I feel like I can do better than my boyfriend, but I love his soul. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

I know this question may sound harsh to many people, but I'm suffering a lot saying this. Many people say I can do better, because I'm very smart and aesthetically beautiful. They say i'm a total package (i'm not fulfilling my ego, it's not my main goal! I Just need a tip). He's, instead, objectively unattractive and average smart. Plus, I beat him in everything. At first I felt pretty confident about myself, but now I'm starting to think I need to be more stimulated, both mentally and sexually.

You may say: leave him if you don't feel him being stimulating! Well, the problem Is that I suffer from contrasting emotions. From one side, I see him not to be my "complete" man, from the other side I love our relationship, besides the little competition, and... It may sound hypocritical, but I love his soul.

It's like I love his person, his essence beyond the appearance and performances but... don't feel complete attraction (low sexually attraction from my side, great mental bond but average esteem... And so on). What do I have to do?

[DeathJack]

You have three choices here.

I understand your dilemma and I understand the feeling all too well.

You can stay with him, at risk of being bored and causing yourself some major issues in life as a whole both interpersonally and outerpersonally.

You can leave, Hurting you both but potentally allowing for yourself to flourish with another person, at the sacrifice of your love for who he is as a person.

You can talk to him, explain the situation and see if he can understand that you need more mental and physical stimulation, not only in a sexual sense but on and intellectual level too.

"doing better" is a matter of opinion, but not being kept on your toes or feeling bored / looking for stimulus even while with someone you love, begins to create issues within itself.

If he cannot understand, or is not willing to be open to ways you can alleviate this need for additional stimulus, I unfortunately don't see many if any other options but to leave. Else you will just create a longer lasting and harder to end situation that will gradually eat away at you both and cause far more destruction than it would now.

There is no harm in trying to resolve the situation via communication before cutting ties.

This situation hits far too close to home for me, I understand the emotional duality you're going through and the conflict it must be causing. I wish you all the best.

[Asker]

Oh thanks for not being judging! I know, this question could appear disturbing from outside if "you" don't feel the situation. It's very difficult to face. I think i'll talk with him as first as possible, in order to find a solution together. If the "problem" continues, I have to breakup maybe, but I like to think gradually. Time will show up its truth. I don't know if you have resolved with your partner, I Hope you're both fine with the choice.

[Anonymous]

Every woman feels that way about every man eventually. It's the reason men say nothing is ever enough for women. It's also the reason that, while women want to be seen a equals, they almost always "deserve" a man who's superior to her.

If he's not stronger, faster, tougher, smarter, and more successful than her, he's not considered a "real man" and she'll keep her eyes open for someone better. If a stronger, faster, tougher man comes along and shows an interest in commitment, she'll latch on to him and the process starts over again. When a physically equal, but smarter and/or successful man comes along, she'll jump to him next. When he's the best she can get, she'll stay committed.

Why do you think it's so easy to get married women interested and into bed? All you have to do is be better than her husband and show interest in commitment, and she's yours to use for a while. And the best part is she'll never say a word to anyone because she'd be outing herself.

[Truthbewithyou]

People are always going to say things. So, if it's getting to you, deep down you're feeling it too.

If you need to be more mentally stimulated, you've outgrown him.
And if you need to be more sexually stimulated, the attraction just isn't there

I don't think your problem is what's lacking. I think your problem is that you're losing interest in him but you feel bad about it.

I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to frequent a restaurant that has a nice building but the food is terrible.

[Asker]

I agree totally. ❤️ Thanks for the answer.

[btbc92]

Leave him alone. He's going to be hurt either way and you are not healthy. How you feel doesn't MATTER. If you wanted to be with him, none of that stuff matter. All you care about basically is sex. YET you have a good man by you. If sexual attraction is so important walk. Stop being selfish and let him be with a woman who shares his same desires.

[rgrexvcxcv]

No he gona comit sucide.

[rgrexvcxcv]

caus op obviously want 100 inch dick right @Opinion owner.

[Asker]

Yes, It could be true. It's difficult, very difficult to do, because I'm bound to him, but maybe not in that way. I'll think about It, thanks. ✌️

[btbc92]

@rgrexvcxcv Sick pervert. Get out before I have you reported for sexual harrassment.

[btbc92]

Asker, no your not bound to him. Your selfish and scared to lose him because nobody else took interest in you or treat you right, and probably sexually respect you. Because of that, you don't find him attractive. It's social conditioning. He is a good man and you know that.

[Dontaaa]

Asker, this women has gave the best advice anyone could and you have to think about it?
Your situation is going to end badly for you and that poor guy, good luck.

[Asker]

@Dontaaa i'll think about It NOT because she has said wrong, but because i need time to prepare myself not to suffer. Even if i don't love him that way, I've an heart myself. 😔

[btbc92]

Asker. Ask yourself this question:

What do you want and need in a man?

Most importantly:

Would you like it if another man did this to YOU?

You can't have it both ways. If you don't love him, don't be with him. Love is a choice. Everything is a choice. Even if you get with a sexually attractive man who also has 'soul', you're going to treat him the same way your thinking about this guy. WHY? Because it'll be mostly sex with you. Not love. Because a woman like yourself sadly cannot appreciate it. Love is not sex-based. It is from within. That's why you wait for marriage and you develop that love and romance in dating/courtship. And learning to love platonically starts as friends. And if you desire more mutually, you must see if you're compatible in other areas. You sound compatible in many areas. But your sexual attraction, or how you view it is holding you back. You can't always get what you want. But it is your choice. Just don't do this to a man who deserves better.

[nomidnight4298]

What about preparing him as well? Is what you mean that you need to line up another guy first.

