My boyfriend says that he can do better than me?

[Anonymous]

Today my boyfriend and I were just talking about life... and then all of a sudden, the topic came to breakups... he was like "you know, this might hurt you but... I don't want you to cry over it but... I always thought that I could do better than you..."

"I always get this feeling like, I could find a girl who's more awesome, funnier, more beautiful, smarter but the thing is, I'm crazy in love with you..."

Well, I guess that should be fine with me right? But I'm not okay after he said that... I just feel confused... He always tells me I'm so awesome and funny and beautiful yet he contradicts that by making that statement today... I feel like he's just settling for me. He always tells me he loves me, but what does he love about me? There must be a quality that made me stand out from the rest? Why does he has to say that? He was the one who asked me out first and he's always the one doing nice things for me.

i just don't get why he would love me if he feels like I'm average qualities?

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

LOL!!! that's hilarious! way to throw you under the bus... jk. in semi seriousness, don't think too much into it. it's not that bad. whether you want to believe it or not, you aren't the sexiest person alive... ok, maybe you are, but i've seen jessica alba. there's gonna be someone hotter, funnier, sexier, smarter, etc than you. he's met plenty in his life. however, they can be all those things, but they aren't you.

i'll take my best friend from college who i fell in love with. i think she's awesome, obviously. she isn't the most attractive person i know. she isn't nearly the smartest person i know. in fact, my 1st crush, who i knew since kindergarten and was best friends with through high school was waaay hotter and smarter. she was awesome and shit and i was infatuated, but never actually in love with her. think about it. i knew a girl for more than 12 years of my life and was way closer than the 2nd girl, way hotter and way smarter, but yet, i still would choose the 2nd girl over her. same with him. he might find other girls are better, but they aren't you.

he might not be good with words, but that's what he means

[Asker]

But what qualities did you love about her? She probably sucks your dick all the time and let's you fuck her that's why you chose her over the girl who would've been an obvious choice, or maybe you're just settling.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

what the shit is that about? or, she's a nice person who's fun and easy to get along with. hard to believe, but the world doesn't revolve around sex.

[MikenotIke2]

Well you can take how he said that two ways:
1. "The bad way" - What he means is he's settling for you but someday someone will come along and he'll just toss you out. He's just putting up with you for now because he really doesn't have anything better to do.
2. "The good way" - What he means is he thought that there was better until he got to know you better. He realized you were the best there is only after he stopped trying to look up. To him, you're the best of the best, A1, 100%, "the sh*t". There is nobody better, but he always thought there was.
If I were you, I'd assume the second option. He's crazy in love with you and I wouldn't misconstrue his words at this point.

[Darkfairie17]

What he said to you was mean. Even though he tried to 'sugar coat' it by saying he's in love with you. That doesn't help the fact that he told you that he thinks he can do better and find someone more amazing.

No one is perfect. And I'm sure we all feel that way in relationships from time to time. Sometimes people disappoint us or sometimes we feel there are better people out there. But you never tell a person that.

To me, that is a very big red flag. Why does he feel he needs to tell you this? Does he think you will be oh so glad he didn't leave you?

I would personally be considering ending it. No one should disrespect you like that.

[hopromantic]

I feel like, if I were in that situation, I woudlve told him we were done because I feel like that's just not something you say to the girl that you're with nor is it something that he should be feeling if he was really that into you I feel like if be was in love with you he would be content with where he was and it doesn't se that he is I feel like if the opportunity came, based on what he said, he would talk to someone who was more of those qualities than you

[Ghosted]

I dont understand why people ever say thoughts like that out loud, its a backhanded compliment and is pretty hurtful. U should gently talk to him about it. I don think he meant it as it came across. I think he was jus trying to emphasize just how much he loves you but instead it does sound like he thinks he's the catch. considering how good u see he treats u otherwise, it could've just been a slip of the tongue moment.

[ClauseViter]

This is such a difficult feeling/message to objectify but I will try. This man can see the beauty in you, and he is able to notice all the small machinations that contribute to your beauty just as one begins to notice many attributes of art: color, texture, form, etc.). And just how no art piece is perfect he recognizes u r imperfect, but the way he is able to understand beauty in you is what he finds precious (precious is perhaps not the perfect word, but I hope you get the gist of what I mean).

[Asker]

No I don't really get it

[ClauseViter]

Ok perhaps an example will help. When you watch a movie you are able to gain insight into the intention of the director by combining all of the factors that contribute to the film. The plot is the foundation, everything else happens within its parameters. Yet all these other attributes, the dialogue, the temperaments of the characters, the background, the shot angles, etc. Effectively recognizing and appreciating all of these details give a better understanding of the idea the director had. Just in the same way he notices details about you and is able to appreciate the concept of love to a higher degree. Are your attributes perfect. No. But is the fact that he can understand beauty through you relevant. Yes.

