriage, forget it. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if somebody did that to you where you're an 2nd choice.

[Bekahdewolf]

You should cut it off with both of them because if you were truly interested you wouldn't be able to date them both. Its so new that the pain will be a lot less and a lot less messy because as you date them both and get more feelings you will hurt them and yourself so much more. You need to think about what you really want and obviously you don't know at this point so just be friends with them until you know what you actually want from a companion.

[SarahsSummer]

If neither knows, at some point it may appear to be deceptive to one or both of these guys. BUT, it's still early on in both relationships. I'd have date #2 to even things out and see how you feel about each. Hopefully you'll find a deeper interest in seeing one over the other for date #3. But if you still have feelings for both, on the third dates I'd let each know you're seeing other people.

[Logorithim]

You should break it off with one of them, but as long as no one expects exclusivity at this point, I can't really fault you for dating two at a time.
When you do break it off, do it as gently as possible and don't tell the guy that there is someone else. Make sure you break it off before anything gets serious.

[Apope16]

Hello. Im in the same position. im dating a few chics and I dont know when to break it off and choose one.

I guess my advice would be to break things off at intercourse. Thats what I may do. Kissing, etc is one thing. Make ot clear you're dating and getting to know people. But at full sex choose. That why 3rd base is fun. Less risk and still pleasure.

[Felinegirl]

Do those girls know you're not exclusive with them?

[Apope16]

@Felinegirl during the first date I would tell them Im not looking for anything serious but im open to it based on chemistry etc. I always assume they are dating others unless something official is declared. If asked i point blank tell them the truth. Id say im dating other people but its not serious. To me that means no sexual intercourse. For some reason being a catch gets ladies to want you more. Usually before I even meet someone we have established what we are looking for. If its just a hookup or friends with benefits its easier to navigate. but be very clear and blunt about what you want. Give your preferences clear but also say you're open minded. Then its a signal to them that you're open to dating just ine person. It gives them the option to have fun with others while dating you or conclude you are important enough to have a more official arrangement.

[Pinay_ako]

Go with the one you feel the happiest with. You can't be playing them both. Or you end up losing them both.

[Margillard]

Nothing wrong with that at all, you can date as many people you like.
It is when you as a couple are exclusive, then you stop dating the others.
Like shoes you have to try on a few pairs to get the perfect comfort fit before you buy.
Men are not so quick to marry anymore these days.
www.foxnews.com/.../why-men-wont-marry.html

[ancastergirl]

There's nothing wrong with what you're doing as you're not in a committed relationship with either of them. You're simply just dating and dating involves going on multiple dates with different people to see who you connect with. Until it starts getting more serious with one more than the other and you figure out where your feelings lie, it's perfectly fine to just go on dates with both.

[thatguyfromtoronto]

Yeah, don't date two guys at once and before you choose, think to yourself the pros/cons of each guy. No offense but since you are under 18, the likelihood of either guy being "the one" or something long term is unlikely.

I'm not trying to be negative but it's very rare nowadays, everyone that I have known in high school that ever dated a girl or guy never tied the knot with each other. Most of those relationships lasted months, few of them lasted a few years but ended. As we get older, our priorities change and we evolve and that's when things can be an issue which leads to breaking up.

[Jmo232323]

You might as well be cheating. I find it extremely shitty of you to be doing this. I can't believe some people. How in the hell can people do that to someone? it blows my mind, what is wrong with people anymore. I don't believe you deserve either of them

[Anonymous]

Don't date either, hook up with both.
I'll tell you what, I'm hoping you're a considerate person who isn't selfish, I think once you get to know them deeper, you'll eventually feel a stronger chemistry to both of them.
Let them not know you've fallen for two people at once, just call the other person a friend, but make sure both of know about each other's involvement in your life.
As the leader emerges, you may make your choice but I'd suggest you let the person who didn't settle for decide the fate of your friendship unless you want out. Don't cut people off, it hurts quite a bit, and they honestly don't deserve to be treated that way.
Best of luck

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's wrong to date two people. As long as both are okay with it, that is. I identify as polyamorous and my boyfriend has another girlfriend (we used to be a triad but I fell out of love with her after two years - something that happens regardless of the type of relationship).
I'm "dating" a second guy and I feel it's not wrong, because everyone involved is a consenting adult who knows everything.

Don't hold back information, otherwise hearts might be broken and you might lose them both. It's not wrong to have feelings for more than one person, what matters is how you act on them. I believe that honesty is always the best way to go, what comes next is for you and them to decide.

[AthleticMom]

It's normal to go out with more than one guy friend
but dating two means that neither one is IT
and letting only one go will not solve that problem
only some of the juggling problems

Time to begin fresh with a new shopping trip to replace both

[ATuairiscean]

I personally strongly feel that you should only date one at a time exclusively , have a think, which one do you have the strongest feelings for or who do you feel you have the brightest future with and go with them. To date multiple people is morally dubious and may lead to very complicated feelings developing plus the possibility you may fall between two stools.

[Anonymous]

Reverse the situation and ask yourself whether it would bother you if a guy was doing the same. Most people don't know what to do in a situation because they can't see beyond their own desires or needs.

It feels wrong because a part of you that is beyond your desires and physical world, is alerting you to something.

[KRock323]

Wight them out witch one do you think will A: provide the better relationship B: more likely to succeed AKA last.
If you can't decide wait longer

And there always C: if you think it would happen. Have a love triangle? No one ever said it had to be two people. Why not make it three.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Tell both about it. Be truthful.100% If they don't like the truth, stay with none or the on e that does. Also mentions polyamory. Whoever agrees wins! Unless they both do or dont then ya know what to do. Or decide next dates which is better.

[Felinegirl]

yay for honesty and for poly

[troychapman]

yes choose one thats like the equivalent of a side chick but in the early stages the other is just a backup for if they found out and they liked you it would hurt their feelings where as if you cut one off they could be getting another date and actually get somewhere

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that many guys care a lot about dick size. That says something about their sexual orientation if you are asking me...
Anyway, keep seeing the one with whom you have more intense feelings for.

[TriTree]

Give that first date a second and see where it goes. Compare how you're feeling with the 2 and decide who you're pulling for more. Unless you're willing to be in an open or poly a decision will have to be made. I don't speak for all guys but If I'm dating someone I wouldn't want them dating others. I thought it was us trying to establish something not a triangle.

[Jryson]

That's what everyone does... don't cut it off, just get 2 more! Ironically, the 1 and only time I went to Hooters, the 20 yr old waitress who served my coworker and I, told him (as he was trying to hit on her), that she was, at that time, dating 7 different guys, and they were all "tests." That's the way of today!

[Anonymous]

I personally believe in only dating one person at a time. It shows you are putting effort into getting to know them and not like they are just some option that you may choose. So I suggest you decide before going on another date with one of them. I once was on a date with a girl and learned she was like you and dating another guy. I didn't care her reasoning for it. I ended that date early and informed her I wasn't interested in another.

[naturalgirl]

Guys date more than one girl are you saying you have never done that or your friends haven't

[Opinion Owner]

@naturalgirl I can't say what my friends did since I am not them. But no I have not dated more than one girl at a time.

[MysteriousDarkness]

If they do not know about the other one then you should tell them. What happens if you are out with one guy and run into the other guy? What if they both want to take you to the same place on the same day at the same time? What if they both want to be exclusive?