[btbc92]

True love IS A SOUL ATTRACTION and it RADIATES from the soul to the physical realm which we see with our physical eyes. That means his soul is that pure and intoxicating you can't help but cling, but his physical isn't appealing to you. Understand that many couples last for years with men like him. But if you not attracted, don't waste your time. Maybe somebody else s for you. But if you found no one else, remember you made that decision. Better to remain single like me than be hopping from guy to guy ruining your perception of love and sacring other men who don't want all of that fickleness. If you are too young, then you don't need to be dating. It is no offense to you. But this guy doesn't need to get hurt. Respect him as you also wished to have your heart respected. Be careful with your heart if it is not in the right place or direction. It may deceive you if you don't have pure intent in you.

[Dontaaa]

@Asker, you can't prepare yourself for what's going to inevitably happen here, what can you even do besides get it over with? The longer you take the longer you're going to lead him on. If you have a heart then you'd break it off right now, no reason to delay the inevitable.

No need to feel terrible, a situation like yours happen all the time. I've been on the receiving end of a situation like this myself, I can tell you now that I would've wanted nothing more than the woman to be upfront to how she felt about me straight from the beginning.

Anways, I recommend to really listen to what btbc92 has to say here, don't be selfish, that's the easy way out.

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 No. He is already set as a man. All he needs to do is find a woman who matches him soul to soul. He is also young, but he will fair better than what she is doing now which is how so many of them have 20+ partners, exes, ex maybes, fiances, and guys like him eventually settled down before 25. He just needs the right partner if she cannot do so. And she needs to stay by herself until she becomes more mature and stable minded.

[Tylermassengill]

You need to leave her alone believe it or not most people have more than one emotion and can have multiple emotions at once. GET A LIFE and LEARN SOME RESPECT

[btbc92]

From what she is describing, he's already a man. She is still a child who needs to grow up.

"He's, instead, objectively unattractive and average smart. " What loving partner says this? What mature person says this? I wouldn't even say that. Anybody who treated me like that, I'm gone. Nobody deserves that and it's an insult to him.

[btbc92]

@Tylermassengill No. You need to learn to respect yoursleves and other people. And no you cannot. That means you emotionally unstable. I've been there and it's one of the reasons I never dated. She is not a teenager. She is a grown woman. She cannot afford it and it's WRONG. Both morally and romantically. If you don't love or want who your with, find somebody else and let them find people who aren't going to cause such heartache. Nobody deserves to be a victim of confusion. If somebody treated you that way you would not be happy. Ever.

[Dontaaa]

@Tylermassengill she's the one who asked for opinions, so idek why you're asking us to leave her alone. Btbc92 hasn't even said anything disrespectful, she just have an actually useful opinion on the matter. Emotional outbursts like yours isn't going to help her or anyone else for that matter.

[nomidnight4298]

@btbc92 the sad thing about it is women have a very difficult time pair bonding which becomes exponentially more difficult the more sexual partners they've had.

As to her mention of his intelligence, it's another plague of modern western civilization that women are better able to obtain higher educations than men. This statistically causes issues in a relationship because women prefer men who are higher in intelligence and wealth than them.

[btbc92]

This is not how you start a healthy relationship. If your emotionally stable EVERYBODY gets hurt and affected by this! This is never okay. When your friends or not involved that is totally different. You owe nobody anything. Dating? That is a BIG no-no. People develop traumas, become guarded, and trust issues from the opposite sex because of that. He may develop low self-esteem or never date again. It happened to somebody who somebody I know. Never dated afterward. And couldn't let go for over a decade. That is why kids should not date if they have no either what it is and why you need to be careful who you pick as a mate. Because once you grow seriously attached, that's it.

[Tylermassengill]

I don’t get how you all can say that how she feels doesn’t matter. It matters just as much as it does how he feels and if she isn’t completely happy or satisfied with him then she needs to talk to him or find someone who she is completely happy and satisfied with. You people don’t get that the guy is no more important than the girl in any relationship. You people are the reason that there are such bad stereotypes about guys and make it harder for good guys to not be judged by your actions.

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 The problem is the behavior. A woman doesn't have that issue if she had stability in the first place, which sadly is the responsibility of the parents. Not the child. However, as far as intelligence, most of us are very immature at those ages. Even I still was. Guys like that are very rare, sweet, and loving men. They sadly get much hate and shame because of it yet they tend to make great partners when HEALTHY, mind you. The asker is not a bad person. But she is not stable. She sadly is somebody who ends up either with that guy who has yet to grow securely as a man, or a bad boy who emulates what she desires, but then they tend to be abusive. So she has a choice on what she wants.

[btbc92]

No. Trust me what I say. If men like Aragon from Lord of the Rings and Link from Zelda don't have an education many will flock to them in a heartbeat. What is teh difference? If a man is willing to work, provide, learn, etc. That is way better than just going after any guy who make you feel sexually a certain wya. Even with that. If your not straight sexually you end up with problems, and both men and the woman suffers. Vice versa also. That's why I told those men who wanted to so-called date me, GROW a as a MAN FIRST. Before you make a perminant decision. I knew I was too young. Even now. But if your like that and dating, your going to get treated by other men like that. If it's not okay for a man to not love her when she does, why should he settle for less? It's not fair on anyone.

[nomidnight4298]

@btbc92 Yes, childhood trauma, absent father, etc can really wreak havoc on a young woman's future relationship stability.

[btbc92]

@Tylermassengill

She is in a relationship now. If she cared about that she should have NEVER GOT INVOLVED. PERIOD. Her feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc are her OWN. BUT she is DATING NOW. If it mattered so much again, which is sexual in nature and she relies so much on her emotions which isn't HEALTHy, to begin with, she is getting hurt, and in turn so will he. You need to mature and grow up. I am an INFJ, I feel just as much as any body else and personality type. BUT I know better. And I knew better not to be like that. If i am going to be fickle about my emotions that means for me to stay out of it. Not engage and then not be responsible nor held accountable for how others are impacted. That is the difference between a mature adult and an immature one. We all need to learn this at some point. Others are better at it than others. But it is not healthy or good. And it shouldn't be normallized. She needs to understand this more. Because if her parents cannot teach her that, if nobody else corrects this. LIFE will force her to learn the hard way as it did to my friends. Took them years to realize that. So many regrets because they didn't either. A person they wanted already married because of that mindset. They couldn't be with that, so they found somebody who did. And now have families of their own, something my friends wanted. Especially with them. You need to know what your talking about. It isn't fairytales. And you people needs to stop treating it like one.