[MaskedSanity]

Are you sure you want to stay with this tool?

He said that basically you're mediocre and he's too good for you. Yes, he is saying he's settling for you, but then tries saving it by claiming he's "madly in love".

What a fucking joke.

If he can do so much better than you, let him. He can go ahead and do just that.

I'd dump his arse right then and there.

[Jon_Gre_g]

Haha what a tool. Dump this piece of sh it. I mean who says that without asking for it?

[RJGraveyTrain]

MHO.

[Anonymous]

I feel like MAYBE he worded that terribly but he meant it as a compliment like he loves you that much...

Like he meant that there are some girls who are prettier than you... but he wants you. Some girls who are smarter... but he wants you. Some girls who are funnier than you... but he wants you. Know what I mean? It's true though, there will always be girls that appear 'better' but they don't matter because he loves you. He likes you MOST.

I'm probably wrong but I'm just trying to think of why he'd say that to you. and he sounds like a complete dick if he seriously thinks you aren't good enough though because newsflash, you're more than good enough.

[MargaritaPeach]

Wow... he is clearly an idiot. I guess we all say and do stupid things sometimes, but that's pretty hurtful. I'd start pointing out ridiculously hot women when we were out together, and suggesting he approach her and ask her out. You know... since he feels he could do so much better and all.

[poopedmypantsagain]

Get rid of this two bit jerk.. but before you leave the idiot.. tell him I already found someone way better then you and it was not that hard.. take.. care

[Tdieseler]

Daaaaaaaang... thats not something to say out loud. that something people Think... that is as good as breaking up. you are right to say that you feel like he is just settling...
If a girl told me she can do better than me... whether im sure she can or can't... the moment it is SPOKEN... challenge accepted... Go do better than me then... bye.
please tell me you broke it off...

[vonasaurus]

if it were me in your position, i'd end it. if he's so sure that he can do better, why not let him try... and ultimately fail spectacularly, because i'm awesome.

i say talk to him first.

1) tell him that he did hurt you, and
2) that you've decided that you can do better as well, and are breaking up with him.

i'm willing to bet that he won't like it once the tables are turned.

[LolaB167]

If he thinks he can do better, dump him. Let him find better, since he thinks that. Life is way to short to feel like that. If he really loved you, he wouldn't have said that or feel the way he does. You can do better. Find yourself someone who appreciates you, and doesn't make you feel so low.

[nathalieverria]

He was a DICK for saying this to you. I have no idea what your relationship is like or what the context was, but it is absolutely inappropriate to say such a thing. You obviously care a lot for him and are very upset by it, but do not ever doubt your qualities or yourself over a guy who would say things to you like that.

Make sure he knows that he hurt you deeply so you can move on.

[Reginelli]

Oh dang. That is just dirty. Would never say anything like that. I don't know why he would say that. If you are crazy in love with someone you shouldn't think you'll find someone better.

[Octavius]

I don't understand how people like this are able to get into relationships in the first place when plenty of people who know how to talk to human beings properly can't...

[Darkfairie17]

I agree!!!

[Anonymous]

My FIANCE said that me the other day out of nowhere. Stunned me at first, but then I got pissed. He didn't understand why I was angry at all either, which just made it worse. So I asked him how he would like to find out. He changed his tune really quick. Personally I've known several girls who have had this happen and I think a cheap shot. I'm like 90% sure that the guys who do this are insecure and know that the women they are with can do better. So in order to keep the women they tear down their self-esteem to make them think that they are something to be settled for, when in fact it's very much so the opposite. If he honestly thought he could do better he wouldn't stick around to settle.

[QuestionzGirl]

That guy is an idiot.
My assumption is that he wanted to be romantic or something by saying that he's crazy in love with you.

If I was in that situation I would have told him to do better and break up with him.
You can clearly do better and meet a person that respects all of your qualities.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same with my current boyfriend. All his exes are models and I feel like if I don't look a certain way that he might leave me which is kind of scary... He says he's picky and I bring more than just looks but I don't think he understands how taxing it is constantly worrying about if I am meeting his standards.

[ksoma]

The kind of person I am? I would not care how much the professed their love. The moment they say "I could do better than you," the relationship is done.
I would look back, reply "then do so," and leave.

[Dog19]

Look he's saying that he can find girls much better and more valuable then you. Prettier too. He's a ass. Break up with him

[Fierymagus]

I don't know but that a fucking dick thing to say. Depending on how you feel over the next few weeks, you should consider dumping him for that.

[Joelcableguy1]

I think thats pretty stupid, question is if he can do better, why be with you? Is he doing you a favor? If he is really in love with you, he will not see himself with someone else other then you, he should grow up

[teawrecks]

Why are you not referring to him as "ex-boyfriend" ?