[nomidnight4298]

Women are emotional creatures. Back in the day if your man wasn't the right fit, you and your children would starve. Hence why women are typically so sexually unattracted to submissive men.

[Asker]

I don't think love Is a choice instead. You can behave with love, you can improve your behaviour, not choose your feelings for a person. And, we are not Just souls, that's the Truth. We are humans! Mind, body and souls.

[btbc92]

It is not about happiness. Relationships are not about you. But about the other person. If he is making her happy, what is the problem? She is causing her won misery. And therefore, she needs to figure that out for her heart needs to be in the right direction. And thus if she is going through this issue, obviously something isn't right INTERNALLY with herself. And you know where that stems from GENTLEMEN? Not loving herself. Espeiclaly not taught or shown that. Stability at home is everything. If that isn't stable that to affects how we perceive the world. Everybody is different, not everybody suffers the same, but some fair better than others. And she is not fairing well because of social conditioning and peer pressure from society telling her who she should and shouldn't be interested in. Do you not realize that is in a system down here? It is hypersexualized for a reason. to screw you UP. She has an opportunity to decide what she is going to do. This one choice alone can make her go either left or right, but straight and narrow leads to what is beneficial and good for all. Her happiness or happiness, in general, is HER responsibility. Nobody elses. If she is miserable now, what do you think is already happening? A relationship will not fix it. And society is wrong to push that selfish narrative. Society does not give a damn about you. You have to give a damn about yourself and others you meet and around you. If all she sees him as is a friend, then she needs to just leave it at that. Not disrespect him. And then he may see her in a different light.

[Asker]

As you can't love everyone you meet, I can't decide who to love. If someone can't catch my mind totally, what can i do? Do i have to force myself? I'm not immature or shallow, i'm Simply a complex Person Who's divided by a soul love and a physical/mental neutral attraction

[Dontaaa]

@btbc92 I feel like I'm learning a thing or two by just reading what you're saying, lol.

[Asker]

@Tylermassengill thanks, really. I Just said we're human. We're complex... Body, mind and souls. Love Is complete to me, it's not a forcing.

[nomidnight4298]

@btbc92 you're right in a sense. Relationships and marriages should be considered tribal/societal duties and not just chasing a dopamine rush. Women... and men today are taught from social media, friendship cliques etc that our feelings are the most important but never really taught how to nurture those feelings. Where once adultery carried vast social stigma and consequences, now it's practically encouraged. The emotional and financial investment in marriage, etc is considered risky by most men who fear courts that rule against fathers/husbands.

[Tylermassengill]

I’m not trying to be rude or anything but I just think that it is possible for emotions to change over time and everyone is attacking her. For what having emotions and being honest? I have been hurt so many times that I can actually detach myself from any and all emotions on cue, but there are still times that I have feelings that I can’t control and that’s just a part of being human.

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 Yes, we're emotional. But not all of us handle it the same way. I had to learn to control my emotions and know the difference between mine, others, and toxic emotions. My personality type especially is like a sponge. If we're not careful others may end up sick, not just myself. That requires energy and time. And God had shown me that as I had prayed for, and I developed over the years.

However, it doesn't matter what back in the day was like if that is not what it is about. If she isn't attracted to that, she shouldn't waste anyone's time. Point blink. If I'm not attracted to a guy a certain way, or we're not compatible, I am not dating him, and it is no fault on either of us. Knowing this while dating is where it is wrong because you become too ATTACHED NOW. Mainly emotionally. Sexually, and you're screwed. You cannot just let that go. That's why you don't have premarital sex. Since many do so anyway, they're messing themselves up and it comes back to haunt you eventually. There is just some things you do not DO. I don't care who else does it. If you want a good relastuionship you don't put yourself in it. When my friends finally learned that, they were happy I was by their side able to help them. I cannot tell them how to live their life. But if I know the solution and it's proven to work, why not listen to do what you always desire? Everybody deserves to love and to be with somebody, but you mustn't treat this like a game. Never have I assumed that of her. But that she is playing a dangerous game and this cannot continue with her self-awareness of it. It is not like she is oblivious. Asker knows.

[Asker]

I'm not a semaritan, what the hell are you saying? I can't stay with a person Just because i want him Happy. Love comes First, then you behave this way, putting him First. But of there's no love... The thing Is pretty different. Sex Is important! But more than sex, sexual attraction! How can you Say otherwise?

[Dontaaa]

@Tylermassengill you can detach yourself from your emotions at will? I wish I could do that...

It sucks that you had to go through so much pain just to be able to do that.

[Asker]

It sounds hypocrisy.

[Tylermassengill]

I know that there are bad people in the world but that doesn’t mean that everyone is like that, I just think it is unfair for people to judge someone that they don’t know so harshly for being human.

[btbc92]

Asker, Love is a choice. You have to first understand what love is. And you don't. You can't even appreciate the radiance of love shown by the guy. That is how blind you are because you believe love is one way and it isn't. Love is love. God is love. God doesn't change. The world changes but he is FOREVER THE SAME. As is with love for humans. God knows what he did when he made us. We have to come back to who he designed us as. He made it with love. Free will be given in love. And his first commandment is what? Love.

So, Asker. Really ask yourself. Do you want real love or you want fantasy? Because if you say, real love, this is not how you obtain it. And until you learn this it may be out of your reach to protect the hearts of others. I warned my friends the same. And now they understood the seriousness of their own choices and how they impacted them as older adults now.

NO. We are souls in a human body, and God didn't call for this. Love holds no confusion. If you are not certain you have none to give. Not right now. Maybe your too young, but your certainly not ready for a serious relationship. That's for certain. Any man I choose I know to choose to love. My feelings don't dictate that. It already enhances what's already THERE. You must learn and cultivate that for yourself.

[btbc92]

Love is not a feeling. But a choice. It is an emotion we may feel, but it is not feelings alone.

[Asker]

@Tylermassengill she thinks to be empathetic but she's shallow and self absorbed in her ethical stuff that she's hurting. I said i'm divided by two type of attractions. But She doesn't understand at all. She sounds so stupid, my gosh. Souls, souls, souls... Love Is a choice. Eh? What the hell? Love isn't a choice!!! I can't love everyone
Where are you coming? From 1968 maybe? Love Is a combination of more factors. Thanks God for her i'm not a native speaker.. her lucky

[btbc92]

@Tylermassengill

Nobody is attacking her. We're teaching her. She either learns or that's it.

"I’m not trying to be rude or anything but I just think that it is possible for emotions to change over time and everyone is attacking her. For what having emotions and being honest? I have been hurt so many times that I can actually detach myself from any and all emotions on cue, but there are still times that I have feelings that I can’t control and that’s just a part of being human." So what? My feelings can go up and down. That doesn't change anything. No, you need to understand what those feelings are. Because they are not always your feelings. If it's true, it wouldn't hurt. These are life lessons, even YOU need to learn. But it doesn't have to hurt. Love never hurts. Just as humans, we're not perfect due to sin nature. But we're made perfectly originally, and we have to work towards that. I have been abused, beaten, have things stolen from me, sexually harrassed, threatened to be raped, killed, homeless you name it. But I'm still here by God's grace. Many times I could have committed suicide. But I had to learn. There are things in this world that are dealt with on a spiritual level. If only you knew how very much your emotions and emotional and psychological state is tied to that. You would be shocked.

[Tylermassengill]

@Dontaaa I apologize for getting upset but I stand by what I said. She asked what she should do, she did not ask to be called shallow and then be ridiculed and have people hating on her and saying that she is all about sex. Again I hope that this doesn’t seem rude it’s just upsetting to see so many people turn on someone for having emotions and being honest.

[btbc92]

Asker, if your the same personality as me. INFJs are BORN COMPLEX! I had to learn to love this side of me that God have me born as. And anybody who didn't like me for whatever reason, can take a Hike. I told guys that because they had the same mentality your having, now some were upset because when they had a chance, they can't now. Because they went elsewhere. I have more important things to do in my life. I am a virgin and been single ALL my life. Never dated. You don't hear me complaining. You know why? Because God has given me the wisdom to know. As he has for the other few. It is shallow and immature when you say stuff like that about your boyfriend. You say it shouldn't be forced, then again why are you here typing? End the relationship right now if love isn't forced and you refuse to try to love the guy. Stop holding on to him if your future or "destined" is elsewhere.

[Asker]

Sorry, but i can't discuss with a "person" Who can't consider the human fact of love. I can't at all. It sounds so stupid to me lose time this way. You talk like you're an Angel or things like that. Oh shit. We're brains when Alive. When we're dead maybe we'll become Angels, but now we're also brains.

[btbc92]

Asker, I tell you what. Since you think that, go find your mate, come back, tell us how that goes. If not, don't say I didn't warn you. If I want to love somebody, that is of my choosing. Guys who want to love you need to steer from you. Simple as that. Because you're literally being a wrecking ball right now. Nobody is forcing you to stay or go. But stop if you already know. I ain't having somebody fickle treat me like that. The last guy who tried that with me, HERE no less, was blocked, and never again am I, friends, with him. Nobody deserves that.

[Asker]

I'm an ENFP by the way, another NF

[btbc92]

ENFP, and toxic at that.

[btbc92]

Do you know what that means? More and likely you got a male INFJ, ISFP, ISFJ, or INFP. Many of you want that but can't handle it. No toxic ones for me.

[Asker]

1) when i talked about being forced i talked in a general way. I stopped talking about him messages and messaged ago, to precise that. (This Isn't a message for you, you don't understand it. it's Just to precise for others)

2) Lol, toxic Just because i Need a complete relationship. A tip: First date a guy, then we'll talk about it.

[Asker]

Now i'm going to sleep. Don't talk alone, ✌️

[btbc92]

He is not feminine he is himself. Sensitive men are not for you, especially. Your type struggle with them. You have to be much maturer than that if you want a guy like him. At your age, many do not appreciate a sensitive man. That doesn't make them feminine. You're not dating a cross-dresser or a guy. He is a MAN. And you need to start respecting him as such. As somebody else says which sounds more factual, you do see him as less for a partner. And it will cause resentment.

[btbc92]

Asker, no. You need to be a COMPLETE and a whole person on your own. Nobody completes you except God. If you are not complete as a person, you LOSE yourself in other people. I suggest counseling maybe a better fit for you and not GaG. This is not a place for that.

[Tylermassengill]

I like to apply science to everything because I like to have an exact answer for everything in the world but I have learned a long time ago that whenever it comes to emotions and human nature it’s not all black and white, there is no exact answer it’s complex and always changing and doesn’t always make sense and that’s ok. It doesn’t have to it’s the unpredictability of the emotions and their affects that make them so unique.

[Tylermassengill]

Is the reason for dating to see if two people are compatible with each other? Your saying that she should have decided wether or not she liked him and was a match for him before dating? That’s like saying that someone should know if they are going to buy a car before taking it for a test drive it doesn’t make sense.

[btbc92]

@Tylermassengill Let me tell you something. Science, or should I say that knowledge comes from heaven. Man just does it and uses it to worship the devil. That is the difference. There isn't anything wrong with it, it is how it is used. And in this world, it is used for evil. Human nature is black in whit, hwt we choose to do with it determines how things are going to be handled and affected. I again as an Infj have many emotions. I at least take time to filter and learn about it. I never just rush in to do anything. Ti, makes sure of that. It is supposed to make sense. But if it doesn't, gain, others get hurt. And nobdy is going to wait for you I make up your mind. It is better to admit they you're uncertain than to strung buddy along on a rollercoaster ride nobody asked to be on. If a guy is like that, no way am I dating him. I have been hurt by such men before and they end up hurting other women too because either not emotionally, mentally, and psychologically stable. If a man is uncertain about me, rather detach and move on. I am not emotionally connecting to somebody who is going to deliberately disappoint me and mess me up. I suffered enough hurt and abuse.

[btbc92]

No. Dating is not for that. That is what Friendship is for. Any man who doesn't meet that criteria is not somebody who is moving on to dating me romantically. I have standards and boundaries. Any man who isn't waiting for marriage, have messed around sexually, don't want marriage, children, has a stance for pro-abortion, a smoker, drinker, doesn't want to serve God, etc is not a man for me. PERIOD. I have friends like that for a reason because my dealings and feelings and relationships are just that: FRIENDSHIPS. No matter how attractive, great personality, money in the bank, etc a person has, that comes and goes. Standards and moral values are forever. I have said this since 8. I am 29. 20 years later that hasn't changed. And I stand by those values. You want more, yu need to make sure you are compatible. If you cannot find yourself having a future with this person you do not need to be dating. And any feelings you have cannot last. I have done so, it is not easy, but it takes practice. Some may need to distance for a while. I thank God didn't need to distance unless i requested. But I am still friends with them 15+ years later. They had their relationships, I didn't. HOWEVER, better for me to see on the sidelines than to be in it, married and now you have two warring kingdoms in the house. As I have asked them, what is going to happen if we have kids, and they are confused about which "religion" to have? I am not a religious person. I am a spiritual believer in God. And if God told me no that person, it is a NO. You do not wait to date for you to get too emotionally and romantically involved only to break up afterward and do it all over again. That is not healthy. Dating never existed 100 years ago. It is fairly new, now look where society is.

[btbc92]

So, yes sir. She should have. She had more than enough time to do so instead of dating complete strangers and rushing into relationships she doesn't know about. If not, now she knows. And any possible future ones is no EXCUSE. Because she won't have to answer to me. I don't date women, and I'm sure neither does she. She will have to answer to other men who may not be happy with that.

I am, again, 29 years old. I never DATED. Because I know better. If I am not going to be serious with somebody I am wasting their time. It is not fair on them. I know I am not ready or wanting that. Why again am I going to do that? She is young. I knew that, but if she doesn't. That is why I told her to stop. And why I said what I said. Many of you were taught wrong about dating. I am not dating. If a man is not looking for what I would have wanted. No, go. Period.

[nomidnight4298]

I don't know about all the god, heaven, devil stuff but love is quite literally a dopamine release.

Back in the day with arranged marriages, they frequently resulted in love when there was mutual respect because the partners worked towards it.

Contrary to popular culture, you don't have to fuck someone to know if you'll love them and those who marry while virgins are far less likely to divorce. The more sexual partners particularly women have had the more likely they are to divorce.

[btbc92]

And any man I may have hurt as with anyone, I apologize and I move ON. That is what a mature person does. How do you think people last 30,40, 50 years? They didn't play these fickle games. If they dated, they dated people they already knew or wanted to get to know and don't move any further than that. Back then people didn't have sex outside of marriage even if it was done. It was considered taboo. Many have married those close to them or those on their travels. Some at college as many of my aunts and uncles have. And they have great-grands and still together. Some have died apart. But still married. They didn't waste time. My friends knew that as teens and young adults. They were friends, got married now have kids. What are you all waiting for? Life is short people. If you want something real, get with the program and be with people who desire the same. Or be celibate as be and stop complaining. Many of you have opportunities I never had and you're wasting them. If I was younger and she didn't want him, a person like him if I wasn't too emotionally scared up would have been married to me in maybe 3 years God's willing. If I know, why waste time? Relationships are about growth, learning together. It is not about that silly make-believe stuff you people keep living. You want the perks, but put in no work.

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 Love is not dopamine. It is from within. You either have it or you don't. When you're born into this world. And your held by your mother and father. Is that not LOVE? How is it any different? It is still the same love. But when you're together with somebody romantically, when married, you consummate that love with sex. There is a difference between Sex, F, or love-making. Many want the latter but settle for 1 and 2. If that is what you mean, well, that's why even most marriages end in divorce.

[nomidnight4298]

The science says otherwise but I don't think I'll convince you by arguing.

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 Uh, no it doesn't. Science confirms what is Biblically factual and I have read those studies. Premarital sex is called a sin for a reason.

[nomidnight4298]

@btbc92 In the Bible marriage was typically at sexual union. Taking the woman into the tent, etc. Please provide a verse that says something along the lines of "thou shalt not lay with a man before you are married to him".

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 1 Corinthians 7 makes it very clear:

www.biblegateway.com/.../
www.biblegateway.com/.../

Until you understand what marriage is, you don't understand what sex really is. Marriage wasn't just a sexual union in the tent. It is a love that needs to be cultivated. People already had that, all they needed to do was marry. Big difference from today.

[btbc92]

Marriage was ordained by God as it was with Adam and Eve. The first marriage. While they didn't have rings, a priest or pastor to officiate, and other human witnesses, there were animals and Angels who saw. And their marriage was blessed. There is a reason, why Jesus told the woman at the well she had 5 husbands. Please understand that because of how this world is, God knew to have it done a certain way NOW. And trust me. The laws of the land still apply unless you make vows to each other and consummate it. Then that is marriage. Otherwise, an 8 and a 12-year-old doing it is now married, right? how then is this legal?

[btbc92]

You need to seriously think about that.

[btbc92]

How is an official wedding with cert and ring, wedding ceremony and vows made actually more harmful than sexual deviances of hoping in and out being "boyfriend and girlfriend?" Jesus even attended a wedding. Did they have sex before the ceremony? I hardly doubt it. Did they have sex that night? Obviously so. Unlike what happened to Esther with Xerxes I, Xerxies married 100s of girls, yet sex was done outside of MARRIAGE. And she still had to officially marry him when he was pleased with Esther. All the other women he slept with, now was given to his military to wive and the few he kept were the few he kept. Even then, he was that much loved Esther, he probably only just had her because he couldn't be without her. No doubt even if not written, every concubine still was married off to whomever they have chosen. Even Solomon, with the Queen of Sheba. Was not their union fornication? And yet a son was born from him?

[btbc92]

If people actually stayed with 1 partner forever, that is in a sense entirely different. That is not the case today. As back in the days of Corinth there is MUCH fornication and adultery and whoredoms.

[btbc92]

So even if that was the case, where are the legal protections outside of "legal" marriage? All a man or woman has to do is walk. There is no consequence.

[nomidnight4298]

Yes I do believe that the vows, paying a dowry to the father, etc are important which separates a concubine from a wife.

As the the woman at the well with 5 husband's. That's because she had been with 5 men who are still living.

Typically though if a man were to deflower a woman, he would then be required to pay the bride price and have her as wife. That's in the law.

I am familiar with the events of Cana which was at least 500 years from the time Malachi was recorded.

As to Solomon's sins that was adultery in the form of taking a zuwr/ strange wife which is prohibited under the Law.

Yes there definitely is a lot of whoring of all sorts going on today sanctioned and encouraged by the state too.

You mention "if people stayed with 1 partner forever" that's not entirely necessary biblically. God told David that He gave him his multiple wives and would give him more if he wanted. David the only man called after gods own heart.

Yes, there definitely should be consequences for abandoning a marriage, defiling the marriage bed, etc.

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 Let me tell you something. David had a problem with women. As women were his weakness and he had 3 more women after the first. The first had basically no choice now because he left he. And then took on Bathsheba!

You have o understand the WILL of GOD. That means you must knock and he will answer, seek him and you will FIND. Many people will read that and say it is biblically right to marry multiple wives! It is still wrong. Because 1 Corinthians 7 says what? Let EVERY man have his own wife, and let EVERY woman have her own husband. 1 for 1. That's it. This is where people start assuming there is a contraction when there isn't. It is clear as day! When you have sin going on, especially in the flesh, you have everything going on. Solomon got that from who? His father David.

"As the the woman at the well with 5 husband's. That's because she had been with 5 men who are still living." More than just because they are still living, because when a penis enters in he automatically "cuts" a COVENANT!!! That means even if he died, it is still going to affect her if she is not with the right kind of man. Because when somebody is living, the soul ties are there. Once your dead, the soul ties are gone as are the ways of this life. Without stability causes many problems. She couldn't have just 1. But that doesn't mean that she didn't just want one. If men only have just 1, many women wouldn't be with them all. That means even if your alive or dead. If you have to create a covenant. You realize that this same problem is why David's 1st wife pointed this out to him because he left her, and picked up more wives!!! The ones who started that were Sarai and Abram. This was not of God. But God again, permitted it for his reasons, because if he didn't, Jesus wouldn't be able to come through to bring salvation to the world. That is what John 3:16 even means.

[btbc92]

You got to get from surface level to deep level. 3 and more dimensional.

"As to Solomon's sins that was adultery in the form of taking a zuwr/ strange wife which is prohibited under the Law." It is more than that. Do you realize that Solomon had 1000 strange wives from every part of the country? This is not new. He couldn't marry her more than just because she was strange. But because he committed adultery and fornication with her, and he also WORSHIPED other gods. You need to watch the movie with Yul Brenner.

"Typically though if a man were to deflower a woman, he would then be required to pay the bride price and have her as wife. That's in the law." You have to know which one because every tribe has different laws. If he and she were caught and never declared rape, both would be stoned.

Either way, this was not what God had originally planned. He planned for 1 man and 1 woman to stay together as is with Adam and Eve. And the same commandment is still active today. This is why Jesus has to come. Because he already fulfilled them! He fulfilled the laws! So now all we have to do is follow him.

[btbc92]

Understand this that I had to learn growing up. Goes in this formula:

With every generation, sin multiplies, God rectifies the situation and turns it into a BLESSING. BUT, it is on us if it becomes a curse.

Once you understand this much, the rest begins to make a lot more sense. Wisdom is very important when reading this as it is part f the gives of the Holy Spirit. That's why you need the Holy Spirit with you. Because everybody will give their interpretation. If it's not from God, it's of their own understanding. And that worldly way of thinking can cause confusion. If one needs help, it is best to pray on it.

[btbc92]

Every part of the world*

And they all worship other gods.

[nomidnight4298]

@btbc92 "every tribe has different laws" I'm talking about the Law that was codified at Sinai. "He fulfilled the law" i think a better word is completed prophecy. "Now all we have to do is follow him. By ignoring his law of which he said not one jot or tittle will pass until heaven and earth passes?

His plan has not been diverted. Are you implying he's not all knowing and all powerful?

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 God is in control. In and outside of the Bible. Best to understand that.

[nomidnight4298]

If he's in control then of course it was his decision to give David his multiple wives and his choice when he said he would give David more. Suggesting your statement that he wants 1 man 1 woman to be incorrect.

I think it odd you have to go all the way into 1 Corinthians I believe it was to come up with evidence for the claim.

I suggest you learn proper scripture hermeneutics. You can do so for free at scripturalhermeneutics (dot) blogspot (dot) com

[btbc92]

@nomidnight4298 No, it was not. David made that choice. God didn't give him those wives. He picked those wives on his own. God can do whatever he wishes. But understand this. Sin is still sin. It is not incorrect. 1 man for 1 woman. "Let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." All right there. Buddy, giving David more have nothing to do with wives. But SPIRITUAL THINGS. David was a spiritual man. But he also struggled with sex and women. Everybody has their own struggles. That doesn't mean such blessings or gifts cannot be used wrongfully if you do not have the wisdom and spiritual knowledge. You are reading and seeing things carnally. You can't do that, or else you get confused.

[btbc92]

Do not lean onto your own understanding. Because that is what you're doing and you do not want to be responsible for giving and saying something false when it's right there in the word of God. And neither am I going to argue his word.

[nomidnight4298]

Time to reread your Bible and also the parts about leaning on the understanding of a woman.

[btbc92]

No, its time you yourself learn some respect, go to God and stop trying to argue the bible with me. Being very disrespectful. I read my Bible, and listen from God.

[Apope16]

This is called "HYPERGAMY". Look it up.

She's not your girlfriend fellas. It's just your turn. Women think like this all the time. They are always looking to trade up rather than appreciating what they have. Dating apps make it even worse. The grass is always greener. There is always a taller and richer guy.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Her problem is not with his money dude.

[OlderAndWiser]

You need to assess the measures you are using to evaluate his worth.

[Angelo75]

ehh... the thing is... movies/media/soaps will create an illusion that there is a perfect match or a soulmate.
In fact the best relationships are the ones between 2 people with realistic expectations and prepared to fight for their relationship no-matter-what.

I will tell you something totally strange though. It is unfair for him that you'd be questioning your relationship with him. So whatever you decide, don't take too long because:
A. If you decide to stay, that would mean that all the time that you've been doubting, you haven't given him 100% of "you".
B. If you decide to leave, that would mean that all the time you've been doubting before breaking up, would be time that he has carried hopes or wasting time trying to make it work.

So don't stay too long in this doubt. But one piece of advice, whatever you decide, don't go back on that, otherwise it'll be just more confusing for both of u.
I'm sorry that there is no "do this" or "do that" in my answer.
But with questions about relationships, people can only tell half side of the story. So no one can have the big picture to give a good advice.

[Asker]

Yes, you're right. Also for the media thing. I've always been idealistic because i'm not very practical and I have lived not too much experiences. So it's normal i feel divided for same ways. I'll think about your tip very carefully.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

I get what you mean...
This situation must be very hard to you. You can only do two things...
1. Be honest with him. Show him this very question if you must! It will be hard for him to read but it's for the best. Ask him if he can change for you.
2. Leave

You don't love all of him. Only part. No it does not make you shallow. We all want what we want.

The longer you take to do something the harder it will be. For both of you. You are not happy. A relationship where one is not happy is bound to fail sooner or later.

[Asker]

Ok, thanks for your understanding. ☺️ I'll talk with him

[nomidnight4298]

Sounds like his low dominance is pushing you to put him in the friend zone. Perhaps this is because you interact with other guys who are more dominant than him.

If you cannot find a way to remedy your sexual attraction to him then the relationship is on the way out. Perhaps consider his potential at age 35 when your attraction will be less than when young and his will perhaps peak if he's financially stable and keeps himself relatively in shape.

[Asker]

Yes, his energy Is very femmine. Very low dominant. I don't think that's wrong at all, but this attitude's a turn off to me. Time will suggest my behaviour. Thanks for the answer ✌️

[nomidnight4298]

Unfortunately men today are taught to be masculine is evil. Yet women do prefer masculine, dominant men. High sugar, high soy, etc foods don't help the estrogen situation.

[shade_19]

Who knows, maybe someone must be telling him that he deserves someone better than u...
Just coz u r smarter than him and attractive than him and u think now it's better ut the status, then leave him
Coz you'll always cry that you could get someone better than him and he'll always be sad that he can't keep u happy.
U know he's a good guy and u have no bad intentions for him, but watever u said it bout him it seems that subconsciously u think he's just a loser to u now.
Let him go, u don't love him (or u wouldn't compare him to others in such a way)
Let him go, cry in corner and make himself better.
While u go, get sometime alone (regret or don't) and find urself someone like u or better than u (I'd prefer u find someone similar like u in traits)
Coz who knows what if someone tells ur future boyfriend that he deserves better than u (if he's more attractive and smarter than u)

[shade_19]

Or people would make fun of u calling it "karma"

[AdithyaR]

Break up, the situation isn't good for either of you. It feels like if this goes on, you'll grow to resent him cause you wanted something more and he'll constantly feel insecure about not living up to your expectations.
Break up and let him go.

[Asker]

Good answer. 👌

[Tylermassengill]

One stop calling her shallow, she has more emotional depth than any of you. What kind of man calls a girl names, all she did is have emotions and last time I checked that isn’t illegal or anything.

Two if you do decide to break up with him just know that it doesn’t mean that you will never see him again, you are allowed to remain friends afterwards and still love each other as a person.

[Asker]

Thanks, so cute of you. ❤️ It's a complex emotional situation, but i'll face up It. We'll face up it. I'll stay friend for sure with him, if we break up. He's part of my life after all. ☺️

[Tylermassengill]

No problem I just hate it that these people keep attacking you just because they don’t get that you can feel more than one emotion at once. I hope you can find what the best thing to do is and I hope you get through this

[Anonymous]

You are suffering because your ego is in the drivers seat. You are also young so this is to be expected. If you stay with him, you will resent him. You clearly see yourself as above him, and women cannot be with a man unless they feel he is superior.

[Tylermassengill]

That’s not necessarily true especially in this day and age. Whenever you are in a relationship both people must be seen as equals and I don’t think that she has an oversized ego for having mixed emotions.

[Asker]

Yes, you got it. It may be shallow, i don't know. But I don't think it's a matter of "I'm better than him" (even if the question seemed to stretch for this sentence - WRONGLY) rather... that i'm not much attracted by his mind and body because I FEEL I'm not satisfied. It's a matter of how I look at him. Thanks for the interpretation.

[Opinion Owner]

You see yourself as above him, this is the raw truth. Until you are brutally honest with yourself, and stop worrying about how it appears to others, you will not move forward in this.

[Opinion Owner]

@Tylermassengill Even studies show that women want to marry men that earn 58% higher than them. Look at the height requirements as a very simple example. They want taller, not the same height. They do not want shorter either.

I agree to the extent that if the girl saw this guy as about equal to her, she would be happier. But if he had just a little higher status than her in looks or status, then she would be even happier. The problem comes from him appearing to be lower status in some form. Instead of everyone saying ''wow how did you find such a great man?'' people are saying ''why?''.

[Opinion Owner]

Elsewhere you wrote 'Yes, his energy Is very femmine.'

You should have put that in your main post. That is a big problem, a huge part of the equation.

[hhH2traveler]

Its hard to find someone you get along with a lot, if you like him stay with him, if there is someone else, thats different. You can if your comfortable go meet new people, not dates, but hold conversations if your out with your friends and meet someone you like you can talk and see if yiu get along, but i wouldn't leave him only for intelligence, it depends how much. I would heir on the side of him, but its your choice.

[Asker]

No, you're right. But there are more factors combined who led me to not be fully attracted. Two people have to be on the same wavelenght I think. It's not a matter of elitism. On the other side , besides those facts happening randomly, we match well. That's why i'm divided inside. Time will help me, I Hope.

[hhH2traveler]

I agree, two people have to be on the same wavelength. Dont let yourself be rushed when you make a decision but dont delay for no reason once you’ve given yourself time and feel comfortable with it and feel like life is moving slow for no reason. You loving his soul just sounds like you really love him to me, and try to let him win once in a while so he has motive to get better. ;) You can also encourage him to learn new things as a group activity if you want to try that so he continues to grow his mind. As for sex, you can ask him to let you try things with someone else when your a couple years older, I dont know if he would be into that, but if he's known you for a long time and youve been together for a long time I’m sure he’s more likely to consider it, if you tell him you just haven't had as many sexual partners as you want before you die (not to sound gory) and are willing to let him have an open relationship for awhile then maybe hed be okay with it. I know im trying to come up with an answer to everything and probably none of them would work, but you dont know unless you try.

[Waldoe]

YOU do not have to settle... but I think you have a pretty Great mate... no one's looks last, in 20 years you will have sagging tits and stretch marks from kids... no matter who you marry. Time will destroy your body... So you want a Nice guy... that will be nice in 20 years? or a handsome jerk that will be fat in 20 years... and still a jerk... Listen to your heart...

[Asker]

No, it's true. I can get what you're meaning. I don't thrive for perfection, i'll be saggy and old sooner or later. But I thrive for attraction. It's pretty different.

[Waldoe]

then, why "trade" for an unknown?

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t it be better if you guys were friends instead? Just remove the physical element of the relationship and your problem is solved.

[Asker]

Sometimes, when we're together I feel like we're friends actually. I love him as a person, but don't feel attraction. Friends make sense. 👍

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Lol, if you loved his soul you wouldn't have asked this.
Wtf you base your decisions on what others say when you already found whom you wanted

[Asker]

You didn't understand a sh*t. Poor closed mind. If i love his mind it doesn't mean i'm blind! What the hell are you saying?

[Aakash_Hangargi]

It's fine anyways you wouldn't even understand if I spoke about it, you need to grow up abit though, and I am not blaming or pointing fingers neither an I trying to insult you just your view is bit different so it won't work out with this beilief of yours think about it like how the guy would feel if you said this b4 him

[Anonymous]

Why did you even start dating him if there was no sexual attraction?
And people are always gonna judge your life decisions. But ya break up. It's not fair to both of you

[OddBeMe]

sounds like you don't really love him. doesn't mean you have to break up now.

[pepperhicks]

Best to be honest with him and look around more.

[Asker]

I'll tell him everything soon.

[msc545]

Break up with him and have mercy on his soul. Very few men have done anything bad enough to be fated to be with you.

[msc545]

You aren't divided by anything, You simply want to have your cake and eat it too.

[jasco]

Well maybe you could ask him to become something that you want him to be

[Jess1812]

Sounds like you're being shallow to this man. If you don't like it, then leave it. You comparing yourself to him isn't healthy or normal.

[Asker]

Shallow? Why? Because I want a complete attraction with my partner? Such an hypocrisy!!!

[Jess1812]

Because you're attacking his looks and comparing yourself to him. Frankly if you think you can do better, than go for it. Your partner is someone special to you, not the hottest person on the planet.

If you're not happy, then leave, don't waste his time.

[Anonymous]

Ibthink you should leave him. He really does deserve better.

[Asker]

Why? Idiot

[ayomanwya]

You answered your question 😂

[ayomanwya]

You answered your own question 😂* when you posted it

[rainbowbi]

his soul is way more important than his looks but if you are not happy with him then you know what you should do

[Asker]

I think in a complete relationship you have to appreciate soul, body and mind. It's a matter or equilibrium. I'm not shallow at all because I'm torturing myself with this situation.

[rainbowbi]

don't torture , you can even tell him , tell him you want him to look more sexy to you.
tell him to dress well , care more about his looks and workout. there is nothing wrong with you wanting a better looking guy for yourself.

[modelUN242]

Leave him, he deserves someone else.

[flexin-on-yuu]

I don’t understand why you’re with him.

[rgrexvcxcv]

ahh fellow man of culture i see. from ur pfp loll

[Asker]

There are some things I love about him, but I'm not fully attracted. That's the problem. I don't know if the things I love about him could compensate the other ones. But I think it's pretty difficult this way.

[rgrexvcxcv]

shallllllloooooooowwwwwwwwwww

[Asker]

Did you connect to the psychological topic, maybe? Did you understand the psychological dualism i'm going through? Did you understand a single word I said? NO! I'm everything but shallow! I'm a girl who doesn't know what she's feeling. Stop being shallow yourself with your answer.

[rgrexvcxcv]

yeah yeah whatever go find ur gigachad boyfriend lol..

[Jmmmfi4]

girls like you remind me why I stay single